Hi, I'm 24, Austrian, and well...I'm beginning this diary in an effort to (once again) start over with my raw food diet.
It's been a year since I seriously started to include a high percentage of raw food into my diet, and although many positive changes have come my way, I kind of feel like I'm stuck at this point of my life, in every respect. It's like I know what I want, what I could be, but I just don't have the perseverance or whatever to get there. It's a bit frustrating.

One of many reasons why I even started eating high-raw is a constant, 24-hours-a-day headache (which conventional medicine couldn't cure). The funny thing about chronic illnesses is that at a certain point, you can't remember how life felt without it, and you can't really image it'll ever go away again. You try not to think of it too much, because you also have an every-day life to lead after all.
But everytime I realise that I'm not okay and that my body tries to tell me something by this pain, I think, Oh God, I can't go on living like this.

Sometimes I wish I had someone to do the raw food diet with me. Of course I am motivated, but it's hard with people around who do try to show polite support but actually think to themselves I've gone slighly crazy or that it's just some phase of mine.
(By the way, I really envy you Americans who actually have the opportunity to go to raw food restaurants. No such thing here. Erm, it's not even that easy to find organic produce in Austria..)

So, I guess I'll write more about my reasons, and also the changes I've noticed so far, some other time.
And today I'm not going to list what I ate. I'm having quite a few issues with emotional (binge-) eating and cravings, too, and today I gave in...so I'd like a new start, tomorrow.
***

hi there raspberry well congrats on decision to go raw again and welcome to the raw journal club haha...we like to think of ourselves as a team or club...we all live far from one another but over the past few weeks we have become really close always there to support and encourage one another...and when someone falls off or gets down we are all there showing our love and support for them....we all know what you mean about having someone there with you...it would be so much easier and so comforting but usually we end up doing it on our own but only in a sense....we are here for one another on this site...we are a community and you can always get support questions answered...receipes,advice you name it haha... hmm think of it in a good way you don't have raw restaurants..you aren't tempted to go to them often and indulge in the gourmet raw...which is good once in a while...but usually most report feeling ill or heavy and full from eating it because of the bad food combining and all the oils and fats used haha...just going raw is a major step as you know you have done it before.....so be happy and proud of yourself for taking the steps and slowly you will find more and more things that pop up you didn't know were there in your community in the raw community!! good luck and keep us posted...i wish you the best and look forward to hearing your progress and learning more from your experience!!!!
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Dear Raspberry!welcome and yes!! sachelle is right-this is our journal club.lol! well- i know what u mean about chronic pain.and if u don't do something about yourself...at one point i realized i was going to fall into the land of no return...a horrid cycle of meds of all kinds and pain and more drugs to fix things from other drugs. nope.did not want it.i will love to read more of your story.and please know we are here.me and sachelle did a 3 day water fast.she was the good one! i the whimp.but there was support from all members of the board.if u ahve any problem...they will all grind it out on the main board...to figure what is the best they have to give in good knowledge and then u can decide what is best for u.they are really great on this site for knowledge.hugs and welcome-taylor

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Dear Raspberry Welcome!! There is no way i could do what i am doing without the support of this lovely group. So i hope we can help motivate you and help whenever you need it. Sachelle put it all very nicely. Good luck and can't wait to hear more.

xoxo,
Starfruit

sachelle,

thank you so much for your kind words. i feel better already, imagining how i will post here in the evenings (hopefully about positive developments..); it's much easier to be 'accountable' to someone instead of just doing this alone with nobody caring whether i succeed or not.
yeah, you've got a point there about raw food restaurants, you're probably right.

even if we fall off the wagon sometimes, i guess the most important thing is not to lose hope, and some determination. and you sure have that, enough even to give hope to others, that's great. i wish you all the best for your raw journey, too. thanks again for making me feel welcome.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2007 05:48PM by raspberry.

hi taylor,

thanks a lot for the encouragement. being welcomed here so nicely really makes a difference to me.

so raw food has helped you in your chronic disease? (i'll be reading up more on your page soon, i guess. just tomorrow i have an exam, so not too much time right now..)
yeah, i totally agree, taking meds is a vicious circle, i experienced it too, for a while. the thing that bothers me most about conventional western medicine is that it tries to cover up symptoms instead of eliminating the cause. i appreciate every doctor's effort who tries to help people, but in my opinion, this is just the wrong kind of approach.

oh, so you tried a water fast. that's great, even if you might not have succeeded 100% or something. i imagine that must be difficult (wouldn't a juice or smoothie cleanse be gentler?)

much luck and all the best to you to!

dear starfruit,

thank you for your support, i really appreciate it. i'm feeling like this group is really going to help motivate me.

i look forward to read some more on your page when i have more time after tomorrow. reading about other people's successes but also shared problems can be quite an inspiration.

thanks again for the welcome, good luck to you too!
see you

oh, i almost forgot, i wanted to list what i ate today:

water with lemon juice
smoothie: 1 sugar melon, 2 tomatoes
2 bananas

nori wraps with 1 tomato, some cucumber, 1/2 yellow bell pepper, 1 carrot, some onion, and sesame dip (made of tahini, tamari, lemon juice, minced garlic and ginger - tasted better than i had thought. usually i use avocado instead of tahini..).
two bananas with self-made chocolate sauce (of cacao butter, cacao, agave syrup and ground vanilla) and some almond butter

green smoothie: 2 oranges, 1 apple, 1 tsp raw honey, lamb's lettuce (or so the dictionary tells me..do you actually use that word?), parsley
1 raw egg yolk (i don't want to offend anyone who's vegan, but at the moment, i'm only vegetarian. trying not to eat milk products though)


as you might notice, i don't intend to be 100% raw. not in the near future anyway, if ever. for example, when i use condiments like tamari (soya sauce without wheat), or the cacao, i'm aware this is not raw. i couldn't find nama shoyu (raw soya sauce) in the shops. but this is okay, since i don't think this is about 100% fanatical anything, for me. the tahini might be raw, but it might not be. there's no awareness here about raw foods, and even if i asked a shopkeeper, they'd not know what i even want from them. sometimes i order stuff via the internet, but it gets expensive (for a student..). i love raw chocolate products though!
but anyway, as someone has said before, eating 5 jars of almond butter a week is not healthier than, say, some steamed vegetables merely because it's raw.

i also realise i tend to have too much fat and salt on some days. but it's still better than what i used to eat before.

also, i'm having some difficulties about deciding how to go from here. i have tried the slow transition approach, like eating raw during the day and having cooked meals in the evenings. but this didn't work too well for me, because i found myself constantly thinking about food, about what i would eat next, and after next, and counting the hours till i could have my cooked meal.

(i hate this anyway, this obsession with food. i'd like to not think about what i should eat next, for once. i guess it's true that people who don't think about what they eat at all are happiest..)

i know this may sound strange, but when i try to eat raw during the day, it takes me a real lot of time to think about what raw food to prepare, and more time to eat it. i feel like my mind is constantly preoccupied with food, although there are other things i should do, for example learning.
i kind of feel like i could do without the cooked meal once or twice a day, but i'm afraid my cravings will get stronger if i try to go all raw because my body might not be able to deal with very-high raw yet, and the cravings tend to come back with a vengeance.

you know, if i decided for myself 'you're going to eat only raw today', at least i have a goal, an order. instead of perceiving the raw food just as leading up to the 'finally' cooked dinner.
i've also tried writing lists, deciding 'on monday, wednesday and saturday i will have a cooked meal, the other days are raw'. but that just doesn't work, either. i just can't fit my life into a list, always sticking to it.

sorry for rambling. i'm just a bit frustrated about how i should continue my attempts at being raw.

I know the feeling my dear. I think about food all the time and don't know how to stop. Sometimes if you just stop maybe and take a second to listen to your body and see what it needs, not what it craves it will help you. If it wants cooked give it cooked, if it wants raw do that you know. I'm an obsessive list maker. I know what you mean about you can't squeeze your life into a list. Hope some of this helps. Have a good day.

xoxo,
Starfruit

hi hun...well i know what you mean as well i have a 24/7 thought of food and since becoming raw i was thinking that it in a way got better because i have an ED but in a way it got worse because i started obsessing over the fat and kcals anyways.....but i am working on that and hopefully getting better.....hmm lets see i read in many raw cook books that tamari is raw or at least it is legal raw food haha....hmm what else??? oh yes the raw/cooked saga haha....well i just finished reading 12 steps to raw...and by reading this book and a few others all by different authors...they all say it is harder to get rid of the cravings unless you go 100% because your body is still getting the toxins and what not from the cooked food so it still is able to crave them...it is hard and you will crave them up to the first 2 months but that is it haha ...i know it is realy hard but once your body cleanses itself it get easier because your body has moved past the addiction....they give examples like alcoholics who want to be sober...if they just have one shot every few days they are still not sober...they are depending on alcohol still...so i odn't know...to each their own though...if it is the cravings you are worried about just go for it..if you truly don't want to be 100% raw then don't sweat it...eat what % of raw you feel you can handle....and please don't worry about offending us....like i said to each their own...raw eggs is some raw fooders choice and others not.....we are here for you and will support you through whatever you choose....we all know what it is like cuz we are going through it too...as for thinking of what to prepare...just grab some whole foods for a while and you just grab and go haha....that is what i did at first nowi blend a lot of veggies into soups...but at first i grabbed fruit or veggies and ate them whole!!! well i hope i have helped some.....and just know we are always here for you!! (even if you want to go eat a big steak hahaha) we will still be here~~ good luck and glad you are doing well...you seemed to eat almost 100% raw...if the tahini was raw then girl you did it haa...
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

thank you all for your lovely comments and advice!

so tamari is 'legal' after all, huh? good for me. ;-)

well, it's kind of hard to listen to my body and give it what it needs, because i don't think at this point it always knows what it needs. if i gave it cooked every time it wants it, i guess it'd want cooked almost all the time. well, it's an addiction, just as you said.

yeah, that makes sense, about it being harder not going 100% raw. pretty logical. don't know why i didn't think of it before like this. i always thought i had to do it slowly so as to avoid horrible detox symptoms like some people have described.
so even if i intended not to end up a 100% raw but 90% or whatever, it might be best to go 100% to get rid of the addiction and the toxins that have accumulated so far. interesting. i'm gonna think about it.

yes, i seemed to be doing well until later that night when i had white bread with cheese, hehe. oh well, won't be the last time that'll happen. maybe i just have to eat something for dinner that satisfies me more.

yesterday (26th) i was also raw until the evening but then binged pretty badly. it'd be okay if i ate something cooked but reasonably healthy, but wheat pasta and white bread with chocolate spread hardly counts as such, haha.
these days, i hardly ever crave sweets though. what i crave is always salty, spicy cooked food. (makes sense i guess, as you stop wanting this artificial, overdone sweetness in cooked desserts, because you have enough fruit sugar and learn to appreciate their natural sweetness.). recently, i wanted to eat some chocolate filled cookie i used to like before, and then i couldn't eat it because i found the taste so awful. a small success after all.

the last 3 days, i had 3 to 4 nori sheets every day. so i think i should reduce that if i don't want to OD on iodine. because i read that you shouldn't eat more than 1 sheet a day. (one?! i could eat many more.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/27/2007 11:07AM by raspberry.

what i ate today:

1 sugar melon
nori rolls with cucumber, tomato, red and orange bell pepper, onion, carrot, and avocado-tahini dip (with lemon juice, tamari, garlic, ginger)
2 bananas with self-made (non-raw) chocolate sauce (cacao, cacao butter, honey, ground vanilla)
1 blood orange
green smoothie (2 apples, 1 blood orange, swiss chard, parsley, aloe juice, raw honey)
2 raw egg yolks with a little celtic sea salt

(and this time i'm not gonna eat cooked food as soon as i leave this site, i swear, hehe)

Hi raspberry haha you are too much lol..sounds like you are doing good..keep it up....and if you have to eat cooked but raw all day that is better then cooked all day you know?? anyway i just wanted to check in with you and see how you were doing.. you seem to be doing really great.....hmm interesting about the nori sheets where did you read that?? there isn't much iodine in the ones i bought so i dont' know..hmm i would like to read that though if you find it!!
thanks hun
take care and good luck
love sachelle
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

not much time just now, but here's what i ate today:

smoothie: 2 bananas, 3 plums, almond butter.
2 bananas with almond butter, 1 apple.
raw soup: 4 tomatoes, 1 orange, fennel.
salad: lettuce, 2 tomatoes, 2 carrots, red onion, a few black olives, with dressing of avocado, olive oil, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, salt, garlic.
2 egg yolks with salt.
pudding: 1 banana, 1 fresh date, honey, soaked oats, sesame and dried apricots.
1 orange.

(and i successfully overcame a craving for scrambled eggs with baked beans and toast, haha)

Hey girl good job today...sounds like you ate all raw congrats......and you overcame the scrambled egg meal.....that is good...i am very happy to hear that .....keep up the good work..you are doing amazing!!!
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Hi raspberry how arey ou doing??? where have you been girl...come back to us....even if it isn't going so well we are still all here for you!!! hope all is well in life....let us know if we can help...take care good luck
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxox

hi,
thanks a lot for caring and your support, sachelle.

i know i haven't written in here for quite some days...my vacation was over and uni started again and so i wasn't online as much as before......but i guess that's just an excuse, and the real reason is that i was worrying so much about university and which classes to take and i'm so afraid i won't finish my studies soon enough..
erm, in short, i was worried and anxious and that's usually when i start binge-eating and retreating into my room and ignoring the world.. ;-)
i just didn't want to repeat myself (that i didn't do so well eating raw, again..)
but mostly i managed to eat raw at least until the afternoons.

so i tried to start over yesterday, and i ate:
1 blood orange
3 bananas
1 nuts, seeds & dried fruits bar
about 1 1/2 cups of pineapple
handful of raspberries
some cashews
green smoothie (1 orange, 1 apple, field lettuce, parsley, fennel)
nori rolls with avocado dip and various vegetables

today i had:

a few cashew nuts
1 blood orange
3 bananas
2 nori sheets with mustard
1 date
some cashews
green smoothie: kiwi, apple, field lettuce, parsley, aloe vera juice.
small salad: lettuce with dressing of olive oil, balsamic vinegar, lemon juice.
2 nori sheets with tahini, mustard, tomato, onion, garlic, fennel, tamari.
2 bananas with almond butter

1 kiwi
2 bananas
green smoothie: 1 mango, 1 orange, parsley, 3 celery ribs, field lettuce, aloe juice.
big salad of cauliflower, lettuce, fennel; dressing: olive oil, balsamic vinegar, garlic, salt.
2 nori rolls with tomato, carrot, onion, tahini, mustard, tamari.
2 bananas and 1 apple with almond butter

i 'allowed' myself to have a coffe yesterday and today (because of being sleep deprived..) and i really craved them, which is strange because i'm not really a coffee drinker, never have been.
hope i'm not gonna turn into a coffee addict now..how stupid would that be..

one of you mentioned nori with mustard, i think. wouldn't have thought of this combination myself, but it's quite good actually.

So glad you are back on the wagon so to speak .Sounds liek you are doing really well. I know what you mean about being stressed and thenbinging. Haha that was me the nori with mustard thign .It's suprsingly good haha and low in calories. Glad you like it. Keep it up you are doing really well.

xoxo,
Starfruit

Hi there....thank you so much for the inspiring words you left on my journal i forgot to note that in all my clutter of a day ....you are doing wonderful...and never be feeling bad or embarrassed to type out you had a bad day and didn't stay raw...just read my journal today haha...i had to type everything i ate and it wasn't raw lol...i had a bad day but we pick and move on to the next day you know?? so don't sweat it...i know i have weird food cravings for things i didn't care for before....hmmm the nori and mustard was starfruit then i picked it up and now you have haha...it is a young raw foodie tradition in the making haha....
well keep up the awesome work and keep trying if you don't meet your goals one day there is always tomorrow!!
take care hun
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

hi all, thanks for your comments!
yeah, we've started a great new nori-mustard tradition haha
so tired right now, just what i ate today:

2 blood oranges
some cashews
3 bananas
1 dried fruits-almond-oats-spirulina bar
big green smoothie: 1 mango, 1 orange, 1/2 apple, parsley, lettuce, aloe juice
2 nori sheets with mustard, 2 tomatoes, some tamari

coffee, again (with milk and sugar no less). this has got to stop. from now on i will at most have green or black tea.
and i hope i will soon grow tired of nori. eating the same every day..can't be good, that.

hi there.....well you had a good day...your food looks good...hope you are getting enough calories....yeah whenever you are ready to get rid of the coffee we are here for you ....hmm i don't think i could tire of nori sheets i love them...
well have a great day
love sachelle
xoxoxoxox

Hi hun...well i see you posted on my page but didn't tell us about your day ...i hope all is well with you!! keep up the good work
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxox

um, so this is a really long entry, but it's for 2 days, right..

yeah i hadn't posted about my day at that time because it was only noon here..and then i wasn't home last night..

hm, it seems now i drink coffe and smoke, haha. on thursday i had an unscheduled job interview, and i was so nervous and full of adrenaline i so needed something to soothe that afterwards. options are walking, cooked food, cigarettes or alcohol it seems. so when walking didn't ease the stress, i decided for the cigarette. i very rarely smoke (just when emotionally stressed) and i really want to give it up once and for all, because i easily could as i'm not addicted and suffer no withdrawal symptoms whatsoever (i think). before yesterday i hadn't smoked for weeks or more, and sometimes it feels to me like i'm inhaling pure poison, it's awful..
but i just couldn't calm down, as i was constantly thinking "why on earth did i even apply for that job, i'm not competent enough, i surely will suck at it, what have i gotten myself into?..."

anyway, so it seems i've now got a parttime job as an assistant teacher for german in a language school. i'm really quite an introverted person, and so teaching isn't really my forte, i guess. but they're small groups, and they're adults, mostly, and pay for their tuition, so they're not as annoying as school kids who don't really wanna learn (wouldn't survive a day as a high school teacher haha).
but i'm glad at least it's a job that's something to do with languages. (because i study translation...i'm glad i've got a job now that's not at the supermarket or post office any more..)

actually, i'm finding it quite funny(as in humorous, not strange..): finally keeping up the raw, but smoking and drinking coffee..

yesterday i had:
1 banana
2 cups of pineapple
handful of raspberries
1 banana
1 apple
about 15 cocktail tomatoes
1 almonds and dried fruits bar
some cashews, 2 bananas

then i was at a friend's party and had a glass of wine, so i felt like i needed some cooked food but it was only potato salad and some crackers, and not so much, so it was okay for me and i didn't feel guilty.

last night i slept like 4 hours or something..stayed at the party longer than intended, then got up to go to my irish step dancing class (which is once or twice a week, so not really helpful in losing weight..but fun!)

normally when i'm sleep-deprived, i can't digest raw food so well. my whole body is out of balance, and i feel queasy..but today i managed (almost):

smoothie of 2 bananas, 1 cup of strawberries, cocoa (non-raw)
3 nori sheets with mustard, a lot of cauliflower rice (with ginger, garlic, maple syrup, salt, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice), 1 tomato, 1 carrot, 1 small avocado, tamari.
(maybe i'll have a green smoothie, too, later. if i don't fall asleep before, that is..)

the cauliflower rice and avocado together gave the nori rolls a texture that made them as satisfying as with real rice. wow, that was really good. had too much of it though, now i'm feeling a bit sick. (the cauliflower head i bought is really large, i guess i'll have to eat cauliflower every day next week, haha. yuck.)

i wonder why i managed to stay almost raw for so many (many for me, in any case) days in a row. just 2 weeks ago i was struggling so hard every day. i've never before stayed raw for so much as a week.
maybe it's because i'm kind of stressed, or it's the sleep deprivation that keeps my metabolism off balance and i'm not as hungry as usual.

when i'm at uni i'm forced to not eat, at least for the duration of lectures, haha, and in between i have snacks rather than elaborate meals. i guess that's better for my body. (during vacations, i was busy eating food for more hours a day than digesting haha).

i've had a nice couple of days recently. the weather was so warm and sunny, and i was sitting in a park in the sunshine and fresh air in between lectures, or went for walks, that was really nice, it felt good, and healthy..

take care, all
love,
raspberry

hi there ....congrats on doing so good...hmm well it is hard to deal with stress....i don't think cigarettes are the answer but whatever helps you at first...but i think a little healthy cooked food would be better then the toxins in one cigarette...so good luck with that hun i know it is hard....you are doing really good though....keep it up....
talk with yous oon
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Agreed. One step at a time but you're doing great.

xoxo,
Starfruit

hey, thanks for your comments. yeah, of course you're right, food's still better than a cigarette..
but that was just an exception anyway, no more cigarettes from now on. i think i'll give my cigarettes to someone who wants them, or throw them away..

so...saturday's green smoothie that i said i'd maybe have, turned out to be fried eggs and bread and some dessert haha, but it's okay for me because i have decided that i could make an exception at the weekends. (still, this exception ideally should not be white bread with chocolate spread, of course, but hey, i'm working on it!)

it's so interesting how eating is so emotional. it often happens to me that i'm perfectly happy with my raw food, and then i watch the TV, for example Gilmore Girls or McLeods's Daughters or something, and they have some coffee or big breakfasts there, and within seconds i want the same food although i had no cravings whatsoever before. of course i realize it's not really the food i want, but their life, for example a sense of safety, when i feel unsure about my own future and life.
also, i love reading harry potter fiction, and that's very dangerous for me too, haha. because they always have tea there, and potatoes and peas and whatnot. just the thought of how comforting and nice it is to have a cup of tea with milk and sugar on a cold day.. i wish i could feel the same comfort with raw foods. i know the connection is just in my head, but it's hard to overcome sometimes. know what i mean?

yesterday's food:

smoothie of 2 bananas, 1/2 galia melon, strawberries, almonds
2 plums
raw miso soup with carrot slices as 'noodles'
2 nori sheets with cauliflower rice, cucumber, sesame, and a sauce of tamari and mustard
2 bananas and 3 plums drizzled with almond oil
and then some self-made chocolate (not raw) of cacao, cacao butter, almond oil, honey, ground vanilla, dried barberries

hey there...sounds like youa re doing good...dont worry about the weekend it is okay to fall off haha....well keep up the good work...and if you need something comforting turn to a hot tea for now...and put agave nectar in it..or stevia...those two are natural sweeteners...so you can sweeten it but not put cream...if you must choose a vegan cream from the health store...and indulge in that for a while.....i just bought the book naked chocolate and there a few warm hot chocolate and what not drinks....you should look that up...i don't have much time now as i am running to work haha...so i will get the book out and post some for you!!
take care
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

yeah sure it's always a good idea to choose better alternatives..really, you have 'naked chocolate', cool. i've been wanting to have that book for ages. that'd be so sweet of you to post something from that one, thank you.

well, i'm feeling quite strange now. i was raw until the evening when i found myself unable to overcome a craving, and, while preparing my eggs and bread, i felt like wanting to cry. not because i think eggs and bread is so terrible, but because i can't take all this struggling any more. i feel too weak to keep that up, right now. sorry to be so depressing. i'll sleep on it, that always helps, right.