It has been nearly 18 years since I quit, and I still shudder to think how hard those first few months were. It made me crazy.

For me the biggest thing was to realize that I really wasn't depriving myself of something, but rather that the freedom was a gift to myself. I had to really stop looking at the next cigarette as my friend, and realize it was exactly the opposite.

You are very wise Elakti to understand the importance of really committing and quitting totally, not in stages. Every day, every moment from the time you quit gets a little easier, but it still can take months to feel really good.

There was a pretty good thread about it a while back, maybe you will find some inspiration: [www.rawfoodsupport.com]

I wish you the best,

Sapphire

Thank you everyone for the support! How neat to see the comments. I did go to youtube---and I watched almost all the quit smoking!'s. Wow. That was a good dose of antismoking motivation. What a sinister thing this habit is, sinister. I want to boot it out forever.

I think today is definitely The Day and I also have a slight panic for fruit and vegetable juices and more vegetable juices and greens! Water, yoga. Go to the ocean cliffs (across street) and do the first Bikram pranayam breathing exercises. Everyday, don't smoke, and do positive healthful and sane things for myself.

Yes! BREATHE!!!!

Thanks everyone for support, thanks for telling me about the youtube, I didn't know such videos were there. It was graphic---like someone grabbed me by shoulders and shook me real hard. I'm very visual so all this stuff I know about smoking was in pictures, set to music, etc....

I think back to that ionic foot spa I had...I am sure most of that gunk was tar and nicotine. I also think that being raw and doing all the cleaning I've been doing has been instrumental in graphically making the ills of smoking felt all the more intensely.

Congratulations Sapphire and PamPam for having quit. Thanks for support you two and Soraya and Sundancer.

eeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh That's me breathing.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) and smiling

I just read through that thread, Sapphire...awesome. You know what you're talking about, what an experience you had with the cancer. Thanks for sharing all that. Yes, the cigs are like mini chemotherapy sessions self-administered. I enjoyed and got a lot out of everything you posted, thanks a million.

Elakti, you're more than welcome! Wish I could do more Trust me, I overstand how important it is to have someone there to lend encouragement and support. Plus, you're so sweet, it's easy to cheer you on and wish you the best!!!

Banana and big bowl of grapes for breakfast.

I did not quit smoking yesterday. Did not last long and as long as I lasted (a few hours) I ate non-stop including non-raw, started thinking about chocolate, and even though I was wearing a patch, started feeling desperate and panic-y.
This is what I am up against. All the youtube info, all the scary pictures and facts....washed away in the panic. I'll keep at it. #)*%**##@!!!!!!!

I had a great yoga class yesterday, which really boosted me up and helped my spirits. The temp was perfect (probably around 105) and I did almost the whole class, I think I only missed 1 1/2 triangles. I want to do both sets, but collapsed out of one (hence the "1/2" and I was on my towel so I just lay in savasana until the next pose whih is also challenging and uncomfortable for me. Class was great. Felt so good afterwards in every way. It helped that the temp was reasonable and that I had, in fact, smoked a little less frenetically that afternoon.

Yoga again today...also vegetable juice is a must today...and a good salad, and more fruit. Oranges sound perfect. Will do reading today. Or watch tennis.
Yoga in afternoon.

I have a breathing book by P. Bragg.....this is my textbook for the day.

Hey Elakti

Don't give up,

One day you won't say "I think" this is the day, or "I will try" today.

You will "KNOW" this is the day, and you will "DO IT".

I never really "quit" smoking, I finally decided to NEVER put another one in my mouth. No matter what. I decided it was MY choice to make. It's really important to realize who is in control of that choice. Every time I ever tried and failed it was because I made the choice to fail. I made the easy choice, but I needed to make the harder choice.

When you can really say "I AM A NON-SMOKER", (and you can say that immediately when you quit, there should be no doubt), you are there. There hasn't been a cigarette invented yet that can jump into your mouth and light itself.

It's very hard to get past the feeling of being a victim of your addiction and make the connection that you are a full participant in your addiction. But it's really important.

Sapphire

Point well taken. There has been a burgeoning awareness of this. I need to quit all the victim thinking...the this and the that rationalizations, excuses, reasons, complexes, etc ad nauseaum. Let it all go. All that keeps me in victim/failure mode and only fuels the habit. I have to quit quitting. Yes, I see that the answer is very much in what you have said there. I need to be a full participant and realise there is no self-propelled cigarette to attack me. But, I am afraid. I am afraid of my emotions, the reaction...that will be automatically taken care of in the Knowing I am a Non-smoker, with the strength of that? Yes, you see, I am not "there" yet, feeling the force of that "but" and that fear. I fear my mental/enotional reaction more than I fear the awful and negative painful consequences of smoking. That is the victim-mode still.

What Sapphire said!

When you're at that place that you are ready on all levels, then the step will come...at least you are aware of what you have to process first...So glad Sapphire came to give you additional support...thanks, Sapphire!

Way to go on doing so well in Yoga yesterday!!! So proud of you...

Ok Elakti - I am going to tell you off right now, in a very stern way, and I want you to take it just that way, while understanding that it comes from me with love and a whole lot of support for you.

Just because I said you will succeed when you are ready doesn't mean you get to put it off. It doesn't matter how many emotional issues you think you need to deal with first, it is just excuses.

Why do I know that? Simple. I remember the day I found out I had cancer. I had to deal with it there and then. I could have thought of a million reasons to wait for another day to have to deal with it, but I just didn't get that choice. You have been so lucky - how many days of grace have you had without having anyone hand you a death sentence, yet instead of being grateful for your continued health, you just keep on smoking? How much longer can you really dance with that devil and take that gamble that you will be okay for another day.

Here's the video again I posted in the other thread. This woman was 41. She only lived a few horrible awful painful months. Think how hard it was for her to say goodbye to her nine year old daughter. Watch it over again. Can you really afford to wait any longer? If you think you can, maybe you should watch it yet again.

[www.aadac.com]

If you quit right now, and make it to the end of the day, then by the time you go to bed tonight, you will sleep through your worst cravings. What a great start that would be for you.

(And if I was there with you in person, this is the point where I would give you a hug and tell you that you can do this)

Sapphire

A little over 24 hours without a cigarette. I feel not so good. Down in dumps, sad, confused. Sometimes ok, earlier in day. Sleep will be welcomed, ah to be unconscious.

Yoga class this morning. It was a little hotter than last two days, but I did well enough. My effort was good, and I felt very good afterwards. I am looking forward to next class. It will be such a great help.

Food intake started out with fruit and fruit smoothie with banana, grapes, plums, prunes. After yoga, grapes. Then, cooked food. Then, more. Am sucking on sugar hard candies, 2 and 3 in mouth at same time. Can I stop this before it is a runaway train? (The first time I "successfully" quit smoking and lasted for six YEARS I gained 100 pounds and was never so sick in all my life. Last time I quit for six months and gained forty.)

Tomorrow I will do better.

Thanks for support and guidance.

OMG Elakti

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!

Wait, let me say that again.....

I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY PROUD OF YOU, WHAT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. MAKE SURE YOU GET IN FRONT OF A MIRROR VERY SOON AND TELL YOURSELF YOU ARE THE MOST FABULOUS AMAZING PERSON EVER.

Please, please don't beat yourself up for anything especially weight. Now that you are raw, you probably don't have anything to worry about. I bet last time you quit you didn't have so much positive things going on in your life (yoga, raw diet, etc.)

You probably already know this, but now that you have been through the first 24 hours, you might as well stay quit. The cravings from this point on will be just a little bit easier to deal with day by day, hour by hour. The last thing you want to do is to have just one, and get that whole craving cycle to reset back to the beginning.

OMG! I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU - I HOPE YOU CAN IMAGINE ME JUMPING UP AND DOWN YELLING AND CHEERING FOR YOU!!!

I hope that when you reach seven days you can think of a wonderful treat for yourself! Something you would truly love.

Sapphire

Thank you Sapphire for such cheering for my 24 hours!!
In 3 hours-ish it will be 48 hours....

Grapes this a.m. and green smoothie. I woke up real early. Later made veg. juice---carrots, celery, cucumber.

I did not feel well, and had mucous already eliminating from lungs and I was chilled. Put on socks and sweats and sweatshirt all zipped up and even put hood on head! I was freezing.

Went to yoga and cured That Problem!!!! The hot room felt good! I notified teacher I didn't feel well, but actually had a great class. The heat and the yoga---superlative, curative! Felt terrific afterwards, so good.

Made more veg juice when I got home: carrots, celery, spinach. Big salad with grated beets and cilantro with romaine. Tahini dressing. And ---ahem---something else which I won't mention! I'm full. Drinking tea now and chomping on nicorette gum.

Ah, the yoga is so wonderful.

I am doing well. We have to focus hard and unblinking on one point of ourself in the mirror many times during the sequence. I took the opportunity while staring straight ahead at my eyes to see myself very concentratedly and strongly say, "I am a non-smoker, I am looking at a non-smoker getting stronger and stronger. I am a strong person and choose to be a non-smoker." I am becoming more aware of my breath during my yoga practice. In the Half-Tortoise pose the breath goes deep into lungs and it can be felt in the back of the lungs...I always stay there a few seconds longer as I so enjoy taking slow long breaths and feeling the lung sensation. It is a pose that can be done at any time so I am going to use it during day, for the breath and the relaxation. Very relaxing and energy giving pose.

I don't want to smoke anymore. I want to be free of it. I want to breathe, do yoga everyday, attain as much vitality as I can for the last part of my life.

There is a little falling back as far as diet is concerned right now...I am seeing if I can control it temporarily and then go back to all raw. I must keep up the fruit, the green fruit smoothies, the veg juice (and increase), the salads.

I am chewing the gum at times throughout day. I also have patches. These nicotine aids I do use, usually for a couple months and then go on my own.

I feel relaxed (and full! ) and happy when I realise I haven't smoked and feel strong and committed and grateful about it....an hour at a time. The yoga is a PHENOMENAL support, pleasure. Vitally so! I have gone now several days in a row and now look forward to it and feel like a renewed refreshed being afterwards. It is stupendous, fantastic. I recommend Bikram Yoga to everyone. My friend and I are the two "seniors" in the midst of much younger people--we do damn well!!! I feel the yoga working on several structural challenges. My knees are stronger. My hip is going through changes. My spine is getting more supple. I used to have a very good spine (until I got injury to it and hip from obesity). When I took from Bikram himself about 25 years ago in L.A. he told me in class that my spine was like a cadillac that I didn't know how to drive.
I can already see the difference in my breath, energy, stamina during the yoga class since not smoking for these couple days. Hallelujah!

Oh, just take it easy, go hour by hour if necessary, day by day. I am not really thinking about it, I do not feel the usual obsession and demon-attack feelings. The next time I do get the heebie-jeebies I am going to hit the floor in the Half-Tortoise pose and breathe deeply in in in in in and out out out out out and again and again and again and repeat. Maybe I will do it BEFORE I feel I have to! I occasionally have done the first pranayama breathing technique that we begin the class with. Last night I watched a little tv and I did the pranayam a couple times. Uses all of lung capacity, increases the capacity, and is very invigorating. Invigorating/relaxing.

Ok. Enough tap-tap-tapping. Thanks again for continued support.
Sapphire---you are a TREMENDOUS help. Your stern post was great. I needed that. I took it with open and receptive mind. And the hug with open arms.

~moi

You GO, girl!!!!!!!!

***Wild applause***

Don't worry too much about diet - be loose and flexible for now. You've alot on your plate to deal with - just do for you what best supports you and your long-term goals.

I wish I could give you a big ol' hug right about now...

Keep strong, keep focused, and take it a step at a time!

SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!

Thank you thank you, Soraya. So much support! You can say that again....I certainly do have a lot on my plate! LOL

Evening now, and I feel a bit wired, antsy....perhaps more oxygen than normal and less drained/fatigued than usual. I feel like running around the block. I should hit the floor in Half Tortoise Pose. Good idea.

I did eat some yucky thing, but also ate some excellent fruit and salad, and did juice vegetables twice.

Elakti:

I'm just about bursting, I am so proud and excited for how great you are doing. It's amazing to think of you giving yourself this wonderful gift of freedom!

I remember when I first quit, I really re-discovered my sweet tooth for a while. In fact, there was one particular butterscotch candy that I ate a lot. For years, my four kids would publicly ask me to buy those "smoking" candies, LOL (even though they were either babies or not even born back when I quit, I must have told them about it.)

The great news is that if your sweet tooth starts making itself known, there are so many lovely juicy fruits that are so much better - wish I would have leaned that way a little more, but who cares, whatever works is worth it!! I also liked very stong flavored peppermint gum, it made my mouth feel cleaner or something and helped a lot. Before I knew it, I didn't need anything.

You are doing so great. You are really breaking free from the smoking demon (I don't believe in demons, but if I did, they would probably all be cigarettes or other drugs) Your body might feel like it is craving, but really it is screaming thank you from every single cell. I bet the hot yoga is doing enormous good in helping all those chemicals detox from you. I used to imagine every cell in my body just overflowing with joy from all the good clean air.

Big hugs and loud cheers!

Sapphire

YEHA sooo good to hear of your great choice. After three days the nicoteen is now out of your system and you can work on the habit and why you needed it in the first place. give yourself some positive afermations. What a great big step towards your health. Hey I still gained weight and smoked. Now I am loseing weight and not smoking I am breathing much better and a little richer(I can use the money for cigs to buy fresh food haha)

YAY ELAKTI!!!!! I've been reading but very busy so not responding. I am very very proud of you!!!

I'm doing okay, still really busy, still worrying about my family (now my daughter needs her gall bladder removed). Good news, though: my sister is asking my advice about diet ideas for my mom, who is diabetic and has diverticulitis.

I'm getting back into higher raw foods again; starting to detox a little, but weaning myself off of coffee and SAD veg food.

I'll post more later. Ciao!

One aspect of the whole chemotherapy experience that helped me get through it was the mental battle I created for myself. I would go in and get all the poisons injected into me (plus the five awful pills), and go home. It would take about three hours before I started to feel really bad, so I would have a nice breakfast and tidy up,then settle into bed for the horrible stuff. Then I would start my mental epic battles.

I embraced the sickness. I remember silently screaming "bring it on, I can take it, I can take even more than this" - whatever it took to kill every one of those stray cancer cells. I imagined all of them dying along with many of my own cells, cells that I knew I would one day grow back without any cancer. It got to a point where one month I actually complained to the doctor that I didn't think the drugs were making me sick enough!!

I wonder if a similar strategy would work with the cravings for a cigarette. When I quit, I almost felt like there was a voice compelling me not to quit, promising to always be my friend (I always felt like my cigarettes were my friends for some reason), and reminding me that "just one won't matter". I think it would have made me feel better to have the mental battle to scream "LIAR!!", I don't need you, I am too good for this, I will do better than this! My body and my health are MY GIFT and it would take something much bigger than you to take that away from me! etc, etc, I am sure you could think of lots to add. I do remember many many times when I was quitting, standing in front of the mirror talking to myself, cheering myself on, reminding myself to stay on track. Anyone would have thought I was nuts, but who cares, it worked!

Here's something else to think about. Once you are really quit, once you have really broken free of those nagging cravings and you are truly free of this, you will really have accomplished something. Something you can feel great about! If you can quit smoking, you can do anything. I was amazed at how it boosted my self esteem to succeed at that.

So if you need to slip up your diet temporarily to make this work, it doesn't matter. Because when the day comes that you want to get back on track, that will be super easy for you compared with what you have already achieved.

More cheers and hugs!

Sapphire

Millions thanks to all of you for your support and cheers and hugs. Thanks PamPam for popping in again with your support. Thanks Sundancer (your Little one ! What is going on? My best wishes to her!) and Soraya and Sapphire.

I am pressed for time right now~~~~~~~~~~~~going to YOGA!
Smoothie: 2 bananas, romaine, big plum.
Vegetable Juice: carrots, big cucumber, celery.

Taking usual 2 bottles water and small bottle diluted fruit juice to yoga. One bottle is solid block of ice....will the whole thing melt during class?!

Read the Bragg book on breathing. Some good and motivating, inspiring info in there about oxygen (and anti smoking info, too, of course). Most breathing exercizes I recognize in the Bikram series...it's all covered.

Sundancer, so sorry to hear that your daughter is having some physical problem, my sincere good wishes for her recovery. Gall bladder removed? Absolutely necessary at her young age? Oh my...you take care. Love to you both!

Off to Indian Salt Mine. Sweat out the weak self to reveal the strong self. I know now that when Bikram says, "I'm going to kill you" he means just that, all the weak wrappings that delude me into thinking I am those weaknesses. And I am using what he calls "English bull-dog determination and Bengal tiger strength" for the yoga and for myself vis-a-vis the smoking habit...that is not ruling me for this third day!

Butterscotch? Bingo. That is what I have, hard candies. Yup. My new ashtray is a wastebasket filled with golden wrappers.

I had a very good day. Yoga was wonderful. I struggled, sweat, groaned, sighed, grimaced, smiled, etc etc. Wow, what an incredible 90 minutes. The best thing is to do it everyday (or maybe 6 days/wk). I wish I had a recording of today's class!!!! The teacher acknowledged and praised me twice, wowie zowie!!!! Me! After balancing stick she asked my name and then told me that my balancing stick was beautiful and I could be a poster for it! (oh goodness gracious!) and then, the best comment, she told me I was doing a nice triangle and she urged me to stretch arm even more up, stretch scapula...and I was so happy about this, because I have been working SO HARD! And the triangle lately has been so difficult because of right hip (and it is just a demanding pose the way Bikram does it) and I have been aware of how much this pose is great for me to do for reasons of hip, lungs, heart, and more. Everything in body is being stretched or hammered or something---so to hear this acknowledgement was quite nice. I've been thinking of the changes I've been through emotionally and physically since beginning this Bikram yoga. Quite interesting.

Actually, the balancing stick needs so much work, I take too long to get into final position and I am not looking forward enough. But, as far as looking like a T, I can nail it.

Came home feeling so super. Ate. Ate and ate. And ate. Had good salad, more vegetable juice, and then cooked food and I won't mention what (all vegan though, been vegetarian since age 16). I have not had a cigarette.

When I am sure my stomach has emptied, I am making banana milk. That sounds so refreshing and light. I have lots of bananas.

Soraya, I may be sending the pkg to you tomorrow...if I can get out of house to look for a job. We are not going to yoga tomorrow, and I need to get very busy and serious about job hunting.

Sapphire...what an ordeal you went through. Thanks for sharing about it. Is that when you turned to rawfood?

I haven't been too busy with the no-smoking...a few swear words erupt now and then, but mostly have been relaxed and ok and un-obsessed. Third day. It may be a different thing when I am looking for job.

I want to hopefully stop this wayward eating asap. I don't really like how it makes me feel. It is so heavy and filling and gloppy. Just so I don't start in with the junk food as in cookies and chocolate. Then I am in trouble.

Banana milk for dinner, I think. Soon, bed and reading.

Sundancer - I am always thinking of you, and pray that your precious one has a smooth, speedy recovery; what a ride you've had over her health issues in the past few months!

Elakti - {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and a high five!!!

YEAAAAAHHHH!!!!! That's my girl!!! That's my girl!!!

Can ya tell I'm so excited, and darned proud of you - on all fronts!!!

Hang loose with the diet if you must; as long as it's healthy, eat it with gratitude! I've decided that I'll swing with high raw for a while; that's where I need to be for my own support right now.

Sapphire and Pampam - thanks a million for lending support to our girl; isn't she doing GREAT?!!?

Much love!

I feel so ungrounded, about as far away from looking for job as can be. I've been listenng to music all morning on youtube...piano music...ahhhhhhhh. Chopin, Liszt, Brahms.

I listened to one of favorite pieces, Ballade # 104 by Chopin....I cried. It pulls my heart out. I love it. I love this piece. I used to listen to it over and over and just cry and die from the beauty. Chopin put to music a sonate of Petraco ... so lovely, beautiful, intense, sweet, bittersweet, ripping and mournfull and nostalgic and painful and surrendering and passionate...I weep. And I never knew what the sonnet was...here it is:

"I cannot find peace/Neither can I wage war./Through the heavens I fly/And fall to earth/In this condition am I yours"

Instead of piano, I was at my vitamix.
Smoothie for breakfast. Then cooked food with horrid indulgence, the unmentionable. Double dose. stuffed. constipated. oh, sigh.

Ok, easy does it. Digest this, do better next meal. How about a salad?

Thanks, Soraya for good words. I don't feel so strong right now, but am chomping on my nicotine gum. I will make some vegetable juice, which will do me a lot of good. I don't like the fact I have deviated from raw. I would say I am only 50 or 40 raw...but, I am not smoking. And this is only the 4th day....I am going to pull myself up AGAIN and pull it together...no smoking and raw food. And yoga. AND I HAVE TO GET A JOB!!!!! Or, be homeless?????? Eat people's gardens?

I'm going to bed. It's a little past noon. Cloudy dismal day, I feel blaaaahhhh. Read a spiritual book.

From transcendent music to bog. Gotta climb out of this. I think yoga is on shedule today, after all, 4:30. My knee hurts, not the bone, but tissue or tendons on the side of it. The heat and yoga should work it out. I think it is from the triangle. I think it isn't "bad" but part of readjustment of troublesome right hip. Ok. Uplifting literature, maybe some sleep, vegetable juice and yoga. ABOUT FACE! Tomorrow: hit the pavement with faith. I've got to pull this all together.

I hear you about the snacking Elakti - I remember it seemed to take forever before I got over that inclination to constantly have something in my mouth (and usually it wasn't the healthiest choice either!)

I wonder if it would help to try to pre-plan other choices for yourself. I don't know what would work best for you personally, but maybe once in a while substitute a snack for a glass of water with half a lemon squeezed it, or something that you find distracting from that weird craving feeling. (I found strong flavors like lemon water or peppermint were the best distractions for me, but everyone is different).

I think that ungrounded feeling is totally universal when you first quit, I remember feeling like I was on a different level of existence than anyone else, like I just couldn't connect or something. Very strange feelings!

You are doing so great, what an inspiration you are. I am totally awed by you and all you are doing!

(Have you thought about a one week reward for yourself yet? One of my rewards was a bottle of very expensive perfume. I reasoned that since I no longer stunk of cigarettes, I was entitled to the very best, and the money I spent was much better for having not been spent on cigarettes. But that was further on, at first I think I gave myself flowers. Or how about a manicure on these lovely (not stained) fingers! Or maybe a CD of your favorite music?)

Sapphire

Not smoking is boring.

Now there is a danger signal and something to address.

I'm back from yoga. It was great. Rather a hot class but I managed it well, since I've been going everyday. On standing bow-pulling pose, which I get into much farther lately (for a few seconds) the teacher encouraged me, saying I had good alignment. I'm working so concentratedly on these poses, it is great to be able to tolerate the heat and be able to work on the yoga. I had some "yoga tears" today, briefly. I love this yoga.

I was so full, from huge lunch. Luckily I felt ok by 4:30.
I gave myself an enema, which was helpful.

Sapphire, I don't know what I will do for the "week" celebration...I have no money. Maybe, if I go to People's I will charge some papayas.

You are a big help to me, from your experience. 18 years, hallelujah! I did go 6 years and also 6 months, but never really quit because the whole thing transferred to junk food and emotional imbalance/near trauma. This time, I want complete release.

Lemon water is good! But, I don't know about as a "replacement" since I drink lemon water already. What would be a good celebration would be to let go of some of this cooked food I am eating---it is really uncomfortable. While eating it, it is enjoyable. Once in stomach and in system it is about as bad as a cigarette.

Yes, letting go of cigarettes does disconnect, does put one is weird states. I am not going through this as intensely as usual.

Well, I need to give a little thought....preparedness....for this feeling/perception of 'boredom'.

What is good: I am usually a BASKET CASE, very emotionally overwrought and crisis oriented. This is absent! Amazing, really. This 'boredom' thing is dangerous, though. When it hit me in car on way back from yoga, I took a couple deep breaths and tried to be present in the moment and de-bore that illusory weak perception of being without the cigarette (after yoga! what sacrilege!).

Need to eat. Here goes. What will it be? I'll report tomorrow!

Hi Elakti!

Wow, how much we forget. I had completely forgotten that smoking was kind of entertaining (in a dysfunctional way, haha!!) Probably a good idea to try to plan some kind of alternative "entertainment" if you can think of anything you like, preferably something non-eating related. Never too soon to start creating those new good habits!! (crosswords? knitting? obsessively painting your fingernails a different color three or four times a day, haha?....)

That is so insightful of you to say that you quit smoking and yet never really quit smoking. It's funny, I have family members who are "sober" alcoholics, who have never really stopped being alcoholics. There is a certain shift in your mindset when you REALLY release an addiction I think. The fact that you recognize that puts you miles ahead of many people. I think you will really get to your goals this time. Keep those positive affirmations coming strong, the more you say it to yourself the more likely you will start to really believe it!

I know money can be a big problem, but tell me the truth. If you hadn't made the decision to quit smoking, wouldn't you have managed to find the money to keep that habit going for the past few days? You don't even have to spend anything, a nature walk (especially if you have a dog) or something is very special also, or anything you keep meaning to do but haven't done for a while (that you enjoy).

I am so impressed by how well you are handling yourself, as you say, I would have been much more of a basket case than you seem to be. I hope when you next talk to yourself, you congratulate yourself for this also - GREAT JOB!!

Talk to you later,

Sapphire

Hi Sapphire, thanks for checking in with me again! Your support is welcome, how lucky I am to have all this support here. Yes, I definitely would have plenty of cigarettes, I would put cartons on my visa. Cigs would come before food. There is the sickness right there in print.

I am on 5th day. Geeeeez. 5 days. I don't even want to think about it. It makes no sense anyway. At the busstop today, eating grapes and waiting for nearly 30 minutes, I was doing fine, not really craving anything besides grapes and I felt fairly and unusually serene and I thought, " To heck with 5 days, just tack these on to the 6 months I had before(6 mos ago) and the 6 years (a few yrs ago) I had before that. Just simple. I can quit, I have gone 6 yrs and also 6 months without a cigarette. These 5 days are not the very first horrid 5 days I've gone through before (many times!). I'm rambling. Point is: I feel like it has been longer. It feels ok. I simply want to not pay much attention to it. As though---not putting it into time is a natural thing, as if I am accepting that I don't smoke, period, and it is not an option, period, and I don't have to put in time frame, because there is no time frame anymore, any more than any other non-smoker has a time frame of not smoking. It also calls attention to all the time spent smoking...only 5 days ago I was smoking. I just want to LET IT GO, like dropping a glass from my hand, gone!---and not counting the days of not dropping glasses.

Now let us pray that I don't have any moments that transcend this philosophy and all hell breaks loose! I am in a precarious position of no work, no money, and if I go into anxiety I will have a big challenge there perhaps vis-a-vis the smoking...well, anyway, so what...just have to stay strong and go through whatever without dropping glasses. Hang on!

You know, I may just get out my crochet hooks, get some yarn somehow...maybe I will crochet again. I might like to make an afghan.

Food: fruit for breakfast. Lunch: salad, cooked Amy's veg pot pie, and something worse....which makes me break out in rash on my rear. It has happened 2 days in row now. I think I know what the culprit is. Soon, soon, will get away from this. I won't be able to buy anymore.

I got more grapes today. They are so delicious. After I digest all this, I will eat more salad, or fruit, maybe make banana milk. I want to keep as raw as possible through this transition. Vegetable juice helps.

Soraya...I sent package of books off to you today...you should get in about a week or so....had to send book rate. but a week isn't too long. I think you'll enjoy them. I'm so surprised you haven't heard of Arnold Ehret. I love reading Ehret...my appreciation of his books keeps growing. I always go back to Ehret books. The two books by M. Monarch should be enjoyable for you to read. I'd suggest reading them in order they were written. Raw Spirit first. I aslo sent you a delightful book "Blatant Rawfoodist Propaganda", one of my favorite books. By Joe Alexander. It is a little out of the ordinary type of rawfood books, but with lots of good info and entertainingly written and just very cool and "fun". If you look up his website, there is nothing on it about rawfoods, but his artwork is there (he is an artist) and it is very good. I like it very much. He talks about how his artwork and his sense of colour went through a transformation when he became a rawfood eater.

I did a rather crazy thing today, given my circumstances of dire straits and understanding of how easy it is to become homeless---I had a chiropractic adjustment. Charged it. So, Sapphire, if you're still reading this far, this can be my week's reward and gift! I had nice talk with receptionist as we used to talk once inawhile when I was working in the neighborhood...I told her of my circumstances in case she hears about a job...she talked to the Dr. and he gave me a ten dollar discount, which was nice. I wanted an adjustment. The combination of yoga and adjustment is very cooperative! The last time I had adjustment (really needed it then badly), the yoga was so much easier afterwards!!! Anyway, I just took epsom salt bath, and I feel very tired in that way that follows an adjustment...lots of 'cracking'...and the body seems to get tired afterwards as tissues and what not adjusts to the adjustment. I will go to sleep very early tonight. Looking forward to yoga tomorrow...skipping today as friend is not going and I don't want to overwhelm body at this point. It wants sleep.

Yak yak yak......

take care, all.

I've got it Elakti:

What about some really hard-core visualization.

Imagine all your goals are reached - you have found a job you look forward to every day, and you enjoy the people you work with. You are completely raw, and you hair is shiny, your skin is glowing, and your body is just the way you want it to be. You don't even think about cigarettes any more, in fact, you don't even need a substitute any more. You do the Bikram class so well people are amazed. Money is no longer a worry to you. Each day is exciting to look forward to because you just feel so darn good (have I missed anything?)


(I don't suppose the Bikram club needs any hired help...?)

Once you get it all firmly figured out in your head, challenge your brain to come up with ways to make this all happen - it isn't unattainable by any means.

Good luck, and be sure to keep us posted!

Sapphire

I'll keep you posted!

Smoothie with bananas, pear. Ate 2 peaches. Grapes.

Am about to make vegetable juice.

I have gained weight. This must stop now, I'm taking control of this. I cannot will not gain any more weight. I hate obesity and bad food more than anything. If there were such a thing as second hand obesity...too bad there isn't. There should also be a 75.00 ticket if caught eating @#$%& food at a busstop. Definitely the usual SAD diet should be outlawed in all restaurants, LOL. Yeah, where's the day when people will also have to skulk along the sides of buildings guiltily stuffing their face with the poison of meat, milk, sugar, bread? Etc. Bad food and obesity cause more death than cigarettes. I want freedom from emotional/ mental dependence on poisons, period.

I am looking forward to yoga today. In meantime, various chores and duties. Wash my dog, wash my hair, water plants, make a big salad bowl to have at hand, make some dressing. For Vegetable juice I have carrots, beets, cucumbers, celery, parsley. I plan on drinking a little bit 2 or 3 times today. I seem to reap much benefit from juice.

Meditation. I need to meditate. Quiet, just sit: meditate. Let go.

Didn't meditate. This evening. We'll see.

Ate salad for lunch, and vegetable pot pie (last one on hand, maybe not buy anymore?). Made veg. juice: only one carrot, lots cucumber and celery. I figured this would be very good pre-yoga...cooling cucumber and celery, natural sodium, etc. good for the hard work in hot room. Maybe it did help...I stayed throughout class and did almost every pose, worked hard. My friend had to leave room (this is rare) and she said lots of people in locker room complaining about heat. This made me feel strong, since I made it through.
Wow. THAT is one helluva hatha yoga class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel so good. The no smoking sure is making a HUGE difference in my yoga. HUGE. Large class, close to 60, mat to mat. It looks so crowded before class. ONce class begins I am unaware of anyone's proximity.

Am eating grapes. Will eat oranges as soon as I finish here. Probably later will eat salad and maybe something else, but I want to get a big serving of fruit in now. Grapes and oranges are heavenly after that class.

The difference in the way I feel now and how I felt before yoga is like night and day. I feel like I have indeed "flushed" my body and mind. That is what Bikram calls it, he says that the body needs to be flushed once a day.

Reminds me of adorable true story of little girl who sees ocean for the first time and says "Look, Mom, it just keeps flushing and flushing"!

Wow, I could just float away and nothing is bothering me. Am really going to savor ripe sweet juicy fruit.