I have finally realized the biggest problem my boyfriend and I have: he has to DO and I like to BE. He is not ok with me not doing things. I might need to do more and he might need to be more, but I don't tell him not to do and rather to be more - yet he is constantly telling me to do more, and to stop being. Is this making sense to anyone?

I just joined this site yesterday and I've been reading all night long...trying to pick up on as much as I can about becoming RAW. I ate probably a 90% raw diet today and feel much better!

I have this horrible feeling he will never understand, condone, accept, or be ok with me cultivating a raw lifestyle. Even if he does, it's hard to live with some who is so negative and constantly needing to do and accomplish things all the time. I am content to read all day long and try to learn new things. He tries to make me feel guilty if I am not doing something concrete.

It's very frustrating...

Anyway, someone please wish me luck as I endeavor to become raw and healthy. I am hoping to drop a few pounds also. I just started an organic garden and am really excited about it!!

javacado

since he likes DOING so dang much

ask him to DO LIFE by going raw

criticize and harrass him for not DOING raw

HA HA HA HA... give him a peace of his own medicine

no.. i've never had people do that to me

its bad enough that i insist i do so much myself

that if someone else would tell me to keep doing more and more and MORE

i may just get really pointed and say " EXCUSE me... but do YOU pay my bills? if not, kindly just leave me alone"

javacado,

This sounds like a very smothering person.

Keep going with your raw life!!!

Do that for YOU.

If he was meant to be in your life it will all work out.

If not........

reading is a type of doing...

i agree with thomas lantern
absolutely

literature is the spirit in ACTION

it is melding with a supreme form of art

go go LITERATURE!!

READDDDDD

Reading is definitely doing.

Is doing only defined as some sort of physical activity?

Being is the essence of doing.

If you do without being, it seems to me that you are really just trying to escape from yourself.

The beauty is in being what you are doing...even, and especially, if you are doing nothing... which in my opinion is one of the most enlightening things to do and be.

What gives this man the right to decide what constitutes "doing something concrete"?

what are these things that he feels he must accomplish?

Isn't reading something an accomplishment?

Isn't learning something an accomplishment?

Isn't cultivating the ability to just "Be" in each moment an accomplishment? ...perhaps the greatest accomplishment of all!

All the external "concrete" accomplishments in the world won't ever add up to happiness if we haven't accomplished just being.

Maybe he should be "doing" some soul searching and "being" more tolerant.

Aloha Nui Loa,

Greg

A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices. - William James

There is no pill that can be swallowed,
There is no guru, that can be followed, - Michael Franti (Pray For Grace)

The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion. - Albert Camus

> I have finally realized the biggest problem my
> boyfriend and I have: he has to DO and I like to
> BE. He is not ok with me not doing things.

let's see. sounds like you are doing lots of things... researching a major life change, reading, gardening. you sound like a "do-er" to me.

sounds like he is being lots of things... judgemental, bossy, and nosey for starters! lol.

we can't control another person's behavior, and when we think we can or we try to, we set ourselves up for anger and resement. he believes he can and should prod you into more action, or action in the direction that he approves of, and you are not responding appropriately (how can you? you're your own person, not a puppet) it creates conflict in his world. the good news is that you don't have to share in that conflict. and it doesn't mean you can't love him or be with him.

if you want him to stop focusing on all the things that you should DO, you could model it by trying to stop focusing on all the things he should BE... like more understanding, more positive, less controlling, less busy with projects, etc. he might not be able to be any of those things right now, any more than you can or want to do any of the projects he has picked out for you. and that's okay.

HERE's WHAT I FINALLY LEARNED! all we can ultimately offer our partners is our authentic self. that's it. we can't mold ourselves to be the person that they want us to be. we can (and do often) try, and we might succeed for a while, but there is a cost associated with that. it depletes our emotional, physical, and spiritual energies. then we are offering a depleted, false person to our partners. two false, depleted people don't a happy relationship make. not to mention all the resentment from the compromises we have made...

so what that means is if you want to cultivate a raw lifestyle, you do it. know that in doing that you are actually offering a gift to your partner, of your best self. its up to them to choose to accept that gift or not, but you don't stop giving it. not ever! and don't make any assumptions about what his attitude is going to be toward you in advance, because sometimes we attract those attitudes to ourselves when we expect them, know what i mean? think of how you act toward your partner when you are cultivating your new raw lifestyle with the belief that he will disapprove (nervous, hiding, hesitatant), and then think of how you would act if you had no prejudgement about that (enthusiastic, happy, sharing). which you gets the best reception from someone who loves you?

i DO wish you luck!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/28/2008 11:22PM by maui_butterfly.

DOINg vs BEING

defintion of doing: is being

definition of being: is doing



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/29/2008 02:02PM by la_veronique.

maui butterfly said it better than me though

thanks mauibutterfly!