Thanks Jodi. Quick post because I have to go to work, but I find I have to re-motivate myself every single day to try and eat more. I am addicted to the feeling of hunger - fullness (being satisfied after eating, not stuffed) makes me feel incredibly anxious. Many theories as to why, but I will save that for when I have more time to explain. I know I need to eat more, to gain weight, but a huge part of me thinks, "If I'm losing weight right now, and I'm kind of going halfway with starving myself, why not go all the way and eat hardly anything?" I am an all-or-nothing person, and another part of me wonders,"Why not go the other way and commit fully to health?"

I don't like that full bloated feeling either so grazing throughout the day on fruits has really helped me. They digest from the system in about 20 minutes anyway so that is one of the reasons you don't gain weight eating fruit and you don't stay feeling full. So enchantress, maybe you could try eating more fruits...grapes would be easy to keep in a baggy in your pocket or beside your register if you're allowed to do so. I've seen your picture. You are a beautiful girl but ( and I mean this in love...) when I first saw your picture I thought "anorexic". You need to eat to live sweetie. Starvation means eventual death and I hope you don't want that.Seeing you sooo thin worries me. (Maybe its the mama in me). So I hope you'll choose life...eat ...be healthy and hang around for a good long while! Hope you have a great day.

hiya ladies how are things today?

rawdancer keep trying on the food thing .. you know some homemade almond milk might be good for you its suprisingly low in calories and fat ..considering the nut source ..but very nourishing vitamin wise

enchantress kudos on the daily uphill climb it sounds like you are making good effort !

starving to death is sadly the truth and worst that can happen ...the sometimes irreversable damage to our bones and brain and body is horrible too

thin today ...hunchbacked tommorrow

i once saw a ano cartoon that really made me think i wish i could find it again but it said more then a million words could

it was a stick girl in what looked like a clothing store but on the shelves were coffins and hanging from the racks were body bags

the caption said

do you have anything in a size 1 ??

man did THAT ever really make me think

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist




Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2007 04:56PM by Jgunn.

Thanks Jodi

I managed a few spoons humous, blueberries and some strips of cucumber today.

Some progress, had problem with feeling sick/being sick after that so I didnt try anything else.

Step by step

Doctors trying to get me back onto a few meds, anti depressent and something for my add.. but I dont really want tablets, especially since before those actually lowered my appetite and put me in a fuzzy haze!!

Thanks for all the support you guys

yay for you ! glad to see you are taking in some nutrients ..blueberries are very good for you

id ask you doctor for more talk sessions rather then the pills as you say they dont work well for you.

glad to see you are both making some progress .. this world would certainly lose two very lovely ladies not having you around ! please love yourselves!

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist




Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2007 07:26PM by Jgunn.

Way to go rawdancer! Compared to a couple of days ago, you're making great strides! Keep up the good work...keep trying. Don't give up on yourself...you are worth it!

Thank you

Yes I feel good I have had a few different things today. Now I am starting to feel a bit sick/gagging again.. ugh I dont know whats wrong

I am thinking perhaps to try some smoothies/green or otherwise on friday perhaps?- maybe that texture and easily absorbed nutrient would really help.. I am going to try!!

Thank thank you for your kind words

yep that would be a very good start .. green smoothies are great !

and turn that frown .. upside down

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

hi everyone, i have posted couple times here but never really introduced myself. my name is Ali im 21 years old. i switched to a 100% raw diet about 4 months ago to help in my long recovery from anorexia...im so glad that this thread has started. its so great to see all the support. i feel like i have come so far in my recovery but there are still so many little things that start to throw me back. i lost almost all of my friends during my eating disorder because i isolated so much. has anyone else had this problem?? i feel like anorexia and isolation are so closely linked. i guess i should just start posting here more and coming for support instead of isolating but its hard sometimes...
raw dancer~ i can completly relate to where you are at. i really think the green smoothies will help. they are one of the first things i started doing on a daily basis and really saw a difference in my health. i always make them with a bunch of greens and 2 bananas, then add some superfoods like bee pollen, spirlina and hemp seeds. i noticed the combo of the bananas and greens gave it a good texture and flavor, easier to get down. i know its hard but you can do it. life is so worth living...i know there are times when it seems like its not but you can get through it. at my treatment center we used to do affirmations everyday, a good one for when your struggling is,
i love and accept myself unconditionally as i am right now.
as much as i hated saying affirmations when i was there, i realize now how important they are and i still say them. they are written all over my mirror so even when i dont want to believe them, they are still there for me to see...
stay strong
Lots of love~ Ali

thank you so much ali for your post , its so important to know were not in this alone and that we do have support from those that have been there , are there an done that , doing it

isolating is a huge part of this and it really is important to keep things in the open , if we cant be honest and up front , we wont get anywhere. ... i lost a lot of freinds over the years and lost even the ones i never had because i hermit'd myself away!



...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist




Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/16/2007 05:08AM by Jgunn.

Ali...welcome! I think your post is very helpful. I have a problem with the texutre of vegetables and just generally don't like them. But I too have a green smoothie everyday. Its really the only way I can get my greens. I freeze baby spinach and kale. When I add it to my smoothie, it turns almost to powder. This morning I had 2 frozen bananas, 1 c spinach, 1/2 c kale, 1/3 c goji berries, 2 TB hemp protein, 2 TB carob. It was smoothie and chocolatey tasting and VERY nutritious! And it made 6 cups of smoothie!

LOL sounds like enough smoothie for the rest of the day huh?

hows everyone doing today in here?

and heres a nice thought for the day:

Though no one can go back and make a new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end.

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist




Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 08/16/2007 06:12PM by Jgunn.

Good thought...I like that one!

i like that one too...my mom always says that getting through this is like having a new lease on life. i always believe that everything happens for a reason.

Hi there rawdancer, good on you girl for persisting on your road to recovery, be proud of yourself!
I was the same as you recovering from anorexia. When I started to reintroduce foods I felt like I was choking too, it was a extreme anxious reaction to the food being swollowed so your throat thightens hence you feel like you are choking. I Know it is extremely hard but I persued with it by eating little and offen, foods that where easier to eat, soups, berries, I even found eating organic baby foods, like the fruit pots, & the little poridge pots, etc, I found them easier to swollow without the need to gag, plus with the baby food they have vitamins in which is definately what you need right now, are you taking a multi vit supplement? As you are feeling tired the is a tonic called floradix it is a B vitamin & iron suppliment, made out of just veggies & fruits it is a pick me up!When I was ill I was advised to drink conplan stuff but I could not stomach it, I found it easier to go for the pure natural stuff, to help support my body while I was recovering.
I hope that has been a little help, my thoughts are with you, keep with it you can do it! you have alot of support here.

Bracken

I've been having a similar reaction to food in the last couple of months. I don't gag, but my breathing changes, becomes higher in my chest due to my anxiety, and I get bloated. I KNOW the bloating is not due to what I'm eating because I can feel a difference between physical and anxiety bloating. It happens when I eat something I think I didn't feel like eating (wasn't craving) but eat it anyway. I'm pretty sure I have orthorexia (obsession with eating "healthy" as well, so to eat something that isn't totally awesomely fresh or that doesn't feel like exactly what my body was wanting makes me very anxious. What I'm trying to assure myself of is that in reality, eating serves different purposes: nourishment, fuel, emotional satisfaction, celebration...and all of them are valid if they are positive, life-affirming experiences. And if sometimes something tastes good and I enjoy it, even though it wasn't the EXACT FOOD to make my body sing, that's okay. It's only food, for goodness' sake!! There will be another day, another meal. It's not like I'm eating McDonald's or anything; it's all good raw food, so I need to learn to chill out!

enchantress~ thats a really good way to put it...i have the same problem with obsessivley eating healthy. i am constently reminding myself that the foods i am eating are ok, as long as its raw its ok. its hard to know sometimes exactly what your body wants and needs. especially after being malnourished for so long. i think my body wanted everything and anything when i started the whole refeeding process!! sometimes i think that maybe they raw foods is just another form of my eating disorder but at least its a healthy one and its getting me through this.

something i just thought of... i see a naturopathic doctor who has really been supportive and helpful through my recovery. about a month ago he did this test on me to see if i was diffecient in any nutrients. i had been 100% raw for a couple months at this time and he is supportive of it but wanted to make sure i was getting everything. we got the results back and i was deffecient in only one thing, zinc. he was very impressed by this, saying that most girls my age that he tests are diffecient in way more than one thing and they never even had eating disorders. another proof that you can get everything you need from raw foods, he thinks much higher of raw now....but the interesting thing about it is we did research on zinc difficiency and one of the main symptoms is anorexia, along with acne, fatigue, delayed sexual maturation.... all of which i have experienced(i didnt start my period untill i was like almost 16). we are going to do the test again in a couple months to see how things are after being raw longer, but i just thought it was something interesting to share and think about.
i hope you all have a good day, stay strong...

hey sweets lots of good posts here

rawdancer havent seen you a couple days? everything ok?

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Hi there Ali & Enchantress, I'm the same also now after recovering with being obsessed with eating healthy. I think it is because while I was in depths of my E.Ds I destroyed my body so much, I am striving to recorrect all that I have done. I had severe bowel problems chronic anal fissures/piles(not nice I know but one of the horrid reality of an E.D) I had Kidney stones as I was constantly dehydrated through bulimia, I have a Hiatus Hernia through the bulima also, & I still offen wake up in the night choking on acid reflux! And I also have Osteoporosis and I am only 29, I was bulimic/Anorexic for a decade. So hopefully this should give some incentive not to go down that route of distruction! Although I am not 100% raw yet since bring in more raw, I am not deffecient in any vits & minerals & I still not have hit my target weight yet as I also see a dietishion. So it just goes to prove how I have benefitted from eating this way since.
Hope you are ok rawdancer? how are you doing? you are in my thoughts.

Take good care all
Love bracken

Thank you all for the messages, finally had time to read properly. Sorry been soo busy working 10hour days.

Been managing pretty much on herbal tea and suntea. Lots of water. Just had two cups this morning. Bought lots of berries and greens ready to try the green smoothies tonight, but I am terrified of trying now.. so not sure. maybe just eat a few berries here and there.. I will try today

I threw my scale out so I wouldnt have that dependancy on it. Which is something. Staying away from the doctors, all they will do is try to get me to drink complan drinks. disgusting.

I will get some babyfoods, have lived on those for long periods before. Will try some applesauce or something.

Thank you for the support

RawDancer

Good to hear you are ok rawdancer, I'm proud of you for trying so hard, & I i'm proud of you for throwing your scale out, every small step makes a bigger leap to prgress. I know it is hard but try not to think about what you are going to eat today it will only make you more anxious and put you off eating it, just try and think when you do decide to try something it is lovely & healthy don't over analyse. Once you have tried something go straight on to do something else to take your mind off it, even writing on here if it makes you feel any better & comforted. Have you thought anymore about trying that herbal supplement Floradix? instead of that horrid complan it is just made up of fruits & veggies it won't make you bloated. ( all natural) it will give you a boost!
will, sign off there must go to work, thinking of you.
Take good care

Love Bracken X

Ugh, meal replacement drinks...*gags, hacks, goes green in the face.* God, I remember one particular meal in the hospital - the rule was that if you only ate half of your meal you had to replace the calories in it with Boost - it was curried chickpeas and I HATE curry with a passion. The meal equated somehow to 1.5 cans of Boost Plus, so here I was already stuffed to the brim, now having to drink this incredibly filling, incredibly fake-tasting syrupy liquid. I cries all evening, I felt so horrible both mentally and physically. I think I need to keep that memory in the forefront of my mind as incentive to stay out of the hospital! But yeah, long story short, I share your hatred towards meal replacement shakes. They may help put on weight, but they sure as hell won't contribute to health otherwise!

oh the horrible boosts!! we had that same rule, if you didnt finish your meal you got "boosted". they wanted me to drink one a day there on top of everything else to help gain weight. imagine being bloated!! i hated them so they made me their own more natural version. i think it was berries, juice, protein powder and flax oil. better, but still no fun. hang in there though you guys can get through!!

rawdancer~ try making the green smoothie. i really think it will help. you can always keep it in the fridge and drink it slowly, baby steps.

bracken~ i think your right about the obsessive healthy eating being a way to restore all the damage. im in the same boat as you. im only 21 and i have osteopenia and tons od digestive issues. my kidneys were really bad but since going raw i have reversed the kidney damage!! one doctor told me in couldnt be done. i still havnt gotten my period back though. its been about 2 years since i have had one. i get sad sometimes thinking that maybe i really messed it up and would if i can never have children. but i try to stay positive and tell myself that its coming soon. just another reason to stay on the path im on and not slip back into the disorder!

take care everyone!!! ~Ali

Hi ali how long have you been recovered/recovering for I have been recovered so to speek for about 2 years, I still have my bad days especially emphasized if somthing bad happens in my life I go within myself so to speak, but never to the degree I used to. I would say I would never let the disorders take over ever again, I have abused my body too long and suffered consequences & still living with them to ever be that way again. I have educated an nurtured my body & soul for a long time now which is the reason I stongly stay on this path. I to get very down with myself, as I feel that I have waisted 10 years of my life, I do keep reverting back to the past thinking, what I could of done if I did not have the e.d in the first place, how I would never of
distroyed my body, I don't know if I would if I can have children too as to what I have done, plus I have hip dysplasia in both hips.

Take good care! Bracken X

Hope you are doing ok rawdancer? your in my thoughts, you can do it girl! We are all here for you!

Bracken X

Thanks for the love guys

Ooh had a stupid corporate thing last night..had one too many drinks, have very low tolerance. Hence I dont normally drink. so feel sick this morning, my own fault!

Have a fridge full of chinese leaf, patchoi, blueberries and rasberries..freezer full of banana.. but dont want anything. I seem to be okay with berries, can have 3 or 4 , then thats it. I dont know, maybe should consider the drinks. Just the thought of drinking something non-vegan and processed grosses me out.

Will keep trying. I dont think the smoothies are gonna work, texture seems to set me off. Then I am scared again to have anything. I am going to try to make banana pudding later and eat a bit.. frozen banana with some agave...

Thanks guys

RawDancer

Good to hear you are ok, both you and I are in the wars got upset stomach which was probably self induced also had too much fibre! with all good stuff. Going to take it easy today been working too hard too I think lately. What do you do for a living if you don't mid me asking? I am a Jewellery designer/illustrator.
Bannana pud sounds good, you have inspired me to make some, lots of potassium good for after drinking, good for blood sugar and B-vits.
Keep up the good work you are doing well.

Take it easy

love julie aka (bracken)

I have done well today.. I am soo proud right now!! haha

Had a smoothie- mango papaya..some blueberries (posted a pic in 7wk thread..was thattt excited!!)

then about 14 blueberries

andddd... 2 big stalks of patchoi


yuuum

and its all stayin down!woohoo!

good for you sweets keep it up .. err or down .. .lol haha !

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist