keep up the great work hun

yep the temptations will always be around us , just knowingthat lets you prepare so youdont get caught short

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

37/2

Thanks Jodi,
Didn't think I would get this far. Almost 40 days!
A wonderful eating day. Galia melon, blueberries, 2 sweetcorn, large avocado, half red pepper, 3/4 cup mange tout, handful walnuts, cup of broccoli, 4 bananas, cup broccoli.

I'm writing a book critique for my life coaching course and my brain hasn't had an airing for a while. Surprisingly the ideas are flowing.

Feel so calm. I am not a calm person. Or wasn't.

Feel like I need to get active/ exercise to get a feel good factor, a buzz, a replacement for the comfort veil of cooked. Either that or more medjool dates. Oh My God, yum. Maybe I just need a good sleep.

Arrow xxx

38/2

delicious salad of 4 tomatoes and cucmber today. I've discovered a Swiss seasoning which I have become addicted too. Apart from sea salt it has celery, paprika and a variety of other ground spices and it tastes delicious. Not sure how raw, but makes for a really enjoyable raw eat.I also had a cappacino today and that's because when my new employer asks me to join in with her on one around 6pm I don't have the will to refuse. So apart from other yummy raw stuff I had essene bread today and over ate a bit. I didn't feel like I needed it, but because it was on my 'allowed' list...No problem. Raw peppers gave me a bit of stomach ache, as they seem a bit tough on digestion. Today I managed my first venture back into yoga for a while and followed an hour long dvd. It was really good, and afterwards I felt energised and 'buzzy', like the first time I went raw doing all the additional exercise. Felt so good. I managed another 50 half sit ups today too, having started that too, did the same yesterday. The strange thing is that I feel stronger than I did before, managing to complete a full hour of yoga to start off with is unusual for me. I usually manage 20 minutes, although it's true the dvd is slower paced than my usual frantic attempts to do lots of poses in as short a time frame as possible. My stomach muscles are very slack after my two boys in quick succession and now I have wrinkly skin there as I have lost so much weight, when I hunch over, so I am really keen to tone up, suffering a bit of a confidence lack on the figure area. Also for singing it is crucial to have core strength.

It was my little one's third birthday. It was sad not to be able to spend it with him. I miss them a lot when they are at their Daddy's but am finally understanding this is the way mothers feel, always missing. I think, anyway.

Bonne nuit a tous,

Arrow xxx

37/2

I don't know what was going on with me today but I woke up early as usual, but this time from a bad long dream with a very nervous stomach. Gut was all tense and sensitive like a whole load of stress was there. I felt 'buzzy' all day, and had to sleep in the afternoon as I felt very tired. I recognised the sypmtons of buzziness as detox and attribute it to the hour of yoga I did yesterday. My goodness, what powerful stuff yoga is. Or the sit ups. The nervous stomach either attributed to peppers I ate late at night, quite likely, pretty indigestible or stress of wanting to move out. I have a lot of overwhelm feelings at the moment getting to grips with a chunk out of my week now for work and trying to organise my music charity night for next week and also the boys birthday party. :-)
Haven't had time to go shopping, well I did, but I was so tired I chose to sleep instead, so ate lots of hcomfort foods such as essene bread with honey, this weighs so heavily in me now, and bananas with almond butter and sunflower seeds. A bit of salad but there wasn't much in the fridge.

Arrow xxx

40/2

Really energised today but started off a bit grumpy because I was tired and the boys are really over tired and demanding at the moment, not having would down from a weekend of presents and chocolates (my youngest turned 3 on sunday and my oldest turns 4 next thursday).
Achieved lots today but non stop. I've got a few more things to do but I have run out of steam. My highlight of today, my oldest boy asking for more tomatoes at lunch time - he ate 14 organic cherry tomatoes! So pleased. Today I treated myself to an organic 'cherimoya' or custard apple, I've never had one before, to celebrate 40 days high raw, no cooked, meat, dairy wih some seasoning exceptions plus occasional transitional essene bread. The name custard apple hardly does it justice, it's divinely amazing. Something that tastes that good must be bad for you, it was incredible, but very sweet. Shortly after I got a headache, which I'm wondering could have been due to it's high sugar content. Very busy day, too, panicking a little about my birtday party and the boys party next week.

Arrow xxx

wow sounds lovely you busy little hummingbird lol

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

41/2

I know I am a really busy beeeee, Jodi. Lots going on. Plus my days are squashed into 4 so its full on. 3 days working now, taking up 10 hours a day including the travel.

Posting for yesterday. Enjoying delicious lunches of cucumber, black olives, red bell pepper and tomatoes with a splash of olive oil and some organic vegetable seasoning I bought yesterday.

41/2

Hands Up! I've busted myself.
Cooked item alert...one thing led to another with the delicious new seasoning in tow, and when a friend gave me a pumpkin I started at in dismay. I gave half away thinking it was too large, after all, there's only me and the boys, so I made them pumpkin soup but they wouldn't touch it and it just looked and smelled so delicious and before I knew it I'd had like a huge serving. Who would have thought a pumpkin would have been my 'cooked' downfall :-( Added to it was only vegetable stock and a teaspoon of curry powder.

I'm still going to count myself in on the 100 days raw, because I don't know if I can quite go back to day 1 after doing so well, and once this is gone, that's it tonight. If I 'slip' up again... then I will indeed call it going back to day 1. My stomach feels horrendously full.

Changing the subject found a walnut tree by the boys school. Free fresh organic walnuts! How fabulous. They are delicious.

Arrow xxx

someone told me this a couple of years ago about slipping up

Say you on your bike riding from your house to the market. halfway there you fall off the bike. When you get up , you are right where you were just a moment ago. You dont end up magically being back home ! so you get back on your bike and carry on

keep your count , you are doing great and the pumpkin soup sounds divine ! there are worse things to screw up on in life

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

42/2

This post is for yesterday.
A delicious salad of tomatoes, cucumber and red peppers, olives and oil and seasoning. Oranges and medjool dates. Tamari flax crackers.
I had three glasses of organic wine at Gil's bar. No excuses obviously but this is in preparation of my music charity night next week I have organised for my 40th birthday next saturday. It was such fun as I got to practice on a microphone for the first time in 17 years. A couple of guys turned up to practice. It was exciting and now I am sure next saturday will be a fun event. It felt so good having made something happen like this.

Arrow xx

43/2

Ok so here's what I ate. Recently fruit is starting to taste divine and other food really tasty. I just can't find a way to enjoy greens in the same way, I have a handful of spinach in my smoothie usually every morning but find my usual combo of bananas in my morning is getting a little too heavy for me. Twice a week I munch broccoli. I don't really know what other greens to eat or how to do them yet.

Much to learn!

Unlike my previous experience with wine - 3 glasses and throwing up the next day, nice I took organic wine to the bar and had three glasses, and today I was definitely affected, head foggy and a little tired but amazingly ok. Not ready to give up my friday night tipple with the guys yet. All in good time.

Jodi I love this analogy of getting back onto the bicycle and carrying on...
I have to say I don't beat myself up over food, never have done. My mother pressed on us sugary treats and cakes as an excuse to have them herself, she had a very sweet tooth. I remember I didn't have a very sweet tooth and would decline through out my adolescent years. Reverse psychology at it's best...any good advice she had for me I would automatically decline...however, my weakness was for comfort carbs. Hot dogs, favorite food pesto and pasta or pasta and anchovies. Cheese, bread. The last two years with my now ex proved to be a cooked diet heavy in meats, casseroles, red wine each and every evening. I rarely had any fruit. WHen I was growing up I never ate any fruit, we only had apples, oranges or bananas and I never like any. Mum didn't know what to do with salad so neither did we. I am describing a typical sad diet nothing unusual in that.
I generally weighed 10 1/2 stone. I'm 5ft 6". Now I'm 8 3/4 stone. My energy levels have soared but physically I'm skinny got saggy bits now.

Arrow xxx

44/2

That article by Holly, even though I didn't like her public slandering to the media has struck a worry with me. Shazzie too found cavities in Evies teeth. I know Storm and Jingee have no problems, they all look fabulously healthy, but they seem to out in the open air all the time in sunny southern CA. Do we of less sun indeed need nuts and eggs to make up for cloudier climes? It's all so confusing. I looked into alternatives and it's just a grey area, you've got that guy eating mainly rotting meat, with the primal diet, and you've got the option of raw meat crawling with parasites, or raw eggs which is supposed to have the risk of salmonella or raw dairy which is by and large unobtainable, and somewhat unpleasant perhaps or I know this time round I am supplementing and I've got no urges for salmon, which was my 'thing' last try around which may or may not be related. Surely there's something in it though, even if it is only a little bit of meat or dairy. I think I need to start reading some books and get better informed. It's horrible questioning what you are learning to trust. This is not an excuse to try anything different at this stage. I said 100 days and that's what I'm doing.

Arrow xxx

45/2

I'm sorry, but I just cannot bring myself to give myself a hard time about the remains of the pumpkin soup today I ate today. The excuse is that I work 10 hours three days week and come today, I was too shattered to go shopping for food, leaving me very limited eats. Instead I went to sleep. Nuts, dates, 3 bananas, unripe kiwis, I did try them. AND it's got cold. So was hungry, cold and tired today and just didn't have the heart to throw it away. I'm not giving up the 100 days though. I'm nearly half way through, surely two servings of (organic) pumpkin soup when I allow myself other processed bits and bobs shouldn't get in the way of still calling it 100 day trial? $$$$

My cat just trod on the keyboard and put in the dollar signs. I think I'll leave it in. Maybe it's a sign if things to come, that would be nice. She's been so affectionate since a horrible cat bit a chunk out of her lower back last week. Thankfully it's healed well not needing stitches. Animals and children, hey, how much grief and pain and love and laughter they give you.

In tiredness,
Arrow xxx

46/2

Busy today buying food for my boys party tomorrow, making cup cakes, pumpkin soup for the mums, very thrilled, managed to get the hall at the mairie for free, as the weat=ùtttttttttttttttttttqw!<THAT's the cat again, weather has turned very cold, and the original plan was to have had it at the village play area. Vacuumed it of hundreds of dead flies and went to a party shop where I had 20 multi coloured baloons blown up. They are a hidden surprise in the hall. I was disappointed that the boys discovered the Dora cake, (shop bought, thank goodness I didn't have to do that to). Archie was eating stars off it. I also bought speakers so I can hook up my lap top and play party songs. I really did go all out, but it's the first time I've been able to spend as I wanted because I'm earning, and even though this leaves me short, I want them to have a wonderful party.

I nearly didn't stay raw tonight. As I have been rushing around so much I barely ate or drank enough all day, so tonight when I was doing pass the parcel a small coin sized piece of chocolate went into my mouth really quickly; like I was kind of pretending to myself I didn't have control over what I was doing. Fortunately it stopped there, although prepararing for the boys do tomorrow was hard as I was very hungry and hadn't had time to prepare for myself adequately and was craving dairy very much as I cut up cheese strips for the boys, and made egg mayo for sandwiches. I kept on seeing myself grabbing lots and stuffing them in my mouth.
I had 5 apples but they are a lot lighter and not so filling as organic.

Late in the evening my time of the month started. Well, that figures! It also explains my lashing out at my ex monday morning which I had hoped I had got under control. Once he winds me up it sucks me in and I start thinking about what he's said and it's immensely destructive, because he's so clever at disguising his insults and put downs. I let him ramble on with all his angles of attack until he gets round to the how much he's done for me, he loves me for being the mother of his children blah blah. He wants to move back in for Winter and I am terrified I will cave in and let him, because everything I have fought for will be lost. The only reason I feel confident now is because he's not around to let me down and criticise me all the time..He's coming to the boys party tomorrow. He's invited himself.

My brain was foggy this afternoon and I couldn't figure out why because it felt like how I was all the time on cooked. Ah hah, hormones, don't you love them. I think rw could really continue in helping me balance out myself in this respect.

Arrow xxx

omg why on earth would you cave into abuse .. give your head a shake .no matter what he says the proof is in the past pudding.

you are an awesome mommy sounds like your day was a blast

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Cooked is back on for a while...sorry to say :-(

Don't have the heart to go into details.

Something to do with my fortieth birthday party, hassling ex who ways the boys look 'gaunt' since I've been on this raw diet, what was I feeding them..the freeezing cold weather, and a new focus following the party which is learn french as fast as possible and move the heck out of here...Will continue to eat as much fruit as possible as I huddle next to the electric radiator. Honestly if I didn't see such a big glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel I would be back in the uk so quick. But now it goes that the hard time here will be rougher but shorter than back in the uk which would be easier but longer, am I am making sense? Raise your smoothies and wish me luck for passing my french exam 15th December. I am immersing big time. I suspect that I will restart raw in the next few weeks. THEN I will do my life coaching. THEN I will reexamine back to raw in the light of doing raw food classes.

Arrow xxx

A week back on cooked and surprise surprise I have the most horrendous cold.

Plans afoot to move back to the UK.

Arrow xxx

hehe hun no worries we all stumble just claw yer way back up

*clink clink* heres to you

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Thanks Jodie,

Here's the deal. About a week ago, a few days before my 40th birthday party the weather got really really cold and I started to get really hungry, felt a bit weak and craved for warm foods and after the pumpkin soup, there was no stopping, lasagne, and pasta and all this rubbish. There are physical reasons and emotional reasons for this cessation at this point.
Physicaly I think that whilst raw I was fending off this cold...which made me feel a little weak and very hungry. I know that now if I had been prepared I might have been able to see it through.
I didn't have enough money that week after one grocery shop to stock up on more fruit and veg. Or time. Bit of a poor excuse that one, but certainly wasn't prepared.
I was eager to demonstrate to my ex that I wasn't being 'weird' anymore, as he had frequently commented on my thinness, as others had started too, also. Really wanted to have an attractive figure...very shallow, I know.
Something gave up in me becoming 40. Here was the summitt of my hopes and dreams for renewed energy, dreams and expectations of radiance and youth. Over and gone in a poof of birthday candles. I know...get over it! :-)
Fear for the future started to arise. Lack of money and a poor relationship with my ex, the difficulties of being a single mum. Being beholden to him by living in our shared house. They surged up even on the night of my 40th. In an effort to dispell them and quell the fears cooked seemed a great distraction.
Started to get sceptical buying into the media fears of raw not being good for you. I figured, in a cold not very sunny climate of course we would have eaten nuts, eggs, bugs. Worried that a pure raw diet was not suitable given Shazzie's experience and this Holly's experience. Still not cleared up on this!
raw food classes became last on the menu again as my next goal was to study intensively for my french exam to put in for the work visa to do occupational therapy in Switzerland. Need financial security so badly! Over and above the thrill of starting a new business more akin to what I really want to do. I do feel the stress of being here greatly. My ex was unpleasant to me following my party. Turns out he was jealous. When i broached going to England to my mother she wasn't exactly encouraging. Decided to stick it here til I do my french exam in December and buy him out so I won't have to live with my mother if I go back to the UK. Well, she is 80 years old. It's kind of too much for her.

So why am I writing so extensively? To let you know that this is a temporary blip and I will return to raw, this I know. The fact I have this stinking cold on a week of eating cooked demonstrates to me the rightness of raw. 43 days illness free before.

Also noone ever really talks too much about the whys of going back to cooked. It's interesting. It's all part of the learning process.

Why not going back to raw fully now?

Really worried I can't do it with the cold weather imminent. Suspect if I went for a daily walk in the sun, as I hadn't been doing the two/thee weeks prior to going back to cooked, I wouldn't crave cooked. I should put this on as a priority. And let you know how it goes...

Really want to reseach more, need? for eggs and unpasteurised cheese..

Do one new recipe per week to keep up skills and interests. However my biggest priorty lies with learning french intensively at the moment. It's so crucial to moving on in every way.

Currently alternating raw with cooked. Every time I have something cooked I balance it with an apple or a couple of oranges or nuts or an avocado beforehand. I haven't stopped my banana and spinach smoothie for breakfast though. I can't really taste much of anything at the moment with this cold.

Did about 5 hours french today...fantastic ipod lessons 'learnfrenchbypodcast'.

I am on a learning curve with the boys. Regardless of the 'crime' I will not shout at them or smack them. Yes I've resorted to the latter 3 or 4 time since the break up 4 months ago, and I tell you, I am ashamed of myself. I've made a promise to myself that I will not shout at them for three weeks just to keep tabs on me. 9 days so far and the boys are seeming calmer and more spontaneous. I try to be a good mum, but I'm pretty crap really.

Arrow xxx

The best parenting advice I ever got was to "catch them being good" which meant to praise children accurately for any and all of the good qualities and behaviors they show. Load it on heavy. Be very specific and sincere. It works wonders!!! Soon it'll feel very natural and easy to do.

Everyone makes mistakes, but trying to be better shows that you are a good mum. Congratulations on your nine days of success!


My favorite raw vegan

This is great advice, thankyou and it doesn't do any harm to be reminded of this at any opportunity and I try and put it into practice. Even though I think I'm laying it on with a trowel, they blossom with it and it is never 'too much'. Praise is not heard enough. I always try and say something nice but like you say it needs practice for it to become habitual, I even found a site for kids for postive affirmations, although they are a bit young for some of the examples. Ever since I keep reaffirming Max is musical, he keeps singing me songs. Ever since I keep tell Archie he draws so well and so neatly he never wants to stop drawing. The responsibility is SO great and frightening, because they are so malleable and we are so unknowingly powerful to them and yet I'm crawling my way in the darkness half the time myself.
Crawling back to mainly raw but money an issue so lot of frozen and tinned goods to eat to save on grocery money. My God though, I ate a tin of lentils and I had such a tummy ache after.

Arrow xxx

Dear all,

finally something in me has broken, admitted defeat but for the right reasons at this particular time. I will have regrets either way but this is truly now a call for family and financial security. Following on from my ex's continued neglect, and verbal critisicm, my lack of money and difficulty speaking the language I can only take one action, and that is the decision to enjoy my life free of his influence. Home I go back to the UK. This is the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I have vacillated back and forth for a week now. Finally my mind is made up. It is done. Why has it been so hard? France, the alps, was my dream and I held onto it strenously through all the hard times. Then my dream grew to wanting to return to occupational therapy in Geneva to strive for independence and security. Finally I lost my father at an early age, I didn't want to do that to my boys. That guilt will last. However the truth is their father is an irresponsible drinker who neither loves or respects me. What will the boys learn from that? The difficulties of their double life are already apparent. They are never truly under my influence and I feel his to be subversive.

Arrow xxx

You are trying to do what is the best in a difficult situation. As long as you are honest and loving and have good intentions, they will know that on some level. Keep as positive and happy as you can - for them and yourself. Best wishes....

hun for all the steps you have already taken in your life you are a number one mom in ;my books dont get bogged down with all the grief and negativity. your wonderfull new life is in your grasp

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

>So I have finally made the decision to leave my partner who is an alcoholic and who is disrespectful, lazy and unkind and in denial. I will be going back to England at around the start of July when my oldest ends his school year.<

'Been there. I have so much respect for you, for leaving a partner who didn't resonate with your goals and aspirations. Better times are coming your way. :-)

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

I went with my birthday money at the weekend to a raw food class in Lausanne, hosted by the glamorous and intelligent Amy Webster who has trained with Karen Knowler in the UK. It was great! Because I've been such an internet swot the last year about raw food, I didn't hear from her anything I didn't know already but it was so incredible to feel part of the bigger picture, to gain a wider perspective and I got to try fabulous food I've not tried before, raw chocolate cake, a sensational curry and red bell pepper soup, nut mylk, raw muesli, fruit smoothie...
2 weeks to go before I leave for the UK. Trying to keep strong, but emotions all over he place. I'm going to do it this time though, I know it. Thanks for all the encouragement.
Arrow xxx

Nearly there. Back smoking and eating cooked and have been unwell practically all the time I've been back on cooked - about 5 weeks now, cold, gastro, cold, now feel really lethargic, can't pick up the energy levels..sure it's the smoking, just makes me feel blahhh. I have been going to bed with the boys some evenings and in the afternoons and sleep right through. I think it's the emotional upheaval. This time next week I'll be back in the UK. If I stop sleeping and get all this packing done. I have been distracting myself by dreams of an authentic life....Maybe not dreams for much longer.
I've done a bit of research on my query and find out need vitamin D...probably why I craved fish the first time round and the second time I was on a supplement, and caved in for emotional reasons really. The supplement only contained a small bit of the required amount though, so was probably not enough. If sunlight and fatty fish, eggs and poultry provide vitamin D I can now understand why Jinjee and Storms kids thrive on raw in the southern californian outdoors as opposed to the Shazzie's and Holly's in the UK struggling on cloudy grey UK days on raw, with kids who on raw, developed cavities...these can be caused by vitamin d defiency. Read a good article on vitamin D in case you are interested to find out this info.
[www.westonaprice.org]
So,it's not very raw correct is it? Here I am on the raw website and everyone is striving for that all so cleansing 100% raw for a good physical and spiritual overhaul, myself included. Then I go and decide, well actually we coldlings in the UK need a few fish and eggs. So here's what I'm going to do. I will get solgars vitamin D supplement and get a light box. I think. Or just eat loads of oily fish and take lunchtime walks in the sun. Oh to heck with it, the boys and I will do all 4...! Combined with total raw for me and 50% raw for the boys. That's the aim. Then I'll drop the fish and see how I feel and let you know...It's the grains, pasta and processed I really want to avoid. I so want to and need to feel well again.

Arrow xxx

I'll start the new raw plan when I'm in a safe place mentally and physically.

29th November

Bad news!

Two boys before I was due to go to England, I received a court order from my ex, going for custody of the boys! I was thoroughly shocked...although I don't know why I should have been! It's to appear in court next friday. I quickly sorted out a defense lawyer paid for by the state as I have no revenue, that afternoon, fortunately fluent in English too. I think the odds are stacked against him, although his parents have paid for the hardest lawyer in town. No maintenance for 5 months but they are happy to go to these lengths! He has threatened to keep me from seeing the boys for the remainder of the week saying he's been to the police and he's their legal guardian. I'm afraid I did nothing to dispell his concerns. It's better he's stressed out and worried, and by keeping them from their normal routine, it's like he's shooting himself in the foot as he cites their school and friends as the main reason for staying here, oh plus me not feeding them correctly having been on this raw food cult obsession as he now likes to call it. I have to play him at his own game now, the boys are at stake. He's worried I'm still going to the UK. As if I would face arrestation.This is horrible horrible stuff, and I never thought it would happen to me, but I'm now not surprised and I don't suppose anyone expects it to happen to them. Wish me well! I'm so lucky to have supportive friends.

Arrow xxx

dont hold back Arrow , let the courts know what kinda jerk he is. Good luck !

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Dear all, just a quickie to let you know I was awarded custody of my boys but the final decision is february 4th. We both asked for social inquiries on each other but they may not be awarded as he didn't even ask for joint custody.
I am in the UK visiting family at the moment. Have been clobbered by the flu and am feeling less than charitable to my ex who I found out has put our house on the market without asking me. He is vitriolic whenver we speak and quite frankly I think I would be foolish at this stage to stay in France as I simply have been dragged down too far and really need a living. I am still so sad to leave though but must plan to return on my own terms.

Really craving the clarity the raw food gave me last summer. I saw some photos of me yesterday and I looked so freshfaced and fabulous. Now I can't even think straight, fuzzy headed most of the time!

I have been waiting 4 months for my social benefit to come through. I am so broke and am surviving on handouts from my 80 year old mother! I am coming back to the UK as soon as possible to earn money and restart my life. I am looking forward to being able to afford a raw organic food lifestyle and will keep you posted once settled.

Dreaming of a soon happier future!

Happy Christmas to all,

Arrow xxx

Happy new year Arrow . Your ex sounds like a real control freak. Keep your focus on the future , it will get better , even if it seems it gets worse , get past it all because it will get better !

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist