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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: kwan ()
Date: December 22, 2008 02:29AM

>2009 Time for Change Yes I can!!!<

Yes you can!! I believe it. It's already reality. Just hold it inside and see it as your reality and watch it consistently till you see it manifest. Don't worry about the outer picture; it may not change right away, but that's okay. Just keep looking at the inner picture (where reality resides) of your body manifesting the 'perfect form' and your life reflecting the pattern that you want to see, without great effort or suffering... and voila! There you are!

Sharrhan:


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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Sundancer ()
Date: December 22, 2008 06:21PM

Yeah, Elakti, I really plan on going 100% as of Jan. 1 and would love to buddy it up with you. So about that "thing" that you're not throwing out -- eat it sooner rather than later. Then it will be GONE and you won't have to think about it! I'm really glad you're back!

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Elakti ()
Date: December 22, 2008 08:49PM

Thank you thank you thank you!!!

Okay! To everything!

Rainy day here in San Diego and we're cold and complaining...of course, it's part of our civic duty. smiling smiley But, in fairness, it IS cold here at ocean, so humid and bone chilling. I lived in Mammoth Lakes once and ran around in t-shirt in the 20's (quick run to corner store) and returned to San Diego and shook from cold in the 60's. I dug out a little heater...am living in a trailer which is like a cold tin can. Icy. I made a salad and it was painful. I took out the lettuce and all the other cold things and let them sit on counter for awhile before touching them, but that is no use as the butter (sorry) on the counter is not soft, it is as hard as from refrigerator. I do not even need a refrigerator. I see my breath (inside the trailer). I am going to get in bed with my light down comforter and other blankets and my little dog and read and watch tv.

I've had bananas, persimmons, found 3 grapes, and I ate a big bowl of salad. Brrrrr. I want HOT SOUP.

I'll make tea, more for a hug for my hands.

Have lovely days, all. Thanks for the support. Yes, Sundancer, we will be buddies for health.

Thanks Kwan for the message...I'll keep fine tuning the picture til it comes in clear! I like the M. quote, too.

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: kwan ()
Date: December 23, 2008 03:41PM

Elakti--
I've gotta hand it to you! One of the hardest things to deal with is being cold in my house, especially during the kind of weather you're describing: bone chilling, moisture-laden, misty or down-right rainy. Hats off to you for your heroic efforts to stay raw; I understand your dilemma, and I admire the heck out of you.

I'm in a cold climate here near Boston, but we're on the 18th floor of an apartment building where everybody below us is turning their heat on full blast-- and heat travels UP!-- so our apartment is always warm no matter what. I'm SO thankful that our town isn't like many all around us, where people have had to move into shelters or friends' homes or hotels while for a couple weeks while the electric companies and the grid workers try to get the electricity back on line again. It's been pretty crazy! But here, for some reason, there have been no outages. (Whew!)

I have one idea-- though you've probably already thought of this-- can you make raw soups and heat them up just a little bit (i.e. to just below 110 or whatever)?

Hang in there. We just passed the Winter Solstice, so the sun is on its way back!

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Elakti ()
Date: December 24, 2008 12:29AM

Hi. I suppose I could make vita mix soup and whirrrrr it for, what? 4 or 5 minutes...I've heard it starts getting warm. Temperature is better now and space heater is good enough to take off chill. People here at ocean use this dry stuff which absorbs the water from air...like in closets, wherever. I needed some...I meditate in the morning wrapped in the down comforter and I have to put the clothes I am going to wear inside the tent/shawl as the clothes are so icy and sometimes damp. If I go on talking about this I won't have to report my food. Bad day today. Fruit in morning, and then major deterioration thereafter...and the evening forcast is not good. smiling smiley sad smiley

Looking forward to first of Jan. Will do better tomorrow, I know I will.

Am really enjoying persimmons...I love the Fuyu (?) ones. I blend them with the skins, but eat them inside out and don't eat the outside. They're sort of like fruit butter to me.

Time to get in bed, watch Olberman and Maddow. I usually not into politics but lately have been a bit because I sure like Obama.

I've made a big salad and will take to work tomorrow, along with bananas and persimmons or apples. Have been enjoying a delicious salad with lettuce finely sliced, decorated with chunks of persimmons, maybe pears or apples, a couple chopped dates...so so so good. I do eat good food, too. Soon....I will be back on track. Regardless of temperature.

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Elakti ()
Date: December 24, 2008 12:30AM

oh, and celery chopped finely...very important! (in the salad I'm referring to)

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Elakti ()
Date: December 29, 2008 12:29AM

Doing better. Grapes and banana this morning. Green smoothie...banana, orange, soaked prunes and the water, 1/2 apple, romaine. Very good.
Big salad for lunch: spinach, lots of shredded beet and carrot, sunflower seeds, celery, kale, a little radish...salad bar at the co-op. Also shopped for fruit...got many pounds of bananas and valencias, some pears and mangoes, tangerines, avocado, celery, carrots, parsley, and cucumber.

Juiced! Carrot, celery, cucumber, 1/2 apple. about 16 ounces. Now, what was so hard about that?! Finally! It was good. This is a good time for me to drink veg. juice and I hope I can remember tomorrow that it was so easy----this transition time, in a bit of an acidic state (ha!!somewhat!!). Am poised to jump in....soon, all raw.

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Sundancer ()
Date: December 29, 2008 01:00PM

Hey Elakti --

Good to hear from you. I posted somewhere that I was going to do a short fast after Christmas. That worked until I saw the leftovers (healthy vegan) in the fridge. So I'm just eating mostly raw and enjoying the leftovers, then on the first I still plan to go 100% again. Actually 98%, because I still want to use sesame oil and chipotles until I adjust (maybe a month or two), then cut that out. At least I'm not eating wheat, and I am cutting out fat and the non vegan stuff I have succumbed to lately. Sometimes it's hard living with a person who is such an amazing cook, especially when he cooks healthy vegetarian, because I catch myself justifying eating it "just this once". He does like my raw concoctions (especially my soup) and makes a mean slaw, and he's a farmer of organic vegetables!! Doesn't get any better than that!!

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Elakti ()
Date: January 03, 2009 01:50AM

Hi Sundancer...I am mostly raw, except for something not so good for me at night...haven't overcome it yet. Been eating much more fruit, and usually one salad a day.

Happy New Year! My favorite holiday. No celebration, but I like the idea of a fresh start. By the end of Dec. I feel I am in the dregs of an old year and am eager for a new beginning. So I am working on my new beginning of raw. Like you, not 100%, but doing much better.

Got more bananas, oranges, papaya, tangerines, romaine, spinach today.

Once I get over the night time felony I will be on my way....will start another thread and plough on through with dedication and perseverence and enthusiasm....looking forward to next seasonal change of fruit. This season is a little drab for me. I want cherries. smiling smiley (etc) Thank God for Valencias! And papayas year round, but too expensive for me right now. I would eat several a day. I splurged on one.

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Sundancer ()
Date: January 03, 2009 04:01PM

I hear you, Elakti -- December is the hardest month for me to be raw. I was only at about 60% at best. On the first we went to a New Year's day brunch and I didn't do very well, but I had had a smoothie that morning and ate a big salad at work that night. Yesterday, like you, I did 100% all day until evening when Hubby cooked. I still ate only one cooked thing and he cut up a huge crudite for us all to munch. so I did 90% yesterday. I started today with warm MC drink. I have a sinus infection and a chest cold, so the lemon cayenne thing hit the spot. I usually use agave, but I put maple syrup this morning and didn't like it as much as the agave. I'll have a smoothie in a little while. I'm just going to do the best I can, aiming at over 90% but having many 100% days. That's the goal. And lots of exercise! I lost almost 20 lbs net last year, thanks to raw, and I'd like to lose another 20 to 25 this year to be at my optimum weight. I've been digging apples and all types of citrus (except grapefruit-- yuck!). My kale is STILL alive, so that's the green portion of my smoothies.

Glad you're posting again, Elakti!!!

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Soraya ()
Date: January 03, 2009 07:29PM

Good to see my ladies again! ;} I haven't been popping in as often in the first place but then we had a lot of computer issues so that componded the issue...

{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs to my Elakti!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Was phenomenal to hear you and great to see you back here!

Sundancer, {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}} to you as well and I hope you feel better soon!!! How are your Mother and daughters doing?

Kwan, I'm glad that you're managing to stay warm and that you've not had any eletrical power issues - so NOT the season to have that happen!

> The night time felony <

...Elakti, you are priceless...***shakes head*** How you come up with these things I do not know...I'm borrowing that,okay!!! My night time thing lately is eating too much too late; I'm going to bump up my fruit intake again to see if that helps. I'm suspecting that I also need to bump up my spritual practice and exercise aspects as well!!!

Have a wonderful, fulfilling, prosperous (in every aspect), blessed and fit New Year, guys!

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Elakti ()
Date: January 04, 2009 12:34AM

Hi SUNDANCER AND SORAYA!!!! A reunion!

Yes, I'm doing better. Today I had oranges and a tangerine (they're very good), banana/ 3 dates 'milk' (the watery drink, so soothing and smoothing), a very cool salad, yummy, and later a fruit snack and I need to eat again soon/now. Very hungry. I have a felony planned for this evening. oh dear. How to stop? I think, move and get a job. Which is coming up soon. Hopefully escrow will close and we will get key on Monday and things can get moving.

So, yes, all raw all day and then the night time uncivilized behavior, or should I say "civilized"! It isn't lovely cooked vegan food like you indulge in, Sundancer (that cooking of your hubby's sounds pretty tempting). It's vegan but it sure isn't good for me.

So nice to hear from you both. Take care, see ya soon. Feel better, Sundancer.

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Elakti ()
Date: January 05, 2009 12:14AM

about 6 bananas during morning hours. Big salad for lunch. Lots greens and beets, sunflower seeds.
Just had snack of a pink grapefruit. Hungry. Will make a fruit smoothie or just dice up some fruit over romaine.I have pear that should be ripe, apple, mangoes, and I just got 3 ataulfo mangoes. Have tangerines, oranges, and bananas. Sounds like there's a good salad there. I'm "thirsty-hungry" so this all sounds perfect and I'll have fun with the combination....

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Sundancer ()
Date: January 06, 2009 01:34AM

Hey Elakti --
Hope you're having a good day. I had a bad one yesterday -- went to a child's birthday party and ate like a pig :{ -- but today was much better. I ate three raw meals and did a little non-raw nibbling, but not like yesterday. So far, this year I've been at about 80%. I figure I'll keep increasing over this month had by Feb. 1 hopefully I'll be at 98% raw (I'm reserving the use of a couple of condiments while I transition). I also did a yoga class today. I hadn't exercised all month, except for a few walks, but my job is pretty physical. I plan to get back to the Y at least three or four times a week.
Gotta go -- Little pumpkin needs a bath.

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Jgunn ()
Date: January 09, 2009 11:07AM

lol sundancer i hada bad month never mind day tongue sticking out smiley think bellying up to trough face down in stuffing and other cooked vegan crap tongue sticking out smiley i seriously need to check into some tropical raw vegan place at xmas next year tongue sticking out smiley

Elakti i so envy your food choices my fruit veggie places are stocking apples, oranges and bananas .. im goin mad for diversity tongue sticking out smiley

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Elakti ()
Date: January 11, 2009 04:27PM

Still here...and there...between and betwixt....moving, slowly. Can hardly wait until we are OVER THERE and I can relax and nest and heave big sigh of relief and start looking for a job and settle down and all that....also, clean up eating regime, etc. Eating is back to a little chaotic, but am trying to eat as much of the good stuff as I can....but, not so into the selection of fruit. The next fruit season will be VERY WELCOMED AND VERY HELPFUL. My stomach is very upset, always "hungry", burning...maybe I am getting an ulcer. If I do I am going to name it after my housemate who is driving me CRAZY. Oh, to be over there, nest and fix up my room, buy a heap of good raw organic food, and shut my door.

I've had a smoothie. My stomach is burning. Ate an avocado. Will soon eat a big salad. So much work to do today, ugh, but it will get me closer to shutting the door and savoring a tangerine in peace. The tangerines of this "season" (apples, blaah!) ARE good.

Hair is still falling out....I like it. I have lost by now probably over a third of thickness...very nice, more like a normal head of hair. But, of course, I do want it to stop falling out soon. However, with some dismay I notice I have all this new hair coming in at hairline! Brand new growth...I hope it is not happening all over my head. I like having normaler hair smiling smiley! Anyway it is a new slant on the hair loss issue! smiling smiley

Still mega coffee and night crimes. And that just about wraps it up. Otherwise the tangerines are good, she said with a swish of locks. Ahhh, locks....I might even lock my door.

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Elakti ()
Date: January 12, 2009 07:55PM

Green smoothie: banana, apple, orange, romaine, celery

Salad: romaine, ataulfo mango, drenched in orange juice and pith. Delicious.

Moving stuff over to new place, soon. Will paint my room today, yippee! It is a green, yellowy green called "asparagus". Color theme in room will be predominantly green, like living in garden or a salad bowl.

Have packed food: oranges, ataulfo mango, dates, salad with raisins and celery and grape tomatoes and olives and romaine and spinach leaves and maybe something else like parsley and zucchini. Cucumbers. Pumpkin seeds. I made it last night, in preparation for a painting day, and it has a lot of ingredients. I get so hungry. I love the flavor of pumpkin seeds and they kind of take the emotional place of croutons. My emotional pumpkin seeds! Well, it kind of fits into the fairy tale aspect...the seed that grew into emotive pumpkin transportation. smiling smiley
Well, they can just be croutons for me, I don't even want a prince, charming or not!

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Sundancer ()
Date: January 18, 2009 05:52PM

Hey Elakti--
Wondering how you're doing. I haven't been doing great, but not horrible either. I am having a helluva time eating as much % raw as I want to or know that I need to. The other day I ate a ton of white pasta at work and my stomach really let me know! That was Thursday. I ended that day with Detox tea and senna tea. I also have been fighting a terrible sinus infection for almost a month and will not go on antibiotics! So Friday, I started my day with a quart of warm water with lemon and agave and a bunch of cayenne. Then I made a pint of orange tangerine juice with a bunch of fresh ginger for breakfast, and for lunch had my yummy sprout avo miso soup with grated garlic, spirulina and hot pepper powder from my summer bounty. I made the soup really spicy! Before I ate it I had blue green algae and about 25 Chlorella tablets. Within one hour of that I felt AMAZING!!! I did have cooked rice and veggies at work last night.

Yesterday I went to a NOFA (Northeast Organic Farmers Association) conference with my hubby and almost 700 other farmers. There was an amazing potluck and I ate a bunch, but I put a big pile of salad on my plate first, then added teaspoons of the other foods to hopefully minimize my cooked food intake. Then we went to a Thai restaurant with D's family. I ate more cooked, but started with a fat salad. I also drank coffee (:p) all day. The conference was amazing and very informative.

Today I had a pint of my spicy warm lemonade and a cup of coffee -- just a cup so I wouldn't get caffeine headache. I'll have to wean myself off coffee again, but for me it doesn't seem too hard to do. I have a pile of citrus on my counter waiting to be juiced, but at 12:37, I'm not hungry yet, so I'll wait until I am. I want to start really listening to my body. I'm going to do the really spicy soup again for lunch because I still have a little congestion, though I still feel really well! I'm also going to add ginger to my juice.

We are acquiring NINE acres of farmland!!!!! We are soooo excited! It is under conservation, but there are houses surrounding it, and one day we plan to buy one that abuts the property so we can live on our farm without violating the conservation limitations. It is perfect for our permaculture farming philosophy -- some woods, a wetland and several acres of field. We're thinking that we will keep our house in town, turn it back into a two family unit, rent out the top floor to pay our mortgage, and turn the bottom floor into an organic business of some sort. The location is zoned commercial/residential and is perfect for this use. We have a huge yard with a big deck for outdoor dining, and we would keep up our gardens here for restaurant and specialty items. My big idea is to have a tiny organic goods shop and small raw/vegetarian cafe with outdoor and garden dining, with 10% off for people who walk or bike to our spot. We wouldn't even to turn our kitchen commercial because there is a commercial kitchen right down the road that we could use in the beginning. So that is my dream for the moment.

Hope you are doing well, and hope the move went well. Let us know how you're doing -- we miss ya!!!

Sundancer

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Sundancer ()
Date: January 26, 2009 03:42PM

Hey Elakti (and anyone else who is reading) --

Hope you are doing well. I'm trying, but for some reason, I'm having a much harder time eating what I feel is best and NOT eating what is bad for me. I know wheat does NOT agree with me, but once in a while I eat it anyway, and invariably I regret it later. I'm in the process of eliminating it 100% from my diet. Wheatgrass doesn't bother me at all, though. Potatoes are another story. They make me achy, but I LOVE the taste! They are my drug and I really want to kick this habit. Hubby brought one home from work yesterday and I lusted after it when I saw it! I didn't eat it though (yet). I hear it taunting me and beckoning me from the next room!

Last year I lost over 20 lbs. eating mostly raw food (like 70-100% all year). Since early December I have gained half of it back. I'm really pissed at myself but am having a hard time doing anything about it. So I figure if I at least post my big fat slip up maybe that will help me turn my eating habits around. It's not just the weight (though I was really happy to finally be back at my pre-pregnancy weight after three years); it's how my eating habits affect my general health and energy levels. What to do!!! I also started drinking coffee again -- just one big cup in the morning, but even that one cup affects me: I am really groggy when I wake up, and have the caffeine headache, as opposed to waking bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6:30 am without an alarm clock. Meh!!!

I really love how I feel and look on living foods, so I'm gonna try again to eat all raw today. I did already have coffee, but I also had warm lemon cayenne honey (I know, not vegan, but tomorrow I'll switch to agave, I promise!!!) tea. I haven't eaten anything yet. I'll make a smoothie for breakfast. I think I'll make a recipe today -- maybe some winter squash risotto with mushrooms and almond cream. I have soaked almonds in the frigde that need to be eaten. I'm going to get back to the gym, too. I hate going -- until I get there and actually start working out; then it's not so bad. when I'm done I always feel great and wonder why I put it off ('cuz I'm a 'tard, that's why!).

I think part of my problem is this depressing New England weather. It's pretty enough, but I hate the cold and want a beach -- a WARM one!!! I'm going back to California the last week of March, this time for TWO weeks!!!! I'm spending 5 days with my oldest son in San Marcos (by San Diego -- Elakti!!!), then flying up to San Fran and spending some time with my other kids and grandkids and mom and brother and sisters, and going to my best friend's wedding, and my grandma's memorial, if I can get my aunt and uncle to do it then (she passed in September).

Hope you don't mind my jumping on here and spilling my guts, Elakti. Hope you are adjusting well to your new place.

Peace!

Sundancer

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: suncloud ()
Date: January 26, 2009 07:48PM

Hi Elakti. I hope you're doing fine, and enjoying your new place. I remember when Kale and Pakd4fun and you and I and some others did a raw food thing together about a year ago. That was fun. smiling smiley

Sundancer, you and your family are gorgeous! Congratulations on getting the land!

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Sundancer ()
Date: January 27, 2009 12:50PM

Thanks, Suncloud! The guy on my left is my oldest son -- my San Diego zen surfer dude, and the little girl is his little sister. We're in Maine in this shot. They're 24 years apart(!).

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: suncloud ()
Date: January 27, 2009 08:07PM

Perfect! I bet they ADORE each other!

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Sundancer ()
Date: January 28, 2009 01:40PM

They do! He came out to Mass. From Cali last summer to play with her for a week -- isn't that cute? We're going out in March to play on the beach with him -- very excited!!!

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: suncloud ()
Date: January 28, 2009 09:46PM

Sundancer, that will be fun when your son comes to visit!

My son and his half sister (his father's daughter) are 22 years apart. And there's another half sister who is younger. They all love spending time together! I think it's great!

My son and his family (wife and 5-year-old son) are all coming to visit my husband and me for a few days on the 1st. They'll also visit his father's family a few miles away. I'm very excited. Washing all my windows (like I always do before they come)!

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Elakti ()
Date: February 01, 2009 12:24AM

Just quick note: Hi all! Sundancer...wow, all that land! Marvelous! Hi Suncloud...yes, I remember the raw challenge thingy, it was so good. Distant past. Need to do that again!

Moved....much much much work, morning til night, day after day and am so exhausted and at the moment in fact, am on shut down. Finally, a Rest day and I am feeling so old and weak. Decided to look online for first time in long time. Am going back to bed now. Do like the new place, new neighborhood, my little nest room. Now to get healthy now that I am settling. I am done in. And not eating all that well. Much good food, too....but, it needs to be exclusive. I need NEED to be raw.

Will check in later, hopefully with the news that I am surrendering my bad habits and taking the high road. My health feels very low. No vitality. Skin and eyes look bad, to me. Pot belly. Rather a mess, truth be told. Started reading Ehret again the other day, sparking my memory...'oh yes, I remember all this'... Will read more when I can focus my eyes and my brain. I feel like I need so much sleep. Stop the input of toxins, take in real food, sleep a lot. Exercize when I have the energy. I feel full of sawdust.

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: kwan ()
Date: February 01, 2009 10:23PM

>Pot belly. Rather a mess, truth be told. Started reading Ehret again the other day, sparking my memory...'oh yes, I remember all this'... Will read more when I can focus my eyes and my brain. I feel like I need so much sleep. Stop the input of toxins, take in real food, sleep a lot. Exercize when I have the energy. I feel full of sawdust.<

Elakti--
You've taken a page from my diary! ;-p I felt that way yesterday and today. THIS TOO SHALL PASS! I think we women are hyper-sensitive because of the culture we live in, and when we gain a bit of weight or our skin gets a bit sallow in winter, or whatever, our flaws become magnified (in our own eyes-- probably no one else's) and our perceived body image becomes distorted to appear much more unattractive or disproportional than it is in reality. Take heart!: spring will be here soon and we'll all be outdoors in the sunshine again, losing weight and absorbing vitamin D and prana again.

I seem to always get in a funk about my body and my weight in the middle of winter too. Today I wore a big peasant skirt instead of my usual jeans (which are feeling kind of snug lately) because I just didn't want anybody to see my pudgy midsection today; I felt super-sensitive about it. It was nice to have a flowing, roomy skirt on. Even if I lose some weight in the near future, I'm starting to feel very attracted to the idea of wearing nothing but long, loose, flowing clothes that liberate the body and let it breathe and not be so confined and conspicuous.

I started doing EFT yesterday to deal with some of my 'issues.' Anybody here tried and had results -- pro or con -- from EFT?

Anyway, Elakti, I hope the 'sawdust' feeling evaporates soon for you and turns into feelings of energy and excitement. :-)

Love,

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

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Re: Renewal of Rawfoodism
Posted by: Sundancer ()
Date: February 02, 2009 02:50PM

Hey girls!!

Great to hear from you, Elakti!!! I figured that's why you hadn't been around much lately. Feeling like sawdust -- that describes it pretty well. Wet sawdust, heavy and soggy and gross! Man, girls, I am struggling!!! I just posted a big one on Todd's thread (for me lately) about the journey and all its twists and turns and bumps. I really have trouble eating they way I KNOW I need to when there is other food around, but I don't want to cramp my family's style either. I really want to eat all raw because I feel AMAZING when I do. It's just DOING it that I struggle with. I'm also having a HUGE spiritual struggle. I feel like I have been going through a dark night of the soul for like three or four years -- my daughter's whole life!!! I'm really tired of feeling like this and want to get back to having rest in my soul like I used to. I keep trying different things and nothing seems to be working for me at this point.

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