Good idea jodi about putting money in jar, will have word with hubby tonight about that, we really could do with some quality time together.
Been having really bad day today myself, feel really low, business is so just feel so useless, once I start feeling like that I start to focus on blooming food. I get so frustrated with myself feel like I try so hard and get nowhere some times! Due on period, stomach is all bloaded and feel really fat! have not felt this way in a long time. Had a couple of carob seed treats and feel guilty, mind keeps thinking will have to cut back on something tomorrow, and do some more excersise in the day. I can;t even beleive I am thinking this way. It is always the same pattern with me, when something is not going right in my life, I first start picking holes in myself, I'm fat, ugly etc, then the food thing comes into it, frustration, feeling useless, the sence of feeling so alone, then the self harm( but have not got to that stage yet, as I reconised it happening today, and shifted my pattern of thought onto something else)But I'm not going to give in I can't I just thought I would let everyone know that I am going through a tough time at the mo, and even though I have been well for a long time now, doesn't stop them thoughts reapearing, it just takes something to set it off. Sorry to go off on one, just need to off load, the trouble with me I do keep things to myself, no point talking to hubby I drive him upthe wall as it is.
Hope everyone is well, cheers jodi for that have a good one! Love Ju XXX

hey everyone! how is everyone doing?? its almost the weekend!
bracken i have been feeling the same way latley. its just like this cycle of feeling bad about myself then going to food, then feeling guilty about the food i ate and feeling fat ugly...when does it ever stop! my skin has been breaking out really bad latley as well. i keep thinking its someting i am eating so i keep cutting things out and beating myself up about it. i think it must just be my hormones going crazy, still havnt started my period, but then i start thinking its because i eat too much fruit or something else. i dont know..anyone have any ideas. sometimes i get so stressed out over what to eat or what i should eat that i just want to give up. its stressful and i hate feeling this way but i know i cant let myself give up....sorry to un-load as well, just been driving myself crazy latley.
jodi i like your idea about the jar as well!! i think im gonna try and do it. i always have this wierd thing about spending money on myself. it can be my "your worth it" jar!
by the way i get b12 shots as well julie and they do really help. i dont want to get them forever and i dont think i will need to but they are really helpful at the moment, might be something to look into.
i hope everyone has a wonderful end of the week. we all need to de-stress and take a break!!!
~Ali

honestly bracken id get yourself on the iron an bshots they will do a tremendous amount for you mood .. i know their a short term fix but untill things stabilize who needs to feel dumpy in the meantime right?

lets all have a *your worth it!* jar !

rawdancer i hope your holding it together .. perhaps you should look into the same as above .. i think part of the problem with this ED is we get so emaciated food wise nutritionally its hard to come back up again

wish you all a good weekend , ali nice to hear from you, i find when i yoyo all over with my diet i get breakouts too .. much as i hate mono eating lol i need some variety or i get bored and when i get bored i dont eat and when i dotn eat ..well ya know the story

ive beenn feeling a bit low myself and cant help but wonder if its the winter blah blooos setting in as i do suffer im sure from seasonal affects ... grr it seems like one thing or another lol .. my bf has been trying to make me feel better but im still a bit sore over his BS with me last month (gawd why do i hold onto these things lol damn scorpio haha) tonigh he tried to cuddle with me and its been weeks since i really felt hes been affectionate that i was suspicous all of a sudden why he was being *nice* and we had a blow up lol .. god ima dork anyhoo kiss an make up ..he says when he gets back from work tonight he just wants to have a bath together and talk about love hehe .. ok i promise i wont pick a fight !

love you all .. chins up !

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

sorry everyone is feeling so low, I can't seem to pick myself up at mo got another fat day on, said to myself I won't have seed treats today and guess what? i had two, and I have munched on a little more today I always do this before my period, I have no will power right now. Trying to explain to hubby and he is etting sick of hearing it, he is not saying anything that I want to hear rightg now, he is just making my feel even more bloated & unattrative, I am the same Ali with spots, nearly 30 and still getting blooming spots! I keep analising everything I'm eating too, is it his is it that, my hormones are terrible, trying to eat well for my hormones, taking herbals still nothing works, getting sick of piling on make up. It is like you said Ali when will this ever stop. I keep telling myself I must stop thinking this way, & think more positive but it is so blooming hard, when you feel so down about yourself.
Sorry to go on again guys can't beleive I am even feeling this way again.
Ali don't give up I am going through what you are right now, I'm not giving up so you can't either, you have come along way, more than you know, We must say to ourselves not to let our heads take over again, we are stronger than that! it is just a little blip thats all, we are just being tested, to make us stronger!

How are you rawdancer? are you ok, not been posting for a while thinking of youX

All have good weekend Love always Ju XXXX

Sorry been so exhausted with going back to work been going to bed straight at 7pm.


Yeah not too bad at the moment, eating some grapes here and there.

Post back later

Xxx

hey rawdancer good to hear from you .. if your tired rest as much as you can and just keep on trying looking forward to seeing your smiling face again

had a pretty good weekend, had a friend come over and help me do some work on the accounting that i have piling up at home .. so progress on that made me feel a whole lot better .. it wasnt as bad as it looked lol which reminds me of this next thought as it parallels what im saying

when i get overwhelmed i have a tendency to stick my head in the sand (like an ostritch) and hope things will just work themselves through.. eventually when i do deal with things they tend not to be sucha huge issue , i sometimes wonder if i truly see things the way they are when i first see/experience them or if i have this distorted view at times and should perhaps look at that as a lesson

things arent always what they seem to be at first glance/thought

i remind myself hwen i look back when i waas a kid and i would immediately say i *cant* do something rather then try it and see if i could in fact do it. was it my fear of failure .. where did this fear come from at such a young age?

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

hey all wondering how you are doing .. its hump day ! just a few more to the weekend

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

"i look back when i waas a kid and i would immediately say i *cant* do something rather then try it and see if i could in fact do it. was it my fear of failure .. where did this fear come from at such a young age"

I love reading Alice Miller - she's easy to read and provokes so many answers to questions like these. Many things stem from incidents in infancy, but their effects are eased when brought into the conscious mind. Just having an inkling why you have them can help ease their grip on you (us).

hey everyone...sorry i have not posted in so long, i have been so busy with school and work. my boss started scedualing me full time when i am supposed to be part time. i finally had to talk to her about it becuase its wearing me down with school. i have such a hard time standing up for myself and speaking my needs. i dont know why, i have always been that way. other than that still struggling but feeling better, not giving up. im concerned that no one has been posting...is everyone ok? we all need to stick together though these struggles and not give up. yay for hump day!! we made it half way through the week.
aduadecoco~ thanks for you post. i have always been the same way, still struggle with it. why is it that we do this. thanks for the advice on alice miller i will look into it.
stay strong everyone we can all get through these hard times

How everyone doing? good to hear you are o.k Ali, sorry not been posting lately I to have been so busy, with work etc. I was approched by my local paper to do an artical on me on E.D as there is so much in the media at the mo, T.V Mags, had anyone else seen about the bill board of model in italy, about size zero models on the catwalk? what is everyones views on this, would be interesting to here your thoughts, and also the pro ana web sites? I have the photographer coming around next week (dreading that one) I will try and post the artical on here when it is printed.
Good news on my blood results, I have full blood count, b vits are fine and folic acid! must be doing some thing right, all I have to do now is sort out my blooming hormones!! any suggestions ladies?
How are you doing rawdancer? not been posting lately, I hope you are ok,
Hope all of you are well, nearly the weekend Hooray!! My thoughts are with you all Love Always JU XXX

thanks Aqua im gonna see if i can find some stuff by alice miller ive nevr heard of her

hey ali its good you are talking to your manager .. see you can stand up for yourself !! the more you do it the easier it gets

hey rawdancer sweetie hows your week going?

bracken that is so hugely exciting ! dont worry about the pictures you are gorgeous just pretend were all sitting on your shoulder cheering you on great news on the tests ! sorry i cant help ya out on the hormones thing i was fixed a few years ago and really wouldnt know what to suggest hehe maybe ask in the main forum im sure everyone has some insight . .i know there are herbs and stuff you can take but i alway s have to wonder how much more outta whack these things sometimes make us

like ..to me whatever you do to acelerate one thing ..possiblly screws up somthing else .. you are getting healthy and thats a good thing.. you hear so much about people and stress and babies and alot fo the times when people finally relax thats when it happens lol

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Cheers for that jodi, I had the nurse phone me up yesterday about the blods I told you about, and she acually said that the Bs, folic acid, and iron was to high! so me thinks I need to cut don in the vits. Been taking true food form all through recovery to help support me, I didn,t thnk that I could be taking too much, what a blooming plum I am! What are your plans for weekend. I've got a long journey today to try and pomote my jewellery in another outlet wish me luck!
How are you and you BF? all me & hubby are doing is arguing, and of course it is the same thing money! plus I don't know if it is just me, that feels this way, but because I have been so hurt and let down all mylife, I don't trust anymore, and although people say they care & love me I can't trust their word, so I feel I am putting up a wall and then I can't feel any love & I don't know how to get over this as I am not feeling anything at the mo appart from anger, that emotion and feeling I can feel.And the weird thing is I feel I can give love to stangers as in helping them & in my caring nature, but not to the people that are closer to home so to speak,probably because they are the ones I feel hurt from all the time, And I just don't feel close to my husband anymore, and it is really concernng me, as we used to be so close so in love it is really confussing me.
Well, thats my moan for 6.30am, I do hope everyone is well?
Rawdancer how are you babes, hope you are still reading these posts, we all are concerned how you are, love and thoughts are always with you, be great to hear from you!
Have good weekend everyone Lots of love Ju XXX

whenever im feeling like that julie .. i sit down with a picture of my guy and tell him on paper (dont use a computer its too detatched) all the great things i love about him. i dont put anything negative into it at all not even if they pop in my head .. sometimes i give him the letter ..sometime i just keep it an smile an realize the good things are more important then the bad most of the time

money is a bit of an issue with us as well .. his work sometimes comes and goes (hes a contractor) and i get really panicky when bills start to pile up or wheni want to get something and cant because *we dont have the money*

hes kind of a .. everythng will work itself dont worry about it ..kinda thinker where as ima .. OMG WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW ! BEFORE DISASTER HITS kinda thinker lol

were both working on it

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

hehe or heres a fun one ..

learn to say i love you ! in a bunch of diffreent languages !!

Language
I Love You

Afrikaans Ek is lief vir jou
Albanian Te dua
Arabic Ana Behibek
Armenian Yes kez si'rumem
Basque Maite zaitut
Bengali Ami tomake bahlobashi
Berber Lakh tirikh
Burmese Chit pa de
Bosnian Volim te
Bulgarian Obicham te
Cambodian Bon sro lanh oon
Catalan T'estimo
Cheyenne Néméhotâtse
Chinese Wo ai ni
Creole Mi aime jou
Croatian Volim te
Czech Miluji tev
Dutch Ik hou van jou
Eskimo Nagligivaget
Esperanto Mi amas vin
Estonian Mina armastan sind
Farsi Tora dost daram
Filipino Mahal Kita
Finnish (Minä) rakastan sinua
French Je t´aime
Frisian Ik hald fan dei
Galician Querote
German Ich liebe Dich
Greek S´agapo
Gujarati Hoon tane pyar karoochhoon! tane chaahuN chhuN
Hawaiian Aloha I´a Au Oe
Hebrew Ani ohev otach
Hindi Main tumko pyaar karta hoon
Hungarian Szeretlek
Icelandic Eg elska thig
Indonesian Saya cinta padamu
Irish t'a gr'a agam dhuit
Italian Ti amo
Japanese Kimi o ai shiteru
Korean Tangshin-i cho-a-yo
Latvian Es tevi milu
Lithuanian As tave myliu
Malaysian Saya cintamu
Mandarin Wo ai ni
Marshallese Yokwe Yuk
Mohawk Konoronhkwa
Polish Kocham Cie
Portuguese Eu Amo-te
Romanian Te iubesc
Russian Ya tyebya lyublyu
Sanskrit twayi snihyaami
Serbian Volim te
Sesotho Kiyahurata
Slovak Lubim ta
Slovenian Ljubim te
Spanish Te amo
Swahili Nakupenda
Swedish Jag älskar dig
Tagalog Mahal kita
Tahitian Ua Here Vau la Oe
Thai Phom rug khun (m) Chan rug khun (f)
Turkish Seni seviyorum
Ukrainian Ya tebe kokhayu
Urdu Main tumse muhabbat karta hoon
Vietnamese Anh yeu em (m to f), Em yeu an (f to m)
Welsh Rwy'n dy garu di
Yiddish Kh'hob dikh lib
Zulu Ngiyakuthanda

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

you know sometimes i think part of our trouble is we dont do much as a couple .. i mean we live together but everyday we shoot out the door doing our *things* and come home exhausted and grunt at each other till we pass out an doit again the next day

i guess i wish we accomplished more things *together* even around the house its .. you do the dishes ... i'll throw in some laundry .. you cook .. i'll clean the toilet ...

hmmm

maybe we should do laundry together .. have a sock fight ! .. or dishes to gether .. bubble fight ! instead of things becoming drudgery all the time lol

i think im onto something here ... hehe

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Cheers Jodi you gave me a laugh, something I needed! Good news, the outlet I went to today is interested in my jewellery, just that writing on paper, good idea! off to have a soap sud fight now, lots of dishes to do! you sound a right laugh jodi, wish we lived near to each other!

enjoy the rest of you weekend love Ju xxx

>
> maybe we should do laundry together .. have a sock
> fight ! .. or dishes to gether .. bubble fight !
> instead of things becoming drudgery all the time
> lol


wow...i was just writing about this in my thread. my fiance and i make everything fun...and it's becuase we are big kids at heart and always do things like this. it really helps to make everyday chores fun...and then the stuff gets done faster so you have time to do more fun things.

Hey guys, sorry I havent been about much.

Am back now, and fully recommited to RAW!!

Got very low last week and started to get problems with the crohns, I was bleeding so badly had to go to the docs, he gave me some jabs b12. I didnt want the steroids. It thankfully slowed down the next day so he didnt insist on having me back on the pumps, I hate them..and the moonface.. and feeling like I am loosing my mind.. so really just glad that seems to have settled. I know I have to eat and try to eat. and not stress..cos thats what makes my stomach awful

Went out last nite was a bit rough..bf just walked out on me..was very embarassed.. hes just a mess. I always feel like I have to take care of him. Perhaps. right now. I will just take care of ME.

Anyway, Julie..you will be proud!! I went to the organic veggie stall and purchased..

A whole bunch of Kale..lol you should of seen the looks on the bus with that poking out of my handbag!!

2 lovely avacado

Huge pumpkin

3 banana

Ear of fresh corn

Tomato

Broccoli

Its a start anyway

Thank you all for being soooo kind to me

xxxx

Rawdancer it is so wonderful to hear from you, I am extremely made up for you the way you sound so positive, I know you can do this, and I am very very proud of you! don't push yourself too quicky though, I have every faith in that you can beat this! It does look like you have been looking at things in a different light( stay in that space) remember we are always here for you to suport you in every way possible. Must go now got to rince hair colour off, its setting like cerment( not good) take good care, and chill! Love always Ju XXX P.s enjoy all your lovely organic veggies!!!! WEll Done

rawdancer its nice to see your smiles again keep up the good work

Julie how did the color turn out ? lol ive been letting my natural color come back in as ive been dying it black for years but i got some dye this weekend cuz im at that i cant stand it stage lol .. .i really wanna stop using dye but my hair is just a mess at the moment lol

well happy monday everyone lol ...im at work 2 hours earlier then usual as we are down to one car at the moment and my sweetie is working about 2 hours from home so he needs to drop me off early and head out .. uggg i miss my extra 2 hours of sleep ..this getting up at 5am work at 6 is a drag lol

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

RE alice miller - she's written several books but don't read 'Drama of the Gifted Child" because she wrote it before she got into her worthwhile, helpful mode -she says herself that it was Freudian and not helpful.

[en.wikipedia.org])


She doesn't write self-help books, which is great, because they are a dime a dozen and just someone else's idea of healing.

She writes for EVERYONE - that's why it's so easy to read - the hard part for me was ACCEPTING the ideas because, like RAW diet, it takes letting go of so many little things we've accepted in our lives. I had to read several of her books before I finally got it - I just needed the repetition!!

You can get them from librairies and second hand bookstores - that's where I got mine.

hi everyone

i've looked at this thread for awhile but haven't had the guts to post anything. but today i am in need of some support so i thought i'd drop a line, introduce myself, and come out of my ED closet.

i have been in recovery from my ED since 2003. my husband and i have been trying to have a baby for 2 and a half years. i was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome in May. we've been going through fertility treatments which has been, well, a nightmare. before i was diagnosed, i had told myself i would never take drugs again (let alone do fertility treatments like artificial insemination or IVF). but here i am.

it's been really hard not to fall back into old coping mechanisms lately. sometimes i want to give up on this whole raw food businss because i have beaten myself up over food for my whole life and i feel like i continue to do so, but in a different way. sometimes i feel so down because i have worked SO hard in my fight to overcome my ED and now i feel like i'm facing another up hill battle.

i finally made an appointment to go see a doctor who specializes in vegan nutrition (he doesn't have a 100% raw approach to eating but it is high raw) to help me at this time. the stress of the infertility stuff has lead me to eat all raw one day and then binge on junk food the next. it's a horrible cycle and i need to find a middle ground, at least for the time being.

i've been posting on the other forum but i have found that some people just aren't that supportive so i thought i'd post here with some people that might understand what i am going through.

thank you for listening.

ahh cool aqua ! i was gonna ask you for a title cuz the litttle liabrary out here has nothing on her but they said they could bring some in if i could give them an idea what lol



hey lotusblossum no need for thanks were all listening

im sorry the fertility thing has been a nightmare .. stressing over it im sure isnt helping yourself along, glad to hear though you are seeing a doctor of your choice and i hope you feel comfortable enough with him or her to discuss your past present and future .. remember doctors are only as good as the info we give them

what are you doing for relaxing ? it sounds like you could really give yourself a break and give you some *me* time

and thank you for coming out of the closet its much brighter out here

and repeat after me..

NOBODY IS MORE DESERVING OF MY LOVE THEN MYSELF
NOBODY IS MORE DESERVING OF MY LOVE THEN MYSELF
NOBODY IS MORE DESERVING OF MY LOVE THEN MYSELF
NOBODY IS MORE DESERVING OF MY LOVE THEN MYSELF
NOBODY IS MORE DESERVING OF MY LOVE THEN MYSELF
NOBODY IS MORE DESERVING OF MY LOVE THEN MYSELF
NOBODY IS MORE DESERVING OF MY LOVE THEN MYSELF
NOBODY IS MORE DESERVING OF MY LOVE THEN MYSELF
NOBODY IS MORE DESERVING OF MY LOVE THEN MYSELF

!!!

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist




Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/10/2007 01:17AM by Jgunn.

Vancouver Public Lib. is still closed due to strike but Burnaby has them.


[ipac.city.burnaby.bc.ca]

Hi Lotusbloosom well done for coming out, we are all here to listen & support you as much as we can. I know what you mean when things feel out of your control, you turn to the very thing that you think you feel that can make you cope "food". Don't beat yourself up about your eating pattern at mo, just look at it as a little blip, you are going through a stressful time at the mo, you don't need to be putting this extra pressure on yourself sweetie, it isn't going to help, I know it is is easy for me to say. Try and stay focused, take control yourself with not having food as the main focus. Try shifting your mind set onto positives like things you can do to help with your fertility eg: de stressing is good start, researching natural alternatives that can help you, at least for you PCOs at the mo you do need the right balance, maybe 100% raw isn't right for you right now, but thats not a bad thing, you need to keep blood sugar levels stable Chromium is good for that, zinc for making insulin, and good multi vit & mineral to help support you right now. You need your B vits too. Red clover is good for balancing hormones and Agnus castus.
You need to eat little & offen, bringing in some rye bread, millet, quinoa, lentals nuts & seeds, Live yogurt, beans, tempeh, miso, flax & still lots of raw! Avoid: tea coffee,
breakfast cereals, sauces, sweets etc & frying. & alcohol. You really want to avoid the raw one day, & rubbish the next day, as that is going to really throught the hormones out sweetie( you can do tis you can take control) make yourself well in mind body & spirit! stay stong! we are here for you, hope that was a little help.
Love Ju XX

How are you rawdancer?
Hair colour came out ok Jodi, what about you? I always used to dye my hair black for years! Had me photo taken yesterday for the paper, felt a right plum, got into it after a while, had a bit of a laugh, was so nervous at first looked stiff he kept saying relax, it should be out on the 22nd oct.

How are you doing ali, hope you are keeping well?

Must go now busy day.

Love always Ju XXXX

i was reading up a bit on pcos last night lotusblossom and the common thread everywhere seems to link fat with the cravings ... do you have blender at home where you can start making green smoothies ? maybe reducing your fats (little nuts maybe switch to seeds) and upping your green smoothies may help balance the hormones a bit

its worth a try .. and the more smoothie you have in you the less you are likely to binge

im an emotional eater which has probably been one of the harder things to break .. whenever i get upset now i stay clear of food and try to work out my feelings as food and emotions dont belong together .. food is for nourishment not comfort ! try and keep the crap food out of your way and make sure you have loads and loads of fresh fruits around .. oranges are particulary good this way as the orange oil in the skin is considered to be a very calming essential oil ..just make sure you get some nice ripe ones ..sour oranges suck lol

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Sorry sorry..been sooo busy..and still going to bed at 8pm..dosent allow time for much!!

Yesterday I ate

Black grapes 2lb

Corn rawww om om 1 ear corn

1/2 pumkin

baby kale, normal kale

---

Today

3 Banana

1/2 pumkin, babykale, normal kale

..dinner...probs some more kale..or stuffed mushrooms.. yummy

xxxxx

Just want to say well done rawdancer, you are doing really well keep it up sweetie, its all good from here on in, how is your crohns doing now you are eating a little better? I see the gastroenterologist on friday, wish me luck! should get my results too on friday about my hormones. Did you manage to get some floradix? Off to bed now really long day, hubbys dad is really ill at mo, so we are basically carers at mo, he does not want to be in home( don't blame him) jut alot of hard work & worry for us. Your in my thoughts Love Ju XXX

hi ladies

thank you so much for your suggestions. i went to a new infertility doctor today and i like him much better. i feel like he will monitor me more closely then my last one. he seems to think that i actually do not have PCOS afterall. i'm going in on friday to get some testing done, so we'll see.

today i had a green smoothie and some fruit in the morning,later had some carrots, and then had some Indian food (skipped the rice and bread and had cooked lentils and cooked veggies) for lunch. it tasted really good but my stomach hurts right now and i'm gassy. it's like i keep trying to find a middle ground but my body just wants raw foods! even when i eat a lot of dried fruits and fats i still lose weight and feel good. maybe i should just be ok with that right now?

oh, and the new doc says that i have to exercise more and DE-STRESS!