[articles.mercola.com]


"In the 1950s, Dr. Harry Harlow conducted experiments on attachment at the University of Wisconsin which today would undoubtedly be considered cruel. Harlow separated young monkeys from their mothers soon after birth and placed them in cages with two “fake” mothers.

One was an immovable doll made of soft cloth, while the second, mechanical “mother” was made of cold, unyielding wire which nonetheless provided food. The young monkeys were then confronted with a scary, threatening contraption. But rather than running to the mechanical food source, they invariably scampered to the soft, cuddly doll mothers, showing that comfort was more important to them than food.

Harlow also created a rejecting “mother” that used a blast of pressurized air to push the baby monkeys away. But they clung even tighter to these mother figures. The scientists observed that the “rejection” actually strengthened the baby monkeys’ determination to hang on, and essentially, attach. In the 1960s, similar experiments conducted by Dr. Eckhard Hess6 at the University of Chicago involved electric shocks to keep ducklings from attaching to figures they imprinted on. But this only strengthened the ducklings’ behavior and made them follow even closer.

Experiments by A.E. Fisher on puppies in 1955 divided them into three groups. The first was treated kindly, while the second group was treated harshly and punished whenever they approached the researchers. The third group experienced random kindness mixed with punishment, so they never knew what to expect. But the third group of puppies formed the strongest attachment to the researchers. Guy Murchie7 dubbed this the polarity principal, which says the stress of uncertainty is one of the strongest factors affecting attachment, love and dependence."

(I think these results are in line with my own view of Psychopaths - they keep you off-balance and it makes you sort of addicted or attached to them in a weird way.)

Yeah back when I had no self-esteem and knew nothing about relationships I would get attracted to abusive women who viciously rejected me and then pulled me back in, repeating the cycle over and over. It was pretty pathetic. Thankfully I overcame it by the time I was done with high school. Very interesting study and totally agree that the psychopath works like this.

By the way, I'm playing a game with myself where I put a political spin on all of these non-political threads we're starting. It's fun. Too bad I can't share without risk of banishment.

Well, I was in love with and lived with a psychopath for three years and it screwed me up. Once in a while I still dream about him or I'll think what if I run into him again all these years later - he was devious. Once he was messed up on drugs and played Russian Roulette - put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. He was also a two-timer and I was jealous as hell.

My early experiences with women taught me to shut off my jealousy. I knew that I couldn't go through life being manipulated through that emotion (or whatever it is). A lot of people equate love with jealousy. I don't. One of my particularly charming exes used to think that I didn't love her because I wouldn't fall into jealous fits of rage whenever she deliberately tried to make me jealous. She'd flirt with some guy and I'd sincerely be like, "Hey, knock yourself out. Love is free." It drove her absolutely crazy that she couldn't push my buttons like that.

I actually think Perfume contributed to my jealousy when I was younger. I would get dolled up, put on perfume, and then get jealous if my guy drooled over some other female. The perfume made me psychotic because chemicals affect the brain. I didn't find out I was allergic to it until I was thirty. Chemicals on clothes could be the reason kids act out when they go shopping with their parents and have tantrums when they eat at a restaurant.

Aw, that's a shame, Storm. There are probably some real nice ladies out there who would love to get to know you. They're just not the faked up clones you see in the media and at the mall. I bet if you went to some New Age Spiritual type workshops and events, there would be some real people you could relate to. Go online to Meetup.com and see what's in your area, vegetarian/vegan groups, meditation, yoga, self-defense, etc. Lots of Raw Food Meetup Groups all over.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/06/2013 01:35AM by KidRaw.

I dated, well, I hesitate to put a label on him. Anyhow, we had a terrible relationship that I just could not seem to end no matter what I did. Eventually I moved across the country (not to get away from him, there were other better reasons for the move) and that stopped things for long enough to adjust to a healthier state of mind. I think the time away from that energy 'reset' my internal perspective so I can more objectively view that situation as well as what I found attractive, what I found tolerable, how I behaved myself and what I invited or nourished in relationships.

I haven't had a bad relationship in years, the feeling of discomfort from a situation that's not right is enough to turn me away from it now. I know right away that things aren't healthy and I don't get dragged into the mire of trying to "fix" people anymore.

I don't know what lessons I learned growing up, I guess a mix of lots of things. My parents loved us but they weren't perfect and they had some bad relationships themselves. Too many variables to pin point anything I think.

attachment to a person who gives and then witholds "love"

HA HA that is a joke
no one gets attached to the person
just the powerful addiction to the pattern of chaos
and the sordid "belief" that the abuser is better than they are (hence witholding the so called "love"

that is never love
that is just a power game
that the poor victim has unknowingly fallen into

the lucky ones
get the heck out

before their minds get too muddled to know north from south
east from west
good from evil