Ok, so I'm starting my raw journey once again w some changes, under a new topic as some of u may have noticed. I have started this eating all raw foods, laste until day 6, nest day made a deal w myself to juice fast due to the fact i was overeating on raw foods. Day 1 did great, but then I got into a little trouble w my friends by having a glass of red wine, got really hungry cause i juiced all day, which resulted me eating a pad thai. CRAZY I KNOW!!!! Which caused me a terrible stomach ache. So I decided to go military on myself.

So I am doing the MASTER CLEANSE!!!!Today is day 2. I'm 5'7 and weigh 169 lbs. I will do this for 10 days and possibly more... And it's now or never.

But I know that i need to do this journal so i won't slip, cause i've failed so many times.

So a little about me once again if anyone cares.. I was born in Slovakia, left as a child, then lived in Austria for two years, and then at the age of 11 came to us. So my background in food varies. I've been a vegetarian all my life. Never really ate junk food such as candy or chips. But due to my European background, I love great cheese, bread, very expensive chocolate, wine and pasta and spicy food, oh and i do indulge in a good pizza. So more than a year ago I did a 10 day juice fast. Felt great, shed some lbs. and wanted to continue. A tragedy occured in my life, and went to eating my comfort food again. Gained weight drastically, and from then on I've been yo-yoing. Doing my 10 fasts, trying really hard to eat raw, or doing only 50%. But now my skin is out of control (HELP), my weight is out of control, I don't exercise much due to my lack of motivation which results in laziness lately, I don't know what's up with that???? I have no motivation. I used to be in the gym 5-6 a week when eating cooked foods. I also have a very bad sciatica. Barely sleep at night, and when I exercise, OMG..I'm in pain... So I am beyond SICK of living this way. And my sadness, frustration and being to be able to enjoy my life to the fullest is killing me. And partying with my friends isn't helping me either...And my work, friends and lifestyle are very NOT RAW. But anything is possible.. So here I go...

I just weighed myself. Im 5"7 and 170lbs. Yayks...Thank god it's stillwinter. Last year I was 145-150 and athletic. But due to yo-yoing I went up and feel worse than ever. But my goal is to be healthy, happy, energized, focused, feel good, get that glow and be in awesome shape!!!! And be the beautiful woman in and out God intended me to be...

hey benegirl im in the same boat as u, not excercising, binge eating on raw blah blah, idk wats going on either, and my skin is in a horrible mess, ive gotbleeding acne all over my face, its bad,, hang in there, i know it will get better, exercising will probably help the most, i kno wat u mean about being in pain wen u exercise, sheesh well good luck u hope u stay on your fast,, its so hard but if u really want it you can do it :]]

thanks fuzzy. I have been trying to go raw, and was doing ok, but then i slipp up, and even with the raw food, i binge. I think that I really had a breakdown. I cant even define how fed up I am with myself. So fed up that i'm on day of of MC, and it doesnt even bother me. Just tired. Thats it, evry morning I wake up and can't even look in the mirror. Actually i don't need to, my acne hurts. I want to fell amazing inside, loose weight cuse i'll have no more clothes left due to my weight going up. of, and do I need to mention.

I WANNA BRING SEXY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i binged alot when i started to try going raw 5 years ago ..i think its just a natural thing to try to feel full... i think after awhile you will find you will feel more fullfilled on less it just takes time. dont get frustrated just go with it

im not 100% everyday but i try to be ...and i think the day i stopped obsessing about all this raw stuff.. .is the day i really started enjoying it

but that took about 2-3 years lol

if you cant look in the mirror ...then dont .. my face used to look like someone shot it with a billion bb's... what did i do? cover the mirror up with a pretty picture or a picture of what you want your skin too look like (don't peek under it to compare !) after you stop stressing about it (stress causes hormones to go crazy dont forget) you might find your skin clearing up .

except for the odd pimple once a month ..my skin is as clear as it was before i hit my teens

oh and btw ... sexy never left you ..its still there!!!!! its just hiding behind the cloud of self-doubt and obsession

j gunn, u funny............. hahaha

i'll see what happens after my master cleanse... maybe that will assist me w the not to binge...

by the way--since uve been on this for 5 years... any struggles??? how do u deal w non raw food???

i choose not to struggle with it ..

if i really want something cooked then i try to find the lesser of two evils .. some steamed veggies or a baked apple or something BUT

the deal i have with myself is that i eat something raw first

if i want some steamed rice then i eat a huge salad first and a fruit smoothie .. if i still want the rice then to hell with it i have the rice ..99% of the time im happy after the salad and dont want the rice

if i want a bucket of ice cream then the deal is i choose to eat an apple, orange and banana first AND run twice around the block (somethings gotta counteract that bucket of fat).. i dont usually want the ice cream after that

the mind like s to trick us and mess with us.. but afterall its my brain in my head .. its up to me what i choose to listen too

I am trying too not to look at this as a diet, though life change. Any attempt has to be better than before. Diets have always failed me...

So let say you "slip" and don't call it that because you are mentally on the right path..... so you have a day that you didn't plan="slip"...okay so it is a day look at things like they were before you began to educate yourself about eating correctly.

Of course the main focus is to get there and stay on a consistant basis, though we are people...

I agree with the above post.... don't let your mind trick you.... though don't trick your mind by negative thoughts about yourself and direction that you are taking.

You are working towards the goal....stay with that thought and soon...the self doubt portion will follow.

I have to self talk daily or my mind will overcome the good with everything I haven't done instead of all the right I have done... that applies to LIFE.

Forget the right brain left brain theory... it is good vs evil in my head.... hahahah

thanks..., but its what ive been doing as well. before i want something bad i make myself have may daily green juice and something else until i eat soemthing cooked, unless i decide not to. or the thing i did which is what i mentioned, i overeat on raw food until i am beyond stuff. Its really funny how you can trick your mind...

i dont worry about stuffing myself on raw fruits and veggies .. it certainly hasnt harmed me

im not into the tahini, soy, etc stuff though .. never have been though ..im not one for sauces and stuff even when eating cooked or SAD

hey there...well good luck.....i don't want to reply with the samething i did i your other 2 journals...so good luck and have a great day!!! if you stick with it and keep your mind on the goal you will do it!!!!!
take care hun
love earth angel
xoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

omgosh benetgirl i hav been doing the same thing with rawfoods, totally binging on them, i eat CONSTANTLY, the only time i did this before was right wen i first transitioned, and i just ate something nonraw and got major cooked food cravings a day ago,, i think it has 2 do with cooked food,, cuz right wen u go raw u instantly become obsessed with cooked food, all the damn cravings drive yor body crazy, so i end up eating tons of raw 2 not eat the cooked, cuz then id kno id b totally out of control,, itll b okay you can get through this :] im going thru the same thing

yeah i am looking at this as my lifestyle. and not a diet. and i think i am very frustrated, actually i know and want to get this over with, that is my current condition. I hate it when my friends ask me if im still dieting.And for the 100 time i have to tell them no, im transtioning to a new me and lifestyle.
Or they ask me why im eating so much fruit, or big salad, and they remind me i wont loose weif=ght this way. I actually have to laugh, because once again i have to explain that im transitioning...and i will eat all the damn raw food i please. LOL


fuzzy, and the overeating, u r right. its a lot of things. like last week, the apples werent doing the trick, so i ate my prepared salad at 10:39 am..LOL i never did that... our taste buds havent quite shifted yet to raw. and even though i overate on raw, i def overdid it. like a lot. hahaha until my stomach hurt and i was swollen. Thats when i said hell no.. i cant go on like this binging. And I was spending mad $...which i dont have. This lemonade fast is helping me. Its controlling my greedy mind and stomach.

i find it easier not to talk about what im eating/consuming with other folks

a. they dont understand
b. if they do understand they make attempts at finding fault in it (negative)

next time they ask you why your eating a apple ask them why their gnawing on some dead peice of carcass

u know, i hate talking about it either. like today i went out for lunch, people asked me what i ate, so i lied...no one can know im fasting right now.... it will hit the roof. and only frustrate me...and quite frankly i im on the right path and happpy about it and need all the energy..

but its hard when some of my friends know...

hi there...good for you hun!! keep up the good work and keep trying!! you are doing great....
love earth angel
xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

hey girl! i'm new to your diary, but i feel like i really relate to you on some things!

i'm 5'9 and 171 - so there's one thing. Plus, I used to be fit and weight around 145, but I"ve been yo-yo dieting and stress eating for so long that I barely remember a time when i wasn't trying to diet.

as for the overeating on raw - oh man, i fully understand that as well. my theory is that from yo-yo dieting for so long, our brains/bodies feel like food is in short supply. it's like, "whoa, food? however much I want? better eat this fast!" and that makes sense because, when dieting, after i used to binge, the next day i was like, OMG i'm not eating anything today to make up for it!

that never used to work for me. eating raw... i feel like i can eat however much I want. I've struggled with overeating too, but I'm adapting. at first, whatever I had, I would eat. and then eat more. just because I could!

i'm really proud of you for taking the initiative to break the cycle. it's hard, especially when none of your friends understand why you want to or even what you're doing (i understand that too!). still, i know you can do this. we can do this.

hey thinkingraw,


OMG, yeah we relate. Whatever u said about overeating is true. As soon as my diet was over i would mess it up again!!! I ve been always on a diet. I was never the skinniest of girls, but not fat either. Since i was little i played soccer, balley, then joined a gym at 13. and have been an attendee ever since, up until last year. and dieting doesnt work for me. raw lifestyle will, i just need to adjust. with raw food we will not have to count calories or quantities. I HATE OBSESSING ABOUT FOOD. Do u??? I just want to be....

I think eventually it will all come together for us and i will get that major drive to exersice and eat all i want, or as little as i want.

What stage r u in and how long???

and yes, lets keep in touch, and help one another in this journey.

Hey there ...hope you are having a great day!!! keep up the hard work..you will get to your goals...ad if you eat a lot somedays don't stress..you are eating raw and doing good to your body so you will be okay!! keep up the awesome attitude!!!
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxoxo

I'm back.... :-)

Hi everyone, I'm actually afraid to come back.

I stopped posting for a while due to various reasons. After my 21 day MC cleanse I was veryy disspaointed w my life. At the end of my cleanse i felt very sick and weak, and then my wisdom tooth started growing immediately. ouch. then w in 2 days I kept putting pressure on my ear to stop the pain, and managed to irritate my ear, which caused me deafness and pain for like 3 weeks. I got soooo mad at everything. I'm not sure i can explain myself, but I didn't wanna think raw, I just wanted to be raw. I stayed raw about 50-100%....depending on the day. I didn't wanna think about it at all, or talk about it. One of the reasons I stopped posting. I didn't read any books on raw or try to educate myself as I did before. I just was....I didn't want it to feel like a task. I did attend a few raw meetings....But I feel better now, no pain, and have def started exercising. Things and life don't seem as gloomy. And certain things in my life have improved. my skin still looks like crap, but a little better. i still have not lost weight. which really bothers me!!!!!


so sorry to everyone, especially to some of you who have been sooooo kind to me. you know who you are. i feel like i fell of mt.everest and am trying to climb back up.


so here i am again.....

I read your posts, It sounds like your doing real good. Having a toothach and ear problem can be a bit frusterating but keep on aspireing to your goal. Since I have been raw I am feeling more positive towards life and myself. I wish you the same.

dont be sorry ..you dont owe us anything .. you learned from your mistakes glad youre back

whats your next step?

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

ok,

so i'm becoming more raw than ever. i have def eliminated some foods...such as:

haven't had ice cream in a long time
chocolate
and other bad foods i used to cheat with.

Elimination is the key for me. Very proud of myself.

Every morning I start out with a watermelon, the fruits and then a salad w avocado and no dressing, just juice from the tomato. (i need to cut down on my fat) at night more watermelon, radishes or some nuts. eating the fat helps me transtion....

but i have cheated...on a pizza. not good. and partying & alcohol.

Overall I am quite happy with my progress... Definetely taking it day at a time and happy with my elimination. Till next time.

But my skin still looks like crap. Aye.... Very bad....

You are doing great! Ice cream and chocolate are tough ones to eliminate, I love and miss them too. ;-)

My substitute for ice cream is a frozen fruit smoothie and I occasionally eat raw chocolate (in a raw bar or in a smoothie or a raw chocolate cherry pudding).

I agree with you, we have to rely on some less than perfect things during the transition. Keep it up!

thank you.... i used to hate myself for the transitions foods due to the fact that i over did them. but now it doesnt bother me cause now i know its whats going to get me there!!!! when I tried to eliminate all those transitions foods, i began to cheat. Yeah, i depend on the raw bars now for chololate.

Benetgirl, be nice to yourself. It is a journey to enjoy and learn along the way. We eat and learn what these foods are about and how they make us feel. If you drink wine you have learned how it makes you feel on a new and more enlightened perspective. If you eat a pizza you find out how that makes you feel how it gives you very little vitality and energy. In the future you may eat something else cooked but you will simply learn how you feel with eating that. It is not that you are being deprived of these foods you are making a choice for your health and vitality. When you have been eating raw for a time you will be able to out run most people who eat cooked foods. Don't worry about over eating raw foods, listen to your body and learn. This is a wonderful journey and learning experiance. You will reap many rewards.

I am begining to sound like a fortune cookie but I just want to encourage you.

hey there benetgirl!!! how are you hun??? hope things are going well and you are having a wonderful wonderful life...let us know how it is and if you need us....you know you can depend on us!!!
take care hun and talk to you soon
lots of love
earthangel
xoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo