Where do I begin? Well, I'm 19 and I became a pescetarian when I was 12. I ate so badly but was always rail thin and had great skin. Heavy on the dairy and carbs. Kids bodies can handle a lot. When I was 18 I started to cut back on dairy, and I became full vegan in May of '09. Even then I wasn't eating a balanced, healthy diet. I cooked the hell out of my vegetables, I always ate fruit, but I drank a lot of coffee, smoked a lot, and binge ate like no one's business.

I have struggled with binge eating for too long. I always loved to eat, and I use marijuana as medicine which sometimes makes it too easy to get out of control with food, but otherwise, sometimes I just can't eat normal portions and stop when I'm full like most people. I can't even buy/eat almond butter anymore because I will seriously go out of my way to get it like some sick drug addict and eat the whole jar in public before I even get to really enjoy it. Then I feel sick and guilty and go back for more, etc.

I took raw veganism seriously this January. I felt incredible. I got very high quality rest, I felt less stressed out, more connected to food and myself, I lost weight and could fit into my jeans from high school much more comfortably, along with numerous other benefits. It seemed when I would eat cooked though, I would eat crap I normally wouldn't when I was cooked vegan. Then I would binge on vegan grilled cheeses or almond butter and sprouted bread. I seemed to yo yo between binging and being high raw.

Today I ate probably 5 or 6 Clif Bars, 3 avocado nori wraps, some sprouted hummus, 5 pieces of sprouted bread with vegan mayo, fruit and a green smoothie, seeds, nuts, fruit leather, and I'm sure more I can't remember. It's so sick. I feel ill. My breathing slows and I am in pain because I just can't stop myself from eating everything I can see even though I'm not only full, I'm in pain.

So today was really, really bad in that sense. My stomach is incredibly bloated, probably filled to capacity yet I keep eating! I'm 5'3" and normally 105 pounds but eating this way always makes me gain and I'm probably at 115 right now. Gaining weight takes minutes yet losing it is so much harder. I am so sick of my unhealthy relationship with food sometimes and the fact that I seem to have no connection between my body and mind.

I wonder if yoga would help, but I don't even know where to begin. I'm a very busy biology student and I deal with a lot of stress (I try to channel it elsewhere). Basically I just need to get this off my chest.

I don't want to be a binge eater anymore.I need to do some serious mental Spring cleaning. I want to wake up at about the same weight everyday. I want to eat normal portions and stop wrecking my digestive system. I want to be a healthy raw vegan again. I'm frustrated because now it's going to take a while for my body to expel the pounds and pounds of food I ate today.

Tomorrow is day 1. I can get back on track. Thanks for reading.

Hello, cyclopsicle, and welcome!

I read your introduction and appreciate your honesty. Your goals are good and I believe that you will continue to progress toward better health as you have since you were 12, even though you're struggling with some things right now.

I have an idea for you. When you feel the desire to binge, go for two or three bananas or other filling sweet fruit and binge on that first, even if it is several times a day. Then when you have the nut butter or some other craving, you won't have as much room for those foods.

You are right to think of trying yoga or some other way to feel centered and connected spiritually. Other possibilities are meditation, journal writing, and talking with friends/family who can be understanding and supportive.

Another important thing is to get exercise, even if it's just walking. IMO that's equally as important as a healthy diet.

Finally, it sounds like you are ready to give up marijuana, but just haven't done it yet. Besides messing with your cravings, it's a crutch that you don't need. If you'd like to write to me now and then to say how it's going, you are welcome to send a private message to me. I promise to listen and write back.


My favorite raw vegan

Hey, thanks for replying. I usually feel "all or nothing" when I binge but once I get back on track it's easy for me to keep with it. I think I was having anxiety about school and had an omnivore friend stay with me (I still ate vegan), but I feel more relaxed now. I won't stop smoking because I'd rather smoke than take pills for anxiety, but that's not really the issue, I just overall feel disconnected from my body. I had two green smoothies today and about 2L of water. I think I might make another smoothie or eat some fruit. I keep thinking about how good I felt when I was raw and how badly I feel now. I'll keep updating.

cyclopsicle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think I might make another smoothie or eat some
> fruit. I keep thinking about how good I felt when
> I was raw and how badly I feel now. I'll keep
> updating.
Confession is good for the Soul.
You'll never reach your full potential until you Detox.
Feel those headaches as the Toxins come up and out.
Keep starting over with Day 1 until it 'takes', becoming
Day 2, etc., etc., etc.....WY

Yes, yoga will help. You will find that you have more energy and peace of mind if you have a committed personal yoga practice. Its all the deep diaphragmatic breathing helps the healing.

Hi

I have had similar issues at times. Exercise is good for me, even if it is just a 5 minute walk. Breathing, deep breaths, is also helpful. And I chew a lot (of gum, or spruce gum, or grass). Anything to not stuff food in my mouth. And I like the suggestion of lots of fruit. If you want/need to keep eating because of school stress, how about eating on just on fruits or vegetables. How about carrot and celery sticks, etc.? One can keep just eating and eating: raw, healthy, filling that void.

Been having a rough week eating wise. I'm trying not to be mad at myself because that's a useless feeling, but I'm sick of going to Whole Foods, buying binge food and looking at it knowing I don't even want it nor should I be spending money on it, eating it on the way home, then finishing it off, barely able to take another bite because I'm so full and in pain. When did I become this person? I must really be missing something in my life that I can't control myself like that.

I've been regularly having green smoothies but I haven't had a salad in a week. I always binge so much worse than the day before, then the following day try to make up for it by fasting, then I somehow mess it up so much worse.

I think I'm expecting some overnight miracle results even though I'm a logical person and I know things don't work like that. I'm so mad I want to cry. I'm so mad because I'm being so unhealthy, bingeing on vegan margerine and bread and eating without any thought.

It's like I've forgotton how to eat. I really want to get back on track. I'm sick of hiding under my clothes because my stomach is so full of food from every night. I can't wear what I want, I feel terrible, I think I noticably look heavier. I'm really homesick and stressed out from school. I think today I'm going to just go with the flow, not bother restricting myself to fasting, and listen to my body. If I crave a salad, I'll have one. Just figured I should update and put this out there. It's embarassing enough for me to want to stop it.

So I did a day long water fast yesterday and it was great. I noticed false hunger and I felt much more collected. Unfortunately I felt weak and spacey today, and I use my bike for transportation and need brain power to concentrate on my studies so I had an apple. Somehow I ended up bingeing again. I wasn't even high or anything. I think I was trying to distract myself from homework.

It sucks. It sucks to be at that point where you've already blown it so you don't see the harm in going all out. I miss eating high raw CORRECTLY and looking and feeling great. The skin on my face and arms isn't what it used to be. I binge on nuts almost every day. I don't know how to properly eat anymore. I don't really know what to do. I fear eating fruit sometimes but then I'll just gorge myself on much worse things.

I've started meditating. I like it and I hope that continuing to do it will help me overcome this. I really want to. I'm so sick of not feeling like myself. I don't even know where to begin. Should I plan my meals? Should I fast to get this crap out of me and start fresh? I just want to get it right and EAT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. Hopefully soon I'll have some positive things to post here.

In good news I've been making progress in different areas of my life. Drinking a lot of water, virtually quit smoking cigarettes, handling anxiety somewhat better, but still feeling trapped by my eating habits.

Thanks for reading.

Hi Cyclopiscle,
I feel your pain and I know its rough but at least you've recognised that you have a problem. When I was younger I had suffered from bulimia for a short while but I believed I had grown up, and now Im a Mum thought I had gotten over my food/body issues in those ways. More recently while I wasnt binging on vegan stuff I was binging on regular junk to distract myself from being bored, lonely, unhappy. The thing was it took me ages to realise I was doing it! I'm a newbie to being raw and hope that it will help me get the clarity I need to heal -not just physically but spiritually as well! Perhaps some other alternative healing might assist you also. Yoga and meditation are awesome. I also started doing reiki -its a type of energy healing -and thats when I became conscious of what it was I was doing and why, and it is slowly helping me on my road to recovery.
When I get the urge to eat mindlessly I eat carrot sticks now -sweet and crunchy and how bad can a few carrots be? Nothing in comparisn to a few packets of biscuits!!