lol whew finally FINALLY the weekend *puts up feet and sucks on a smoothie* i tell ya

hehe julie yea my cleanse was kinda freaky .. my guy was like ready to rush me to the hospital but im wait wait .. blood stopped . lol

hope all is ok rawdancer let us know how its goin

enchantress im so glad you are going a treatment route of your choice i know you wil come out of this stronger then you already are .. you really are you know

so julie hows the baby makin goin

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Babymaking put on hold for little while, I want to make sure my body & mind is strong enough, I am going to give myself a year or so to build myself up stronger, it is weird in a way I am worring the most stupid thingg you are going to laugh, constipation/piles morning sickness it terrifies me, more than my hip dysplasia & (weight gain) REALLY STRANGE that one! maybe I excepting that what is going to have to happen if I want a beautiful healthy baby.
What are you up too this weekend? Have a good one! really good to hear from you! XXX

Rawdancer how are you sweetie?
How you doing Ali?
Hope things are going good for you entrantress?

Take care all
Have good weekend Love Ju XXX

Weekends are always the hardest time..so just trying to get through it asap with as little time awake as possible.

Managed to sleep 16 hours friday.. so sure I can do it again tommorow.

Feeling really unwell the past two days, sickness and dizzy..and just awful. Like as soon as I move my head or try to lay down I am going to puke up. Its terrible. Been awake a few hours, argued with bf and now crying .. need to go back to sleep but its so uncomfortable and then I feel like I will be sick.

Drinking peppermint tea, but just this awful naseau is like nothing I have known before(apart from pregnancy)

Just.. want a good cry..which is exactly what I am doing

Hope your weekend is going well Julie xxx and Jodi xx

Good to hear from you raw dancer, was worried, sorry you are not feeling well, do you think it could be lack of food sweetie? or a possiblity of being pregnant? How has your week been? I was arguing with my hubby yesterday over the same blooming evils MONEY! was bloody miserable all day crying all day felt so emotional all day for some bazare reason, maybe ts the change in season! Men eh! Feel winter drawing in ow finding it really hard to get up in the morning & keep myself motivated, have you got another week off work? what have you been doing with your time off work? Do you still have the scales in the house? I have actually put mine away now? be good to hear from you again soon
You take good care love & hugs Ju XXX

hehe julie good on ya for planning ahead i used to worry about those things too .. so much so i ended up not having kids ..i have bit of regret over that but in some ways i think im too selfish and disorganized for children and besides i make a stellar auntie

rawdancer chin up baby thers not much more that i can say other then i am very concerned about you ...really i lay awake wishing i could beam myself over there and try and help you somehow, if things are too tough bewteen you and your bf maybe you need a bit of time apart .. fighting with each other is counterproductive ya know what i mean?

.. misery loves company but happiness enjoys it much more

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

It nice to see you in good spirits jodi, like you in a way i'm affraid too much planing will put me off in a way thinking too much. We are going to see the family planning clinic tomorrow eve. Hows your weekend been?

Rawdancer try and find the strength to keep fighting, both jodi & I worry about you so, it is so frustrating not been able to lesson the load for you, we are here for you remember that sweetie!

Have a good week all!

Love always JuXXX

i have a confession..
i dont like myself.

for the past 9 months ive struggled and struggled, through all my self doubt and self hatred, and i feel like i am falling backwards again

the feelings i had before i was raw...the complete and utter disdain for myself, are slowly creeping up from a place deep inside me, that i thought i had emptied out

i have suffered from multiple eating disorders, anorexia, bulemia, binge eating, it seems my life is a rollercoaster of out of control emotions, and feelings

i dont know how to stop feeling this way about myself
and thats all i have 2 say

Welcome to the thread, fuzzysox! I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. We've all been there (or still are), and we're here to support you.

Hi fuzzysox, why do you feel this way sweetie? the feelings you say that are creeping up on you again have got to be coming from somewhere, are you aware what caused them before? I have had this so many times in my life until I faced what the problem really was & dealing with it. If you don't you will find things coming back and bitting you in the bum, when you least expect it! I still now have some issues to face in my life right now, but because I reconise them I am able to deal with them alot better. We are all here for you & give as much support as we can! Take care!

Love Ju

Sorry I not been about.

Just been sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. Feeling much better now, only seem to feel very sick at night time.

There is a tiny possibility ..but unlikely, I will do a test tommorow just to be sure anyways.

Yeah we have allowed each other time Jodi, my bf and I have agreed not to talk for a while, but he still is worried, so I get the odd txt message saying are you okay or miss you lol We are meant to be going to lunch tommorow, but I wont eat anyway so unsure if its a pointless exercise.

Havent been eating or drinking much just dont have the energy to force myself to right now and then feel rubbish after. Had a pint of orange juice yesterday and the same the day before.

Anyways thanks for the support as always xxx

Hey all,

So I spent a lovely afternoon in emergency today. Saw my doctor and she pretty much commanded me to go in after seeing the results of my blood tests and EKG - apparently not so hot, but the hospital told me that other than my heart rate being a tad low, there was nothing to worry about. That being said, today was a real kick in the ass. I HAVE to gain some weight, regardless of how I feel. Just need to cram 'er in there! Mirasol is not going to let me in with my doc not even wanting me to get on a plane, never mind the weight part of things. So...wish me luck guys! Any tips on how to get more food in me, in the least scary way possible, would be greatly appreciated!

Rawdancer - use me as a scare tactic! You can't keep living off of juice alone...sooner or later, you've gotta participate in life or you'll die. Maybe that's what you want, I don't know, but the two of us need to stop deluding ourselves with thinking that we can have it both ways. Starving and living life do not, can not, go hand-in-hand.

enchantress my prayers are with you hun , just get better and know you can carry on with the lifestyle of your choice once you have the nutrition feeding you healthy thoughts

we love you !!

you are coming to some important conclusions and that is the most important thing !

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

enchantress hope you are feeling better, seems you are in a good frame of mind for stepping forward.

Indeed I really am not scared of death anymore, perhaps thats why I dont really have any reason to eat or try to eat now? I can eat one type of fruit or one serving. but thats my limit, I dont know if this sickness I am feeling is all in my mind to stop me eating or what..really dont know. I know it could kill me and I am not afraid, perhaps thats where I am doomed.

Going to take pregnancy test today anyway just to make sure.

Going to get the flouradix today finally can afford it, so going to give that a try.

Thanks for the support.

Entrantress, My love is with you sweetie, I was i the same as you in some respects as my heart rate was low to, it was then the turning point was given too me , my doc only gave me a few months to live! For me the reality hit! & I know I had to start to get well. The way I personally did it was to eat little and offen, basically grazing though out the day it is hard I won't lie to you (but it can be done) I'm still here aren't I! The truth of it is because you are at such of a low body weight, you will need to try and eat some cooked foods, ie: little brown rice with salad, quinoa, good choice of protien and to help with the weight is almonds, even snacking on them, Little organic tofu, still eating raw, & juicing which you can get alot of nutrients from, seeds & nuts.
This is the way I eat now, taking into account it is little and offen, itlooks alot written out but it really isn't in volume.

1 carrot, celery, spiralina juiced & ginger

Break. soaked 2tbsp oats, gojis, coconut, seeds, 1tsp linseed oil,
cinnamon. Not normal size cereal dish, slightly smaller,

10.ooam celery dipped in tahini

11.30 raw lara bar or wallaby currant & cashew.

12.30 Apple, or berries

1.30pm Raw salad, with sprouted seeds,Nori etc or maybe cooked brown rice or beans with it, about heaped tbsp linseed oil 1tsp

3.00 Apple

4.30 Tea Raw veg & home made lental burger(not the size as a normal burger)
Or millet pattie
Some thing always with raw veg, or steamed, or very accasionaly a plain veg stir fry, I put spay oil in wok.

6.00pm little fruit wallaby bar

7.00pm fruit smoothie 150ml

8.00pm 2tsp rice bran little live soya.

Eating this way for me I feel comfortable with for now until I go more raw still, it stops me getting bloated, I stops me feeling any thought of hunger.
I know I an getting all my nutrients, as I am not deficient in one! ( got tested yesterday) And taking into accunt that I am still under weight too, I was just under six when I told I was going to die & to tell you the truth that it the way I really felt, I am now 7st 3, which is some what a revelation for me telling everyone my weight, I am living proff you can eat heathy and not get FAT, I don't think I am fat anymore , I admit ther are parts of me that I am extremely not happy with, but I also have to face putting on weight myself to start a family, which is still hard for me don't get me wrong. Maybe just taking parts of what I eat now to what you are happy with might help, at least you would be getting more of a balance that way. I do hope this helps you a little I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! my love is with you Ju XXX

Rawdancer, I really do think you need more help than what we are able to give on here, it just sounds like you are giving up? Why do you want to do that sweetie, if you read some of your threads a while back you where doing really well, there was deturmination there( where has that gone?) what about you love for dance & teaching it that you said you loved to do?, you can't do that while you are so ill, Enchantress is right the is no way for love and money(saying) that you will be able to carry on exsiting( that is what you are doing, not living) on juices you will die. What is so bad that you would want to die? You have so much to live for, so much love to give , you are so talented! Why do you hang on so to this Ed? what are you getting out of it? appart from control? is it comforting to you? does it make you feel loved? Does it get you attention( the wrong kind, where people notice you then start feeling sorry for you?) You can turn things around raw dancer, think of how we are feeling here hearing how bad you are doing I like to think that I have befriended you on here, I don't want to loose you, and I could speak for everyone else. We want you to beat this, You Can don't give up hope! But I do think you need some more help, try and get as much help as you can! Always thinking of you, keeps us posted how you get on today with test, Love & hugs Ju XXXX

my hopes an prayers are with you too rawdancer , i can echo everything that julie and enchantress says above but you really do need assistance in this more then we can provide you here. lack of food and nutrients is clouding your mind making it impossible to think logically. death is final there is no turning back .. to accept to death is giving up and there is no control in giving up, please dont let this stupid disease beat you down!.

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

How are you today rawdancer? XX
Ali how are you doing now?
Enchantress how are you doing from your last post?
Are you doing ok jodi?


Love to you all Ju XXXX

Thank you for your support, really means a lot.

I wont say anything else, dont want to upset anyone. I am OK

Raw_dancer xx

hey everyone! sorry i have not posted in so long. i got a really bad cold and have been pretty much just sleeping since saturday. finally started feeling better yesterday though. i guess my body really wanted me to rest. i have a hard time though being sick and not being able to excercise...i find myself beating myself up about in and then it leads all back into that whole cycle of ed thoughts and wanting to restrict a lot due to just resting. but other than that just still going to school and busy with work.
how is everyone else doing today?

bracken~ any new news on the baby situation? you sound like you have been doing well. i eat the same way that you do! little at a time but very frequently, i think its the best way. it keeps your metobolism up but without feeling too bloated at once.

Enchantress~ im happy you made the decision to go to mirasol, you sound like you are very strong. i think the best way to get more foods in is just eating small amounts frequently like julie was saying. it is hard but you sound like you really want to beat this and you can! another thing to try is smoothies. good luck to you stay strong!!

rawdancer~ i dont think that you are upsetting anyone. we are all just worried about you as we dont want to see anything happen to you. keep posting you need the support right now. dont let the disease completly isolate you. we are all here to support you and i think i speak for everyone when i say that we just wish there was more we could do for you. please dont give up stay with us!

jodi~ how have things been with you?
i hope everyone has a good end of the week! the weekend is almost here!

nice to hear from you ali sorry to hear yer been @#$%& hehe, i hate colds and flus too ... they slow me down lol

rawdancer please dont worry about upsetting anyone, were here to listen as thats all we can really do here btw this is a good site ive hung around for a few years [www.facetheissue.com]

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Rawdancer we are all saying the same, you don't upset us sweetie, its just the frutration you are picking up on with us as we so much want to see you better!Still keep posting no matter how hard a time you think you are going through, we are always here to listen & help as much as we possibly can. Don't ever give up! Love & hugs XXX

Ali really good to hear you are donig well appart from the cold, I can't stand being ill do everything to avoid it, take Echinacea herb in winter, & plenty of V- C, as my immune system is crap!
Babies put on hold for a while, sadly going through a rough time myself at mo, waiting on some test results to come back which I'm worried sick about. Had a barnie at my docs he spoke to me like dirt,so writing letter of complaint, did not need that as my depression has been rearing its head with me lately,just keep crying alot, & not motivated, could be to do with the change of season, S.A.D. I do admitt I still get that way if I'm ill, about feeling guity about not excersizing, even now as I sit making jewellery all day I feel I must do some excersize, either morning or walking, I don't like sitting around, rhats why I find it really hard to relax. It is good to hear you have adopted the same way of eating too, it is much better at least to it keeps the blood sugar levels stable, no diabetes for us!

Thank you all for your kind words.

Not much to report on today

Had about 3 packets of indegestion stuff, trying desperately not to throw up. It would tire me out even more than I already am. Stopped taking all my anti depressants. Just dont want them.

Meant to go back to the docs tommorow, but unsure yet, see how I feel



Ate 1/2 grapefruit

drank 4 litres of water

so painfully dehydrated, that felt like nothing at all, didnt quench my thirst. Still so so thirsty

Hi rawdancer, sorry to hear you are not feeling to great, why are you taking indegestion stuff, horrid stuff tht is, gapefruits are quite acidy sweetie, it good you ate something though, try more alkaline fruits if you can papaya is good apple, pears etc, and veg, because you are not eating and just having liquid your acids have nothing to work on, & being upset is not helping.
From my personal experience just stopping the antidepressants is not a good thing, you need to come off them slowly, it is a shock to the system other wise and can make you feel very ill and extremely depressed( trust me on this one) it is good you want to come off them, but I really would consider weaning yourself off them.
I'm feeling like crap this morning too, probably after being so upset yesterday, got the dentist today bloomng tooth ache, hate dentists!!!!
Thining of you rawdancer do take care, wish I could do or say more to help you.

Take good care! Don't ever give up! Love julie XXX

the indegestion stuff is the only thing stopping me from throwing up. Only way I can get to sleep..is worst at night time.

I only ate grapefruit..cos it was in the house and everything else I had was rotten..cos I just left it all in the fridge the past week..

My doctor said it was fine to come straight off them last time I saw him..so.. I dont want antidepressants..just makes me sleepy and spacey..and like someone else. I hate that.


Hope the dentist went okay for you

Am going to finally go grocery shopping tommorow.. everything I have is old

Thanks Julie as always x

When I was on the anti-ds they made me spaced out to was walking around like a zombie, good you are coming off them, at least you are not relying on them like some peoplefeel they have to, it shows how strong you are well done!
Dentist id go ok thank goodness, just got to wait now for some test results.
What did the doc think about your feeling sick, might of been the anti-ds?
Are you getting anything nice tomorrow grocery shopping? Got to do mine tomorrow, get most of mine at health food shops an farmers market, nice fresh all organic! How are you and BF now? are you feeling more positive about things at all?
Have you got any plans for weekend?, I got to go to take my stock to and through tomorrow, Cornwall then to totnes, have you been down this way at all?
Must go now got loads to do before tomorrow it's seems it is never ending, can't remember the last time I chilled out!
Remember we are all here, we are never going to give up on you, You can do this sweetie.
Have a good weekend! Keep you chin up, keep smiling, be HAPPY, and STAY SPECIAL, because that is what you are,! AND BELEIVE IT!!!!!

Love JuXXX

Doctor dosent have much to say, not going back to him now, is pointless and now I am going back to work wont be possible anyways.

I got a lot of bottled water and that was about it, I threw out £15 worth of organic produce yesterday, not repeating that next week. its too exspensive to let it rot.

BF is having a hard time, now lost someone else close, so..its all a bit difficult. Trying to support him anyways.

Weekend has been chilled, went to a friends birthday drinks last night, we only stayed for a couple of hours, he wanted to get home and be alone..so we just were sociable then went home. Been up since early, went for a run and now come back..flopped down here.

Hope everyone is well

xx

hey folks how was yer weekends

rawdancer sorry to hear about your BF what can you do but be there to listen.

i used to take on everyone elses problems because it was an easy way for me to distract from my own ..but the problems still remain

sooner or later we all have to face the demons whatever they are

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

How are you doing rawdancer? have you been managing to eat anything lately? How's work been this week?
I've been feeling lke crap all week, got to have loads of bloods taken next monday, my nurse seems to think I might not be obsorbing vit B 12 & could be anaemic, so that could be the reason why I feel so terrible lately, we will have to wait and see.
Are you still teaching dancing? I honestly don't know how you find the energy to run, I know when I was ill all that was keeping me going was coffee, and then I would suffer with palputations and panic attacks!
Have you got any plans for the weekend?
Business is slow at the mo, which is getting me down, I keep thinking no one likes my jewellery, and then I start doubting myself thinking is it really all worth it, it is so hard! I am hoping things will start picking up at xmas.
Taking of Xmas I dread that one each year, how about you? not only because of the food and drink it's the lack of family on my part. I think Xmas is all about family getting together & friends & when you don't have much of each it is not very enjoyable, not to mention the lack of money, as after all that is all Xmas is about now all commercialised!!
Well I'll leave it there for now as it is 6.30am and i'm going off one one already, not good for this time in the morning!
I do hope you are ok? Take good care Love & hugs Ju XXX

I hope everyone else is doing ok?
Have a good weekend all! XXXX

hiya bracken i was taking b-shots up untill just the last couple of months ..i highly suggest them untill your body reaches a point where you are comfortable to try giving up the supplement

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

bracken i used to feel the same way about xmas but now we make our own traditions and dont buy into the commercialization of it all

sure it would be nice if all my family could get together and be like the osmonds .. instead of the hatfields and mccoys lol .. but thats not realistic so my sweetie and i just go for a quick visit to eachs parents and then do our own thing after sleeping in , in the morning

i think the best xmas present you could give yourselves is the agreement for you both to put away even as little as $1 a day each into notouch jar and take yourselves out for a nice weekend away and get pampered next year we did this last year too and i tell ya it was kinda refreshing for once not to wake up on january 2nd all hungover from a week of debauchery and bad food

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist