Just finished post yoga grapes. Yoga was different today. Problematic hip is changing. Past few days I was doing triangle so much better, stronger. Teacher even commented on it one day. Today, weakness in hip joints and musculature was not holding it up well...that is what it felt like....discomfort, almost pain in hips....but, not awful pain, I think the pain of change. Such a difference today. Then, afterwards, tears. I'm told there are emotions held in the hip area. Then, other poses where hips played major role....interesting. See what happens tomorrow.

Had canteloupe this morning, very good, tasty. Salad today, too. And other fruit, like bananas. Also some cooked food again. And I want a cigarette.

I think there may be some major changes coming up, may even have to move, don't know yet...cannot find job ....

Wish I could get back to all raw...wish I could have a cigarette...don't want to move, don't want to work, wish I could retire, wish wish wish....this doesn't sound too accepting! I am accepting this is how it is, this is how I am, and my hips are being cooked and reshaped in the steaming Indian salt mine.
Everything will be all right, just another scene change, another act. "All life is a stage..." and, yuck. I did get some greenish papayas today, things are just ripening.

Elakti, thank you for your great kindness and generosity in sending me that package of books; I really appreciate it and will read them voraciously...;}

Accepting the process where you are right now will help you tremendously - that's where I am right now as well! Accepting myself, my process and taking a good, hard, truthful look at everything - seeing what my next move is...

I am so, so, so proud of you making YOU a priority on every level...

Part of making myself a priority right now is shifting my time management for a while; that includes decreasing my online time drastically as I take more ME time to address some things (and real world relationships!) - am online way too much at the moment for where I'm at. So...you won't see me on this site for a bit but I'd love to stay in contact with you, so I'm PMing you my e-mail addy. I'd also love to hear from you, Sundancer, so you can get my addy from Elakti if you'd like!

Love you both; be well, be safe, and stay strong on the journey!

Have a beautiful day!

Hey chickies!

I'm kind of doing what Soraya is doing as far as staying off the computer; that is why you haven't heard much from me lately.

Work is still a zoo, but I'm in management now and have a little more control over situations that come up. And more money.

I'm going to ease back into 100% raw foods, as well as the exercise routine I had earlier this year, and hopefully, more meditation time.

Hey Elakti -- it's okay to want a cigarette, but I'm very proud of you for not caving in to those cravings! Keep it up; you'll be so happy you did when the cravings subside (and they WILL!).

Have a great week!
Much love

Elakti:

That was the hardest part for me, was the secondary cravings (or at least that was how I thought of them). The cravings themselves weren't really as torturous as the ones at the very beginning, but it was almost as if the big concrete wall of willpower that I had to create for myself to get started had chipped away quite a bit after a while, and I had to be prepared for that. Maybe you will find it the same. But please, stay strong. You have come so far, and you have so much to gain!!

That yoga thing is interesting - I bet you are right, your body is probably getting ready for a breakthrough of some sort. My old Bikram teacher was so amazingly flexible and strong, but the stories he used to tell about the journey to get that way were hard to imagine. Nice to know so much can be accomplished.

I wish you the best in finding a solution to the job / moving dilemma. I am sure this will work itself out in some way for you. Sometimes, I have found that the changes that I have least wanted to make in my life, have ended up to be the best ones, so keep an open mind.

Despite the fact that you are struggling in some areas in your life, please don't lose sight of the fact that you are excelling and doing an amazing job in other areas. Many people could not do what you have done this past week.

Take care!

Sapphire

Hi Elakti:

Hope you are doing okay. Thinking about you,

Sapphire

Me too. And Soraya.

The rise and fall of Elakti.....continual...rise and fall...so many steps forward and back: I am smoking AND eating cooked food (sometimes there's a loud thud as I fall completely on my bum).

Today I plan to take back my food and eat predominantly raw. I've had watermelon this morning. I opened it yesterday and it is delicious. I have another melon, papayas, oranges. I have salad....will make a big salad. I have carrots and other vegetables for juicing. And I am going to People's later with a friend and will pick up some more fruit (grapes!).

I was doing so well with the non-smoking, amazingly well...until there was a bad day of emotions concerning my financial and living situation and some other factors which I won't go into.

My situation has to change and SOON. I am on a precipice. I have been meditating more and finding solace and calm again. Everything will work out for the best even if my mind is not happy at first with whatever changes. We'll see what happens. I really do not want to lose my room where I live. I love it. But....we'll see.

There is a ray of hope concerning a job which I would like...somewhere I used to work years ago...he said maybe in a month (!) but I also heard that there is a possibility of sooner...I hope this is "meant to be".

I don't feel well. No wonder. Physically. I am staying home. Back to Ehret again. Eat good food. Vegetable juice. Maybe an enema. Maybe a dose or two of bentonite/psyllium. Poor body, poor soul, crazy mind.

The positive thing about this rise and fall...at least I am moving forward and am struggling to overcome these imbalances and negative aspects. Falling down feels like a "snapping back" into The Mold, like a piece of jigsaw puzzle with a strong magnetic pull to snap back into place. I want to change the shape of these pieces.
And it is not a pleasant little tea party struggling out of these old molds, shaped long ago.

Elakti --
BAM!! or is it THUD!! Way to get back up!! Hang in there; keep doing your best and maybe re-quitting smoking will be a little easier this time. Don't give up! If it's any consolation, I'm not doing as much raw as I'd like to either (crazy job scene!!), but I'm not giving up either. Funny thing, I did better on raw last winter than this summer -- isn't that ironic? Especially with my big fat garden!!! What the ****?!

Hi Elakti,

Welcome back, glad to hear you are doing ok. I am sure this setback is very disappointing to you, but at least you proved to yourself that you can do it. Now it is just a matter of keeping it all going. I am sure I quit smoking 40 times before I finally got it right, so don't give up. You can and you will do this if you can just remember to keep working on it.

It's such a journey, isn't it!

Take care,

Sapphire

Mostly raw today and I did yoga, which was great. I did almost every pose. The triangle was tough...hips are rearranging I think. Just a couple weeks ago I was doing a pretty good triangle; now, not so good---but, I think it is because hips are getting better!! Transition.

Food highlight was a papaya, which I shared with the yellow sided conure because she doesn't eat much of it at all!

I feel relaxed and calm despite precarious position on cliff. Job soon? As soon as I get a job, I will quit smoking again.

Hey all!

I'm updating my raw food commitment as of today. I have been promoted to manager where I work, and the sluggishness and other physical symptoms of eating cooked food is not working for me -- I need the lightness, clarity, and energy that eating all raw gives me. I haven't fallen completely off, but I have gone to closer to 50% raw, which is not helping keep those midlife aches away. I am also starting to gain weight (still a little overweight and don't need that!) I am going to make myself a smoothie for breakfast, and if I cannot find time to make myself something raw and delicious, I'll grab fruit or a salad. I'm also renewing my commitment by getting back into yoga and working out at the YMCA, which my daughter loves as much as I do. A feel like I may have some detox symptoms, and if I do, I'm going to allow myself some cooked rice and/or winter squash if I need to in order to function at work. I have eleven shifts at work and am responsible for training four new people. This amount of responsibility is new to me and I want to be at my peak, because I really like what I do and feel that this experience will groom me for my next business venture -- my own restaurant/organic convenience store. I'm not anticipating much detox, and if I can I'd like to just ride it out without the cooked food -- it'll just be my cushion if I need it. I really like the way I feel when I eat 100% raw; I miss the energy and youthfulness I have, so I hereby recommit.

That's wonderful positive news, Sundancer. Much better job, I hear that you are really into the better position, more responsibility, etc, and will be great training, as you say, for your own venture. And, I really hear the recommittment to raw foods, as a Necessity. Health and clarity and poise definitely do come with rawfoodism. (also some detox, but on the one hand there is positive detox and on the other hand there is chronic blaaahs and low vitality if not downright illness when eating poorly).

Good luck with new job and we can simultaneously renew the right eating. I'm with you there. That's good news about the yoga too...yoga is great. Try a Bikram class!!

I probably won't hear from the job prospect today...if I don't, I think I will drop in tomorrow.

Enjoy your new job, and keep strong with the eating.

So far this morning I've had a banana. Am about to make a green smoothie. I also have one more papaya and also a melon and half watermelon, which I am going to eat today. Will make a big salad to have handy in refrigerator and also make some tahini dressing.

Fruit smoothie. Meditation. That's my agenda and all the future I care to think about.

A raw day, thank God. Am going to soon open a melon, I hope it is ok. I've eaten fruit today, a green smoothie, and a salad.
My friend and I hit tennis balls today...I hadn't done in long time, it was fun, but to hit again makes me miss my tennis days. That was a fun obsession...but it is not yoga. Yoga is number one.

I want a cup of sweet camomile tea.

I want the book Quantum Eating, very curious about it. I love books on rawfoodism.

Smoothie: banana, plum, pear, spinach, stick of celery= delicious.

Such butterflies in stomach with the smoothie. I am going to call this job prospect that I want so much to come through, tell him that I will be in area and shall I stop in? Oh, what will come of this? This is a major domino...my life will change so much depending on which line it falls onto. I'm at a crossroads.

Good luck Elakti! Hope it works out exactly as you wish!

Sapphire

Thanks, Sapphire. Yes, I hope this is it. Called him, but he said no need to come by. He said he remembers he had no trouble with me. We got along just fine. He said he was still reviewing things and would know next week. I feel very positive about this.

Salad for lunch. Also juice: carrot, cucumber, celery, beet. Also, watermelon before lunch salad.

Yoga...I really wanted to go badly, from being nervous and stiff from tennis. It was very good class, I loved it. It went by so fast. I worked hard, doing just about every pose to best of my ability.

Sapphire, you took Bikram yoga. I have a joke for you, I made it up. If a person is sent to hell, what is the first thing he hears?
"Make sure your toes are on a blue line." LOL I think it is very funny. I told it to the teacher, she laughed. There is a possiblility Bikram might stop by the studio on Friday around 10. I'd like to tell him my joke.

Good joke Elakti.

It's great that you are doing so well at sticking with the Bikram - how long have you been doing that altogether? I only lasted a couple of months.

Hope you are making progress at getting off the cooked foods - I find for me that once I start "cheating", it's hard to stop. It really is like an addiction! And when I stay away from it, I feel so much better. I sleep so much better too, it's great!

Have a really great day!

Sapphire

Yes, progress. Just had celery cucumber juice --to stay cool in class....??? We are off right now to the Bikram crockpot. Yesterday's class was hell. Hell. So hot and I was bold and went to the front next to teacher's stage and it was the drill sargeant and I had a terrible time just staying in room. I couldn't leave his class from that position, up at front. I think I lost a pound or two just lying there the last part of class, sweating and weeping. I was suffering big time. Kudos to me for remaining in class and not dying. I had had such a super class the day before!

Smoothie: 2 bananas, grapes, spinach. Very good.

Off to yoga, earlier class. Will have it over and done with for the day! Yesterday's class was better, although I didn't do every pose, got a little burned out last part of class. My hip area is really going through something. I talked to the teacher last night about it and she agreed that it is a positive thing. There is not an excruciating pain. It is as though 'something' is changing position and the tendons and muscles are changing too and are changing their mode of functioning in triangle position. And other poses. Anyway, that is how it feels and time will tell.

Salad is on schedule today. May go to People's for dinner with someone. I have lots of grapes and oranges. I made a good tahini dressing. I have olives.

I do have Naan bread (an east Indian flatbread) and I am allowing myself that with a salad. All other cooked food is out gone finished no more. The yoga is helping. And chiseling body even if I still have abdominal fat. I weigh 164...it is this stomach that is mostly my extra fat. Need to persevere with rawfoods (get to 100%) and the yoga. Keep on keeping on.

Just got back from yoga. Yesterday Bikram stuck his head into class. He pointed at me and said "You look familiar!" I told him I took his class long time ago on Wilshire Blvd. He said "I never forget a face. You look same, same smile" ! I felt a little glum today, but now feel refreshed.

Had usual smoothie, with mango this morning (along w/ bananas, spinach). Salad and naan. Grapes. Orange juice.

Where is Soraya!? I wish she would pop in and let me know if she got books and what she thinks of them.....Hellooooooooo, Sorayaaaaaaaa.............

ate bananas and grapes this morning, went to Satsang, ate a big lunch of large salad and...ahem....a vegetable pot pie. Am so full. Salad had romaine, tomato, 1/2 small avocado, sunflower sprouts, cucumber, zucchini. I need a nap.

Probably going to yoga at 4:30.

My knee hurts. Hip hurts, thigh bone hurts, hair hurts. I felt very stiff and sore yesterday, and I did have to take it easy, but felt so much better after class and sciatic was much less tight. I was also in low mood, but was so refreshed and elevated afterwards. It was so hot in the classroom that the teacher opened vents!

I refreshed banana and oranges supply today. Should've bought more grapes. Also got romaine and sunflower sprouts.

I heard from Soraya, which was a highlight yesterday. I did indulge again in cooked food yesterday. Missed yoga class. That's okay, the rest was possibly good for me too. Knee is quite sore. Also hip, glutes, and other. I've been informing the teachers before class so they will leave me alone as I take it easy and then I proceed to work hard as hell at everything. Still having much trouble with triangle and falling out of it esp on right side. I had that brief period of such increased strength and good alignment so I know I can do it. Just have to work through this process.

Today I want to get some Epsom salts along with some more grapes. It seems to make a big difference to me if I have a big supply of grapes. They are so delicious. Maybe I'll soak in salts and eat grapes in the tub.

I did order Quantum Eating some days ago (I smell burning plastic) and I hope it arrives today.

I am very impressed by how good you are at sticking with your yoga even when it gets very uncomfortable. How long have you been doing Bikram Elakti? Are there some people in your group who are big inspirations with their experiences of healing?

Hope you hear about that job soon!

Sapphire

I'm not sure how long...maybe about a year, off and on. After a few months I stopped for a few months while I lost weight (I was so uncomfortable with the huge belly I had, and couldn't get over the self-criticism and complaining). When I went back, it was so much better. Lately have been doing very regularly. In fact, I took day off today and may take the next day or two off as well....focus on epsom salt baths! I am SO SORE. Yesterday I really took it easy. And I couldn't have done anything differently...I could hardly move much in any direction, even with the heat...that is HOW SORE I AM. Lower back, hip area, glutes, leg muscles, muscles all around right leg socket area, right knee.

I asked a few people about soreness. One guy who is about 40 said he is also always sore, he has been doing for 3 or 5 months.

I think that it is all right. I am not in injury, just soreness from regular hard work in that class. I do trust the process, I believe I am doing it the right way (so, no injury). I am 58 years old though, and have been doing every day for awhile. I am so sore that I think that a few days off might the thing to do. Took epsom salt bath this morning and feel a little better...except for glutes and backs of legs and hip. I even have a sore knuckle...from the first breathing exercise. (!)

I don't know anyone's story in particular, although have talked to several people after class, who all say it is helping them in many ways.

Leslie is one of our teachers and she won the Yoga International Competition a few years back. She is the one who gave me positive feedback on my triangle!! Before the collapse, heh heh. I think I just have to work through this phase of readjustment and intense soreness and I may be back to my good triangle pose. Maybe? I hate that pose, I love that pose...what an intense thing that is, eh? Anyway, it was either Leslie or Sarah (another top Bikram yoga person) who had scoliosis of spine pre Bikram yoga. That's a good testimonial. They are young people and have done a lot of yoga. I am 58 and just beginning, but I swear something (positive) is happening with my hip.

I do love it, I think it is a genius sequence and the heat is super...both protective and enhancing. Grueling though. Too bad I didn't stick with it back in '80's. But, you've heard what his guru said...."never too late, never too sick, never too old..."

I had bad sciatic pain for a few days but that seems much better. Now it is just the muscles. ow ow ow.

Orange juice this morning and I dug out the bentonite, psyllium, and herbs. I plan to take charge today. My eating has deteriorated and I need to re-interiorate! I have an intense craving for oranges, grapes (don't have any). I am thirsty, but really want sweet fruit water! I will probably eat all the oranges I have. I'll drink some water. Very thirsty.

I do so wish the book will arrive today, it is taking longer than usual. I am very much in mood to read it.

I plan vegetable juice today also, and perhaps an enema. I must go to store soon and get fruit. I do have some apples and I am going to put some in the vita-mix with water and maybe a banana. Right now.

*screams* ELAKTI!!!!

HOW are you, girl!!! I've missed you...and SUNDANCER!!! Just wanted to pop in for a few to check up on you (two)!!!

I'm glad you finally did get my letter, Elakti; I zipped through two of the books in one day ;} Of course there will be a second reading!! Many things in Matt's book that mirrored a lot of what I've been thinking in recent weeks/months. I am so grateful that you were so kind to share this knowledge with me.

Just take things day by day; you are doing SO well and I'm proud of all the effort and attention you are putting into / giving yourself. Good to see your ever growing awareness as well. {{{{{{{{Hugs!!!}}}}}}}}}} I can't wait to hear that you finally do have a job again... hope something great happens to you on that front soon...

Sundancer, congrats on the new position, and your renewed commitment to taking better care of yourself. I've only been able to skim these last two pages, so forgive me - I hope your daughter is doing well now! If you wish to e-mail me, Elakti has my info ...

I've been busy...If I thought I was getting insights before, now I'm enrolled in the Master's Program!!! I've been able to work effectively through YEARS of pent up anger within the past week alone - anger is SO insiduous and exHAUSting!!! I've also reconnected with a few people - most importantly my mother, with whom I've had a practically non-existant relationship all my life. She didn't know how to deal / interact with me, and I sure didn't know what the deal was with her!!! Now we're talking again for the first time in EONS, and I'm loving it. I'm her only child, and am all she has...my dad abandoned us, and has been missing (yep, disappeared and no one's been able to find him) for 23 years, and I didn't want her to feel abandoned by me too. So there's a lot of healing taking place in that regard...

With regard to diet, still over 80-90% raw, but not hung up on that per se. Doing a LOT of juicing, cut down on fruit and ramped the veggies and greens way up Including lightly cooked soups and steamed veggies; as long as I keep portions small I feel no bad effects - the juicing really helps with that, I think. Had to cut myself a break with all that's going on right now ;};};} I'm feeling good and also working through Louise Hay's "You can heal your life", as well as a Byron Katie book, among other things...

Okay, gotta make a mad dash. I miss you all but am glad I cut my computer time down so much for now. Don't know when I'll be back on next but loved catching up even a little bit...

MUCH, much love!!! Have a phenomenal day!!!

Good to hear from you Soraya!!! And Elakti-- good to hear you're heading in a good direction.

Work is pretty intense, and my family is VERY jealous of my time. I'm not doing as well with the raw foodness (or exercise, or finding time for myself...) as I'd like to, but I'm staying above 50% raw and work is physically demanding, so it's all good. A few more weeks of hyperbusyness at work and things will calm down for me. Sorry my post is so short, but I do read all the time and you are in my heart.

Peace.

Have a temporary part-time job which is helpful...also across street from hopeful job, but no news good or bad yet. No other job offers. I had a good laugh yesterday, anyone would have thought I was crazy or really laughing about something very very funny: I was laughing out loud, a big belly laugh (which by the way can be taken literally due to some not so good food choices). Thinking about my situation and how horrible it sounds---no resources no job probably have to move and other details I won't go into surrounding all this---and I laughed and laughed and laughed. Sometimes there is a fine line between extrmem and opposite emotions. In this case, I'm sure; but, also, it was a fine and delightful moment of detachment and free fall in faith. I will go through what has to happen and it won't matter in 100 years...actually, much less than that. So! Onward, to wherever, whatever!

Food: Aaaaaarrrrgh! Today! Now! Renewal of Rawfoodism! 100%, gotta be. I cannot mess around with anything but. Have really messed up, and belly shows it, and I feel the not so good repercussions. Wrong food. Not right diet. Dead diet.

I had wonderful green smoothie (usual breakfast) with romaine. Ate oranges and a pear.

Off to yoga in a few minutes, early class. Stretch and sweat amd suffer and survive and afterwards feel sweet and surrendered. Good 'ole Bikram yoga...what torture. Frickin' misery sometimes, I want to run out of room.

Gotta run, don't want to miss class!!!!!

Heyyyy!!!
Guess what?!!! I'm gonna haveta belly laugh right with you, because last night/today I quit my somewhat lucrative but very compromising to many things that I believe in job!!! I feel very liberated and at the same time a little nervous about my financial situation. This is good on many levels because now we will have to pinch pennies, which means more eating out of my garden and virtually no restaurant food, and generally being more mindful of our consumption. This situation makes me want to dig out all the old craft stuff I have had buried for years and DO something with it!!! Isn't it funny how situations have effects we don't expect? Hmmm...

That's big news, Sundancer. Well, it sounds like a matter of you sticking with your principles and morals and that's a good thing. Kudos to you. And good luck with your new ventures. Some jobs are just not worth the stresses they cause. Yes, eat out of the garden and rejoin your crafts, maybe something will come of that...but at least you will get some creativity time. Best wishes to you.

Yoga was good, hip is aching along but it and everything else seems less sore.

I received the book Quantum Eating. I've read up to the part that is beginning to get interesting to me--about reduced intake. Ha! This will have to go into the brain files as I am not even successfully high raw anymore and am eating like a mad thing! Reduced intake! Oh my, another laugh. Hopefully the book will inspire me to get back to best eating lifestyle. Anxious to get into the book. Have been so BUSY all day. After yoga, have hardly stopped (except to eat). Housework, outdoors work, laundry, busy busy busy. This is the first time I have experienced such energy and ablity to work so much after the yoga class.

Soon, need to rest and perhaps get into the book. And eat. Oh dear. Still ate things I don't want to eat...yet, that's what I wanted to eat. Also some real food. But, how to stop this runaway horse? Probably, as always, the only way for me to stop it is to fast. Maybe even one day would help...a quiet day of reading. And not chew ANYTHING.