hey girl seems like you are having a tough time sorry to hear that......if it is tooo much on you right now then go with what a lot of people do slowly transition....eat raw and cooked...and slowly add more raw less cooked...eat your eggs and bread and what not and just eat some raw fruits and veggies in there....add a green smoothie with cooked food for the day then add some extra's you don't have to go 100% on day one...especially if your body is telling you it is too hard...going raw should feel good and you shouldn't be forcing yourself...if you feel more into cooked eat cooked and add raw....don't eat something you aren't totally 100% into yet...you will grow with it and get there but takes time and it isn't an overnight thing so consider allowing yourself cooked when you want it and eat raw the rest of the time....good luck hun and we are always here
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
and ps i will get some receipes up soon haha sorry i am half asleep and didn't grab the book

I agree with Sachelle. Don't be too hard on yourself and maybe transitioning would be better on your body than just diviing into raw. Good luck and keep us posted.

xoxo,
Starfruit

hey, thank you for your words. i don't know why i was feeling so down. i guess i was somewhat...emotionally unstable recently.
of course you might be right about transitioning slowly. it just didn't feel right to me, because i always was counting the hours until i could have something cooked. (erm, and i also had a lot more problems with digestion..). i felt so much better when i was all raw.
but you have a point there, and i guess i will just see what happens, and eat something cooked if i crave it.
(probably, staying raw is easier for me when i have a busy day at uni and i just don't have any chance to cook something or eat all the time.)

yesterday's food:
5 bananas
1 large orange
1 cup pineapple
a large handful of baby spinach
some non-raw (with rice) avocado maki-sushi
1 almonds/dried fruits/spirulina bar
and unfortunately, wheat noodles with tomato-mozarella sauce and feta cheese
and, in the course of the day, a green tea and a black coffee

guess what. i realised i liked my own raw nori rolls better than the maki-sushi i bought, haha. that's good.

hey there...sounds like youa re getting on track with the cooked and raw and accepting things that is awesome...that is the first step in the whole process accepting yourself and what your eating and improving it day by day....well keep up the good work....we are here..
glad you like your rolls better..
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxox

Hye there.SO the thign is is even if you are eating some cooked you are doing a really good thing for your body by adding so many raw foods. So good for you.

xoxo,
Starfruit

dearest raspberry-goodness! u do really good.just wanted to drop in say say hi and see what u eat for my own ideas.good job. hugs taylor

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smoothie of 2 bananas, frozen blueberries, baby spinach
2 plums
2 handfuls of red grapes
1 almonds/dried fruits/spirulina bar
raw miso soup with a little agave syrup, sesame oil, tamari, cauliflower rice, garlic, ginger
2 nori sheets with mustard, a piece of cucumber, 1 tomato, 1 carrot, onion, tamari
2 bananas with a sauce of almond butter, agave syrup and sliced strawberries
a small piece of my self-made dairy-free chocolate

woh that is so cool your making your chocolate. Your food sounds so yummy.

xoxo,
Starfruit

Hey hun...you ahd another fabulous day keep upt the good work....i wanted to ask you what kind of mustard you use??? i can't find any premade raw kinds anywhere i always use mustard seed grind it up and then add water so it is like a home made mustard haha....i would love to know what kind of mustard you use that is raw....thanks so much and keep up the good work...hey starfruit you too girl what kind of mustard do you find that is raw??
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxox

good job rapsberry-how do u make your chocolate?? yummy.you do great.hugs and happy day-taylor

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hi there...just stopping by to say hi and see how things were going for yoU!!
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxox

hi, thanks everyone, for stopping by..
yesterday i was just too tired to turn on the computer..
the night form wednesday to thursday, i kind of didn't sleep at all, haha, because i hadn't finished with some homework..
so i could't eat raw yesterday because, as i said, my stomach feels all strange then... so i had bread and vegetable pizza and a vegetable soup and..more bread. and coffee.
oh well, today i'll start over again, maybe have cooked dinner, we'll see.

sachelle,
i'm sorry, but i guess the mustard i use can't be raw. (i've never given this any thought - what ingredients in the mustard do they 'cook'? the seeds?). i just use some from a local whole foods store .. (it's actually called children's mustard, haha, because it has honey in it..)

taylor and starfruit,
i have a friend who's got some connections to a chocolate producing factory..so he gave me cacao butter and some 'cacao raw mixture'(i'm sorry i don't know what's it in English) - it's not really raw, it is fermented and consists only of plain cacao and some fat but there hasn't anything been added yet (normally, you can't buy this mixture in a retail store). it looks like a solid block of chocolate. so i scrape a small amount off, add some cacao butter, and honey or agave syrup, vanilla, and whatever else i can think of, melt it over low heat, and then leave it to cool.
i tried to use cacao powder instead, but that didn't work so well because it just wandered to the bottom of the dish.. and so didn't mingle with the rest of the mixture...but i guess you could use that, too.
or buy raw chocolate in the first place..;-) (i only make it myself because there is no raw choc in austria, and this guy gave the mixture to be because he thought it was 'raw' because the word said 'raw mixture', but in this context, it only meant 'not processed further' and not 'unheated'..)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/16/2007 11:01AM by raspberry.

thank u raspberry-very interesting on the chocolate. i use mustard powder and add water. it is hot though.well-don't feel too bad about the cooked food. i have to go out to eat tonite.agh! anyway-u can start new today.it takes time to do some fo this stuff. if i was working right now-i would be having a way harder time .i soaked sprouts and make bread.just that process takes days.now i have about 6-8 buns to use for sandwiches.good luck raspberry and have a great day.hugs taylor

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Hi raspberry...awesome thanks for the info....yeah i use the powder seed stuff and mix with water like taylor said it is hot haha ...sometimes i just sprinkle the powder into things and i will get a chunk and have a fire mouth lol...
hmm that is cool about the chocolate what a sweet guy for trying at least you know??
well keep up the awesome effort and good luck tomorrow
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

hi everyone, it's good to hear from you all..

i spent the weekend on the countryside at my grandma's, and i don't have ready access to the internet there..

well, friday i had: a green smoothie of 2 oranges, aloe juice, parsley and spinach; 3 bananas; 1 date; some cashews; a big salad of lettuce, 2 tomatoes, baby spinach, with olive oil - balsamic vinegar - mustard dressing, and 2 vegan tofu burgers on sprouted grain bread with vegan mayonnaise and onion.

saturday: 1 pink grapefruit, 1 orange, 2 handfuls of red grapes, 1/2 banana; 2 kiwis; a salad of lettuce, 2 tomatoes, with avocado - olive oil - lemon dressing, and a slice of sprouted grain bread with mustard and onion; a piece of some chocolate cake; tomato soup with brie, fried feta cheese, some whole-grain baguette, 1 tomato; 1 chocolate muffin.

you see, as soon as i have a spicy/salty meal, i crave a sweet dessert. when i eat raw, at least i can satisfy that need with bananas or something else that's sweet. but when i have a cooked meal, i don't want to eat fruit for dessert (that combination gives me digestive problems). some book on transitioning recommended to have (non-raw) dark dairy-free chocolate for dessert. but i have done that for months now, and i don't like it that much, either..i crave something soft..
whatever.

i'm sure that craving sweets after meals has got something to do with blood sugar level imbalances. apparently, if you have sugar, your blood sugar level rises abruptly and then after half an hour, plummets aprubtly, which leaves you craving more sugar. eating protein with sugar should balance that, and help the sugar be absorbed slowly. (of course, this only applies to people who start out on an unbalanced diet, and whose bodies aren't used to a balanced diet yet).

but i don't think i have protein every time i have sweet things (like fruit), and i'm not quite sure how to apply it all to raw foodism. because what i said before, i heard from a regualar dietician (who doesn't specialize in raw food).
i wish i knew a doctor or something, who's familiar with raw food. of course, we can gather information ourselves, and read a lot, but sometimes i'm really not sure about medical aspects..

hi there hun yeah i know what you mean...but i am trying to keep it raw and not worry so much...it is hard though with type 1 diabetes to do raw and keep up with the insulin and how much the injection should be this time...sometimes it is too much and i crash sometimes it is not enough but oh well....well if you find someone let me know haha..keep up the awesome work...how fun at the grandma's house...i wish i could visit mine..although when i do go home to visit she is usually grouchy haha...not the typical granny you think of or see in the movies she is very into alchol she didn't like her kids or grandkids so much before they were 18 because she isn't one for young kids....hmm but she is great i still love her
take care girlie
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxox

It's been a week since your last post. How are you?

Have a look at Buddhist teachings if you get the chance. Maybe try some meditation, or some deep breathing.

Emotions are so tied up with food issues. I feel them in connection with food. Really hard to deal with. When the feeling swells up, I often tell myself that I don't care about this danger or that danger of this or that food. I just want to eat that particular food. Of course that's not really what I want. I want some sort of comfort. And I mistakenly think that it can be had from food.

I don't know why I think the same mistaken thoughts, year after year, for so many years, but at least I know that they're mistaken and feel that someday they'll dissolve. Of course they will. In the meantime, judging this food or that food as bad or as good, doesn't really help. Even more destructive is labeling myself as bad or as good.

Just see the feelings and thoughts that arise, feel them, feel them in the body, accept them in so far as accepting that they exist in the moment, and let them be without acting on them. I sometimes do this, sometimes don't. The sometimes don't is when I tell myself that I just don't care.

When we're really and truly "fed up with pain" that's when things will really and truly turn around. Or so I believe.

In the meantime, enjoy the journey as much as possible.

Troy.



This way is not compatible with Zen practice. This way IS Zen practice. - Dr. Doug Graham

Nothing whatsoever should be attached to. - Buddha

just stopping by...but don't really want to list what i ate yesterday and today..let's just say it was junk. especially today. (just because of sleep deprivation, otherwise i would at least have started out on raw in the morning..)

but it's okay, i feel confident i'll start over again every time, and not give up.

sachelle,
yeah i imagine that must be hard with the insulin..
hey, your grandma sounds like an interesting person. mine has some kind of alzheimer's disease..so forgets everything after just a few minutes, and i feel so bad for her, because all she can do is sit in her chair and watch the tv, as she can't walk well any more, either. but at least she still recognizes people.

TroySantos,
thanks a lot for your comments. yes, meditation is really an interesting subject. and everything else you said, of course i can totally relate. it's hard to just accepts feelings though. it takes a lot of energy and strength. sometimes it's just easier to run, even though that's the wrong way.

i kind of don't know if transitioning with cooked food is the right thing for someone with an eating disorder. when someone who doesn't have binge eating problems says "tonight i'll have whole-grain pasta", well, they will have just that. you see, when i promise myself to do that, i will have the pasta, and more, and more bread, and then i'll want sweets.. as soon as one bite of cooked food touches my mouth, i can't stop. this is not really a matter of will power. i just can't control this.

one thing i have to realize is that just changing my eating habits won't cure my emotional problems that led to the bingeing in the first place. how can i change my life by eating food, when food is exactly my problem (and since i was 12, too). although raw foodism is a spiritual experience in some way, i think it just won't be enough. but that's okay. i just hope that maybe i will overcome my "i'll change my life tomorrow" attitude (problem's just, 'tomorrow' is always tomorrow, and never today..) and try to get some psychological help some day soon. my teenage depression years are pretty much over (and raw food does of course lighten your mood a lot), but ..therapy couldn't hurt, i guess.

remember the part-time job i mentioned i'd maybe have?.. this principal of the language school is really kind of annoying, seeing as how it's almost 10 p.m. now and he still hasn't called although he said he would (at 4 p.m. haha), to tell me if i'm to teach a class starting from tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. how can he expect me to take over a class tomorrow, and isn't even capable of calling me soon enough so i can prepare and plan my day. i even did call him earlier today, and he couldn't even remember that we had spoken for 3 hours just this past thursday. i wonder if he even remembered who i was. incredible..

i bought a variety of fruit recently, so...looking forward to a better day tomorrow, at least food-wise..
**raspberry

I know what you mean "problem's just, 'tomorrow' is always tomorrow, and never today..)" I felt like that for so long. I still do sometimes. Well maybe try going just all raw again. Therepy def. could help. I certainly needed it getting over an ed. Good luck my dear.

xoxo,
Starfruit

Hey girl...yeah i 3rd that dealing with an ED is a tough thing and no matter what it is always there because food is in your life....it is so hard to overcome...i second what starfruit says....try going all raw again..just jump into it like a pool jump it and get it over witht hem you warm up to it haha....well anyways girlie take care and keep it up...know that i am here if you need anything i know what you are going through...
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxo

hi,
starfruit and sachelle, thank you for your support..yes, i guess just going all raw is the best for me to do right now..i will definitely try.

it's so annoying that the packaging of all my nut and seed butters doesn't say if they're raw or roasted. seeing as how raw ones taste equally good, why shouldn't i be having them instead.. so i'll definitely order some, and also raw chocolate, next month..


20 march:

2 plums
2 kiwis
smoothie of 2 bananas, 10 strawberries, 1 heaped tsp cashew nut butter, a little agave syrup
green smoothie of 1 orange, 1 apple, 150g field lettuce, juice of 1/2 lemon, aloe juice
a small salad (iceberg lettuce, cocktail tomatoes, carrot) with balsamic vinegar dressing ( from McDonald's haha, i wonder if it had any nutritional value at all...)
1 banana, 1 date
1 nuts/dried fruits bar
a few dried apricots and prunes and cashews
iceberg lettuce with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, and 2 slices of sprouted grain bread with mustard, tomato, onion

okay, so the sprouted grain bread is not raw, but the grains should be sprouted a little and baked at a low temperature (how 'low' though, i have no idea..), so let's just say it's half-raw.. ;-)

dear raspberry-i sprout wheat berries and then i grind to a paste.if too mushy.add flax seed.then form it and put in the food dryer for like 10 hours.or if in the oven-250 degrees for 2 and 1/2 to 3 and 1/2 hours.my bread this last time i made it did not turn out so good cause i forgot to let my sprouted wheat dry for 3 to 6 hours before i ground them.ok well-personally i like the bread oven better than the food dryer bread.but it is all good.pretty sweet.u are doing so good.hugs taylor

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Hey girl congrats on doing so well...haha aww i know that sprouted bread and manna bread is such a trick they say low temp and it is like 380 something.....starfruit was asking aboutit a few other people so someone emailed the company and we were all shocked to learn it was so high in heat...i guess nothing comes to easy lol...anyways you did awesome today...and way to stay raw...
keep up the good work
take care
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxox

well, it's always up and down with me, isn't it..
wednesday: raw until the afternoon, then junk
thursday: junk only

taylor, thank you for your explanation of how you make your bread! maybe i'll try it in the oven (don't have a dehydrator..). i'm not good at sprouting, though. all my attempts ended with the sprouts getting moldy..

sachelle, interesting about the manna bread.. yeah i guessed it's not raw, but maybe good for transitioning (and if i convince myself it's kinda raw, i don't
go into binging mode..strange, huh? but that's the way seems to be..)

i guess i'd need an environment without even the slightest possibility of irritation, stress or anxiety, haha. in order to stay raw, i mean. the closest to that would be my really long summer vacation..but from experience i know it doesn't work then, either.
the point is just that i'm currently unable to allow myself small periods of relaxing emotionally, in my every-day life. of course i know that you can't just go on feeling stressed all the time, and hope for some far-away vacation to change that.
and objectively seen, i don't really have that much to do. i'm still a student, for heaven's sake, and i don't even have a job right now. so how much stress could i possibly have. it's just that i create it myself. i feel so overwhelmed by life sometimes. well, often. and then i sit at home and feel like i'm paralyzed or something, and instead of getting things done, i just end up doing nothing. it's like watching myself from outside then, and not being able to break out of this vicious circle.

erm, that shouldn't have been some totally depressed story...that was just an insight into how my life really is right now..

and now i'm going to go to uni and hopefully get some work done for a change..
hugs,
raspberry

Hey there hun...well you sound like you are still trying and working at it...that is good...persistance not perfection...you are okay don't worry about it!!!! and if you feel depressed email me haha i am too lately...well if you look at my blog you will see i left more or a depressing story so don't feel bad haha...take care hun and good luck today you can do it!!
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxox

hey,

sachelle, thanks for your comment. how sweet of you..(and you're sure you're not gonna think i'm crazy if i really take you up on that email offer?...)

yesterday was relatively good:

1 kiwi
2 plums
1 orange
3 bananas
big salad of lettuce, 1 tomato, and olive oil and balsamic vinegar dressing
2 vegan burgers with cous-cous and some vegan mayonnaise and sweet-and-sour sauce

so that was good until i heard some news about my ex best friend, which really got to me although i tried not to let it...and so i had too much alcohol, and because i had alcohol, i felt so sick and hungry that i ate a really incredibly fat and unhealthy pork sausage (which is bad because my body hasn't wanted to eat any dead living creatures in months, and i didn't really want it either yesterday, but there was nothing else available at 4 o'clock in the morning, and i was feeling so out of it, i didn't really care about anything at all).
and then i felt even more sick, and had to take a night bus home, which was swaying back and forth all the time (..not good for for one's stomach..), i thought i would die.

god, why do i do that. why do i let myself be that self destructive because of someone who isn't even worth it. i don't know how today's gonna be. option 1 is more self destruction, option 2 is 100% raw to prove to myself i'm not going to let someone who doesn't even care about me influence my life that much. we'll see. maybe a combination of the two, haha.
love,
raspberry

Hey girl of course i am serious abuot the email offer...you could call me but i am pretty sure it might be really expensive for you haha but hey i will give you my number and you can call anytime you need me too!!!!! i am always here for ya....i know what you mean i had a guy i was best friends with for 4 years...we lived together shared a room blah blah(we had seperate rooms but we always just shared one or the other...) we did everything together we were very close...he was like an older brother...loved him more then life....well my brother has an anger problem (real brother) so sometimes when he comes to visit he gets a litte hot headed with me only not with others so much mostly just his family...so he would yell at me for something and i would cry andmy best friend would pick up the pieces....well i told him that he was coming out for a visit but he has selective hearing and thought i said to live...so he got all upset that my brother was going to make my life heck....and i would be crying and he would be there to mend it bak together and he didn't like seeing me like that...so it is something that i took into consideration but still i was hurt and upset cuz my brother is my life you know?? so i moved out haha so thaat he didn't have to deal with it....well it came down to that really and then he was upset and didn't want me to move but it was like ummm whateve.r..and now tey are moving out of the house and my name is still on there cuz 1400 of the 1900 deposit is mine...and he basically told the landlord they weren't going to lcean or anything cuz it was my money and it hurts so much to see that he doesn't care anymore about me...when it was his ultimatem that he gave one of us move out if my brother was going to be here....and so i moved i sstill love him andmiss him somuch...i cry all the time over it but hey anyways...just wanted you to know you are not alone hun!!! keep on trying persistance not perfection you are doing great...take care
and i am always here for ya
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxox

sachelle, thank you so much! maybe i'll email you sometime (i prefer e-mailing anyway, i can structure my thoughts better then than in phone calls). and thank you for sharing the story about your friend with me.

yesterday's food:

smoothie of 3 small bananas, frozen blueberries, and ground vanilla
1 orange blended with water
3 nori sheets with mustard, cauliflower rice, some cucumber and avocado, sesame, and tamari
a chocolate drink made of 1 tbsp almond butter blended with water, agave syrup, ground vanilla, and cocoa powder (i was amazed at how much that tasted like normal hot chocolate. it was really good)
2 vegan burgers with sweet-and-sour sauce, white beans with tomato sauce, some pastry with feta cheese, some goat cheese.

i'm not sure how i feel right now. that news about my friend i mentioned was quite a shock for me, and now i'm surprised at how little emotion i feel at all - that can't be good either. i guess i've become quite good at repressing stuff (practice makes perfect, you know ;-) )
***raspberry

OH girl no problem......anything to help....yeah i am good at repressing too..sometimes practice makes perfect is baaaad haha .....but you gotta talk to someone about it and get it out it will help you!!! email a friend or call a friend or sit down with them....just talk about it get it out and you will feel a little better.....well you are doing great with your raw diet...the transition seems to be coming along nicely.....keep up the great work hun....take care and let me know if you need anything
love sachelle
xoxoxoxoxoxox

hi all,
well, let's just forget the last two days..

today:
1 cup of green tea
2 bananas
2 kiwis, 1 orange
2 nori sheets with cauliflower rice, mustard, sesame, cucumber, avocado, and tamari
a smoothie of 1 banana, a few strawberries, almond butter, agave syrup, ground vanilla, cacao powder
a salad of iceberg lettuce, cocktail tomatoes, white grapes and fennel, with olive oil, lemon, garlic and salt dressing
a big glass of fresh orange juice
some roasted soya beans