My birthday is in 3 days and i have been reflecting on things the last few weeks .. some good some bad ..but this is gonna be my new diary for a few reasons ...

40 is my age ..well almost

40 is an interesting number for me at this point

40 is the amount of pounds ive lost in the last year since going 100% raw .. even tho if lost more then that in the last 5 years .. its this last 40lbs that sticks becuase i havent yo-yo-d it back on .. still have 40 to go .. but this has been huge progress to me

40 years have past and i can think of at least 40 major accomplishments in my life as well as 40 defeats .. and this is ok ..it just cements in my mind that everything no matter how good or how bad ..it all evens out

i have 40 days to finish this impossible accounting year end im working for perhaps the stupidist company i have ever taken on on the face of this earth on that is driving me insane LOL !!!

i bought 40$ worth of haloween candy and gave most of it out .. ate NONE of it and donated the rest of it to my mother in law (she raided the bowl anyways so i just let her have the rest of it LOL)

there are at LEAST 40 people in my life that i LOVE !! real life and online !

i found out today my bra size went up from a 38c to a 40C ... not sure yet if this is a plus or minus but damn me all to hell this awesome fitting bra i got today feels alot more comfortabl then the illfitting buggers i been wearing the last year oh an it cost me 40$ d+ tax


so ..


bring on 40 ! its a good thing !

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist




Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/08/2008 05:01AM by Jgunn.

for my birthday my hubby has booked us into a night at the Harrison Hotel which is a hot springs resort

i am so excited ... i love water .. i gravitate to it .. the only thing holding me back from having my own hot tub is the thought of soaking in chlorine all the time .. and the salt water systems are soooo expensive .. something ot work towards hehe

anyhow the whole birthday thing is meeting me with mixed reviews ..

right now im lighter then i have been in many years but i seem to be in some awkward in between size

i cant find tops to fit me
i cant find bottoms to fit me
i cant find underwear to fit me

its driving me insane im not a 14 .. im not a 16 ..and theres no such thing up here as a 15

ive hit every plus store this week ..and ive hit every used store / consignment store

every where i go i get at the end this sales person saying im so sorry we cant help you

and i want to screammmmmmmm

even tho im feeling lighter and better then ever before ..im in an awkward stage/size and the frustration is mounting

espeically with the thought of going to a fancy dinner and not having something to wear that makes me feel ..what i want to feel right now .. which is no matter what my size i want to feel sexy

and im having a problem finding the shell to make me feel this way

even tho physcially im feeling it anyways .. so why am i so worried about the *outer shell*

arrrggg

the last 3 weeks i have been occupied with my own mothers decline in life

my mother ...

is ..

dying ...

of old age...


one of things ive been helping my mom with is that i have been going twice a week and bathing her

well let me tell you

this is alot more close for comfort then i like but ..

but..

its my mother

... and she bathed me

so its a fair trade hehe

but i see resemblences

that little mole i have .. she has too ..

that big freckle..

the dimples here ..and there


... worse ..
and i hate to say it ..

i am .. i have ..

my mothers body


my mom is not in the best shape..82 years of abuse and i saw it this last week

it was like

seeing your future

well...
i might not have inherited the best physical genes

but then i thought i inheritted a few other thigns from her


my mothers lovely humor
her kindness
her insight
her giving nature

if all i ever inherited from my mother is her body .. i should be so lucky

she is one of the most amazing woman i have ever met

and it makes me weep



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/08/2008 05:22AM by Jgunn.

on another note .. i have an ongoing issue with a little thing called UVitis .. or Iritis (it seems to depend what doctor im atalking to .. what they wanna call it)

my body is attacking my eyes and every episode i have deteriorates my vision just a bit more .. .

last week i was driving and had soemthing happen to me that has never happen before .. my vision slowly started to skewe to the point i could no longer see ... 30 minuts later it corrected itself .. i went to the hospital ..they told me i had a migraine (even tho i had no pain whatsover) and sent me home

i know sharrhan and jonathan can relate to me in this respect .. this losing of my sight over time
, this seems to be an issue for me every 3 or 4 months when i have a flare up and my doctors keep trying to correct / treat the problem but nothing ever seems to fix or clear it up

i keep eating better and doing things to support my health / immune system but up to this point it seems to stave off theese attacks from happening more often but .. its still happening

i am finding myself slowly going blind .. prematurely or whatever you want to call it and no specialist seems to be able to stop or reverse what is going on .. a big *sigh*

another frustrating thing in my life



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/08/2008 05:32AM by Jgunn.

Jodi,

>i know sharrhan and jonathan can relate to me in this respect... this losing of my sight over time, this seems to be an issue for me every 3 or 4 months when i have a flare up and my doctors keep trying to correct / treat the problem but nothing ever seems to fix or clear it up<

Wow, I didn't know-- so sorry! (Just a thought-- you don't wear contacts, do you?)
Yes, this has been such a big issue for both Jonathan and me-- Jonathan much more, though, since he is now completely blind from Usher's Syndrome, a type of retinitis pigmentosa. I almost went blind as a little girl, from a virulent eye infection that required, finally, weeks of chemotherapy shots (experimental cancer therapy stuff-- yuck!). I am legally blind in my left eye (clear vision, just can't read letters with it), but thankfully my right eye is fine, and I've been healthy in that respect and no longer fear for my vision. I don't know how Jonathan remains so vital and happy, having lost so much of his hearing and 99% of his sight, but he does.

My birthday wish for you is that you WILL find a way to heal your eyes; I'm convinced there is something out there that you haven't discovered yet that will just make all the difference. That's my 'vision' for you and I'll keep holding it till it's true. :-)

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

hee hee i like your *vision* i can take that

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

oooo oooo ooo im so excited .. 4 hours and i will be sitting in hot sulpher pools for the evening ...

theyre gonna have to drag me outta there kickin an screamin !!

Happy 40th Birthday!

I had bought some Clear Eyes and added in 4 drops of Iodine (Lugol's 5%) and in 1 day it cleared the start of an eye infection from a house I was cleaning.

Then I tried adding a couple drops of Iodine to distilled water and used that for eye drops..it did sting a little each time, and the Clear Eyes didn't sting at all after adding Iodine. I like adding Iodine to my bath water when I have plenty on hand, and it's the only time (besides in the ocean)I am compelled to open my eyes underwater.

You might give it a try for a month..see if your sight starts clearing up.

Love,
Prism

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JODI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

Happy 40th!!! I thought turning 40 was kind of cool -- I've always looked and usually felt younger, so it wasn't a big deal. I felt kind of wise (not that I was...) ;}

hey Prism .. funny you should mention that because i had been tossing around the idea for asking you about that for a while haha

ya mind reader

thank for the bday wishes !!! .. i had a great time in the pools last night and was pretty much the last one kicked outat 2am ... (the pools close at 1am but i kinda hid out in the shadows till a security guard finaly spotted me )

i am so now thinking about putting together a small salt water pool at the house .. the salt water systems are expensive so i am have to do some research ..

nothing big just big enough for 2 ..my hubby is not into hot water much so it would mostly be for me ..

man tho i am so charged up from sitting in those pools last night i feel great
=D

awwww happy birthday Jodi,

I did not know you were struggleing with those things. I with you all the health for your future.

Sounds like the water spa is fun They would have to drag me out of that place too.

Pam

thank you Pam =) its funny sometimes we think othres are doing really well and are shocked when we see they have vulnerabilities

it just goes to show were all human

the water was awesome i wish i had one bubbling up in the back yard now but its a goal now for me to set up some sort of system that i can immerse myself in

i know it wont be perfect as the ocean or natural hot springs but if i can make something as close as possible thats the goal

i really connect with the water

jodi--
The closest I get to a hot springs is the sauna and steam room at the Y I workout at down the street. ;-p I try to do it a couple of times a week; such a treat.

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

yep Sharrhan we will have to get you out here to the we(s)t coast sometime to revel in our hotspringy goodness .. british columbia has tons of them .. natural and semi-natural (pumped into pools)

i guess this is one of the benefits to living on a major geographical fault line

pampam Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
.
>
> Jody, How is you eyes? You have been on my mind
> lately.
> Love Pam


howdy Pam ....honestly they have abeen fine again all week accept for the episode almost 10 days ago now .there just seems to be no rhyme or reason to it ... the blndness the doctor said sounded like a migraine attack .. but there was no pain so this is puzzling to me

but i went ahead an got another round of blood tests done so .. maybe they will find something this time .. everything always seems to come back inconclusive which is enough to drive me nuts lol

will see tomorow when the tests are back

ive spent the better part of the day purging things in the house again so feeling pretty good about sorting thru some of this chaos

it doesnt help that the 2 of us tend to be on the sloppy side ..and in a big house it can get very cluttered to the point of frustration ... even tho its large there is a definitive lack of storage .. all the closets are teeny tiny

so its just purge purge purge away



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/14/2008 01:02AM by Jgunn.

Hi Jodi,
Sounds like it could have been migraine-- when I was younger I used to get painless migraines that essentially left me blinded for awhile. Did you see a funny jagged lightning-like or slightly colorful 'aura' in your visual field? I used to get these migraines with no pain, just temporary visual impairment, when I worked around CRT screens a lot back in the '70s. Whenever it happened at work my supervisor would just let me go home for the day.

For some reason I've only had one or two of them since then.

I'm glad to hear someone else is 'on the sloppy side.' We have small closets too, so I have to use a lot of ingenuity and engage in occasional bouts of re-establishing order and, as you say, purging.

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

Hi Sharrhan .. you know that sounds what it was like .. an my doctor today confirmed that too .. he said it might be stress ..(im doing my year ends right now accounting and its always a stressfull time for me)

the blood tests came out 100% a-ok nothing wrong with me that was tested for .. ie ... diabetes ...etc ... i have to gte some more blood tests next week for any arthritic or auto-immune disorders (not sure why this wasnt tested last week due to the uvitis ...but whatever lol)

essentially he said .. a bit overweight but under the obesity level i could lose 30 lbs and look good i really want to lose 40 cuz i felt my best at 130 .. im 5'3 standing on a curb an never weighed over 100lbs till my hystorectomy in 2002 .. but that was to scrawny for me ..and i had no boobs just nipples LOL !!

basically he said i was healthy as an ox an the uvitis why it keeps flaring up is puzzling to him .. ive been to 3 specialists and they have come up with nothing either

so ..

just keep on keepin on .. my diet is good and always evolving

i cant doo much about bad genetics but constantly working on my spiritual, physcial, environmental, mental, emotional , and nutritional health is getting me where i want to be

today i bought a siamese betta fighting fish and released him from his plastic cup home into a big beautiful bowl .. next week i am gonna see if i can find a nice tank for him on freecycle and really go to town and liberate him a nice home... he is a beautiful fan tailed purple,blue, red, and green fancy feller ! his name is Siaman =D



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/15/2008 03:47AM by Jgunn.

heres a pic of my new little friend .. gosh i was on betta sites last night till 4am lol .. i could see this becoming an addicting hobby .. there is so many beautiful types and colors of these fishies !! but for now my goal is to give him hte best little environment i can make





Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2008 06:56PM by Jgunn.

that's a beautiful fish

Oh, he's beautiful!

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

thank yo im ffeeling like a total mother at the moment .. the fish is absorbing way too much of my life at the mometn

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

ooooh wow

purty fish

what kind is it jay gunn?

i wanna go in a sulphur pool

or a ssalty pool

hot pool

tha tsounds like a lot of fun!

happy 40th to you!!

i connect your name to the himalayas

and tibet

and snowy mountains

when u gonna take another trip out into the snow lands?

i'm reading a book right now on the himalayas

real beauitful

Simon is called Betta Splendens or Siamese fighting fish

i am so connected to the himalayas i just loved it there so much

what book are you reading?

Well simon moved into a new home last night a nice large 5 gallon tank all to himself .. and a water heater so now his water is comfortable for him

sometimes i feel a bit sad watching him .. thinking he really should be in his natural envioronment .. i feel this way when i see birds in cages

this is always a hard part of my being vegan that i have to deal with .. keeping pets

someone said to me on another forum once it was cruel to keep any pets and buying them just keeps the puppy mills, fish breeders, bird catchers, etc in business

when i see fish like this stuck in little cups though , i just wanna take them all home.. but in the same sense i know they are just gonna be replaced next week with another dozen fresh new prisioners .. so am i perpetuating a viscious cycle .. or actually doing the poor creature a favor

its such a hard call sometimes *sigh*

Simon inspired me to write a song about him


Sung by Simon the Siamese to the the tune of Purple People Eater

I saw this thing comin out of the sky
it was big an fleshy and holdin a fly
i commenced to shakin an said OOO-EEE!
looks like dinners comin down to me !

i am a blue finned green tinged
swimmin purple skeeter eater

blue finned green tinged
swimmin purple skeeter eater

blue finned green tinged
swimmin purple skeeter eater

sure looks great to me !!



I woke up this morning
and what do i see
a great big bubblenest
over top of me

i say hey you
how about a gal
i just want some lovin
i dont need a pal

i am a blue finned green tinged
swimmin purple skeeter eater

blue finned green tinged
swimmin purple skeeter eater

blue finned green tinged
swimmin purple skeeter eater

sure looks great to me !


And then i swam to the left, and i swam to the right
feeling like i really wanted to pick a fight
looking at the glass, trying to break out free
reflection of that fish there was really me !

i am a blue finned green tinged
swimmin purple skeeter eater

blue finned green tinged
swimmin purple skeeter eater

blue finned green tinged
swimmin purple skeeter eater

sure looks great to me !



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/24/2008 03:16AM by Jgunn.

*LOL*

That fish is so lucky to be loved so much that someone would write him a song!! How sweet! ;}

What a lucky little fishy, to have a mommie who makes up sweet, funny songs for him. Lucky little guy.

Our friend Bill (lives in my building) has a beta too!-- just realized yesterday that it's the same kind of fish as yours, except his is orange and purple-- no green. I 'babysit' Bill's canary and his little family of fish (one beta in its own bowl, and a mess of other fish in a small aquarium) when he goes away, and I love to watch that fish. He swells up and gets really interesting to look at if you hold a mirror up to the bowl and he sees his image.

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

wow very cool ! yea mine catches his reflection all the time too in the sides of the aquarium and gets all hostile with himself lol

and he flares at me too now when i approach .. its like his way of hollering FEED ME !!

hes gota bit of a belly on him now an i was told im might be overfeeding him an let him rest a few days but its sooooo hard

i never thought in a million years a 1 inch fish would ever be able to guilt trip me