I'm not big on these mother's day, father's day, valentine's day, etc occasions, there are SO many and they seems incredibly silly to me. I don't make a big deal out of the xmas season either though, it's a time to get together with family since we all have time off but that's about it. I'm thinking about not observing our birthdays either, for the kids this has become about eating junky food and greedy present getting, I am not in love with the idea of upholding a tradition like that at all. I can only mold these days to my own ideals so much as we've got family that insist on sending gifts etc but I can change the general feel of things by minimizing them greatly.

What do you do? Anything out of the ordinary?

Party @#$%&.
(Said lovingly)
Vinny

Any holiday, Hallmark or no, that is an opportunity to show extra appreciation for a loved one--so glad that you are my " ", and am emphasizing this today because I forget to, sometimes--is fine. There is no need to make this a materialistic freak-out; just be more focused on and attentive to that individual. It could be the special bit of respect or caring that makes their day great!

My brother is a new dad, of a child that shall have no siblings and who was hard won, so to speak. I want him to know that he is doing a good job, that our dead parents would be proud of him, and that his little girl is lucky. He respects me, so I know that hearing this will mean more to him than getting all kinds of swag from Hallmark will

Coco, I agree with you except regarding b-days. Those are personal days; there is no Hallmark card for Sept. 17th or whatever...I think that is why I like b-days--they are unique to the individual, rather than the robotic response of all the lemmings doing the same thing on the same day.

What about people who never knew their fathers or had abusive ones? Or what about adults who have tried to have children and cannot? It must be incredibly painful. Someone wished me a happy mother's day last month and I said thanks but I'm not a mother. People just assume that everyone is a parent.

Interesting topic. Many years ago I belonged to a religion that didn't allow celebration of any holidays, except wedding anniversaries. Very constricting. Now I find it hard to believe that I accepted these rules. Live and learn, and I don't say that lightly.
After I left them I struggled to find what was important to me to celebrate and in what fashion.
I think paying some special attention to someone on their birthday is nice, a cake or special treat, a special meal, a break from chores, etc. is good. What makes me sick is when people go way overboard for their birthdays. Huge parties where everybody has to bring a present, signs being pulled by airplanes,etc. c'mon your birthday is just not that significant to everybody.
Fourth of July is fun. Fireworks yay. Christmas and Thanksgiving has so many expectations of family and togetherness, that they are actually very sad times for many people. I think it's good to be extra nice to people and maybe have people over since a lot of people are off from work. Also many people have family traditions that are very important to them. I respect that, too.
For fathers day my honey who has 3 grown kids from a previous marriage isn't getting a hallmark card, but he did get some special attention,and I cleaned the litter box, which is his chore, plus he gets to pick dinner. He seems to be happy.

Jehovah's Witness, I presume? I cannot recall what the reasoning behind that practice is about but I do think not celebrating b-days is a bit much. I think that is a very special day because it's when we came to Earth. I also like 4th of July and Thanksgiving. One bit reason is that it's not commercialized like Christmas and Mother's Day. But also because you don't have to have phony feelings on demand. Ugh, I can't stand that crap.

Every time there's a hallmark holiday... someone gets really fancy delicious raw food. Desserts, mostly!

Coco,
I'm interested to know that you do not "celebrate" standard holidays. I don't either, although I rarely mention it to anyone. (I prefer not to be labelled as a Scrooge.) I intensely dislike the commercialism of holidays.
I used to work in a large organization where people made a big deal over co-worker birthdays - even when they disliked the person! It was more a reason to eat cake and knock off of work for a while. The hipocracy irked me. The cake was the typical sugary, food dyed junk. Very weird.
My preference is to make many special days for loved ones. When I was a child my mother let us take off one day of school per grade to do something special with her (as long as no tests were missed). I do nice things for my husband OFTEN. He knows he is special to me because I compliment him every day about something. He is good to me every day. I give gifts to people when I want to do it and not because I am supposed to do it. And when I do, it is because I mean it sincerely. I used to buy gifts for some relatives I hardly knew and was never thanked in all the years I did. I only did it because it was expected. There was no real relationship except according to a family tree. For me it felt good to shed that meaningless obligation.
For me it's been great to not have expectations and obligations and instead to make conscious choices about where I focus my energy, love and thoughtful caring.
If others want to do the standard holiday thing, that's fine. I see it like religion. People are welcome to their beliefs, but shouldn't expect me to follow their practices.
Hmmm, I got a little long-winded there. I appreciate having an opportunity to express myself on this topic, though. Thanks.


My favorite raw vegan

yeah, sometimes i celebrate hallmark occasions
sometimes i ignore them
depends on my mood
i've been known to discard them altogether for entire chunks of time
then out of the blue send a birthday card etc.

if it strikes my fancy

See, I feel like once you participate in the hoopla you're obligated to keep it up. If I set a precedent with my family and then don't stick to it they get confused and upset. It's very difficult to swing back and forth on the party/gift giving occasions.
I used to phone or email or even send a card to each of my friends on their birthday but now that facebook reminds everybody you know it's not special anymore. Everybody wishes you a happy birthday without having to remember it at all. Lame.

The two most offensive aspect of it is ritualistic, 'bot-like behaviors and the consumerism. In terms of the latter, it's gotten even worse during the economic decline. Retail is piling on and I get disgusted by the whoring. It got better when I ditched tv but since I still listen to the radio, I am subjected to it to some degree...

And advertising is everywhere, you can't step outside of the house, take a bus, visit a public washroom without being bombarded by it. Whenever we spend time at the cottage then venture into a town it's like an assault on the eyes, ads everywhere. I feel bad for kids who are growing up being advertised to non-stop, they'll never know what life was like before it got so heavy. Yucky.

The thing that drives me crazy about gift giving occasions in particular is that I don't WANT any stuff. I work so diligently to keep my space free and clear of extra junk, useless doodads, dust collectors etc that when someone gives me something it's actually unpleasant for me. I accept it with thoughts of where I can immediately pass it along to.

banana who,

Totally agree--it's nauseating and also perplexing, in this economy!

There are moving signs in bus shelters...It's just too much in-your-face stuff.

Tam, this economic situation has a silver lining IF one takes heed: to live as simply as possible and rather than add "stuff," to pare down one's life to its bare essentials. But you are right--so many people seem not to have gotten the memo and it's business as usual. But I love the stories like this one:

[finance.yahoo.com]

Enjoyed the clip, Banana Who. Thanks for posting it. I'd love a tiny house.


My favorite raw vegan

banana who,

I saw these people on Anderson Cooper's show a few months ago, and the audience seemed amazed at how comfortable and contented they were; the family were very "centered" and gave off really good energy, and with the view of New York behind them through the studio windows, it was quite the disjunct. I hope it made people really think about how we live now . . .

The father in the video knows how to build houses. If you buy a pre-fab tiny house, it starts at just under $39K: [www.tumbleweedhouses.com]

Oh, but there are LOADS of how-to videos online showing how to make a tiny house out of salvaged lumber, old pallets, found stuff, etc, for cheap cheap cheap! Prefab is not necessary, building skills either. Really, people can do this. The only thing standing in the way is code.

The worst thing that seems to repeatedly happen to me is I express my desire to be present but exchange no gifts for Christmas. Other parties demanding my presence swear to abide by this pact.

But come Christmas, of course, they all bring gifts anyway and then sometimes I look like a dirtbag. That drives me insane!

So, making a little treat to bring is at least something. The past few years I have had less than zero dollars.

I prefer giving gifts that are either clever or extremely pertinent and useful. Spontaneous is best.

Yes yes yes I like these occasions very much and genuinely celebrate them. And i believe that this has nothing to do with lack of sincerity or spontaneity or anything. Because it is different!

I too like to create special days for my loved ones, as a surprise, throughout the year, and to let them know as often as there is an opportunity that I love them. And they like to do the same. And yet we like the "set" special occasions nonetheless, because they bring a different kind of pleasure into our lives! Not of surprise, but of expectation and excitement of anticipation, which you know is shared by the ones close to you, individual but at the same time mutual planning!

As to commercialism which inevitably revolves around such occasions, personally I'm kind of glad this does not stop me enjoying the occasions. There are plenty of good things in the world which the bad things take advantage of, so maybe it is a matter of "always look at the bright side of your life" I don't know. I'm just glad that in this respect I'm not a grumpy guts (as some people I know!) and can enjoy christmas just like a kid does, despite not being a kid.

>Banana ice-cream rocks!<



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2012 05:10AM by chat.

Here is a prime example of WHY I don't like these gift giving occasions.
My daughter's 5th birthday gift from our Auntie.
[idesigngifts.com.au]

Thank goodness we're moving and I can accidentally "lose" this in the transition. Barf.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/27/2012 01:27PM by coco.

I am laughing because this must have been given in jest; one could sincerely search high and low for a gift so hideous, but only a prankster would have the stamina necessary to actually find it. It's the Holy Grail of tacky children's toys, LOL!

Oh no, it was quite seriously given. One would be hard pressed to find an age appropriate gift of moderate price WithOut disney princess cr@p on it these days. For realz now, I am so losing this thing. Dearest daughter has informed me that she will never, ever, ever eat on anything else ever, ever again. BARF!

Well, girls think pretty faces are pretty; we are genetically wired to react this way . . . Could you find a brightly colored place setting at an ethnic goods store, or could a ceramics making friend of yours make something "pretty" for your little girl, to replace that thing[and reprogram your little girl!]?

She already has a ceramic bowl with the cutest ever little girl face on it and it Has been a fave but who can compete with this excessive pinkness? Gag. I'd keep the fork and knife that came with it but then she'd be reminded of the dishes and get really peeved not to have them. Maybe I'll send this crap to G-ma's house.

Who is the princess? I am not up on these things...The brunette looks like Sleeping Beauty but who's that blonde dame? LOL

The brunette is Beauty from Beauty and the Beast, the black haired one is Snow White so I guess that makes the blonde Cinderella. I vaguely recall her hair being a bit more mousey but maybe this is the revamped version. Maybe that's Sleeping Beauty though.
There's a fiery red head, that's Ariel from the little mermaid story. And there's Jasmine from the Alladin tales, Mulan is the token Asian, as well as Pocohontas the Indian maiden and not Tiana, a black girl from New Orleans. They've tried to incorporate some different cultures in recent years. The latest though is another blonde from the Rapunzle story. There are a LOT of princesses.
La, I dislike those girls immensely.

Ugh, I just found this. How horrible.
[thedisneyprincesses.yolasite.com]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/28/2012 08:54PM by coco.

LOL, that blog will be shut down in 3-2-1 . . . .

I don't celebrate a single holiday on the gregorian calendar.