by Cassendre Xavier

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

Cassendre Xavier (aka Amethyste Rah, aka Amrita Waterfalls) is a Philadelphia-based multi-media artist and award-winning community cultural arts events producer. A first-generation American-born citizen of Haitian & Chinese heritage, Cassendre began her raw vegan journey in 2005. Since then, she has initiated raw vegan support efforts and written extensively about the raw & living foods lifestyle, from her popular “Green Smoothie Raw Blog” to her latest raw book, Expanding Your Capacity for Joy: a Raw Vegan Comfort Book, Sourcebook & Journal [artivistpublications.homestead.com] or [tinyurl.com] which is available in both print and digital download format and sold at various independent Philadelphia outlets, including Essene Market & Café, Arnold’s Way Raw Vegetarian Café, Store & Education Center, and Giovanni’s Room Bookstore. Cassendre was interviewed about the raw foods diet and lifestyle on Saturday Mornings with Joy Keys’, a popular podcast which has featured other well-known personalities including singer Angie Stone and poet Nikki Giovanni. To hear the interview, visit [www.blogtalkradio.com] or [tinyurl.com].

Table of Contents
A) Greeting
1) Raw Update (and Back Story)
2) Elimination Station
3) Harm Reduction for Food-Addicted, Financially Challenged Aspiring Raw Foodists
4) The Rags to Riches Chronicles
5) The Piece of God Chronicles (formerly called the “Duckling/Swan/Piece of *Ass Chronicles”)
Z) Raw Blessing for the Specially Challenged


Contents of Table

A) Greeting
Hello to all raw vegans/live foodists accomplished, aspiring, burgeoning, struggling, and/or just curious! I hope you’re having a good time in life and taking better and better care of your self and health all the time! It’s been months since I’ve written a Green Smoothie Raw Blog and I’m happy to be here again! I’d like to give a friendly shout out to all my raw friends, especially Arnold Kauffman and Arnold’s Way associates [arnoldsway.com], Francesco Barone [myspace.com], Michelle Pierson [livingsunfoods.com], and Michelle Joy Schulman. Thank you all for being so supportive and present on my journey!
If you’re new and/or curious about this diet and lifestyle, and you only have time to view one link, here’s what I recommend: [rawfoods.com].
1) Raw Update (and Back Story)
Been struggling big-time with food and eating, exercise, and other health issues. The story I tell myself is that life is stressful and it’s difficult to be good at self-care when one is struggling with basic life skill issues, especially when one is already saddled with issues that make self-care a challenge. I started my raw journey in 2005 weighing 215 lbs. It took me 2 years to lose 30 lbs, and it was very hard to stay raw because I’m a food addict and a child/sexual abuse survivor who used body size to stay safe. In the past, food has been comforting as well as a tool of self-abuse and self-sabotage. (That’s the story I’ve grown weary of and am ready to exchange for another story…one I’m in the process of creating and will get back to you about!)
Since 2007, I’ve moved 4 times, been in several relationships, gone fleetingly off the raw diet and lifestyle (meaning none of my usual regular yoga, running or meditaccione, either), and re-gained all the original weight plus 15 lbs. I weighed myself 2 days ago and now weigh an alarming 230 lbs. Although I’m muscular, I’m still only 5’5” and that’s just not acceptable, nor is it good for my blood pressure, which is already high, and my PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) symptoms including irregular menstrual cycle. When I was raw, my numbers went down – weight and blood pressure, and my period became regular, for example.
I’ve also been dealing with some serious depression. I’m convinced this is situational, due to the high stress of my frequent moves and long-time unemployment. Moving is one of the top 5 stressors in life, and I’m sure lots of unemployed people are depressed. Drugs aren’t the answer for everything. Support, action, self-care and pleasure go a long way. My depression was so bad it was difficult to keep my eyes open – my eyelids were just very heavy. It was hard to get out of bed in the morning. (Oh, who am I kidding, it was hard to get out of bed in the afternoon or evening!) I decided it was time for herbal treatment, so I went to CVS and bought St. John’s Wort, which helped, as usual. But it didn’t help enough, so I realized I needed to also address my diet.
You can’t really eat unhealthily and expect to be of sound mind anymore than you can expect to be eat unhealthily and be of sound body. I think going raw is one of the best anti-depressants around. I can’t wait until it’s in my budget again to have a steady diet of raw, extra virgin coconut oil. I found that particularly helpful in addressing my depression in the past. For that tip, I thank Kevin Trudeau, from his book Natural Cures “They” Don’t Want You To Know.
So I’ve tried to eat a little better and exercise a little more. I’ve also been making green smoothie and juicing vegetables. I don’t have a high-powered juicer (yet), so it’s a little frustrating to spend an hour juicing a ton of carrots for only a few ounces of juice, especially since I’m now juicing for two (and no, I’m not pregnant!). But it’s a start and I’m grateful for the knowledge of the benefits of raw vegetable juicing, and the ability to juice whatever vegetables I want pretty much anytime I want. I’m very lucky and blessed.
Regarding exercise, in May 2009, I started a running and walking “club”, which yielded one regular partner of each. My running partner Mytili Jagannathan and I met regularly in Rittenhouse Square to run, and my walking partner Vanessa Lowe and I met at the same place on Saturday mornings. Then in November, I moved out of town, which made it too inconvenient to meet anymore. Since then, I’ve done my favorite Kundalini Yoga with Gurmukh DVD exercise twice and gone running alone once, that’s it for formal exercise. I’ve also been overeating (as usual), but late at night and sometimes right before sleeping – again a combination of comforting and abusing myself. Comforting because it feels like I’m going to bed with an intimate companion (what’s more intimate your stuffed tummy? I did this even when sleeping with my sweetie), and abusive because it feels uncomfortable and I know it isn’t good for me. I’ve been saying for weeks that I want to start going back to Overeaters Anonymous meetings, but haven’t yet. I would also really like a raw vegan OA sponsor, but I realize the teacher will only appear, as they say, when this student is ready.
2) Elimination Station
Cooked food is acidic and burns coming out. Raw veggie food is alkaline and feels cool coming out. Cooked food often creates constipation. Raw veggie food makes you real regular-like. I’ve actually experienced feelings of euphoria after a green smoothie-filled day-inspired “release”, if you will. Another very cool thing about being raw is that you can see what’s coming out, because of all the bright lovely colors of the fruits and vegetables you’re eating. If you drank green smoothie yesterday and your, um, “toilet gift”, isn’t green, well, you know you’re pretty clogged up and need to spend several days drinking green smoothie until it doesn’t take a whole day to see it. For example. Raw vegans have healthy colons, and you know what, you don’t even have to be a high percentage of raw to benefit in a similar way. Just eat more living plants and groove with us. You know. In the bathroom!
3) Harm Reduction for Food-Addicted, Financially Challenged Aspiring Raw Foodists
When I was more gainfully employed and/or just had more money (I am leaving open the possibility to have a lot of money not from employment!) I was able to buy a lot of foods and desserts which were raw, healthy, and not fruit. I say this because lots of times I want a dessert, but being into food combining, fruit isn’t appropriate (as it doesn’t mix well with other non-fruit foods).
Being cashologically restricted at the time of this printing, and being sort of in full swing of my “weak eating disordered” state (I know I’m using victim speak here, it won’t last long, I hope!), I recently succumbed to a sale that forced me to buy 3 half-gallon containers of ice cream and 1 half-gallon container of frozen yogurt. Now, keep in mind a) I’m lactose intolerant and b) I’m raw so I know all the things that aren’t cool about consuming pasteurized cow dairy products. These items were a measly $1.99 each. $1.99!! These things usually average almost 6 bucks. How could I resist? (Of course, I know my health is worth more, and crap is never worth buying, no matter how cheap.) So, I bought the limit – 4, throwing in a frozen yogurt to try to be “good”.
Anyway, long-story-short, it wasn’t a good idea. But I also purchased sugar-free gelatin dessert in an effort to eat something lower in fat, cholesterol, dairy, and sugar.
Of course, I’m against animal-based gelatin, and the non-recognizable chemicals that make up the sugar substitute, not to mention the artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives. But, I realized this is what I’m able to do right now. Sometime in the future I’ll be buying agave nectar and raw honey, but for now, this is what I can do. I’ll keep you posted, but in the meantime, if you relate to any of this, be easy on yourself. If you’d like to be very healthy but find yourself having great difficulty in buying the right thing, relax, be self-loving, and do the best you can. Your body isn’t going to retaliate with revenge if you buy a box of popsicles. Allow yourself to eat what you want, and if you can, try to make it the lesser of two so-called dietary “evils”. Frankfurters/hot dogs are evil – full of nitrates and chemical preservatives, but if you’re really having a hankerin’, buy yourself some, but try to get the ones that are a little better for you. After all, if you deny yourself the hot dogs, you might rebel against your better wishes and stop by a pizza place on the way home and buy out the whole place, including carrot cake and cheesecake. See? All of that could’ve been easily avoided with the simple purchase of a pack o’ ‘dogs. That’s happened to me more times than I care to remember. Buy and/or eat the thing you really want! For instance, I don’t really want ice cream. I want something sweet to eat after a non-fruit meal. My tummy doesn’t care if it’s dairy or non-dairy, high in fat and sugar, or not. It just wants it to be sweet and it wants it to be substantial in volume, hence the sugar-free gelatin dessert being a fine substitute for the time being. See? Harm reduction!
4) The Rags to Riches Chronicles
There are different kinds of abundance and financial relief. It’s not always or only about steady, gainful employment and/or being paid what you’re worth as an artist, although both are things I’m working on in my life. Sometimes, making a better “living” can be a matter of joining forces and living with your partner or with someone else who can and wants to help you and whom you can, in your own particular ways, help also.
In the same way that people would be helped to work on multiple streams of income and to allow that to come to them in various forms they maybe weren’t expecting, it’s good also to put it out there in the Universe that you’re willing to receive “help” from previously unknown sources. That has worked for me and I feel much better now, having help from various sources and also helping others in ways they didn’t know was possible. You have gifts to share with others that you may not even know about yet, and there are people and institutions out there which are perfectly suited for, and in fact, wishing for someone just like you to come along to help and be helped by them! The key is to be open to miracles and unexpected but very pleasant surprises. If you don’t expect to have all the answers, and they’ll come sooner.
It’s also very important to follow your dreams with action. In fact, nothing much will happen until you take some steps towards your dreams. All the job-wanting in the world won’t amount to much if you don’t tell people you’re looking for work, search the want ads, and send your polished, updated resume and/or otherwise actually apply for the job(s) you want.
If you’re an artist, a lightworker or other type of world server, your employment path may not be as simple as that. You’ll have to become really good at following your heart, spiritual mind, inner guidance, intuition, or use meditation, prayer, Taoist/Tantric sex, magick, and/or other tools of self-knowledge to know what work you should be doing and ways you could be paid for your work. For guidance in that direction, I highly recommend the self-actualization books and recordings of Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer PhD, available at [orindaben.com]. Their products are also very helpful if you happen to know exactly what your assigned or chosen path in life is, but either don’t know how to go about beginning, or need extra courage to do so.
It is of my and many others’ (including Sanaya and Duane) belief that wealth comes from service. The more willing you are to serve, the more your work will be supported, and the more you, yourself will be supported to do the work that in turn will serve many. If your work is needed, it must and will be supported, and getting spiritually connected to your higher source will let you know what you came here to do, get you started and well on your way to being gainfully employed.
5) The Piece of God Chronicles (formerly called the “Duckling/Swan/Piece of *Ass Chronicles”)
When I first started writing this feature back in 2007, I was fairly new to the raw diet and lifestyle as an active participant. I was losing weight quickly, getting prettier and prettier, and thoroughly entertaining myself and a few lucky boys with lovely drama of flirting and romance. I mistakenly thought being considered conventionally attractive and sexually desirable by many was not only something to aim for to receive a lot of male attention, but also that it was one of the top keys to my future success as a performing singer-songwriter.
I soon realized that a) I’m already considered attractive and desirable by many, and I chose not to care whether it’s “conventional” or not b) I don’t need any more male attention than I already get c) My being a successful musician is not, and will never be dependent on what I weigh or how I’m dressed or made up.
(My success as a musician depends on how much I can convince myself I am worthy of, and can achieve it, as well as my ability to create and accomplish certain goals, alone and with the help of others.)
I also realized that I’m already very beautiful to myself. I made a list of what I found attractive in others, and I found that I had all those things on the list. I also noticed I find beauty in every person I see, and concluded that I must not be alone in this – that there are many people out there who also see beauty in others.
I’ve come to realize it’s really all about true beauty and what you think true beauty is to you. What are your values in regards to beauty? What’s beautiful to you? What’s attractive, feminine, masculine, sexy, appealing, charming, lovely?
There is so much more to beauty than what one weighs or how aesthetically so-called “pleasing” their facial and body features are. I’ve found that even a lack of universally valued personal hygiene doesn’t necessarily stop some people from finding and maintaining loving relationships and/or being found attractive by a number of individuals. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. So, Stinky Studs and Funky Females, hold your fragrant head up high, smile at the world, and bask in your pheromones, visualizing them going out ahead of you to attract your next new friends, lovers, and business associates. I’ve seen it happen countless times, and I’m not just saying that just because I have a wee fetish for moderate-level armpit funk!
The key is to find yourself attractive no matter what. No matter what your weight is (whether you’re over or under weight), no matter what your finances are, no matter what your ability to buy the most attractive clothes, shoes, and accessories might be. No matter what your physical challenges may be, no matter how flexible or inflexible you are, no matter how many teeth you may have or not have. Beauty-your beauty, is inside of you, and it has nothing to do with your body. It has everything to do with your soul, your inner light, which shines brightly regardless of you or anyone else outwardly acknowledges it or not.
Would you like to know that there’s no cosmetic product or procedure in the world that makes you truly beautiful? How would you feel if you knew and believed that the only true beauty potion is this one thought, “I’m beautiful, period.” If you thought about that every day, and if you dwelled on it, it would become your truth. Your eyes would light up, you would smile more, and people would see your beauty much, much more. An added bonus is that, in turn, your inner light would shine on others, on us, and we’d see our own beauty even more. There’s nothing I like more than when some confident person is charming and flirtatious with me, in a safe, non-creepy way (…and yes, I’ll grant you that creepy is all relative…), smiles and acts like talking with me was a highlight of their day. Not only do I see them as irresistibly attractive, charming, and good to look at, I also feel more beautiful, attractive, and charming.
I would love to see more beauty and men’s magazines designed to make the reader see **hir inner light and beauty, and encourage **hir to increase that beauty by taking self-beautifying actions like:
~Facing a long-time challenge
~Volunteering somewhere
~Being a good friend
~Babysitting for a friend or relative
~Helping someone move
These are all the real beauty tricks, along with, of course, eating well and exercising. I also think that meditating is a good beautifying technique.
Your body is important, and you can take good care of it to the point where it accurately represents your inner beauty. However, if doing that is a big challenge for you right now, saying to yourself that you are beautiful, period, could help you begin.
Z) Raw Blessing for the Specially Challenged
May you always remember the power of the living plants to heal and beautify your mind, body, and spirit in every imaginable and unknown way.
May you continue reaching out to be a supportive member of the raw vegan community, including the community you yourself are starting, whether you know it yet or not.
May you remember that each one of us is a network to the world and as such, we can influence those around us, for the better, to the very best in health and overall wellness.
May you value your self and your life, and honor your self enough to give your body the nutrition, exercise, mental and spiritual support or training you need to do your best work and enjoy your best life ever.
May you remember that you are your best guru, and may you only follow those who also believe the same thing. Essentially, be a member of a tribe of self-ruled raw gurus.
May your dreams of your raw vegan self be clear and may you progressively move closer to and accomplish your raw vegan dreams every day (or something better), and may it be for the good of all!

Yours in raw spirit,

Cassendre Xavier
(aka Amethyste Rah, aka Amrita Waterfalls)
renaissance negresse (musician,author,visual artist,actress)
[cassEndrExavier.com]

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women’s Arts Festival (Est. 2003, Philadelphia)
[BWAFphilly.org]

*Number of times the word “ass” was used in this article: 2.
**“Hir” is an alternate, open-gender word coined by gender activist, stage performer and author Kate Bornstein. Thanks, Kate!
Can’t get enough Green Smoothie Raw Blog? Visit years 2007 & 2008 of [cassendrexavier.blogspot.com] or [myspace.com] for archives.

Copyright © 2010 by Cassendre Xavier (aka Amethyste Rah, aka Amrita Waterfalls). All rights reserved.

Source: [cassendrexavier.blogspot.com] or [tinyurl.com].