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I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: March 25, 2012 03:24AM

Hello everyone, I've been coming to this website and reading the bulletin board off and on 10+ years now and even joined the conversations back in 2000-2001.
I never continued to post because I didn't have much success. I was a foodie of the first order. Even though I knew in my heart that raw and living vegan foods is a truth, I just couldn't make it. I felt too deprived. I could put a few days together even a week, but I could never sustain.
In other words, I was too hard on myself. When the raw food trailblazers that have gone before me would say that you may have to do some emotional work, I didn't want to believe that, I wanted the golden egg now.
I did have the privilege of talking to Dave Klein [a very nice man] via telephone who gave me a complimentary phone raw food counsel session and he even pointed out the rigidness inside of me, he of course said it in a much kinder way. I couldn't even see it. Over these years I've gone and achieved much of this work, of course it's never completed. I can look back and say that was a good suggestion, because even though the course was unplanned by me, it took it's own natural progression.
I am glad to be here, I am approx 80% raw and feel alive more than I have in a very long time.

Ivi rose

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Trive ()
Date: March 25, 2012 05:21PM

Hi, Ivi rose,

We're all doing our best to find our way. It sounds like you're in a good point on your life path right now.

Like you, I have recently rejoined the conversation here. It's good to have the support of kind, like-minded people.

Remember to be kind to yourself. (For me that means not getting hung up on what percentage raw food I have each day.)

Best wishes for continued personal growth and success.

My favorite raw vegan

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: March 25, 2012 08:53PM

Thank you.

Ivi rose

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: March 26, 2012 06:45PM

I'm 48 years old and female. I'm going through menopause I think. Overweight, but not sure how much. I stopped weighing myself a long time ago.
Probably around 215 lbs. Optimum weight is probably around 140. I have been enscased in a cocoon of fat for a long time. I think I could move around better if I didn't have it, but it has served well as protection. Perhaps I will share more about that at a later date.
Had a rough day yesterday. Felt on edge all day and sensitive. Neck glands swollen.
Feel better today. Getting ready to go to work. I work 12 hour shifts at a production plant. Work rotating shifts. On night shift this week.
Gonna go get some greens to make a salad for work, have some great organic raw pumpkin seeds, and some great organic tangelos. Yay!
Talk to you later,

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: April 07, 2012 04:04AM

I joined a 24 hr gym today. Waiting for hubby to get home from work to go work out. We will go about 2 am, proly will have place to ourselves. Started taking some supplements this week. Colloidal minerals, EFA mix, and b-12. Just to be on the safe side. Haven't been high raw this week. Not giving up on my health quest, though.
I love, love, love rawgosia website. She is so smart and kind. I like the fact that she doesn't sell products either.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: April 07, 2012 08:39PM

Went to the gym and had a nice, easy workout. Weighed myself, 216 lbs. Boy was I close in my gueussimation. In my list of supplements I posted yesterday I forgot to add dermal magnesium. Someone had mentioned it in the other forum and I could relate to the symptoms, so I bought some.
My body has been suffering from the effects of stress. I lost my only child, my dear son, from suicide in June 2009. I spent 2 years on antidepressant and anti-anxiety medicine. I'm off of that completely now.
I got a promotion to a stressful job, and met and married my hubby, yay.
I love coming here and learning from others. I wasn't even thinking about stress and my hubby pointed it out and then they were talking about it here.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: raw artist ()
Date: April 09, 2012 12:52AM

Hi lvi rose, I have an only child too. I'm sorry for your loss. It's great that your off the medications completely now. I admire you for caring enough about yourself to take care of your health. Maybe your gym offers massages to help with the stress. I wish the 24hr gym near my house would. Glad you "found" hubby. It's good to have that special person to share life with. I'm married 28 years now. Wishing you much success & support. Bye for now.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: April 15, 2012 02:09AM

Thank you Rawartist for your kind words. Today is first day off from night shift. Got tired on my first night. I work 3 in a row and then 3 off. I drank some coffee and then had some candy for energy, I had fruit with me, but I didn't want it. I ate a lot of junk, too much to list.
Now I want to change the title of my diary. Yeah finally getting it allright. I was able to put some time together of high raw and now I'm in junk food hell. What happened? I'm sitting here trying to figure it out.
Well lessee, I gave into cravings. I guess I just don't have any self discipline. Why do I even bother?
I'm in a lot of pain in my feet and joints, I am emotionally on the edge of sadness and tenseness.That's why I bother, because I really want to be healthy. But, I can't seem to give up the food I love for any period of time. I've got to go get some self-discipline from somewhere. Is there a self-discipline store somewhere? I plan on working out later, at least that's something.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: April 17, 2012 02:19AM

I believe I have chronic fatigue syndrome. Hubby has been researching my symptoms and has me convinced. No doc diagnosis. The last time I told gyno of my symptoms, she said "nothing weight watchers won't cure."
Thanks a lot. No one can truly know what a food addiction is like unless they have it. To look at food as love, comfort, security and fun. Then to realize it's making you sick, it's like a best friend turning against you. To feel resentful and angry whenever anyone dares say anything.
Oh, I long to be like some of the other people who can just change their diet and it doesn't seem to be that hard. They just eat what they decide they are going to eat, and that's that.
But,desiring to be have different characteristics than what I do have is an exercise in futility. I am who I am.
Raw Lion kindly explained how he did it is to eat very low fat, all raw. His success speaks for itself, I'm gonna do it, too.

Good bye, best friend (cooked, comfort foods), I have to let you go because you are hurting me and stopping me from being all I can be.

The pain of self-discipline is nothing compared to the pain of sickness. (I saw a similar quote on someones post and reworded it to fit me.)

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: spectrum ()
Date: April 17, 2012 05:32PM

Just wanted to let you know that you can do it. Everyone here is routing for you.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: jimmight ()
Date: April 23, 2012 05:33AM

kind of shortsighted to think one person makes you funny and likeable around other people dont you think? maybe they think that for you open up around them, thanks to your douchebag wannabe friend.

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Exam 642-436 []
Training 156-215-71 []
certification Certified-Ethical-Hacker []

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: raw artist ()
Date: April 25, 2012 05:20AM

Hi lvi rose, I'm pretty hard / strict on myself at times too, so what I do is to rely on God & do the best I can with things. Both my husband & I are typical type A's & so is our daughter. Just chill, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, smile & continue forward to your sweet healthy success. Talk to you later.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Nic ()
Date: May 12, 2012 03:11AM

I have food addiction, too. I am struggling too, and in the same boat. I am just going to believe in myself and take it one day at a time. Anyways just wanted to say I know what you are going through. Best of luck and support.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: May 26, 2012 10:12PM

Thank you Nic. Still struggling. This is a rough time of year for me.
My son's birthday is May 31st. He would have been 23. He took his life June 10th, 2009. We found his body in the woods June 17th and had his memorial June 25th. Still using food for comfort, and a few cigarettes, and a few meds. I still am incorporating alot of fruits and veggies, so all is not lost. One thing I do know, is my son would want me to be healthy and happy.
I love him so much, I have faith I will see him once again, but I physically long to see him now and to hug him and talk to him.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: June 04, 2012 11:13PM

I wanted to post a couple of pictures of myself to help me be accountable.

I'm in my work uniform that is why I have that outfit on.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/04/2012 11:28PM by Ivi rose.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: June 04, 2012 11:59PM

I couldn't figure out how to make pics smaller. Sorry. I know the info is somewhere on here I just can't find it. Tired after night shift. I wanted to post a pic of my son, but I don't have very many since it was so hard to get him to slow down enough to pose.
I hope someday to post a pic of myself all vibrant and healthy, that is my goal. As you can see, I can't even have smooth front on my pants. I liked the pics raw lion posted, he was so brave right in the beginning, esp. But, I didn't think a pic of me with my shirt off was appropriate. LOL.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: June 05, 2012 12:19AM

My son, my heart. RIP

I figured out how to size the photos, yay.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: June 15, 2012 08:33PM

Doing better emotionally and food wise. Able to put down the cigs and meds. I tried a couple of days going all raw and felt so weak and stomach queasy. I realized I am going to transition. So eating a lot of fruit, green smoothie, boiled potato, air popped popcorn, cooked beans, and salads.
My stomach is really bothering me. Heartburn mostly. This is not usually a problem. I've been taking a probiotic in the morning, then some vinegar water a little later. This is supposed to be good for the chronic fatigue, but maybe I stirred something up. I'll have to wait it out and see what's up. I am avoiding garlic, and hot peppers right now, which I don't usually have a problem with.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: chat ()
Date: June 15, 2012 09:15PM

Hi ivy rose, well done for sticking with it and being determined, the transition can often be hard but eventually it will get easier and easier. It's good to read you're feeling better, especially emotionally.

Did you notice are there particular foods that give you heartburn? For me it is usually sweet fruit and nuts, I can sometimes get away with it during the day, but if I eat this combination in the evening then heartburn is pretty much guaranteed for the night/next morning.

I've also recently transitioned to raw, and one thing that I'm sure helped is thinking about the goodness I put in my body every time I ate. Like vitamins, minerals, fibre, enzymes etc. Im convinced thinking these thoughts even makes the food taste better, but also digest easier, almost like a placebo effect.

>Banana ice-cream rocks!<

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: June 17, 2012 01:13AM

Thank you for the encouragment, chat.
Right now I can't pinpoint my heartburn to any one food. I am suspecting either an ulcer or parasites.
I like your idea of picturing goodness with eating healthy food.
I'm really craving cantaloupe and watermelon. I find this interesting, since both crops are coming in now, locally. I'm not sure if my body is in tune with it's surroundings, ie craving local produce or if I need the nutrients found in these fruits.
Whatever the reason, we will be going to the country tomorrow to get some and I can hardly wait.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: tristane ()
Date: September 30, 2012 01:46PM

I was sad to see no posts from Ivi Rose in the past few months I hope she stuck with it...I really was pulling for her reading this topic.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: April 28, 2013 09:53AM

I haven't posted anything in awhile. I've been eating whatever I desire, which is my comfort foods.
Fastforward to april 25 and I went to the emergency room with chest pains. I thought I was having a heart attack, but I wasn't. It turns out that I have diabetes. OMG. I have to change my lifestyle. I got to start allover. I don't want to die or live in pain. Maybe this is the springboard I needed. I dunno.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: April 28, 2013 08:38PM

I decided on the hallelujah diet, since I know I can't go all raw. Too hard.
Last 2 days followed it real close. Cleansing this morning. Gonna go make some juice.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: June 03, 2013 04:38PM

I went to the doctor about 3 weeks ago and he wanted me to continue with the medicine they put on in the hospital. Metformin. I am having great stomach and organ distress. I feel very sick as a matter of fact. It has not brought my blood sugar down to normal range and I'm risking kidney and liver damage.
As of today I'm not taking the medicine anymore.
Haven't followed Hallelujah diet as close as I wanted to. It's so time consuming to juice all the time. I have to eat minimal fruit because of blood sugar. I know I need to eat greens. I have been still under control of my food habit, which I've explained previously.
I know that this food issue is a deeply embedded mental and emotional problem that I don't fully understand, in fact I probably understand very little about.
I'm in tears right now, because of many reasons, one of them being that I know what I need to do, I've spent many years educating myself, but I'm scared, and I don't know what I'm scared of, but it's a fear so deeply embedded that I'm killing myself with my food choices.Eating the unhealthy foods makes me feel emotionally happy and full.
As I'm reading this the answer is clear, just do it and stop waffling. What is your problem?
Of course no one is going to understand completely without knowing about my life, and I'm not willing to do that online, not at this point. But, I just did have an idea, and that's to start writing in a journal, and see if I can figure out what is going on. I'm not giving up.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: banana who ()
Date: June 04, 2013 12:59AM

Of course not! Never give up! smiling smiley I was wondering if perhaps you could adopt a high-fruit diet and then you wouldn't have to juice so much. Now that it's summer and easier to eat lightly, maybe you could eat lots of watermelon,berries, and things like that? I don't know how much you weighed in that pic but it seems that you could really accomplish your goals.

Do you know about Angela Stokes-Monarch? She has been raw about 11 years and was almost 300 pounds at her highest weight. If you haven't heard her story, go to Youtube and watch her tell it. It's very inspiring. You can do it!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/04/2013 01:00AM by banana who.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: June 05, 2013 11:41AM

Thank you for your comment banana who. Yes, I read Angelas blog online, years ago, very informative.
I'm not feeling led to eat a lot of fruit at this time, but greens seem to be the key, I had a green smoothie this morning and my stomach jumped for joy.
Yesterday was second day without metformin, my diabetes medicine. I ate a lot better than I normally do, woke up with a panic attack about 4 am this morn. I had a dream that I didn't have any legs. Proly because the numbness and pain in my lower legs was excrutiating last night. I just kept praying for healing and then got up and jumped on my bellicon rebounder.
Yay I do have legs even though I couldn't do much, I was able to do a light workout on it for 15 min.
I'm getting ready to go to my 12 hour shift and packed an all raw lunch basket.
No fat! I still had my morning coffee, black and will work on coming off the coffee starting saturday when I'm off from work.
I just want to thank everyone for being there and listening to me. I really can feel the love.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: June 05, 2013 11:45PM

Well I made it through the day at work all raw, but this is where I usually get in trouble, I am home from work and hungry. This time is different though because my feet and lower legs are hurting. Also hands and lower arms are numb, with the needles feeling. Ok I see some cucumber in the fridge, I want to live.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: June 17, 2013 09:03PM

ok doing better as far as stomach/organ pain. Eating a lot more raw salads, etc. still experiencing the disconnect between my pain and food. specifically I ate salads, some fruit, sauerkraut at work but when my 3 day 12 hr shift rotation was over and I was feeling better, I wanted fried chicken, any fried food for that matter.I was going crazy for it, like I had to have it no matter what, jonesing if you will.
Why don't I desire the healthy food? I eat that cuz I have to. It's pleasant enough and does fill me up, but it's not fun and exciting.
Also dealing with the issue of my husband really enjoys going out and trying new restaraunts, and I want to try delicious meals not salads. Oh boy, I'm in such a dilemma.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: June 28, 2013 04:51AM

Another thing I noticed is I use food as a reward. I feel good when I eat raw, but then to celebrate feeling good I want to go to a restaurant.
This doesn't make any sense, because It's a lot harder to eat raw at a restaurant, and really at my stage in the game I don't belong in a restaurant because it's too tempting. Perhaps later on in life, I will be able to, like some of the other raw foodists do, so I'm not saying never.
I just wished that I craved healthy raw food all the time and not the other SAD foods. It would be easy and not such a struggle to eat healthy. Ok, I got that off my chest, I am going to work in the morning, and I have a raw menu all planned out. Onward and forward.

Re: I'm finally getting it!
Posted by: Ivi rose ()
Date: July 01, 2013 01:28PM

So, I've been doing some reading online on the different raw websites that are out there now, there are so many nowadays, and have come away with some helpful (to me) points.
-cooked, esp. junk food is very addictive. That helps me to make sense of the fact that I have been struggling so much to stay on the raw path.
-so many people have gone before me and utilized a raw veg lifestyle to achieve incredible health.
-according to the experienced ones, my intense food cravings will lessen and even go away as I continue to eat raw.
-that eventually my palate will desire fresh greens and fruit.
-emotional memories of times past with cooked food is often the trigger to eating cooked food and falling off the raw wagon.

There is hope on the horizon that this intense feeling of deprivation will go away, so I just need to realize that it will be this bad for a short time and then it will get better.
My husband and I went to a raw restaurant and enjoyed an all raw meal that was utterly delicious. Even he enjoyed it thoroughly and said he wished it was by our house, then we could eat all our meals there. Wowza, what? My meat and potatoes guy really enjoyed his meal. There is definite hope here.

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