Hi, we as a family went vegan in 2007 and in 2010 started going more raw. We were going to get a smallholding and start planting our own food, etc. as this is what's important to us, or so I thought. My hubby managed to manipulate me into agreeing to buying a small place in the city as his business is there, it ended up being a big house and he proceeded to use ALL our savings for renovations. I feel really strongly about getting out of the city and planting our fruit and nut trees....they take a long time to start bearing fruit and the longer we wait, the older we get...I am seriously considering leaving him so that I can go ahead and do what we originally planned to do, the only thing making this complicated is our 18 month-old. Our 17 and 15 year-old boys are already very humanistic and consumeristic so they don't mind not working in the garden! It's also our toddler that makes me want to leave as I don't want him growing up in this mess....I have a real dilemma here and was wondering if an outsider could see things a tad more clearly than I am at the moment.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

Wow, this is right up Jodi and banana who's alley

If you don't mind my asking - how old are you both? What city are you referring to where you live and have the business? Is it a business he does out of your house or does he have a location in the city for his business? How long ago did you buy the 'big house'? Do you know it's worth now as compared to when you bought it? Did you do all the renovations already or still in the process of doing them? Will you be able to get the money you put into renovations back at resale? Is he doing the renovations because he enjoys it and/or he wants the house to be nice and comfortable and/or for resale value? Did he do the work himself or did he have someone else do the renovations? Has he said how long he wants to live there before moving out of the city or did he say he now wants to remain in the city indefinitely?

Other than this situation, how is your relationship with your husband? Does he have other bad qualities or is he a decent guy? It sounds like he's hard-working and wants to provide for his family. Just off the top of my head, I'd say to be patient for a couple more years. We moved out of the city when our child was 3 and it worked out fine, but my husband ended up commuting into the city for almost 1 1/2 hours each way for 20+ years, so think of your husband's future sacrifice.

Also, it would be much easier to wait until your oldest finishes high school and leaves home to go to college before you move, and what do your two oldest boys want to do - would they have to leave their school and friends to move out to the country?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/12/2012 10:13PM by KidRaw.

Try finding work on a farm outside the city. You should have no problem finding a volunteer or paid internship at an organic farm that provides you with plenty of food to take home. This will give you a chance to learn and to see if you really want to farm. Considering the rigors of farming, jobs like that often cure people of the farming bug. My partner works in the city. We live there together and I commute one-hour each way from seed to harvest to farm. I love it, but I'm the exception to the rule. I can't even begin to tell you how @#$%& out I am right now.

I'd also suggest forgiving your husband and taking responsibility for your own life. After that, work on forgiving yourself. Forgiveness combined with accountability for oneself is incredibly liberating. Just laugh at life. You'll be on to the next one soon enough anyway.

Best of luck to you.

The word that was auto-censored in my post was p o o p e d. Haha. I know. I'm so vulgar!

When the food,and money riots begin soon in all big cities it wont be possilbe to live or work there.

You are right about growing your own food and setting that up in the country asap.

My hubby managed to manipulate me into agreeing to buying,
You will both need talk about that I would think and work it out.

Food and money riots in the city will also make country life imposable unless you can hire blackwater for security. Rual crime is skyrockiting, this I know from my
37 years here in the woods.

Move slow

[www.shtfplan.com]

It would seem to me that in your heart you know what you want or need to do and I'm not saying one way or the other as my opinion is not what counts. Perhaps there is some way for you to grow and move forward with your dreams that could still include your husband.

Posing this type of question on a forum of strangers and a forum that have people already oriented towards a more healthful lifestyle is stacking the cards in favor of your rural retreat dream. Sometimes one just wants a little support from like minded people.

I also understand how much each of us want to be validated at times by others that understand the value of our goals and dreams.

John Kohler, the webmaster of www.living-foods.com has videos on youtube.com of his gardens around his home. You may find that starting with your current yards will give you what you need for now.

Love,
Prism

Think of yourself and your son first. Your husband is an adult and is responsible for himself. Don't let unwarranted obligation or guilt make any decisions. Good luck.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/14/2012 05:42PM by RawPlease.

>Our 17 and 15 year-old boys are already very humanistic and consumeristic so they don't mind not working in the garden!<

??? I didn't know humanists were heavy consumers who are against gardening, lol! ???

Sharrhan:


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I hope I'm not getting this wrong, but how will you pay for it? Will you become too busy working and tring to raise a family as a single mother to stay raw.

Your baby comes first before yourself. Sometimes we have to trade our freedom for security when it's for the best for our children.

Meantime how much do you want to bet Marlene never shows up here again

I hope she understands that fruit trees take years to, ya know, bear fruit. Like wow man the trees have to grow and everything before paradise happens?

Someone who's planning on being a farmer should probably know that already.

this is a strange thread
not much about it makes any sense



first of all, no one can "manipulate" another person into buying a place
you make a CHOICE


second of all, if you are thinking of breaking up a marriage cuz you want to garden, you had more problems BEFORE this issue came up such as
COMMUNICATION ( its a 2 way street)

why are you telling US these things
you need to talk to your husband
we can be of no help in such things as these
its a PERSONAL issue and has very little to do with garden or not to garden
and everything to do with mutual respect, desire to communicate etc.

I quite agree La Veronique.

I call it washing your dirty laundry in public. I feel sorry for your husband - telling the world that you want to leave him - talk to him and do some growing up while you are at it.

KidRaw Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Wow, this is right up Jodi and banana who's alley
>

Not sure what you mean by that

Ive never had any experience leaving my mates for gardening

i just garden all around them till they cant help but join in lol

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Maryanne maybe you can try an have the best of both worlds ..start growing things on every square inch of space you do have

ninja plant fruit an nut trees around your community

learn to ninja graft fruit an nut trees onto already established trees in your neighborhood

on my street alone i offered 26 neighbors on each side of the street if they would let me plant a single dwarf fruit tree in their front yard i would come tend to it every season and make sure it didnt make a mess (rotting fruit on ground etc) .. out of 52 neighbors 19 took me up on the offer .. doesnt sound like a great ratio but i now have a small orchard on my street of plum, apple, cherry, and pear an not one of them is on my yard .. score!

be proactive instead of reactive ! think outside the box!

your problem isnt lack of acreage

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Just teasing, because I got the impression you guys are interested in people/relationships.

But I think if her husband overall is a good person/husband, I wouldn't break up her marriage over living in the country vs city right now with a toddler to think about. We don't really know enough about the relationship and other circumstances to make a good judgment call.

flipperjan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I quite agree La Veronique.
>
> I call it washing your dirty laundry in public. I
> feel sorry for your husband - telling the world
> that you want to leave him - talk to him and do
> some growing up while you are at it.

Maybe she talks to him but he doesn't listen or doesn't care.

It's quite common (I see this on all kinds of forums) that desperate people turn to strangers for opinions and perspectives. If that's her last resort, so what.

Best of luck, Marlene.

KidRaw Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Just teasing, because I got the impression you
> guys are interested in people/relationships.
>
> But I think if her husband overall is a good
> person/husband, I wouldn't break up her marriage
> over living in the country vs city right now with
> a toddler to think about. We don't really know
> enough about the relationship and other
> circumstances to make a good judgment call.

I completely agree

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist