OK, well my name is tiffany. i will be legal in exactly 13 days. food has been an issue my entire life. i have never eaten "normally" and i'm re-teaching myself how to eat. i grew up poor, and i remember when we would get strawberries and that was like our (my siblings and i) "chocolate". There was never much food in the house, or healthy food for that matter. i have horrible food anxieties but that has nothing to do with food, just life and that sort of thing. i recovered from a long battle with my eating disorder last December. well that's when i began recovery. i was so horribly unhealthy and my goal in starting raw eating was that i could possibly (fingers crossed!) reverse the damage i had done to my body all those years, and than some. i was vegan for about 8 months or so, and than became raw about three months ago. i must admit i was also looking to raw to become tini,(everyone has to admit they kinda were too...) but since it isn't happening exactly how i wanted ; i was forced into a better mindset.

i wanted to start this journal so that i could record my intake and make sure it was around the proper amount i should be having.

i know there are plenty others on here just like me, and maybe I'll get a chance to get to know some

i wanted to put up a picture of when i was little, and how i look now so anyways, this is one of me and my brother and two sisters in front of our house. we lived in the Ghetto haha oh my.









sooo this is my intake:
juiced pineapple and grapefuit
raw cookies(carob,honey,cashew,peanut)
a salad of spinach, romain, tomatos, carrots, uhh i think i'm forgetting something on my salad..
an apple
3 cups of tea.

seeing as my birthday is on DECEMBER 2ND!!! and i would enjoy to announce that i will be turning 18 years of age.

and the answer to your question is YESS, i do happen to be excited.

so today i studdied math and english, and read some books. i also went on a walk with my dog Tiger.



thats tiger

and this is me




yeah.. its a myspace pose.. we all do it



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2007 06:38AM by youremakingmeitchy.

those are my half siblings by the way, we share the same mom, and i've grown up with them my whole life. we are just like whole siblings. i'm mulatto, i thought i'd add that incase anyone was confused

hi tiffany.

it is frightening how messed up we are about food and eating and our body image. i read some of you other posts so i sort of get the gist of what your food issues are. anorexia or bulimia, i am thinking.

my issues are more of using food as protection. or fat as protection. both, i guess. i had sex abuse in my childhood and used food to make myself fat so men would not be interested in me. i finally got hold of my food issues and was able to lose the weight around age 27. i felt good about myself, or so i thought. hell, i don't know. but i was in a wonderful loving relationship with a man who was the end all and be all. again, so i thought. but the reality was he was possessive and jealous and after 6 years it all came crashing down around me. lost and alone i found myself in relationships i had no business being in. relationships i wasn't ready for. two years after my break up with 'mister right?', i had a total mental break down. it hit me like a freight train. i wanted to be hit by a freight train. i just wanted it all to end. really. i tried to pick myself up from that point and figure things out. only to find myself making mistakes with men again. WTF??!! i had no business being in a relationship at all but my whole messed up past pretty much made it impossible for me to find the power to say no. to take control of myself and not be concerned by men and their attention. so i found myself piling on pounds. you know, fat is the perfect man repellent. so now i have sort of put myself back together again and am ready to feel good about myself and my body again. though i need to keep working on my mind as i work on my body. because as the body changes, so does the reaction of men. will i have the strength to hold on to myself and have a body i feel good in? god i hope so.

life would be so much easier if we were just our spirit, no body. no prejudging by the size of your waist or your breasts. no worries about a crooked nose or small eyes. people would love you for you. you would love you for you and not be depressed because your jeans feel tight or your stomach is bloated.
what would matter is the content of your mind. the inner beauty. the true self.

i have seen others who i think have this quality in this physically obsessed world, but who really knows what goes through someone elses mind. do they have the same self-loathing as i do? are they as insecure in their own body as i am in mine?

it truly is more important that a person is beautiful in mind and heart and soul, than in body, but it is tough to believe that in this society. it almost seems like BS we tell ourselves to feel better. but i do think there are people out there who really do believe that it is more important to be lovely inside and those are the people i want to know anyway. life changes in the blink of an eye. external beauty today is gone tomorrow. i think the true secret is finding peace with yourself no matter what the scale says.

that is my birthday wish for you. that you will find inner peace and love yourself just as you are. the beautiful person that you are.

tiger is super cute!! as i am sure you are too. your pictures didn't work for me but i can just tell you are beautiful!

xoxox


~karrie

thanks for the birthday wish! well finding that inner peace can be pretty hard. i know what you mean when you say you were so concerned by men and their attention. Growing up i was kind of an outcast in a way that i was so different from everyone around me. I moved to the suburbs when i was eight and we were really poor, and everyone around us was rich. i'm mulatto and everyone else was white; i grew up strict Baptist, and i didn't have a dad around. Everything about me was so out of my control. We had an ugly car i was embarrassed to be in, and embarrassed to be seen by my mom. I guess i focused all my attention on looks because of this. i figured that if i was amazingly beautiful people would like me and it would make up for everything else around me. Still now i strive for men's attention, its pathetic. But i can't lie i'm an ATTENTION WHORE. i'm trying my best to get rid of this... but I've been this way since i was a kid, its pretty difficult.

i know life is such a larger picture than what we think it is, and that looks really shouldn't matter; but i, being human, get stuck in forgetting things like that.





Today:
today i'm starting a water fast, i'm planning on three days but i know i'll probably go at least 5. this should be a nice cleaner upper.


tiffany

so i've discovered something about myself. i have to stop eating when i'm still hungry; because if i stop eating with a full feeling i will feel the need to continue that feeling through out the entire day. but if i stop myself when i'm still a little hungry i realize that i'm not actually hungry and i'm just used to eating food in larger amounts. i don't so much like talking about food so much on these message boards, because its so open for everyone to see and read, but there are not many choices when it comes to raw eating message boards. I don't share many of the same values of people my own age, especially when it comes to health. So although i feel uncomfortable having this information be so completely open for anyone to read, it does help me, so i'll continue.

Tiffany,

I think your (and Karrie's) openness is courageous and speaks well of your commitment to taking better care of yourself. I think it is very hard, in our culture, not to be concerned with appearance...even more so for women than for men. Fortunately, there is some overlap between concern for looks and concern for health. I do believe that adherance to a living foods lifestyle, in the long run, will lead to a healthy weight and improved health in general.

Thanks for visiting my log and keep on posting. I'll be checking in regularly.

David

Wow, itchy you really seem to have what it takes to turn your life in any direction you choose. You've noticed things about your own behaviour and needs that some people take many decades to figure out.

I hope your fast goes really well.You might like to check out other people's exeriences with cleanses and detox, too - it's helped me so much .

Hugs!

thank you everyone!

i hope i can succeed.

well i can't update tonight but i will as soon as i can

i KNOW you can succeed itchy!