I love durian. The nearest place for me to get some is London, a 2 hour train journey. I usually have a pretty hilarious time coming back – the durian smell seems to offend a lot of cooked folk. When I first get on the train, they don’t smell so much. After about half an hour they decide to share their scent a bit more generously. More so at the moment because it’s so hot. It’s always the same pattern . . . fellow passengers start twitching their noses and making sniff-sniff actions and the comments start . . .

I’m sort of embarrassed and sort of tickled by the comments I overhear. People sometimes don’t realise it’s what I have that is making the smell . . and I don’t always confess . . umm


Anyway – here are some of the funny comments I’ve overheard/people have said about the durians I bring back from London on various occasions recently:

A train driver decoupling the train: “Gor, woss that smell? It’s like pickled onions!”

A group of six men in smart suits (it was a busy train): “Errr something’s gone off in that bin . . it really smells” . . . . . “Oh we can’t stand here, it bloody stinks!” (they move to another part of the train)

Really-handsome-and-nice-man-who-I-should-have-asked-for-his-phone-number-because-he-was-lovely-to-talk-to sniffs, turns round and say to me “Can you smell something?” (I confess it’s durian) replies “I thought I could smell something when I got on, I figured it was sour milk, a mum had dropped her baby’s bottle or something”

Train conductor to his friend “we have some vegetables from Thailand travelling with us today, my they stink” (winked at me)


One occasion it was really hot and busy on the train . . . Sporty guy with a tan yells “excuse me, excuse me” (I stare at the floor hoping to disappear through it but reply eventually) “what have you got in that box?” At this point all of the passengers in my carriage are looking at me and I’m going red. I tell them a bit about durians “Oh that’s interesting, we just wanted to check that a dog hadn’t died over there” (whole carriage starts laughing, oh god, embarrassing or what)


Then I had the brain wave of parking the durians in first class (no one sits in there and its air-conditioned) . . .

Sporty guy with a tan: “Oh, so they’re travelling first class now are they?”

Train conductor “Pooo, they’ve really stunk out first class, no ones gonna sit there now!”


One day I decided a neat idea would be to sit right next to the toilet. Predictably enough, everyone coming out of the toilet turned to me said how much the toilet smelt. Biker lady to me: “really stinks doesn’t it?”

A few people walking past the toilet commented too


Two teenagers in short skirts: “Eeew it smells like perming lotion” (perming lotion??) her friend replies “Not it doesn’t,. it smells like ar*e!”

One time I had just two durians in bag. I was standing by the doors waiting to get off. A lady said to her husband “can you smell gas?” he turns round and says “Yeah, we’d better get off this train quick then!”


It’s not all bad though, a lot of people are curious about it. I should start handing out leaflets, I’m doing a lot for durian-awareness down south! A couple of people have said nice things about it although they haven’t tried it (I think they are closet durian-lovers).
Zany arty girl: “Ooh it doesn’t smell too bad, a bit like an overripe melon, I’ll try one one day”

Taxi driver in London “Smells quite nice really, but I like garlic” (when I got out “You’re durians smell lovely, love!”

Hope you enjoyed reading the comments of people about durian, If you have any to add, please share,

Skye

X x x

I enjoyed it Skye, thanks for the good laugh. I think that the idea of putting durians next to the toilet was the cleaverest disguise. When my family first bought durian and opened it in our house, my son locked himself in his room. It smelled like a fart ( a one with a large radius of spread). Afterwards, a similar strong smell emanated from my husband's armpits.

Gosia


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WOW!!! SkyBlue!! THANK U! I LOVE IT! keep on collecting those gems, they're sooo funny! U could have a book/story/novel or something one day...or at least.....maybe... share it with some durian website too.....so more people can enjoy it too....
now i want some durian....even though i haven't craved it for quite a while...
THANK U!

LOVE, Basia

Just when I was wondering where in the world would I get one...

Thanks Skye for a brilliant laugh...Please tell me though, where do I get Durians in London? I live in Stratford

Star241

i was standing in line at the asian market one evening, with durian in hand... and an asian lady looked at my durian and immediately turned to her friend and said something, then they both laughed.

Hilarious!! I was cracking up reading this...thanks for sharing!

Jen Rose

"You must first unlearn the lies, and then you will have room for the truth"

hahaha that was briliant!

Cheers,
J