HI everyone well i am so glad that you started this forum jodi yay you as usual!! you rock!!! this is so great to have a place to go and talk about these ED issues..and raw at the same time...i know that i have talked with a few of you privately before about ED and raw and how it is such a fine line...i had a really tough time at the beginning because of the fine line i tried restricting too much because it was raw and it was okay and i didn't have to do this or that...but now that i am finaly allowing my body to eat more things and really nourish itself i am on a healthier road and even losing weight (don'tworry for those of you who don't know my story i have a few disorders that physically cause my weight gain and no matter what i tried since the age of 2 i have been overweight and couldn't lose it..i was even treated for malnourishment a few times that they didn't believe when admitted because i was overweight..but anyways just thought i would let you all knwo that part so you didn't think i was being unhealthy and trying to lose weight) so that is my story and raw has really helped me!!
i hope all is well with all of you take care!!
lots of love
earthangel
xoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

Good to hear from you earthangel, glad to hear you are on the healthier path & feeling good on it, keep it up sweetie!

Take good care
love Bracken.

hey there thanks... yeah raw has been a great thing in my life..and the people on this board have been saviours in my life as well!!! January 24th...rawfoods.com saved my life
lots of love
earthangel
xoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

Hi jodi how has your weekend been?
Hows things going enchantress?
How are you Ali?
Off to do my yoga in a mo!

Take good care all
Love julie

Julie where are you from?? it must either be early there...or you are a night owl doing yoga .....but sounds good i love yoga so relaxing and soothing for the body!!!

ooh hey ali i called ya to have lunch the other day silly!!! i don't know if you got the message...but what are your plans for tomorrow??
let me know give me a call!!
love ya girlie!!!

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

I live in the uk, Plymouth in Devon so it is early here 8.45am right now, it would be lovely if we all lived so much closer that we could meet up!
Where is it you live?
Getting ready now for some hiking on the moors, weather is lovely today making the most of it.

Take care Love Julie

"What degree are you studying for? how long have you been teaching dance for"

Degree is English Law, Have been teaching dance for 4 years, stage school brat, was in my first show aged 2, done pantomime, all sorts of shows etc.. finally got out of that at 16 and decided it was all about studying..but still love to dance.. and teach others!


"You have probably done the right thing in distancing yourself from your parents if you say they can trigger you, you say they have e.d behaviour too? "

Yes family have Ana and Bulimia history themselves, think growing up with that binge and purge thing going on around me had a huge impact on me. Maybe that is why I became terrified of eating rather than someone who purges. I hate being sick, genrally traumatised if anyone is sick for any reason- even if they are just unwell. Its painfull not having any contact with them, as I know its unfair on my dad who has nothing to do with it all. But I dont feel I have any choice but to cut myself off completly.


"It is good that you have some good friends, & a boyfriend what does your boyfriend think of your e.d, is he supportive? "

He has his own issues at the moment with life, as he has a history of bulimia, so I wouldnt ever want to say anything that would trigger him. But he is supportive in a general way! if you get what I mean!

"Have you thought anymore about that herbal tonic Floradix? "

Where do I get this tonic from ?? I will try anything!


Thank you for your kind reply Julie. Just woken up now, last two days just been a blur of sleeping tablets..cleaned the house twice.. hoovered again and again. Not much is keeping me distracted right now. I cant bear to go outside until I literally have to..for work tommorow.

Thanks for listening, sorry if thats super long!

Raw_dancer

Hey everyone! Sachelle~ im glad you joined us. how have you been? are you still at camp? i did get your message, so sorry i didnt call you back..i had a crazy stressful day and couldnt make it down there. lets get together soon though.

Bracken~ oh i dont have any children, sorry just read that post, i just work as a hair stylist and have to do lots of kids haircuts because everyone is going back to school! your jewlery is very pretty! do you sell it out of shops or home?

Rawdancer~ what kind of dance do you teach? i did ballet for years i loved it! i still regret quitting but its just so hard to get back into...you do sound really busy, no wonder your so tired. it would be hard to have so many close people in your life that have ed as well. do you live alone? you can get through this. i have never heard of floradix but it sounds good. keep up the smoothies if you can.
i had a hard day myself yesterday. i had to go to a family get together to celebrate my cousins college graduation. it was wierd because normally the food is the most uncomfortable part but this time that was ok. it was an open house party and everyone just ate when they wanted and there was plenty of good fruit for me. but the hard part was the open bar and everyone drinking! even all my cousins that are younger than me were drinking. they kept asking me why i didnt go get a drink. it was hard because i wanted to so badly but i knew i would only regret it later. i have been sober for a little over a year but i know how easily i could slip back into it. my mom kept telling me how proud she was that i wasnt drinking but i felt guilty because i wanted to so bad. its just wierd that the alcohol made me more uncomfortable than all the rich food around.
sorry if that was long, thanks for listening. i hope everyone has a good day! im off to yoga then school.

hey good morning everyone!!!
julie your morning sounds amazing!! have a wonderful day!! i too wish we all lived closer to hang out..but it is so hard to find time in busy life to hang out with the ones that do live close lol..like ali and i!!

ali thanks girl...oh and don't worry..it is fine...camp is over and i am in dana point actually still looking for a roomie or place to live...so i don't know..but i will be coming to san diego often!! we need to hang out soon!!
take care and have a great day!!!

rawdancer hey girl....how are you doing??? you seem to be healing and getting to a better place then when i last exchanged emails with yoU!! yay you!! keep up the good work..and it is baby steps don't stress you will get there it just takes a while!!! keep up the awesomenss!!
lots of love to all of you ladies!!!
love earthangel
xoxoxoxox

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

I just wrote a long reply to you rawdancer but my blooming laptop just wiped it all out! you can imagine the colourful air!! You can get floradix in most heath food shops Holland & barrett, it is good stuff.
You are very talented & brainy to study law & do panto and dance you should be proud of yourself!!At the age of 29 I could never stand up on stage I haven't the confidence. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?
Try not to feel so bad about your Dad, I appreciate it must be hard I am sure he will understand as he obviously has first hand of the e.d experience. You must see it as time for yourself to get yourself well! sometimes you have to be selfish instead of selfless, so a wise lady said to me!
Do have a good week rawdancer, if things are getting a little too much I will try to be here to help as much as I can. My kind thoughts are with you all week.
Take care
Love ju

Hi Ali Sorry I thought that you have children, Well done at your family get together you did well. I too have a family do to go to this weekend & to be honest I still don't feel comfortable around the food and drink thing. I'll have to eat before I go as they won't have anything there I could eat. I feel a burden around Christmas as they have to get foods in I can have and it just makes me feel awkward not eating the same as everyone else, it has to be raw no milk/ wheat/sugar as I have extreme sensitivities to these fooods, my body just can't digest them because I messed up my digestive system for so long. Plus I don't drink either for the same reasons as you too. So unfortunately I'm not looking forward to that one, but its got to be done! have a good week at school! Love Ju

What do you do earthangel,work? college? had a good day today knackered now hiking up to some stone circles, going to chill now. Have a good week.
Love ju

Thank you EA and Julie

I am 22 Julie..

I do live alone yes.. after a destructive relationship its the best way for me to live..dont think many friends could put with me!! haha.. nah I love living alone, wouldnt want it any other way.

I will check out Holland and Barret thank you, have wednesday morning docs appointment, so I will swing in there on my way to the office.

I teach ballet, jazz, tap, contemporary, hip hop and pole..so quite a combination!!

.. I was fine for a while but now I dont even want to try anything, I just feel like, maybe I deserve this suffering, stupid I know. But the sort of dark thoughts I have been having a slow painfull exsistance seems about right. Had err about 5 cups of roobios.. and a few blueberries..

Bf was meant to be coming but that didnt happen..so.. ah well.. settling in for a night of brain numbing tele..utterly dispairing at the thought of being at my desk in 12 hours time!!.. ah well!

Thank you all for the amazing support xx

hey all i hope yer all having a good day ... sorry not to post here for a few days but had some bad things happen between my b/f and myself

why do men have to be so incredibly stupid

anyhow the update is i spent the 48 hours crying, screaming, yelling, eating , puking, rinse rinse repeat

today is almost over and tomorrow is a new one . i know i will feel a bit better then but nowhere near as good as i was feeling days ago.

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist




Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/27/2007 09:11PM by Jgunn.

Oh no, Jodi! My heart goes out to you. It's really awesome, though, that you can look ahead with hope for the next day. We're here for you!

I've been kind of down in the dumps today too. It's to the point now where everyone is very concerned about me health-wise. I'm very thin right now and still losing weight; my parents are ready to ship me off somewhere for treatment. But I don't want to leave my job and I'm starting school next week...I feel like treatment would be an interruption of my life, despite the fact that I hate my life right now and the only thing getting better would interrupt is what seems to be my slow suicide. Also, I don't want to eat whatever @#$%& non-vegan, non-raw, dead food I will be force-fed wherever I go. But I just don't seem to be able to do this on my own, and I will eventually die if I don't do something about this. I *want to want* to get better, but my desire for health is just not there more and more of the time, much to my confusion. It feels like there's something in me I'm trying to kill, and maybe by starving myself I'm attempting to destroy all of me in order to get rid of the one bothersome part...All I know is that I am not happy, but I feel perfectly content to stay that way, much as I don't want to. Make sense?

I totally empathise with that hun. I dont have the will to live anymore or to feed myself. I see treatment as a wholehearted waste of my time- when I have work and a degree to be getting on with.

Your not alone. Least its not just me!!

Given up trying to eat, or trying to appear well now. Just a slippery slope from here.

Been in a sleeping tablet haze for 4 days..and now back to work.. no more baggy clothes or spitting babyfood in the sink.. have to actually pretend to be a human being!..for a whole 9 hours..the thought is making my airway close up. Just have to get through it. Luckily for my work colleagues.. I am a stage school brat..and can fake happy/content/confident/bolshy better than anyone.. just dont know if I even have the energy to fake it right now.

Thanks for listening, sorry for the moan!

I can't beleive the frustration it has taken me to get back on here, as my bloody lap top decided it wasn't going to work anymore, so I have got this one on loan.
Anyway, jodi are you ok? I had a funny feeling someting was up you usually post every day. Stay strong girl it was just a blip you have all that healthy knowledge to get you back on the right path. I wish I could be more help to you? I really feel for you. take it easy Love & hugs to you!

Enchantress what is it that making you feel so unhappy with your life? what is it that you are trying to kill within yourself? is it hurt? or trying to punish yourself for something, or even trying to punish some else? I could be way off the track here. You say you don't want to leave your job & that you are starting school, then don't! you say you don't want to be force fed crap, then don't let it happen sweetie, you have the oppertunity to get better your way, eating your way. You can do it!!! The last bit you wrote does make sence especially to me as I know that I am a hell of a lot better now but there is still a part of me that hangs on to the e.d a little, whch is what I am trying to work out now to fully recover, I have this hang up of the numbers on the scales I am a a certain weight now that I fell comfortable & I just want to stay there forever my target weight is 7st 7 and it scares me so, but I know that I have to stay strong. You have to stay strong! what job do you have? I saw your pics and you are so pretty, what colour is your hair now? I always changed the colour with my moods. You must stay strong to keep out of treatment, the fear of what they where going to fedme kept me out of there.
Take good care thinking of you love juX

Rawdancer I tried to write back to you last night but my lap top wasn't having any of it!
what you said last night, why do you feel you should deserve this suffering so? Why do you feel the need to punish yourself this way?
I felt this way for a long time but I knew my rasons for feeling that way.
At the end of the day I have learnt nobody deserves to suffer & distroy themselves, alot of us are delt with s*** cards it is up to us at the end of the day to choose the right path to follow, I know some of us choose the wrong path but it is possible to get on he right one!
You have so much going for you rawdancer, you are so talented with what you teach etc. I'm sure you have not done something so bad to feel you should excist this way! You deserve to live a fulfilling healthy life.
AND YOU WILL, YOU ARE STRONG ! DONT GIVE UP!!
At the age of 22 you have achived so much & you have so much to give, you say you love to dance you love dancing, make it a passion, You need to be well, just look at all them people who are relying on you to teach them to dance, they are aspiring to you, to dance like you!
I have faith in you, Sorry if I woffled a bit, it is probably the full moon it has that affect on me. Take good care! Love juXX

Thanks so much Julie

I phoned my work counselling number tonite, my manager said it would help, it was just good to speak to someone and cry..and know they were impartial and confidential.

Although I felt a bit stupid crying down the phone like a ninney!! lol haha

I ate babyfood today, going to buy more tommorow and keep eating that

my bf is having a really bad time atm and now found out some bad test results too.. just.. one thing after another.. gosh!

Ah well.. cooking him dinners n freezing them is keeping me occupied..keep him away from those darn pot noodles!!

xxx

It is good to hear you sound more on top rawdancer, sorry to hear about you BF I hope all works out well for him, it sounded like you needed that good old cry.
Glad you have been eating the baby food, keep up all thoughs good intentions you can do it! I'm here if you want to go off on one I don't mind, as long as I know you are ok. Take it easy love ju XX

Rawdancer hope you get on ok at doc's today? let us know how you get on. I'm seeing my dietishion/friend today Julie Sargent i see her once a month, she has really helped me alot! she brought me out from the lowest depths, She is going to test me for my vitamins/minerals & food sensitivities today. She is not like the usual doc surgery dietishions, she beleives in eating good natural wholesome foods. She has a web site www.jtnutrition.co.uk. It is a shame you couldn't see her, she has helped alot of people with e.ds. She helped me get my confidence back, she even commishioned my to do her illustrations for her second cook book, she is a wonderful lady. I read on the 7 days raw that you want to take a vegan muli- vit, good makes are (Higher Nature,) (Solgar),(cytoplan) & (veridian) which is what I take as they are just made from pure food, which makes it easier for the body to absorb, you should be able to get them from any good health food shop.
My thought are wih you
Love juxx

Hi there all how is everyone doing today, I hope you are all ok? Well, I have been having a bad day today, saw the docs for what was just an ear ache, & he ended up examining me & weighing me and said that my weigh was too low, & is worried about the tummy troubles I am getting. So now he wants me to see a Gastroenterologist don't know if I spelt that right(more worry) he asked me what I ate and I said I eat plenty of fruit & veg, and he was like "what for" and he calls himself a doctor!! he was telling me not to worry about what I eat, "eat loads he said Fill up on sugar, salt, starchy foods. I could not beleive my ears! I've just been fed up all day with my stomach some what playing me up.
Sorry about the moan ignore me, probably feeling sorry for myself, I gone through worse I can get through this!
Rawdancer I hope you had better luck at the docs?
How are you jodi?
Enchantress are you feeling any better? are you all prepared for school next week?
How you doing Ali, hows school been this week?
Are you doing ok Earthangel?
I'll sign off now, going to chill Take care all Love JuXX

Thanks Julie for the love

So so sorry you had a bad experience at the docs... I know that all too well! I had crohns, now healed thanks to raw living foods! They told me..stop eating vegetables..eat a refined processed carb diet!! eww.. yeah to keep them in money and the steroid business booming!!..

Hope you are feeling better now anyway hun xx can be a major bummer..uk docs suck!!

My doctor was sweet and just basically told me to stop beating myself up and being hard on myself. Was in there for an hour just crying and spilling my soul and he was mega supportive. My work luckily can provide 10 free counsilling sessions off the site, so I have phoned and arranged that- think it will really help to talk to someone impartial.

I sent my manager shopping for a lovely big melon and babyfoods for me..so am stocked up dude!!.. had 1 babyfood today and lots of water/tea

Just worried for my bf atm..but trying to be super supportive..asking him if he needs anything, wants company or whatever. its very hard when hes going through stuff with his family and is unwell himself- wish I could convince him to go raw!! it would help.. ah well, being there for him anyways

Least cooking/uncooking in the evening and making phonecalls is keeping me distracted and occupied with others rather than focusing on my own self loathing.

Thanks for all the love guys

Xxx

Really good to hear from you rawdancer, it is wonderful to see you are making positive steps. Glad you got on ok at docs I wish my doctor was like that I have no faith in the N.H.S what so ever anymore!
You say you had crohns, how long did you have it for? you say the raw foods healed it that is brilliant, but if you are not eating right now wont that flare it up again? The doc,s for year could never make up there mind with me, suspected I.B.Disease, I.B.S etc, with all the investigations I have had in the past I am not going to go through that again, no matter what!!
It good that you are helping you bf, I was always told thinking and caring for others definately take you mind off yourself, it works for me. Well done on the work counciling,
My dietishion said I was doing well, and I was only slightly deficient in vit b5 & manganease so at least that was one good thing today.
My tummy is feeling a little better than this morning, drinking lots of camomlie.
Have a good evening Love Ju xxx

Thanks Julie

Ugh I know.. I had to have three laparoscopies before they even thought to consider referring me to gastro!.. had 8 years on hormones as a child..which I believe caused the chrons in the first place..dont get me started on NHS!! lol


Have had it since I was 14, they call what I have now remission, as they say crohns is incurable as its chronic- far as I am concearned- RAW=Healing. enough said!.. Only thing that triggers it is stress and eating SAD. I am not eating which is probably why I havent had any problems with my stomach, If I was I am sure I would be getting some mild symptoms with the external factors at the moment.


I was low on all sorts last time they ran my bloods - iron mostly. But I wont take those supplements, awful awful stuff. Again they keep checking hormones and things, all normal, all fine. Just no periods or anything -which is a blessing to be honest!.. I wouldnt give in to letting them weigh me.. once I start I cant stop..have been without scales now for a couple of weeks, want to keep it that way.

Thanks for all the positive vibes

hi rawdancer, how do you cope with knowing you have crohns? it terrifies me something is really wrong with my insides, because I want so much to recover fully , live & enjoy life, I wasted so much time on the e.d I want to make up for it now! I cant handle the fact of going back & forth to the hospital again.
Am even getting confused as to what to eat again, frightened it is going to set my stomach off, but I know if I don't eat that will make things worse still.
How long have you had no periods if you don't mind me asking? when I was at my lowest they stopped for two years, & that is what caused my osteoperosis. Have they scaned you for that?
I am really proud of you for throwing you scales out, you are doing so well rawdancer! Sorry for having another moan, I must pull myself together!
You take good care Love & hugs ju xx
Off to cornwall today Tntagel, have to pick up Jewellery supplies dreading the long journey!

Thanks Julie again. Hope you had a good journey to cornwall..not too stresful I hope!

I guess I have had it so long now, I dont even think about it. I figure as long as I continue on this path I will remain cured. The things that I cannot eat.. are SAD and dead anyway..so I wouldnt want to eat those anyway!

I havent had any proper period for hmm nearly 20 months, They ran my bloods, hormones fine, ovulating. so they said there was no need to bother the gyno about it! My bones are a lot older than my years anyway from 8 years of hormones as a kid.. so thats always been an issue. But far as oestrogen now all normal, a little high testostorone but that was all.. nothing abnormal.


If I had scales I would be on them ten..twenty times a day. I cant do it to myself. So.. just got rid of them. Doctor probably didnt understand the mentality of not wanting to be weighed at all.. but.. I would of looked and then it just starts that cycle again!

Bf is still not doing great but going to try to cheer him up over the weekend.. uncook and take him to his favourite places.. so will try to get up and dressed and out..rather than just laying in bed all weekend!

Love x

Rawdancer~ good thinking throwing the scales out! i hate how most doctors seem to measure how well your doing just by the number on the scale.i still turn around on the scale if they insist on a weight! good luck with your bf, i hope everything goes well. its good you guys have each other to lean on.

Bracken~ i have a question...did you get your period back? i havnt had mine for over 2 years. i keep thinking its going to start again but no luck yet. i just went to see my naturopathic doctor today and he is going to test my hormone levels. he thinks i should take a natural progesterone hormone to help balance them out. my skin is breaking out like crazy because i finally have enough body fat to produce estrogen again but im still not producing progesterone. i dont know though...we will see how the test goes, i'll let you know what happens.

Jodi, Enchantress, earthangel... how are you guys doing? we miss you! well i hope everyone has a good weekend. take care!

Hi rawdancer glad you sound more up beat, it is good that you are there to support your b.f, I do hope things even out soon for you both very soon!
As fo me i could'nt make the trip tp cornwall felt terrible. I've had to go back and eat my wallaby gluten/dairy free bars for a while until things settle eating raw salad & stemed veg with home made vegan lental burger, lots of flax oil & ground seeds. I hope things start to inprove soon!
I must get rid of my scales, I think if I don't have them there the numbers miht creep up more & I won't be able to andle it, all whle they are there I can try & keep my weight around he same, it is like a safety net for me. But if you can do it I can!!
I hope you have a good weekend, what do you have planned anything nice? Take care Love Ju XX

Hi Ali good to hear you are ok? I have my periods back now for just over a year, I started again when I hit 7st, I was like you it felt like it was going to start then nothing, I was like that for a while. I wouldn't take any hormone treatment, I took herbs that I found helped balance things naturally, Evening primrose, or Agnus Castus, Dong quai is the one I take now. Flax & hemp oils help, & a good vit B complex. Do you also take a mutli vit? which is a good idea. It is all state of mind too I found the more stresed you are & worried about it te more likely you can hold it back, so chill sweetie! Hope school is going ok? Take good care Love Ju xx

How is everyone else? getting concerned have not posted in a while, my thoughts are with you all XXX

hey sorry all .. been hectic at home and work will post more on the weekend

all is well glad to see yer all getting along

love you lots !

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

It is really good to hear from you Jodi, was getting rather concerned!
Enjoyed looking through your slide show, your dog is so cute, what is his name he looks a right character!
Look forward to your posts!
Take it easy, Love JulieXX