Good to hear you back and about Jodi

I had quite a good meal last night, tomato and courgettes and some mushrooms..

Maybe I spoke too soon about the crohns, woke up this morning in a pool of blood.. damn bowel!.. just what I dont need, so been hobbling about the house trying to clean up and find something to slow down the bleeding... have to go and get some produce in for bf for later..so am half dressed, wincing in pain..but got to run into town!

Not got a tonne planned, just going to sleep this off most likely.. if bf is back then expect we will hang out and stuff. Right now I just want to get home, with everything sorted so I can relax a bit!..dont really want to take clotting agents, but theres no docs open over the weekend now.. so just going to have to take it... they would most likely pump me with steroids anyway to stop it..I am NOT taking those

Deep breaths n all! Otherwise am okay, just very very sore!

Thanks for the support Julie and Jodie

xx

I've been thinking more and more seriously about going to Mirasol (ED treatment facility in Arizona). One event that really gave a kick in the ass was my 15-year-old friend being forced into treatment at the local Children's Hospital and running away. Her mom called me and said they couldn't find her, she just took off. They did find her the same day, but it still made me think about how much time I've wasted on this disease. She's only 15 - what if I had gotten better at that age? There's so much else that's worth doing in this lifetime besides worrying about when/what you're going to eat not/eat. I'm an artist; I should be cultivating that. On one hand, I feel like I want to do this on my own (recover), because then I can still stay home and go to school and work. On the other hand, I am just wasting time right now, making excuses, stalling while I "work on things," when really I'm getting worse. Going to treatment will get me back on track so much faster, not to mention more thoroughly. And like I said before, I HATE my life right now - why would I want it to continue as it is?? I'm the one who always says I feel like I need to WORK at something - why not recovery? It seems there's still such a large piece of me that wants to suffer.

So sorry to hear how you are suffering right now rawdancer my heart goes out to you, I take my hat off to you for going it alone you are blooming strong girl. If that was me I would be in a state of panic!
A big well done for eating such a nice sounding meal, & so sorry you are suffering now. mabe it is going to take time for your body to adjust?
I read foods that are a little easier for crohns are:

Almonds (soaked) Raw almond milk
bluberries
cabbage especially the cabbage water!
Carrot
Figs
ginger
mint
pollen
peach
fennel,fennel tea
live yogurt
To avoid anything with seeds! Kiwi/ strawberries
You probably know half of this, if I come across anything natural hat could help I'll let yiu know!
I'm actually taking floradix now, I think you could do with that as it cotains iron, be good for blood loss! Aloe vera is very sothing too!
Take good care rawdancer
Love & hugs Julie XX


pupkin

Hi enchantress, it sounds like a bigger part of you want to get better, than suffer at the mo, I think out of all the posts I've read of yours so far there is more determination to get get well. I say good on you and I wish you all the very best in treatment, it really does sound the right thing for you to do right now. You say you are an artist? what kind of artist singer? painter? poet? being an artist you should be able to express yourself easy through it one way or another. I paint I used to express myself alot through my work, I sadly don't have the time to paint anymore, but I am trying to get back into it.
I do wish you all the best enchantress, you can do it, yo know, there is nothing holding you back apart form the bad part of yourself, and I think that the better part of yourself is shining through that bit brighter, go with it, do what truly feels right for you now!
Take good care keep us posted
Love Juxx

i feel your pain.
mirasol from what i hear is a good place. i am the same way, have used my ED as an excuse for just about everything. becoming a raw foodist is sort of my way of giving it up, taking the fate of my adipose tissue out of my hands and living in harmony with my body... it's hard though.

i have never been sent to 'recover' and the psychiatrists i've talked to haven't done anything but tell me to eat. if you can make the decision for yourself i say bravo, you are strong and forward-thinking in a way that i'm sure many of us can't be.

Enchantress~ i went to mirasol...i didnt want to at the time, i was in complete denial but my parents sent me. i realize now how lucky i am that they sent me there and not the hospital. it took me a couple weeks to actually start doind the work and wanting to get better but it is a good place. they have a much more hollistic view of healing. the food os not raw but healthier. they let me still eat my vegan diet with out forcing meat. we did yoga and lots of spiratual groups. i think that its a good place especially if you are at a place in the disease where you really want help. i wish i hadnt wasted so much time in the begging thinking i didnt need to be there because there is so much to get out of it. i ended up spending 60 days there and i really think it saved my life. good luck to you...you can get through this!

Thanks Julie, I am drinking tonnes of fennel tea. The bleeding seems to be slowing down now. But thank you.. my own fault.. havent had mushrooms for a long long time..now I remeber why! once ended up in hospital after eating cooked mushrooms!

Going to just devour a huge melon tonight, easy digesting and cleansing.. I am actually hungry for once!

I found that supplement you said about..flouradix in the local wholefoods place, it was 7.50 for the small or 13.50 for a huge box..very pricey.. I will have to wait 2 weeks until I am paid. Will definately invest then.

As far as recovery.. I wish I was brave enough for it.. but I really cant cope with loosing any control to anyone else!! ..really dont trust western medicine either.. last time was just awful complan type syrupy drinks and force feeding- I dont feel that you can "recover" mentally or emotionally this way, the problems deep rooted, force feeding SAD food is only solving temporarily the low weight.. just @#$%& with my head.. and really dont want to go back there, so take it step by step and raw.. hope you are feeling a little better soon enchantress xx

Thanks again Ju xx

xxx

I totally agree with you, I loathe Orthodox medicine with a passion, it makes you worse instead of better especially in my experience, all it is is artificial full of crap! For me also I feel I could not recover force feed that stuff, I'm like that with control I like to have some form of control in my life, but in a much possitive way now. Thats probably why I have OCD now, but it isn't making me ill.
You are doing well raw dancer you are doing whats right for you, you own way, for me that way was the only way for me.
I konw floradix is expensive, but t is good well worth having.
By the way I also find soothing on my digestive system, is papaya it is a digesive enzyme I have been having it the past few days seems to have helped me a fair bit. Enjoy your fennel tea.

Ju xx

I have OCD also.. drives me to my wits end!! a lot of people I know that have had EDs seem to have OCD..I am sure there must be a link!!

Had half a bag of Kale.. and some raw olives..

xx

Well done sweetie on the kale & olives I have black olives today love them, yes your right I think there is a link wth EDs & OCD it like one obsession replacing another, I'm OCD about eating on times mostly & your going to laugh at this one! & also with making sure I have a bowel movement every morning I panic even if it goes past the time I usually go. I have to rub my tummy each morning & night it is madness, this is the fist time I really told anyone probably because it sounds so blooming mad, but I do it every day. What is your OCDs I bet not as crazy as me?
Hope your pain as eased some what? must be slightly sympathising with you, got blooming pile now, any idea how to rid of it quickly & naturaly. Sorry fokes for anyone reading this about piles & bowels, got to be said.
Take it easy

JuXX

HAHA.. sexy aye!!.. Bowels n piles!! lol made me chuckle!!

My pain isnt nearly as bad now..had the bf saying all day..your cranky! Not cranky hunny just in agony..lol..men aye!

My OCD is kerrazy.. lights.. doors..locks..windows mostly.. I have often gotten off the bus..come all the way home..to check the door for the 40th time.. does my nut in!!.. blurgggg!!.. must say its not nearly as bad when I am raw..and eating properly..

But times like these..anxiety overload..and I am like a crazed fiend checking everything!!

Aah well..back to the trashy saturday tele xx

I would say I would rather have you OCD any day, what you watching?, me watching X factor, thats as good as it get sat night T.V.
I know what you mean with men they think us women make mountains out of mole hills, & we all know what they are like when they have the slightist sniffle!
Do you have any pics? be good to see you!
Glad the pains eased too! xx

Eurovision dance of course!! Anything with dancin I will watch..

Bit shy to post pics... as a/ i model and b/work snooping..dont want anyone from work or modelling knowing all my problems thats all!! lol I might get brave!!

xx

Wow model eh?! get brave soon! understand though about work,You are extremley talented many strings to your bow!

Having early night, enjoy rest of evening, hope you feel alot better tomorrow!

Night! XX

Morning rawdancer hope you are feeling alot better thismorning? I just finished doing yoga trace dance d.v.d this morning, love dancing just look a plonker doing it! How long have you had E.D for if you don't mind me asking? have you had periods of eating well? or has just been a on going battle? Read also this morning about foods that can play up Crohns, and some was Watermelon for one it easy ferments & tomatos Kale, I supose it depends on each individual on how the react to certain food & the serverity of there case. Sorry about any spellings to early in morning! Have a good sunday!

Ju XXX

Thanks for the early morning greetings Julie!! I have been up ages..excitement at seeing the bf..very sad!! lol


Only glamour modelling, nothing special I am afraid!! lol

I am feeling much better, think it was the mushrooms..remeber why I dont eat them, not touchin those again!!.. fine again now..so shant worry about it. When I flare, everything bothers me and I just sustain on water and apple juice till its over. Thank God I havent had a full on flare since March.

Have suffered with anorexia since I was small, 6 or 7 years old. So this is a long battle!.. I can trick myself into eating odds and ends..but in the end I always end up back to starving. Its sadly the only thing that feels "normal" to me..have been like it for so long. Grew up with my mother binging and purging.. nearly killing herself a few times..so I am absolutely terrified of ever being sick or purging from that experience. Its totally deep rooted, its like a security blanket to me not having food.. eating is like loosing control.. of everything.

Just woke up this morning craving salt..and more salt. Had 3 olives and a litre of water. Probably am lacking in all sorts of electrolytes but not in a position to sort it right now.


Thanks for the support..

Now have to figure out what to wear.. such a chore getting dressed!!

xx

I'm glad you are feeling much better, although I was bulimic for so many years I am ironically am terrified of being sick now! I am terrified of being ill, I do everything in my power to stay well, another form of control.
Glamour modelling cool! you certainly have alot of confidence! It's a shame you can't think of another way you could focus on control in your life other that not eating, turning it around. We all learn patterns over the years they can be re'learnt into more positive healthier ways. You can do it I know you can!!!

Really sweet what you said about bf, hope things are getting better for him too?

Ju XX

Had a lovely afternoon with bf, that was nice just to be alone for a few hours..and out in the lovely sun .. its getting v bad for him at the moment, Im just kinda waiting for the final bad news to come...just holding tight at the moment, not much I can do but support him.


Yeah.. I am trying.. I am just genrally uncomfortable with eating.. wish I wasnt.

Its getting grey now..more floods am sure

xxx

Haha bracken, I do the SAME THING with bowel movements!!! TMI, but I usually go within 15 mins of waking up in the morning, and if I don't I just feel GROSS for the rest of the day. Having major anxiety problems, I find that I've been getting stopped up recently, which only excacerbates the situation! However, I find that sipping hot water upon waking helps calm things down so I can go. Anyway, I just wanted to say that you're not crazy - either that or I am too .

ali, I want more details about Mirasol - were you in the adolescent or adult program? How much exercise do you get to do (I was told you get to go the gym...)? I NEED my exercise; of course I have issues with it, but I believe in regular exercise and have always felt that it would help so much with easing the discomfort of the weight gain process. What's the food like? They told me I could probably stay raw, but I've learned to take everything these places say with a grain of salt...Remuda sure wasn't all they said it was. Do they make you drink stuf like Ensure and Boost if you don't finish your food?

Glad you you had a nice afternoon, i'm sorry to hear about b.f I hope things do get beter. Sounded like you had some nice weather today, it been horrid here grey goes with day day really. Weird sort of day, some neighbours called me over to identify a cat that was dead, it it happened to be the neighbours next door to us, she was out so it had been fun & games trying to get hold of her, we had to leave a message at her work, when she got home she was devastated and she has to explain it to her 7 year old daughter, & she loved that cat, the cat was a really funny character. My hubby simon is back to work tomorrow, he is a art teacher, so he has been home for the six weeks, dread it when he goes back all alone again, I hate being on my own I think too much! Got orders to do tomorrow so that should keep me busy,

Keep on trying raw dancer, you can do it! I can understand you feel uncomfortable with eating, but it will get better if you realy want to do it you will, beleive me! When I was ill and I wanted to get better I made a list of things What do I get out of this ED?, What would I Get out of being well?
And with me the positives out weighed the negitives, so I went with it and made those positives my goal! I don,t know if that could be of a little help to you, to get things in more prospective. I'm always here if you want to talk, I want to help you as much as I possibly can.

Talking of food better have my tea sortly, Take good care Love Ju XX

I am so glad that am not alone Enchantress with the whole bowel thing, you have made me feel better, although I really wish I was not like this as if anyone as us to stay at there place I can,t as I feel it puts my routine out, or if any one wanted to stay with us, we only have the one lav & I would just panic the thought of things being put out. I wish I could change this so much!!
Psychologically I think it could be to do with the emount of bowel problems I have had over the years, that I don't want to be in hospital I want to get them working every day, without laxitives, I got myself off them about 5 years ago,was on Laculose for years, which caused my lactose intolerance.
Plus it is like, apart of the ED there, the less I go the more I will weigh, and it usually works out that way esecially this month as I was a little bunged up myself, I did weigh that bit more, and I did not like it. And I don't like to put myself in that position of panic & consumed thoughts of numbers on the scales. Thats why I am so obsessed with my toilet activities. Is it simular ith you? I wish you well with treatment, keep us posted how you get on!
Ju XX

Hows things going Jodi? & Ali?

hey! i have been good, thanks for asking. just busy with work and all. my aunt came down yesterday with her 5 adpoted kids from russia, it was crazy! there was so much meat around though(they are big eaters) that i started to feel sick just from the smell of it! gross! but anyways it good to hear that everyone seems well. i love hearing about the ocds!! i think it does definitly go with the eds. i just always have to organize everything like crazy. its funny...i had the same thing with the bathroom too!! its gotten better but i still obsess about it!

Enchantress~ i went to the adult program, a little over a year ago. i know what you mean about the exercise...they dont let you do anything the first week, then you alternate between walking and yoga every morning. you can only walk though if your at a certain bmi, i dont know what, they wouldnt let me walk the entire time i was there! i was the only one that didnt get to, at first i freaked out but then i started to kind of like having the house to myself for an hour in the morning. i was so weak anyway that i could barely walk through the airport to get there so it was prob for the best! there was also a excercise counslor that you would meet with a couple times a week and do weight training type stuff with. as far as the food goes its cooked but pretty healthy. they always had a vegetarian option and lots of veggies. it seemed healthy just not raw. you get to serve yourself and everyone sits at a table together. i was vegan when i was there and it was never a problem. they do make you drink boosts if you dont finish though...i think most places do! i hate boosts!! but besides that everyone is very supportive. its a much more hollistic view of healing, which is good. do you think your going to go??? how are you doing lately? let me know if you have any other questions about it.

well i hope everyone has a good week. keep looking up!!
bracken~ i love seeing your picture! you are very pretty! its fun to see the face your talking to.

Well bad news we were expecting came over nite.. so not great right now, just trying to be there for bf. Is hard to know what to say to him right now, but just letting him know I am there.. I cant even help much moneywise as I am just as skint as he is for another week!.. helped what I could

That recovery centre dosent sound too bad.. The private places you have more choice..but more likely in UK is getting sectioned or ended up in some awful hospital being shovvled with Ensure/hospital mash... purleaase... this is why I despise seeing my doctor!!

Need to go back this week.. because I am still feeling low..and I cannot even get the time off work to see the counsellor they arranged. So in a bit of a loose loose situation. Bit worried he will take one look at me and demand a weigh in though. Try the old baggy clothes ploy..

Got some babyfood for today. Is the busiest day at work of our year..so I know its going to be awful..and I am going to get shirty with various members of staff no doubt.. trying to keep your calm when you dont want to be there, you just want to be asleep or unconcious in anyform..really dosent help me deal with day to day pressure. Because I really am starting not to care..at all! I duno..they arent going to let me ring in ill this week because its busy..so I am stuck..not feeling upto a fullday but I cant take time off..so what to do..go in and get my manager telling me off for a "negativ" attitude...


bleh..sorry for the rant..its 6:25..my brain is just gobbing out rubbish.

Apologies

Raw_dancer xx

Rawdancer please keep you chin up, I do appreciate it must be so hard for you, I'm so sorry to hear about the bad news, my heart goes out to you I wish I could do or say more to help!
What is it you do in your office work? It is such a shame you cant make your councellor, blooming work seems a pain, no compassion for there employees. Does you BF work? you seem to be taking alot on hun! you need someone to lesson load.
It is a shame we can't speak on the phone if you thought that would help?
Try and keep strong lol, my thoughts are with you. Let us know how you get on at docs.
Love Ju XXX

Good to hear you are doing well ali, keep it up! I know what you mean about the smell of meat I can't stand the smell of it! Do you have any pic,s on here?
Hows school going? The treatment centre does sound ok, if we had places like that here without paying a fortune I thnk alot of people would concider treatment that way more.
Got toget ready for work now, take it easy Love Julie XX

Hows everyone doing? it seems i'm the only one whos posting on here at mo, I do hope you are all ok.
Well, I have made a decision to look into having children, & I am terrified, so many things to consider. But I am 29 and I cant leave things too late, & if I don't try to have any I might regret it for the rest of my life. I really don't know if I can do this. Biggest worry is putting on weight, then it will be conceiving if I can as BMI is still low, then it is my hips as I have hip dysplasia, the osteo too, & the hiatus hernia. The whole change of my routine which my OCD has over me. How can I do this? But I really want too just so scared. Got a oppointment with family planing on 13th sep & talk to doc.
So many things going on in my head right now, I keep thinking wow increditably selfish of me and vein, if I decided not to have children just because my body shape would change. I have been rather selfish for years with being consumed with this ED I did not consider what I really truly put my husband through, he was watching me die before his very eyes. I was blind as to what I was doing. I only really tuly realised this last night, as I watch a documentary on you tube, about a lady my age with a E.D her last few months. I was EXACTlY like her, her routiens and everything. That is what my husband had to see me do every day, what a complete bitch I was to do that to him, I was more rapped up in my addiction to even give him a second thought. Sorry to go on guys, but I had to get that off my chest. I am going to do everything in my power to rid off this ED completely. I do eat the most healthy I have done in all my life really now, but I just need to get rid of this control thing, it it what will ruin my life & I will never be truly happy. It is going to be the hardest thing I wil ever do, I have got this far without professional help, I will do it, it is now or never!
Well, take good care all thinking of you, Love always JulieXXX

Thanks for your posts Julie, I do read them even if I cannot reply at work or whenever.

That is wonderful you looking into have children, wish you all the best

I have had a hard day, was crying on the bus to work, was crying most of the morning. Just couldnt get a grip of myself. I said is it acceptable if I have to ring in ill tommorow. I warned everyone and have arranged someone to cover me. I dont think I can cope with it, if I feel anybetter then I will try.

Wish I could shake this low period off. Really drained, exhausted and fed up

Managed some blended tomato soup.. and a few pots of babyfood.

Been too busy crying for much. My clothes are falling off and my mouth is bleeding, I am a complete state. ah well

xxx

The main reason you are so low sweetie is besause you are so undernourshed, your body is cring out for help. I was exactly the same I could not handle anything everthing got on top of me the least little thing, I would cry like a baby and rage, felt to the depths of dispare! All the things you are experiencing is your body can't take anymore, take a good look to you really what this happening to you? do you really want things to get worse here on in. You WILL end up collapsing & end up in hospital being force fed, those horrid drinks!! You need to think of yourself more, think what you really really want? before it is too late. You are doing well in the respect that you are eating some raw the good intentions are there, but it is not enough for
your mind & body to function on. If you really feel you can't do this on your own I do think having counselling regularly will help you more. I really really wish I could help you more. If your mouth is bleeding, you are severely lacking vit C & calcium, which in turn can turn into gum disease. Taking these suppliments alone won't help unless you have a intake of other vitamins that help and support these ones. Why is it sweetie you feel you need to do this to yourself? or can't you sat on here? I knew me reasons, which I had to work through to get to wher I am now. I must get ready forwork now, my thoughts are with you, I really do think you need rest from work! Love Always JulieXXX

Rawdancer, I know that I tend to use my ED as a crutch, an excuse to not take on certain challenges. Is it possible that this is what you're doing? Despite the obvious difficulties you're having right now, it sounds like you're wallowing in them somewhat, wanting someone to just take over and make it all better. And believe me, I do it myself so I am in no way jumping on a high horse here. I encourage you to take a good look at what you want out of life - are you afraid of what that would look like? I often wonder if I am, in my own life...