ello everybody, welp this is my official diary i guess, srry about switching around all the time, stupid title i kno o well ill prolly change it later,, neways 2day is a good day, im sck!!! but seriously im happy about it cuz i havent gotten a cold for about 2 years [talk abut signs that sumthin was wrongo] yaay, i luv runny noses, buyaah i got snot and u dont, be jealous hehe :p so neways heres sum background info if u dont kno me..
im 17, play guitar, do homeskool online (uhg its daft i kno im trying 2 get actual books that would b awsome) i like 2 surf well i used 2 wen i wasnt so friggin self conscious) i love the beach!! i liv in florida, uhh, i love acting, making ppl laugh, i wunna learn how 2 play violin, i like being outside more than inside, ilov having fun, im not exactly a workaholic at all, i like pretending im british, i love going 2 new places and trying new things, i did gymnastics for 5 years, i wunna do it again wen i lose all my fat, yah and more boring stuff

well im here bc of a series of life events that started happening around 3 years ago so here it goes
when i was 10 my dad lost his job he didnt hav a job for a year, thats around the time my paents started fighting, theyve been fighting since, but they dont get divorced bc they say theyre doing it for us, i lost my two bestfriends they both moved away right when highskool started, so i was forced 2 b alone at a new skool that i didnt want 2 go 2 since i was alil kid, i had quit my gymnastics about a year earlier and wwas eating the same way so i started gaining weight and started getting bad acne, halfway through the year my mom got me this book for christmas called the perricone promise and i used that thing like a bible, but once i started doing the stuff that guy talked about everything started going wrong, i became obsessed with it, i became very unsocial, and paranoid about food, obsessed with food, blah blah, and i started developing ocd, yah i kno scary, so i dropped out of the skool i wwas going 2 and started doing honeskool, still doing that stupid diet, which was based around eating huge aounts of protein mainly from fish, yah, so i was halfway through my 10th grade skool year wen one of my old best friends died in a drunk driving car accident, so i went to the funeral, and i couldnt feel any emotions, it was like i was losing my emotions, a couple months went by and i sortof stopped doing my skool, stopped really doing nething,,i became a slug, but was still ocd about my diet and other things, six monthsafter that i was so depressed that i wouldnt shower for months at a time, im serious i think the longest i went without a shower was 2 months, yah so if ur not totally disguisted and freaked by now just wait a sec cuz it gets better, so i became suicidally depressed but was in complete denial, physically i was losing my hair!! wtfrick! and i was losing my mind, pretty sure i had mercury poisoning from all that fish,, i used to dream about planes crashing through my house and killing me, yah weird i kno,, and i was constantly thinking about my friend who died, obsessively, and still being ocd about that stupid diet,, so finally my mom threw me into the looney bin and i was stuck there for a week, and i hated her for it bc i felt like she hated me bc i was ocd and she was always making me cry about it, and blah blah,, so while i was in there i was forced 2 eat different food, and started binge eating, my dad would come see me and i would eat a whole subway sub everyday!! finally i got out got put on meds, for my depression and ocd, got put on meds for my period(which i hadnt had in a year and a half) and was eating sad verrry sad. well bc of all the extreme binge eating i was doing i gained around 20-30 pounds in a month!! yepp and i just kept eating, i was totally off the diet lol, i wanted 2 cheat, i wanted 2 find some other way 2 be healthy besides eating right, so i turned 2 modern medicine, and did anti biotics 4 my acne, woo i was a freaking walking pill,, i kept going on like that up up until this recent christmas, where 5'3" me weighed in at a wopping 155 pounds mgaww! my skin was stretched bc i was abusing myself, all my bones cracked and creaked, they really did creak, i went form anorexia, to bulemia, to binge eating, i had horrible inflamed acne all over my face, which was the one thing i had started that stupid diet for in the first place (never shouldve done that!), i felt dead, like an 80 year old trapped in a 16 year old body, i couldnt remember anything it was like i had pre alzheimers,i looked dead, i still wasnt doing skool, i was a year behind, i kept binge eating,i wanted 2 look at alternatie medicine 4 help but my parents didnt care a bit about helping me in that feild, i became very dark and hateful, and negative, and paranoid, i was so lost that i defined myself by my food, pretty much i lost my soul, i told that 2 my best friend, she didnt understand, i didnt kno who the hell i was at all, i just wanted 2 die,,,alll through these past years i had been interested in health, but i looked for it in the wrong places, i had always gotten hints about rawfood here and there but i never really listened 2 it, so now im here fully aware of wat i am supposed to do, trying 2 reboot myself

i feel like slowly i am getting pieces of myself back, not just bc of the food, i will never make the mistake of defining myself through food or nething else again, but also because of the change of being positive, i still struggle everyday with depression, sumtimes still i wont shower for a couple of days bc i dont feel like i deserve it, but everyone deserves a shower :] so im fighting for me, and i believe rawfoods will help me physically become who i am, and not this warped self who ive become, because all the paranoia and hatred and darkness isnt me at all, so that is wat i am doing, i only get one body and im slowly learning 2 take care of it and love it, so ya srry that this was so long lol, really long, but if neone can relate to this id love to talk bc it is soo hard going alone,, i can relate so ya here is my story and i hope i didnt bore u with it, and im sorry its so choppy,, ill tell u about my day ater gotta go lie in the sun i lov the sun!! :]] bye

fuzzysox I wanna give ya a big big bear hug! Here it goes....(HUG). ha ima nerd! yay!. Your life has been a real trip so far, it's amazing how through the negative you have become positive and relaize its never too late to start over. Ya know I feel the same way, that I'm slowly putting myself back together, piece by piece. And I don't want to define myself with food and have it consume my life because I am more than that, and if raw food is the only thing I think about then I'd be missing out on so much! I have OCD tendencies so I have to remind myself that I have friends, family, school and work and other hobbies that won't flourish if I get lost in my own world. I'm sorry to hear about your died who died in the accident, you are strong to get through that. I haven't experienced losing anyone close to me so I can't really relate to you on that but I can with feeling numb, and emotionless. Sometimes I get so stuck in my head that nothing seems to affect me and an overall numb feeling washes over me...eating more raw is changing that though. yuussss! So you used to surf? I've always wanted to know but am since I've gained weight in the past 3-4 years am way to self conscience to. I have yet to meet a chubby surfer...so I'm not gonna be the first! heh. I'm so impressed that you chose this path when you are surrounded by SAD eaters! You're awesome for it. Keep it up, if you were here then I'd stick a gold star to your forehead and pat ya on the back. Good fuzzysox, good girl. haha Have a good day.

hey there..well another diary started haha....pretty soon half of them are yours lol...well it was nice to see you tell your story and realize it is a work in progress....it is tough to go through a lot i have been through it all too...but you are doing great...and you are trying and that is important!!!! keep up the awesome work hun!!! i am here for ya
love earth angel
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

^ haha ya earthangel i kno im sorry those werent really diaries just cries for help lol, i shouldve put them on anuther forum,, o well,, thankies earthangel, i kno ur there 4 me,, did u like your carrot award? :p

hey noff imma dork 2, dorks unite!! haha, dork, ahahaa a star would be awsome, lol, stars 4 nebody who does raw! thanks for the hug noff, i giv u a hugs bax :]p hopefully i wont be a chubby surfer once august rolls around [thats wen i get mi liscense myaaaah!!] we r alot alike, thats kool tho ;],, yah getting over my friends death was tough u always play things over, and think if u were givin a second chance, 2 rewind time, that u would do nething 2 save her, and u wonder where she is,, but i suppose everybody thinks that wen someone dies,, im better now tho, i used 2 think about her everyday, i think it was guilt,, neways,, yah we both gotta fight not 2 go back 2 those places, its hard but we can do it!!! i kno we can yay! hehe , oh i got on the raw teens forum and it is kinda dead, i mean the last posts r frum months ago so ya, but i saw u on ther and we shud liven it up!! hehehe ill ttyl guys



hmm so the past 2 days hav been interesting...uh... ok so i went bax on raw 2 days ago but the first day wasnt 100% bc my dad brought me home this strawberry banana smoothie, but the strawberries were made frum concentrate so ya, so i ended up taking a sip, and i couldnt stop thinking about the strawberrybananaliciousness and ended up drinking half of it b4 i made my brother drink the other halff so i didnt eat the whole thing ;p so then i didnt work out at all for the wrest of the day, not 2 metion the whole week i was off raw, and i was starting 2 get sick, i ate alot of stuff tho i mean ALOT,, and ive come 2 terms withmyself that i eat not bc im just a really hungry girl,, buuut bc im bored, i need a friggin car!! haha so ya but i dont feel 2 bad bc it was mosly salad that i ate so wateva,,, so neways on to that night,,, so i was about 2 go 2 bed, and i was cleanin out my ears with one of those cotton swab things [ya i kno gross llol] and mi lil sister whos 9 was walking aroundd the house wonderin where everybody was and i was in the bathroom and i yelled 2 her im in here,, and its totally dark,, so im just swabbin my ear away wen suddenly she decides to pop up outta nowhere and scares the frig outta me, and i end up jammin the cotton swab all the way down my ear and it hurt like a mo!! i was pissed, i normally wouldve been kool with the whole jump out of the dark and try and scare me thing, cuz i basically taught the kid that, but no not this time,, wat goes around comes around lol, i guess i deserved that,,so yah that was my eventful day, and then the next day was pretty much the same, eating bc i was bored but it was salad so thats kool, o yah and last night i got freaked out cuz i was just sitting upstairs in my room, home alone, at night, with my patio doors open 2 outside and i swear 2 god i heard a monkey! not a nice monkey, an evil monkey so i got up stared outside, hoping not 2 see an evil monkey, and slammed the doors, freaked me out lol,,ya so today i haent eate nething im just not hungry at all, think im gunna go lay in th sun 4 a bit just 2 cheer myself up, still sik, but now im deaf, idk if it was bc the cotton swob or the cold but my ears are majorly clogged i can hear myself wen i talk haha , so thats mi day so far, haha, be strong u guys ttyl :]

oh honey, I know what you are going through. I've done perricone, been where you were at @ same age, though it's been 20 yrs since. My body seems to work the same way yours does. I think with this raw thing, you are doing yourself tremendous GOOD. I wish I'd known about it at your age. We must (both of us) stop thinking OCD about our diets and feel truly happy that we are actually trying to HEAL ourselves with food instead of punishing ourselves with it.

I am here for you.

Mia

thankyou mia thats really sweet yah i know im growing out of it, i kno its gunna b tough tho, i kno ocd is just a way 2 control things when everything else is out of control in your life, and its deffinately fear based, that if u dont hav just that one thing 2 conrol youll hav nothing, you lie 2 yourself wen you hav it that this keeps you fromfalling apart wen the truth is you already hav, so i just need more happiness, and positivity anybody can who is willing to face themselves and make some changes

ya know what they call OCD when it is channeled properly?

Self discipline.

I think this is just a fine line thing...like the fine line between genius and madness...this is about BALANCE and actually a pretty cool journey. I am glad to be on it with you and everyone else. It is so enlightening.

ahaha really? well i guess , i dont think im a genious tho, probably just mad lol,, actually my favorite person with ocd was howard hughes, hes amazing
im glad ur here 2!! you feel so alone when you have ocd, bc, well 4 me, it was a shameful thing 2 hav, i felt like i would be rejected, i had already rejected myself how in the world were other ppl gunna accept me? but on here it is so great, we arent alone!!!! you are so right it is all about balance, and realizing that we cannot always hold everything together, sometimes things are just meant to fall apart u kno

personally, I'd be happy is about 20 lbs fell apart and left my person hehe

hehehe yah 40 pounds for me!! gez lol

yooyy! so today i didnt exactly fast ahaa,,
i went off track somewhere around 1, because i was bored,grrrrrrr!!! o well stayed raw so ya here goes...
trying 2 think of all the crack i ate uhh
1/4 a pineaple apple it tasted meh tho, like metal, why the heck does it keep tasting like metal??!
3 cups of mixed berries with cocoa nibs and flax :]
no cocout!! my poor sad sad coconut was rotten, again!! dang
3 bowls of asparagus with like 3 or 4 peppers in all, tons o garlic, and tons of onion, and oliv oil, no namashoyu tho, decicded 2 go off that stuff cuz theres wheat in it
3 apples,
2 kiwis,
and i pray 2 god that is it, waaaait
maybe a banana i cant reemember if that was yesterday or 2day

sooo what a fast.. i think i am gunna explode uhhhh,, but wait the good news is...
i weigh 140!! yippeee! lol, down 5 pounds frum 3 days ago, if i would stop eating so much BC IM BORED!!! then it would prolly b alot more but im ghey like that so myeh
alright so today was boring, cuz i didnt excercise, my excercise is walking6-7 miles, i hate just walking!! but i dont hav netranportation so i just gotta do itt
so i will
hmmm i really hav2 cut down on my intake of food, not just bc im hungry, but bc im running out!! and i gots no money! bc im jobless
i need a job
so yepp that was my day, ill prolly b on late if nene wants 2 talk, i hoe, lmao i hope u guys had a good day, bye

the whippoorwill is out, he always makes me happy =)

omg what did u start out at? I was 15o Sunday, hadn't weighed before I started...wish I had. I refuse to check until I clean out the heavy stuff from my system...u go girl!

im 5'3" and weigh(ed) (hopefully it stays that way) 155, i lose really large amounts of fat really fast really easy, but thats mainly bc i eat waaay unnaturally, i binge eat on breads and stuff, and idk i can gain weight really fast (like 20-30 pounds in a month ) or lose it really fast, so far ive seen that in 1 1/2 weeks i can lose up to 10-15 pounds, the only prob is even when i eat small amounts of bad food i gain alot llike 3-5 pounds, so i cant ever go off track without paying bigtime,,
its a win lose situation
blah
neways i bet u weigh 5 pounds less now! do you lose weight fast?

you are my clone, minus 20 yrs.

I gain and lose exactly the same way. Our setpoints are similar too. It gets harder to lose as time goes on, believe me. Raw is the only light at the end of the tunnel for me. I see what it does for the whole body and am in awe. I (almost) dont mind if it comes off slow. I'd much rather be healthy. The beauty benefits are spectacular in themselves. As a skin treatment, from the photos Ive seen, it beats 'procedures' hands down!

hey there fuzzy gal....you are so sweet....you are doing really well!!i am sooo proud of you and your accomplishments the past days and your weight loss that is awesome!!! keep up the good work!!!
i am here cheering you on!! i love the whipperwills...they are awesome....but in cali we don't get them..i miss them so much from home (indiana.) enjoy them for me and you!!!
hey girl i wanted to send you some ebooks on raw foods what is your email?
love earth angel
xoxoxoxoxox

Hallo there sox o fuzz
whats uppppp!!!!!!!!!? How was your day eh? I know how that weight gain cycle goes. I'm such a bread and crust addict til death, oh my it's hard to resist..sometimes....ya but if i slip then it takes forever for that gained poundage to flush off of me. Keep goin you!

hey noff i second that...i can't lose to save my life...but i can gain it easier then some...so i don't know ..i can literally smell food and gain it haha...
keep on the raw track you are doing great
love earth angel
xoxoxoxox

omgosh yesterday and this morning was so tuff,, i almost fell off trck again, i was feeling really depressed about my acne, and running out of food and blah blah that i almost binged on pb&j
but i didnt!!
YAAAY!!!
so yah i feel really good about that soo yepp haha
so i was listening 2 this old band i used 2 like on the radio, and i like this song, i just think its kool so check out the lyrics..


Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

ya i kno corny but watever, im sure u guys kno who that is so :p

hey there....yay you fordoing so well and not falling off track that is a hard thing and i am very happy for you and proud!!! keep up the awesome work today!!!! think of us everytime and your beautiful self and how you want to be good luck take care
love earth angel
xoxoxoxoxoxox

mia im glad we are so much alike i can learn from u :] as far as the skin thing goes, i hav yet 2 see the results, my acne is hrrible, ive got a mask on [smiles] owwww!!! cant smile ripping my face apart lol,,do u always have problems with the week and a half mark? bc i always do!! i was just wondering,, thats usually wen i want 2 binge on fats:p dont worry about overeating this or that,, youll go through a period of it and then itll subside, youll lose weight, and then it might come back again, and go away and youll still keep losing weight! maybe not as fast as u want but it will go :]] im totally impatient so i understand about not wanting 2 wait, butcha gotta learn 2 b patient, its one f those annying things lol, very annoying

hey noffin, can i call u that? (short for noffinberry :p) haha
im tryin 2 stay raw, all i keep getting is negative feedback frum my family,, eh well, oooo i think im gunna fast on wheatgrass, ill tell u how that goes

earthangel i kno u can do it ! ur the strongest out of all of us!!:] inspirational, wenever i see ppl like u i think i could never b like that, like u r so idk the word lol like strong that it sortof makes ppl sad 2 look up at you cuz its like ill never get there, but you are so sweet!! and you reach down your hand and you help ppl up , thankyou for that earthangel !! :]

ill ttyl guys im gunna go exercise!! finally
im the sun yummmmmmmmm :p

hey hun don't want to make you sad...you are up here with me...i def don't think i am up any higher then the rest of my raw buddies...we all may be at different stages but we are all on our own raw journey learning and growing and i think you are doing wonderful!!! keeep up the fabulous world and don't be sad i am here for you!!!! take care dear and have fun exercising YAY you....
love earth angel
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

noffinberry? Is that a real word? amazing, hahahaha yeah noffin, whatev. Omgosh good for you not giving in to the pb and j, that was a weakness of mine while cooked vegan, and when I found that choclate peanut butter...oh my, it was a distaster! haha ya know recently i started listening to them and found i really liked a lot of their songs. I like "let that be enough" too, good stuff. okay so a wheatgrass fast? That crossedd my mind as a great detox thing to try but oh man i don't have the means for that. You gonna grow your own? Ya know wheatgrass is rreally the BESTEST thing for your acne, it's made my skin get clearer and clearer! After I juiced the grass i added water to the pulp and put it on my face for a few mintutes and i could really tell feel and see the difference! Geez...i'm really the official wheatgrass advocate here..haha yay for the green stuff! <3 keep on truckin fuzz

lmao, i put chocolate on my face just like u put wheatgrass on yor face, it pilled on the counter and i was like hell naw,
so i put it on my face
lol, i hav no idea
im gunna try the wheatgrass tho thats a good idea :] haha yah i dont wunna do the fast but it looks like i hav no choice so watev, plus im still sick and i keep eating and i think its stopping me frum getting all this crap out, so fasting will b good,, no idk if im gunna grow wheatgrass, i dont really hav a safeplace 2 grow it, plus how do u grow the grass?
hehe
yaaay im gunna do my fast soon and watch my acne dissappear!!! [being positive here] i hope it does neways
yah so gotta do skool ttyl :p hav a kool day :]

Hey I just read this article about wheatgrass, a must read for anyone who drinks it!!!!! CHeck this out before you do the wheatgrass fast eh,

[www.welikeitraw.com]

ewww!! aww crap,,, i think theres mold on my wheatgrass,, i think its been in the fridge for a little less than a week
great noffin!
i blame u [im pointing at you right now]
lol jkjk
lemme go check
cross yor fingers :/

haha there was mold on mine too! I saw it and didn't juice the one's with it on it thinking i was in the clear....yikes! I've had one shot of wheatgrass that tasted like heaven though at a farmers market in LA so there is hope out there for yummy tasting non moldy wheatgrass!!!!! So you growin it or buyin the flats of it? haha mold suuuuuuucks, my fingers are crossed for your grass, no mold i say, no mold!!!!!!!! haha

hahaha thanks noff i think yor finger crossing worked, cuz i didnt c ne mold, but i might creep up outa nowhere so i gotta eat that stuff
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! OK PPLS IM GOING CRAAZY!!!!!!! im outta food and ive got cravings like hell!!!!!!! waaaa
lol
idk wat 2 do, im fighting with myself, should i eat pb&j? how long am i gunna hav 2 fast, wen am i getting sum friggin money, can i really fast??!! do i hav the will power!!!!! IDONT FREAKALEEKIN KNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so im just gunna write down wat i wrote, i mean ate, geeeeeez

like 3 o 4 asparagus spears tomato, bean sprouts, oliv oil, 3 peppas, garlic, onion,
umm a whole frozen bag of blu berries with the last bit of my cocoa nibs [im deff doomed now] and flax
2 apples
1 kiwi
1/3 a pineapple and thats it
wow talk about being a pig wen i kno im gunna b out of food the next day, except for wheatgrass,, but im not that strong yet!!!!
this sux
bad
watever idk wat im gunna do

YEEEEA BABBY!!!!!! i beat mi cravings!!! i think i can do the wheatgrass fast, i think i can, i think i can
dumbo is kool:p
yaaaaaays!!!

hey there hun....great job today beating your cravings and sticking with raw that is awesome!!!!
hey i have a question for ya...who buys all the other food in your house?? you said there is a lot of sad food you can eat but no good for you stuff...couldn't you ask your family to buy a few things for you since they buy all the other stuff and let you eat it?? i am sure that if you ask they would let you buy a few good things....always look for positive things....good luck....i hope it works out for yoU!! where there is a will there is always a way!!! so good luck....

hmm a fast is always good for your body but dno't do it because you have to always do it cuz you want to or it will lead to a binge!! so be careful....and if you still decide on the fast just know that all the toxins and waste will resurface which means your face may break out more before clearing up...so beware...just to warn ya cuz i love ya!!!
well good lukc hun take care...you are doing great!! i am proud of you!
love earth angel
xoxoxoxoxoxox