I've been posting on other people's diaries (and all over this forum) for about a year now (maybe more), and I figure that now's a good time to start my own. First, I'm gonna tell a little of my background, then reflect a little on my raw trip.

I am a 47 year old mother of four: three in their twenties and one almost four. I have been a vegetarian for about half of my adult life, and first learned about raw eating in 1983, not knowing anyone who did this. I tried it anyway and really liked it on some levels, but I didn't know how to handle the strange (not bad, just different) energy that went along with changing to a 100% raw diet. I still don't, so if anyone who reads this does, please help me with this one. I don't feel like it is a bad energy, or I wouldn't keep trying to go raw, but it is different than anything I have ever experienced, and I don't know what to do with it (I feel like I should do something with it. Maybe this is wrong.).

Sorry about the digression -- I am sorting all this out in my mind as I type. So I went mostly all raw in 1983, then after a few months I got pregnant and started craving meat and milk. I had the baby, went raw again, got pregnant again, craved cooked again (at least not meat this time!), had her, and went about my life, eating mostly healthy vegetarian, sometimes ate meat too, yada yada. When I was pregnant with my little one (2004) I came across some raw food websites and was intrigued. Actually, I became obsessed with what raw foods were doing to people's health and lives, and started eating more raw foods (I was back to vegetarianism by then). Over the past four or five years I have been eating more raw, trying to go all raw but not quite making it, and learning a lot! In 2008 I managed to stay at 70 to 80% raw until November, when I kind of fell out of it. I also lost almost 25 lbs., but gained half of it back over the holidays. After the holidays I wanted to commit to it but didn't discipline myself enough to go through with it. I feel like other things are at play here emotionally and spiritually, and I really want to break out of the mode I have been in.

I think that the reason I have not gone 100% like I wanted to again this year is because whenever I eat all raw, I get really anxious emotionally and don't like it. I'm not sure what I am afraid of, but though I know that whatever it is needs to be worked out, and though I know I will feel better once I do work it out, I find an excuse to eat something cooked and kill this process. I really want to work it out, because I know that on the other side is an amazing life full of energy and creativity and depth. I know that some of it is probably spiritual as well, and right now I am very blocked as an artist. I have these blocks on all these different levels, and I think that once some are unblocked, a surge of energy will unblock the other ones. The struggle is getting over that initial hump, and it's a doozy!

This is what I am up to these days:
I have discovered that wheat and potatoes are not my friends!! I have cut them out of my diet, which has been like getting off drugs. This past two weeks I have been increasing my raw intake and still eating some cooked, but I am (once again) phasing out the cooked. I start my day with a warm lemon cayenne agave drink (cayenne and I are actually friends), then I have a green smoothie (kale, flax and sesame seeds and fruit -- oranges and apples these days) most mornings. For lunch I'll eat another raw meal (usually), then it all falls apart after that. I end up eating whatever cooked food is around. I'm thinking that if I put this up for others to read, maybe I'll be better at calling myself to account for my habits and actions. My hubby is an amazing cook, but he never pressures me to eat what he cooks (he's veg too). Sometimes, though, he'll not cook because he doesn't want to cook just for himself (our daughter doesn't always eat what we do -- we like spicy and she doesn't).

I have been exercising regularly, but would like to ramp it up a bit so I can re-lose this weight and a little more. I weigh about 183 (went from 195 to 171 last year and would like to be 150). I am tallish -- 5 feet 7 1/2 inches -- and muscular. I love yoga and also try to do some cardio on the elliptical at the Y a couple of times a week, and I walk a lot, especially at work.

So there it is. Today I have had my usual lemon drink and a cup of mostly decaf coffee. The coffee is going tomorrow!! How do you others do it? Do you plan your meals or just eat whatever strikes you at the moment? And what about this energy? I think it can be really good for me once I get to know it as my friend.

Thanks for being here, everybody! I read and am inspired by all of your journals!

Sundancer

I'm glad you started a journal. I find it helpful (and sometimes a dumping ground, merrily typing away sorting things out like you mentioned...it can be therapeutic sort of). You are helpful and inspiring and I am glad that you are journaling now so I figure you'll be around!

Now I live with housemate and there is 'other food' around and sometimes it is tempting. It must not be easy to have someone cooking good veg food....at least, where I live that is usually not the case. But, bread and such is here...yes, a veritable hook and addiction, that bread.

I am doing ok...as you've read...my up and down wordy emotional posts. It feels so good to be doing this again. Hoping it will stick!

See ya around!

Yesterday was pretty good (not 100% though). I had my lemon agave cayenne drink and cup o joe, then a fat smoothie with kale, flax and sesame seeds, and lots of oranges (6). For lunch I had a soup with miso, 1/2 avocado, garlic, spice, bean sprout blend, a grated carrot, mushrooms and chopped broccoli. I ate five raw chocolates that I had made the other day for a snack/dessert. I did eat two cooked things: popcorn (vegan) and a baked potato, but with lots of raw veggies on it. I lied yesterday: I said that my hubby never guilted me into eating cooked; well he did last night (kind of) -- he said, "I wish you had told me you were eating all raw before I cooked five potatoes." So I ate the potatoes, but I know I had told him I wasn't eating any more potatoes. He must have forgotten!

So not too bad -- better than the binging I had been doing at night! I didn't get to the gym though because of the weather -- little one has a cold and I didn't want to drag her out in the snow. She also slept until eleven!!!

Gotta go wake her up for school and go to work. Have a great day!!!

Welcome officially Sundancer! From what you wrote i can see there are several issues. The thing you speak about regarding the energy, i can't relate to that. i believe there are most likely people on this site that can and i am sure will give you their take.

But it appears to me, that you are not eating enough fruit. Especially sweet fruit. i dont know if you may not enjoy sweet fruits, but you are not eating enough. In the beginning you need to feed yourself enough calories to replace what you are not taking in from cooked foods. Most people do not take in enough. A basic measure is 2000 calories. 2000 calories of raw fruits and veggies (not including nuts). Since fruit is more calorie dense, this would be where you could get most of it.

Your body will clean itself and you will lose weight. But you are a naturally bigger framed woman, so you really need to make sure you are getting enough calories. Even with all you ate yesterday, the chocolate thing tells me you need more sweet juicy fruits. Like melons (and the oranges you had) and bananas as well.

Here's wishing you total success on your raw journey!!


Grace and Peace be multiplied.

todd

So glad you're here Sundancer!

You asked about planning meals ahead of time. I do in a way. I don't necessarily plan on specific foods, but I plan on having a fruit and avocado meal, or a fruit and nut meal, or a salad meal. But then, if the plan doesn't satisfy me when I'm doing it, I usually don't resist having something else (raw).

For instance, if I plan on just having some fruit and a half avocado for breakfast, and if I eat that but still want something else, I won't try to stop myself from having the other half avocado and/or having some nuts/seeds. (I usually don't want greens in the morning).

Sometimes I plan ahead to not have a salad on a certain day (salads can be harder for me to digest sometimes). But then later in the day, I might really want a salad. So I have one! (and part of that is usually raw wheat germ - for the grain factor). Or sometimes I plan on not eating any nuts/seeds after a certain hour of the day. But, if that hour passes by, and I really want nuts/seeds, I'll have them. I find that the more I allow myself to be satisfied on RAW foods, the less likely I'll be to eat cooked foods.

Once that raw food habit becomes engrained, the cravings for cooked food just kind of go away.

And also, like tglasco says, it does help to eat plenty of fruit!

Whatever you find works best for you, best wishes on your journey ahead!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2009 07:26PM by suncloud.

Thanks for the input, guys! I did eat a banana and some raw macadamia nuts as well yesterday; I just forgot to write it in the diary.

I like fruit but have trouble eating very much of it because - well, I'm not sure why. Probably because it's cold and I am in New England but FROM California. I can spice up a soup but not fruit.

Today I had a lemon agave drink, coffee (Little one didn't sleep well and I needed to get up anyway :{ ) and a pear and a banana for breakfast, then I had a salad with spinach, marinated mushrooms, grated beets and peppers and a tahini ginger dressing for lunch. I also drank kombucha. Just now I had some rice with mushrooms and something raw but not vegan (not meat -- blah!). For dinner I am planning on making a raw corn chowder from Ani Phyo's book and a big salad. I haven't tried that one yet. I'm also going to a yoga class and a walking meditation class at the Y before dinner.

Tomorrow I'll try my usual smoothie AND some fruit for breakfast. It seems like a lot. I make 32 oz. smoothies. If I can't eat the fruit I'll bring it with me to my appointment. I'll consider today a victory if I get through it without eating any more cooked food. I'm happy that I am not binging in the evenings like I was over the past few months. It was becoming a problem. I'm not bulimic because I don't purge, but the binging is not healthy. I don't like being out of control, and I was feeling like my eating was becoming unhealthy -- I would eat until I ached!! It is nice to wake up and not feel hung over from food. That's bad!

Thanks again for the support!! ))

Sundancer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> >
> I like fruit but have trouble eating very much of
> it because - well, I'm not sure why. Probably
> because it's cold and I am in New England but FROM
> California. I can spice up a soup but not fruit.
>
>
i know how you feel. i lived in New Hampshire for five years. I was raw up there for 2.5 of them. But i did get used to eating fruit in the winter. Nothing wrong in having something warm to drink though, imho. But the sugar in the fruit will help you get over the need;/desire for sugar from other things only if you eat enough of the fruit. Eating very large green salads will help also. Have you tried any nut pates? They go very well with a green salad. The point is, maybe you should eat larger quantities of raw fruits and veggies period. Much larger. This helped me when i first started and perhaps that is why i suggested it.

Grace and Peace be multiplied to you on your journey.


todd

I'm doing better -- had a wonderful raw corn chowder (with frozen corn from last summer's garden) for lunch today and fruit/smoothies every day. Not 100% raw, but the cooked is much healthier and I am eating more % raw (only cooked at dinner time). So I think I am going in a good direction, although I still strive for 100% raw.

Hi Sundance,

Sounds like you're doing really well. Once in a while I eat something that's cooked, too. Usually it's artichokes or asparagus.

Where in California are you from? I'm from Fresno but lived in the Bay Area for 25 years.

Love,

Mona

F A I T H = Finding Answers In The Heart

range">Mona,
Your litle aphorisms or sayings are great. They would make great slogan buttons and/or even a colorful little book with one on each page. I could also see them in colorful lettering on t-shirts and cups too.

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

Thanks, Mona! I was born in a little town called Sebastopol, by Santa Rosa, and moved to Napa when I was 14. Most of my family still lives in that area.

I'm struggling with eating what I should and not eating what I shouldn't. I've been pretty good about starting my day with a big, fat smoothie, but it has been going somewhat downhill from there. I'm very bloated and gassy after my big, bad staff meal at work this evening. :{{{{{ I haven't exercised much this last week either. Tomorrow's a new day though. I told my son that I'll be eating a lot of raw foods when I see him and that I'll bring a raw uncookbook with me so we can play in the kitchen. He is vegan but not raw -- yet!!! Can't wait until Saturday and my trip to sunny San Diego!!!

Yesterday was such a gorgeous, sunny, warmish day! I spent most of it in the sun with a tank top and flip flops on playing in the mud (YAY -- the ground is thawing!!!) and helping Hubby put up a hoop house.

I'm getting excited about finally getting some art projects going with a friend! We're doing some shows this summer, so I have to do some art to get ready and am glad to have a tangible reason to do art.

I'm hoping to have a better entry next time I go here.

Tomorrow's a new day! Sounds like you're doing well though. Except the bloaty meal....isn't it amazing? I was a walking balloon. Much better now.

Contact me if you're closeby!

I'm doing pretty well, except for some oatmeal. Otherwise, raw plants.

Am enjoying the saladacco! The "spaghetti" it makes is amazing, zucchini looks just like spaghetti and I like the flavor, have always liked zucchini.

Enjoy your sunshine! Beautiful beautiful beautiful day here in San Diego, perfect.

Yesterday and today have been better, but still not perfect: a french fry faux pas last night and sauteed tofu today, but other than that, not bad at all. Did yoga yesterday and have been working a lot, but eating better at work (this is big!) too. I have a very busy couple of days, them off to Cali for nine days, so I may or may not be around for the next week and a half or so.

Peace!!

This is me, my little one and the son I am about to visit (last summer in Maine).

Sundancer

I'm in san Marcos at my son's, helping him out in a garden and loving the weather!!! Little one and I both had the flu the first few days here, but we're better and relaxing. Not eating all raw right now, but over 50% and pretty healthy cooked foods. I'm amazed at the difficulty finding the selection of organic produce here -- much more difficult than in Massachusetts. It's bizarre -- maybe people here aren't generally that into it. I thought they would be more so than it appears. My son has lots of organics in the house, and we did do some shopping and so far have only eaten out once. Yesterday I wanted to check out People's co-op in Ocean Beach, but after dropping my son off at his class and getting gas, I couldn't get his car started for like 45 minutes!! No one knew anything simple I could try until finally someone said the alarm was triggered (it was silent) and all I had to do was push a button on the remote! How dumb!!! Also, my flip flop broke and I was without shoes! I ended up only having about 20 minutes to go to People's and we did the world's quickest picnic and then had to get my son. People's is a great co-op! We're gonna try to get out there Saturday (Elakti -- I'll call you!).
Ciao!

I'm back from San D -- did a redeye and didn't sleep more than an hour all night, so I'm spacey. I love California but it's good to be home. It's rainy today so I can't hang out in the garden too much. I tried to eat mostly raw, and I did okay, but I ate a lot of cooked too. I'm giving myself this week to restock and grow sprouts, then I'm back to 90% or more raw. I have a lot of projects coming up and more hours at work, so life is going to get really exciting. I'm too tired to write more.

Those late night cross-country flights are really punishing on the body and mind; how well I remember! A few years back we went to Jonathan's son's wedding in California; I felt kind of bleary the whole time we were in San Francisco, and when we returned home it took a week to get readjusted.

Sharrhan:


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Hey Kwan!!
Yeah, the flight was a little rough and I'm still a little spacey, but much better. I got some raw maca and buckwheat at People's (couldn't find it around here). I'm going to make raw Krispie treats as an experiment with the buckwheat. A friend had sprouted and dehydrated some and it reminded me of rice krispies, so I figured raw krispie treats would be cool. I put some maca in my smoothie this morning. The smell of it is yummy, but I don't detect any unusual feelings from it.

My son called me to tell me that I had forgotten some clothes and stuff there. He was very happy that I left my favorite Grateful Dead St. Paddy's Day tie-dye shirt there and has informed me that he is not sending it back!!! That's okay -- small price to pay to be in 70 degrees and full sun for a week! He's going to have a raging garden this year! I would strongly suggest to anyone with young adult children to do a garden together -- great bonding experience!!! ('Course we already have a great bond.)

Busy week just unpacking, readjusting to the routine, catching up, etc. Doing okay, mostly raw. Exercise isn't happening this week but that's okay because this season is one of transition, as far as general schedules (work, school, etc.) go. The farm is starting to make us more busy, and life is beckoning. I love spring!! The earth is stirring and waking from her hibernation.

Made the buckwheat treats. They are yummy but need to be encased in chocolate to be easier to eat. The main part is too gooey, but yummy. I put an icing of cacao, agave, coconut oil and a little date nut blend on, and that is what holds the bars together. They were still delish and totally hit my menstrual spot!!! :}

>Made the buckwheat treats. They are yummy but need to be encased in chocolate to be easier to eat. The main part is too gooey, but yummy. I put an icing of cacao, agave, coconut oil and a little date nut blend on, and that is what holds the bars together. They were still delish and totally hit my menstrual spot!!! :}<

Sundancer, those sound sinfully delish!

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

They are!!! I've been snacking on them for two days. My daughter didn't like the middle, so I get them all!!!

Whoa -- very busy week! I'm jumping on Jgunn's wagon and already slipped up a little, but all in all have done better than I have been -- I'd say 80% raw so far with plans to eat a big salad at work for dinner.

My baby turned four!! She's a big girl now! They grow up fast, don't they!

K, that's all.

hi sundancer - good post - i could really relate to 2 things you wrote especially - the different, almost anxious energy and doing ok through lunch and then losing the diet. i do like the feeling i got - felt light and naturally a little high - and yes, i do think that unresolved emotional issues start coming up and that it makes sense to work on those as well - i read someone's advice to that effect.
as for the challenge of as the day wears on, that's part of what i'm working on for this next planned raw trial. i think i have to really plan ahead and not let myself get hungry in the beginning at all - i figure i have to plan to eat almost every hour - or make it available cuz when i get hungry, i start feeling insecure and then resort back to the old habits.
thanks for replying to my post also!
good luck to you and all the best!
tania

Thanks, Tania. Today was kind of opposite -- I started out the day with mostly raw with some unraw, but then ate salad all afternoon and evening, so it ended up better than I expected. Now that spring is here and I don't have to be trapped in my house because of the weather, I'm hoping that I can process some of this energy. Being busier (which I am these days) helps too.

I kind of bombed some of the days of the high raw week, but I think I stayed above 50%. It wasn't what I had hoped I would do. I hadn't had kale in the house all week. Kale is my main smoothie green, and since I didn't have it, I didn't start my day with my morning smoothie, which threw me off right from the start. I bought some yesterday (hubby didn't plant it as early as he had last year -- we were harvesting it in February last year!), and I also harvested dandelions. I started today with a big smoothie. Actually, I had coffee, first, but only one cup today. That's the other thing -- I had been gradually increasing my coffee intake with the amount of increase of cooked, because my energy level has been going downhill. So sure enough, the long-lost smoothie this morning made me energetic like coffee, minus the jitters.

i figure if im gonna cry from all this detoxing,im gonna cry. so i let it go and surround myself with love and light.

theres lots of things to do to "channel" your detox...exercise i find is the best.
if you cant find you can cry cuz you need to be strong for your childrens sake, laugh...still not possible? may be because "breaking down" you find too weakening and the world is just not accepting of a raw diet? journal it

Thanks, Law. I do journal, and I agree that exercise helps, and I haven't found time lately to do it, but I'm going to yoga class tonight. I think that part of my problem seems to have been related to Seasonal Affective Disorder -- I'm still not used to these New England winters (last one was my third). I went to Cali last month and got a big, fat Vit. D fix, and since I've been back the weather's been a lot nicer in general, so it's kind of dissipating. It's supposed to hit 80 this Friday!!!!

Today and yesterday have been better -- 80% yesterday and 98% so far today (not sure about the co-op's salad dressing). I'm back down to 1 cup of coffee, and trying to get rid of that final one this week.

Still struggling with too much cooked food. I know that for me, high raw is optimal, yet I keep eating cooked because it is all around me and it is convenient. I have been very busy and haven't had time to make sure all the ingredients I need to make even a smoothie are in the house when I need them. Also, my exercise routine has kind of gone down the tubes.

On a good note, we had our first farmer's market Saturday and did really well -- sold out of six kinds of greens and sold a bunch of tomato and herb plants.

It's a new week, so once again, I'm going to try to get back into high raw this week and exercise more. I need to start planning meals or something so I know I have what I need to make food that will sustain me. I do physical work, so I get pretty hungry.

Hi Sundancer,

I can relate to the energy thing - everything is made up of energy vibrating at different densities, including us, so when you clear toxins by eating raw you vibrate at a higher frequency and this can feel strange. Don't forget that the energy that your body has to expend digesting cooked food is released on raw to be used to detox you. It only feels strange because you are not used to it - most of us exist at such a sluggish energetic level we don't know what real energy feels like! You're a bit like an animal that has been held captive and is afraid to leave it's cage when someone opens the door even though freedom beckons! The cage suddenly feels like safety - better the devil you know! But freedom truly does await you and your energy can be used for so much good, not only in practical ways, but through meditation for instance - you can send out that high vibrational energy into the world where it will, in turn, lift the vibration of the planet.

As for the emotional stuff, it's the result of a detox taking place on every level - that's what I love about raw, it reaches all aspects of us - so as you release physical toxins which may create unpleasant temporary symptoms, so your emotions are detoxed. Every issue we have buried and hidden from rises to the surface to be expelled, and this is scary! But once it is faced and released we are healed. Raw doesn't allow any hiding! That's why it's such a brave thing to attempt, and if it takes us several attempts then at least we're damn well trying!! We deserve a slap on the back just for that alone. I'm just now making another attempt at 100% because, like you, I know the joy that awaits. Good luck to us all!!

Alison

Good point, ilibertine!! Thanks!

I was just thinking (and writing in another person's diary) about the energy shift when one embarks on raw eating. I've been in the habit of eating some cooked food when I feel it because I don't know what to do with it, but I think I am finally in a place where I can ride it out. It isn't really a bad energy, just different, and to me it feels like maybe if I let it grow, I'm going to experience something uncomfortable. I don't know if I'm making sense because I am thinking this through as I type. I feel like I am going to grow in a way that may not be comfortable. Real growth isn't comfortable, but it is good, and I want to remind myself of that as I ramp up my "rawness". I want to be in a mindset where I am just sitting with my new energy as my body kind of metamorphs into a new wellness and health. I'm appreciating Alison's post even more after reading it again.

Today started with coffee, but other than that has been all raw so far. In general, this year hasn't been as successful as last year, but I refuse to give up because I know how great I feel when I am all raw and exercising regularly. Today is my little daughter's last gymnastics class at the Y for now, and I'm working out after that (she loves to stay and play at the child care facility there). Then I'm hoping to eat a raw dinner, and that will be a good day for me.