I must change the way I am going about living my life in all ways.

I am 5 foot 8 inches and 58 years old

I was 120 lbs. at age 18 - had two babies 11 mo. a apart in 1971 & 1972
I was 125 lbs. at age 28
I was 150 lbs. at age 38
I was 175 lbs. at age 48 - had a baby in 1991
I am 210 lbs. at age 58 - a few bad break-ups, deaths, radical life changes, went back to college and graduated at age 54. Cannot get work as full-time teacher and $43,000 in debt for student loans. I live alone. Unemployed. Sad. Sailing is the one thing that brings me unlimited joy.

Being overweight for the past 17 years since I had a baby (17 years ago today) at age 41. I made a huge cheesecake which is our family tradition for celebrating birthdays. It is uncut in the frig. My daughter left for a friend's teenage party and did not even want to sing happy birthday with me or cut the cake. I decided to leave it alone. I will never cut it until she wants to celebrate with me. It might grow moldy but I am in a bad frame of mind.

I cannot be in denial anymore. I blame everything for the weight. Hormones, menopause, metabolism ....but the truth is I cannot, will not, and wont change the way I live and eat, even though I want to desperately lose 50 lbs. and get down to 160 lbs. I want to wear jeans, be slim, be lighter, be healthier. I really do want this but I am not being pro-active.

I start, and start, and re-start, and try and try to plan, purchase, clean-out the frig, and give it ONE day, and poof......I am back to old habits.

I tell students (I am a substitute teacher but am certifed in Health) ...."don't say you will try. You either do or you don't do."

Now I have to tell myself....DO IT.

My blood pressure is up and so are triglycerides and cholesterol. I have gallstones, and a thick fat belly which makes me look matronly. It makes it even pleasant to look at myself, anymore.

I have to stop this madness and start...but my problem is I have 100 books in the kitchen with different approaches. I am fragmented to begin with - I keep getting sidetracked with so many different ideas for losing weight and I end up conflicted.

I have to choose ONE metod and STICK to it. I belong to Healthy Planet and they are all vegans. I like my milk and eggs, yogurt, and cottage cheese. I will gladly stick to a vegetarian diet because I cannot afford to buy meat. I had my B12 tested last week and it is 310 on a scale of 200 - 1100. I have no energy and no drive. I am exhausted and have a back injury from working a second job at Home Depot in Gardening lifting heavy rolls of wet sod. I cannot walk, run or bike according to my physical therapist and chiropractor. I can do water exercises for my lower back L 5 S 1 injury.

I need a hug.

in loving kindness,
Linda



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/12/2008 01:01AM by Wildflower Woman.

Big big hug!

I empathize very much. I am 58 also and was up to 230 at one time and was never so miserable in my life..so ill, such pains (almost crippled), depressed, etc etc. I've been in and out of rawfood lifestyle, and it is the best for me. I urge you to read read read, here online, and get books. There are so many websites. Look at rawfoodexplained (oh, I hope that's right, I'll check and get back to you). Believe me, if the enthusiasm and faith hits you and you start eating raw, the weight will come off quickly and your health can turn around. It is quite a process and a veritable journey...do look into it and do lots of reading with open mind...see what resonates and put rest on shelf for awhile...

Best wishes!

Your post was the very first one I read. But this is complicated...this site brought me to read postings from 2007. I thought this site was a dead thread, but after perusing through it I see how complex it is, and very hard to navigate back to my own posting. I had to bookmark the forum. There are THOUSANDS of people here with much to share.

You are my very first friend. Wow...and you are also 58 and a teacher, too. We have much in common already. I live in New York. Thanks for the quick reply.

I have a job interview tomorrow for a teacher job in a private school. It is not what I want as I am in the retirement system for public schools, only. At 58 I need to find work that places me into the retirement system. This job is only a one year replacement job as a Health teacher in an alternative school for alcoholic teens, drug addicts, and criminals.

hey there, I am 50 and attempting to eat raw. I am 315 pounds right now. Last year I started eating raw and the weight just fell off of me but I fell off the boat during the hollidays and for some reason had a very difficult time getting myself back to raw. My very negative thoughts engulfed me and there I was wallowing in the negative world of pam. I have a long bout of bad happenings and now I too need to start college to find a profession that I can do while ageing I guess I made some real bad choices and didnt think life would hand out such a bitter dish. I want to encourage you to look into eating raw because I am certain it is the best way for us. Its like stepping into a new world our aches and pains dwindle away. There is a majic in eating raw that cant be explained but only experianced and once you experiance it you will understand it is the way to be. When I was eating raw I felt as if the world was smileing at me and I smiled back. Read Read Read all you can find.
I think one of the best things is green smoothies because you can have a simple smoothie in the morning for breakfast and either another one or some fruit and have a huge salad in the evening. YOU have a whole bunch of different fruits and vegies to chose from.
I cant wait till I read your diary
love
Pam

Hi Pam

I just read your post. Thank you so much for writing. I could use a buddy to help keep me on track.

Where do you live? A man named David Wolfe is lecturing at a group I belong to, but I don't go too often cause of the money situation. I just registered for it online and the online system allowed me to pay 1/2 the admission fare. This is great. I was muscled at the front door a few years ago to pay extra dollars but the man collecting the money and I ended up having an argument with him...and he allowed me to stay if I didn't eat any of the food even though I brought a dish. It was horribly negative. Being poor is horribly negative but I am trying to see myself as living in abundance....ha ha....abundance of fat, too. Visualization is powerful.

Lets look at ourselves as thin and healthy (and allow it to manifest) and as rich with abundance from the Universe.

We need to be positive.

Want to be my buddy and go on this journey, together?

Today I am having my water tested for cadmium. Hives all over my body. And Gallstones. Yes there is a connection between the two.

I am going to do a Master Cleanse using Hulda Clarks wisdom.

More at another time.

Linda
Long Island
New York.

Hives?!!? Oh my goodness! That's a serious allergic reaction, there; I hope you find out what's causing those quickly!

I wish you all the best on your journey towards better health and self-discovery...

Oh - how did the interview go?

Hi Linda, and welcome to the forum. In getting to a healthier diet, remember to take one step at a time, not trying to skip any steps and not taking a step that is larger than your body is willing to handle. Simply increase the amounts of raw fruits and salads in your diet over time, as well as learning and practicing the other aspects of a lifestyle that is health building.

Cutting out animal products (meat, dairy, eggs) will help you cholesterol situation. Eating less fats and increasing the amounts of fiber in your diet (via fruits and salads, or streamed veggies) will help your triglyceride levels.

Dear Byran,

Thank you for your note. Yes your suggestions are the way to go....to ease into a new regime without having the body or mind do a kneejerk reaction to something it is unaccustomed to living with. Gradual slow adaptive changes are best. Thank you for making me aware of this.

Linda
Wildflower Woman

Linda, I strongly suggest you follow Bryan's advice, in this and other threads. There is some good infomation on this site. Spend some time right here reading up.

Like the rock band "Police" said "When the world is running down, you make the best of what's still around". Work on your health, which, (to a great extent) you can control. After some time on the raw food lifestyle you'll find as you get healthier that the years will start to roll back. You'll look years younger, and it's not uncommon among raw fooders to look 10 or more years younger than their actual age. I am 45yrs old but never look it. I'm mistaken many times for early 30's. I do all raw though. High fruit,some veggies and small amounts of nuts and seeds.

You'll find that as you achieve that raw glow and health, your chances for getting jobs increase dramatically.

Don't give up. Keep plugging away. I live in Long Island too. Suffolk county. Where are you? You can pm me if you need any advice. But as I said before, try to read the posts of people like Bryan and David Zane Mason and ask them about anything that bothers you. Good Luck.