I am in need of some advice and please only serious replies.

I have been eating high raw for about a year now. I've reached a point in my journey where I don't crave cooked food and you'd think that is great but for some reason I still want to eat cooked even thought I don't crave or what it.

My husband is not raw he still eat cooked food and most of our relationship was built around food. He respects my choice to not eat cooked food and has agreed to not even eat cooked food in the house. I am so happy that he is doing this but for some reason I always mess up the plan by saying to him I miss our time to eat together and then we eat and everything goes down hill.

Even worse is that most times when I eat cooked food I hurt a lot.

Please any advice as to why I don't crave cooked but still try to eat it anyway? I think I'm over the addiction part of eating but now it's a mind thing.. Maybe I'm wrong?

Not sure why I keep holding on to my husband and our good times over food.

I am trying to figure out how to get over this hump once and for all. How do I just stop the cooked especially since it's not a craving for me anymore I'm just eating out of memory of what my husband and I use to do.

Please please share any thoughts or tips you have I really really need some help. I thought about getting a coach but not sure yet.... I want to finish this I'm so finger on.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/30/2008 04:22PM by kimmy.

hey kimmy, sounds like you are just wanting to stay connected to your husband. and since you used to do that through food (or over food), you're just going back to your roots. you can't just eliminate that part of your relationship without replacing it with something else. is there something else that you and your husband could do together daily that might be as meaningful and still be in line with your wellness goals?

two things i thought of right away: long walks, or exchanging massages

or maybe you could take a class together in something that you both enjoy, and then pursue that hobby together? like art, photography, gardening, ? then you could each just get dinner sort of "out of the way" so you would have time to do whatever-it-was with each other. it wouldn't be such a big deal!

good luck to you!

I totally agree, that we should find something else and everytime I ask him lets hang out and go do something he says he doesn't want to and then I go back to thinking this is all we have is food. Not saying he doesn't want to hang with me but he is going through some personal things with his job and stuff and he's a bit stressed and I guess I feel this is the only way we can relate... I wonder if and how I can just not give into my thoughts to keep us connected. Hmmm Maybe I'll ask again what we can do to stay connected other then food maybe playing cards.

I hear you Kimmy. 1) Identify what YOUR true, honest, passionate lifetime goals are. if they REQUIRE 100% raw food....you'll find a way to do it. 2) You have a challenge ahead of you. The challenge of forming powerful social and intimate connections that don't depend on food! Heh...heh.

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

Hi David

I know I want to be 100% while at home, If I'm out with family or friends I would be ok with steamed veggies but that is that is where I want my limits to be, BUT when I get with my husband we tend to go far beyone vegan and vegetarian and that doesn't feel good to me.. and I always get mad at myself afterwards because it was something I did not want or crave.

The biggest problem I have is that I was planning to teach raw foods but I can't seem to get over this hump, which I feel is the last piece I need to feel ok with teaching about raw foods.

Thanks to both of you for sharing your thoughts.. I might need some coaching... I might consider that maybe that would help me finish this. Maybe my Reason to be 100% isn't good enough but to be honest as I MENTIONED earlier I hurt really bad when I eat cooked but it doesn't seem to stop me from enjoying another meal with myhusband. He sees how much pain but I can't seem to make the right choices.

Do you think a raw coach could help me? Have anyone enlisted the help of a raw coach?

It sounds like your in a place where your record has a skip and so you can't enjoy the music and can't get past the skip in the record to get to the rest of the song. If you were to find a food that is raw that he likes you could eat that together once in awhile and move forward past the skip that way. Possibly a salad or something ? Is there any raw foods he likes ? Maybe as a transitional approach a salad with some cooked food in it like croutons or something so that he likes the food and you could leave them out of your salad ?

You hit the nail on the head when you said you needed to make other connections with each other. Its like you have nothing in common anymore so you need to find something...anything...veggin on the couch watching a movie, bike riding, yoga, swimming, a book club...something so you have stuff to talk about and that would help him de-stress...in my opinion
patty

We watched am movie this weekend but that still resulted in eating. I tried to convince him that I could make him a yummy salad with ****Gc**** non vegan so don't want to list so that way I can have a salad with him and he doesn't say ok, he does like fruit smoothies which I make but it doesn't seem to fill him.. uRGHHGHGH.

Ok guys tonight dinner is where it all goes wrong. Tonight I am going to try and be strong and make him a fruit smoothie and make my grene drink and talk and enjoy that together but then it happens I hit the wall I need to connect with him and food is his connection but tonight I am not going to hit that wall...

Maybe I can report back here tonight how it went.

Also does anyone have any experience with raw coaches? I'm really considering it for next month. I need to get over this. I don't crave cooked there is no reason why I need to eat it non whatsoever. I also plan to seriously talk again with my husband about finding some other way to connect but more importantly I have to make myself understand not to mess up and keep connecting us with food I have to remember that. it's not all him or it's not him at all he's trying to suppor tme but then I feel guilty like I am taking away our connection.. Urgh..

Ok enought ranting

Tonight I will:
Not give in to the connecting with food problem.
I will stop thinking that we have to connect with SAD Foods
I will talk to him about finding other things to connect on..

Hmmm


Thanks all I truly appreciate your advice, I really do.. and I really wan tot get over this hump... I'm healed from eating this way and want to share this beautiful lifestyle with other poeople. Maybe just maybe something that doesn't want me to obtain this next level because I might be able to help people heal from there dieases..
Kimmy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/30/2008 06:31PM by kimmy.

Any ideas on coaching?

Have you explained to your husband that you are eating cooked food with him just becase you dont know how to connect in another way? I know he knows that you dont feel good when you eat cooked....

You can tell him that this is the only way you feel that you can connect with him and that you wish to do that in another way and that is why you want to do something else with him.

There is raw food that is more like SAD-perhaps looks more alike or taste similair.... perhaps you can do something like that. I dont have any recepies.... I eat simple raw food-like shakes and fruit etc.... I know though there is food like this that you can make-mayby someone else have a good idea of a raw "cookbook"???? I think though it takes much some time to do this.
You could make something like this for your husband and he actually might like it. Ii can understand he dont want salads... I dont know many SAD eating men that like salads. But I live in Sweden and it might be different here.

Good luck!

kimmy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Any ideas on coaching?

I don't know anything about you and I only read the first post but it sounds to me that your still eating out of habit/emotional conditioning....it takes a long,long time for some people to reprogramme to make raw foods there first food of choice when emotional situations arise or even when your doing well these sabotaging behaviours will pop up out of nowhere, even when there are no apparent signs of cravings....the emotional attachment to cooked foods runs deeper than a lot of pople realise because it began while we were in our mothers womb.

I'm actually a raw coach but I don't think you really need one yet, you just need to take responcibility for your own actions, exercise discipline and stop putting food you don't want into your mouth....your husband or anybody else is not making you eat cooked foods, YOU ARE!!!

Coach's can be good if you get the right one that is a long term strict raw foodist, there's no point being coached by someone that's been raw fo 6 months because they will not have experience to fall back on so choose your coach wisely.

Just my 2 cents

F1





Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 06/30/2008 08:49PM by fruitarianfitness.

You could introduce your husband to some raw food restaurants in your area.

Yes I have explained but I end up messing up the whole thing because I feel it's my fault for having to eat different not his and that I took away our connection, I'd like to hope we have more then food or we will not survive but right now he's going through some things and I am going through this and it's just all messed up. Not good when two people have things going on.. Who can be strong for the other person. I have tried to make him raw foods and some of them he like but it doesn't seem to cut it for him, he want sad but he will do the smoothies but still want sad after that so not sure what to do about that.

Weronika Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Have you explained to your husband that you are
> eating cooked food with him just becase you dont
> know how to connect in another way? I know he
> knows that you dont feel good when you eat
> cooked....
>
> You can tell him that this is the only way you
> feel that you can connect with him and that you
> wish to do that in another way and that is why you
> want to do something else with him.
>
> There is raw food that is more like SAD-perhaps
> looks more alike or taste similair.... perhaps you
> can do something like that. I dont have any
> recepies.... I eat simple raw food-like shakes and
> fruit etc.... I know though there is food like
> this that you can make-mayby someone else have a
> good idea of a raw "cookbook"???? I think though
> it takes much some time to do this.
> You could make something like this for your
> husband and he actually might like it. Ii can
> understand he dont want salads... I dont know many
> SAD eating men that like salads. But I live in
> Sweden and it might be different here.
>
> Good luck!

I must be dealing with some emotional conditioning but it's weird I don't feel straight out happy about consuming the cooked, and most times I eat it and don't even want it but do so to feel connected so I would guess that is my emotional block but how do I get over it, I just wonder how others were able to do this...

Hmmmm I'm striving for a better night tonight. If I did eat a cooked food I don't want it to be SAD i'd prefer it be whole food like steamed broccoli I would feel ok with that but not SAD I get down and depr

Also I believe the China Study that meat only feeds cancer especially when over consumed.

fruitarianfitness Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> kimmy Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Any ideas on coaching?
>
> I don't know anything about you and I only read
> the first post but it sounds to me that your still
> eating out of habit/emotional conditioning....it
> takes a long,long time for some people to
> reprogramme to make raw foods there first food of
> choice when emotional situations arise or even
> when your doing well these sabotaging behaviours
> will pop up out of nowhere, even when there are no
> apparent signs of cravings....the emotional
> attachment to cooked foods runs deeper than a lot
> of pople realise because it began while we were in
> our mothers womb.
>
> I'm actually a raw coach but I don't think you
> really need one yet, you just need to take
> responcibility for your own actions, exercise
> discipline and stop putting food you don't want
> into your mouth....your husband or anybody else is
> not making you eat cooked foods, YOU ARE!!!
>
> Coach's can be good if you get the right one that
> is a long term strict raw foodist, there's no
> point being coached by someone that's been raw fo
> 6 months because they will not have experience to
> fall back on so choose your coach wisely.
>
> Just my 2 cents
>
> F1

I would love to but there are no raw restaurants here. We have went to the city to eat at raw restaurant but it's about 2.5 hours away as well as a good health store, Whole foods is about 2.5 hours away as well. We are limited here but I make due with farmers markets and so fourth.

madinah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You could introduce your husband to some raw food
> restaurants in your area.

you have no reason to feel guilty. if you are trying to change him and make him eat like you then you have a reason for guilt.if food was your ONLY way of connecting that`s not a real good sign. there must be some other things you both like. everyone has crap to deal with and a couple should be able to help each other out not make each other worse. i`ve been with my hubby for going on 17 years and we have our ups and downs. he is a SAD eater. i do not push or gripe about his food choices but i do educate him nonchalantly and give him food for thought. he loves the smoothies i make for him each morning which contain a green supplement. at first his taste buds hated them...but now they`re "not that bad" to quote him and sometimes they`re even "good". LOL

Actually no, I don't want to change him and I told him that and he knows it but it's me who feel I am the one that cause the connection to be gone but it's not only dealing with food but with another situation we use to have a business together but it was not my passion and I feel that I made him fail because I decided not to continue so here I come again with the food. But I must tell you all that I was very very very sick before raw and thought I was going to die and raw was the only thing that saved me I have remained high raw ever since just the portion of food that is not raw is SAD which makes me upset.

Not sure how to explain it but I don't want him to change for me and actually he has a goal to eat more raw he is just not ready yet he has some things to work on.

I am going to take everyones advice and try to talk and see if we can find a common activity other then food. I'll see how it goes when he gets home tonight.

dewey Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> you have no reason to feel guilty. if you are
> trying to change him and make him eat like you
> then you have a reason for guilt.if food was your
> ONLY way of connecting that`s not a real good
> sign. there must be some other things you both
> like. everyone has crap to deal with and a couple
> should be able to help each other out not make
> each other worse. i`ve been with my hubby for
> going on 17 years and we have our ups and downs.
> he is a SAD eater. i do not push or gripe about
> his food choices but i do educate him nonchalantly
> and give him food for thought. he loves the
> smoothies i make for him each morning which
> contain a green supplement. at first his taste
> buds hated them...but now they`re "not that bad"
> to quote him and sometimes they`re even "good".
> LOL

But I think it's something in me I have to fix, not that it's him it's me connecting the issue with wanting to connect with him. When I look at him when he gets home I remember going out to eat and having great conversation over food, that is what I see.

Dewey, how do you deal with your husband being SAD? How do you stay strong around him?

Hi Kimmy,I was like that too,VERY codependent.It is easier to live somebody else's life than ourselves.A codependent person goes after the other one to have feelings and emotions because him/herself doesn't want to live his/her life.

What helped for me is that I am going after my life now.If my husband gets sad/mad/upset with something,well,this is his problem to deal with,not my. Before,if he was sad,I was sad and I did evrything to make him happy,but now I am going after my happiness.We are together and we are fine,but I'm getting rid of my codependence tale.His problems are his problems,I can understand,talk about,but I'm not living his life anymore.From now on I am a person and he is another person,and we live together,two people.

kimmy Wrote:
When I look at
> him when he gets home I remember going out to eat
> and having great conversation over food, that is
> what I see.
>
> Dewey, how do you deal with your husband being
> SAD? How do you stay strong around him?

you can still have great conversations over food....you`re just not eating the same thing and that`s ok i`m not really sure how i deal with him LOL. i learned a very long time ago that i can`t change anyone...they change when they are ready. i do what i feel in my inner being is right and i let others live what they feel is right. i`m not 100% raw...i`m probably about 90-95%. my husband has seen small suttle changes both physically and emotionally in me for the better and i know he wants the same. hence the daily smoothies. i don`t really have to stay strong...i`m not doing anything that i don`t want to be doing, nothing is going against my grain so not much strength is involved. LOL did that make sense?

cy Wrote:
------------------------------------------------------
>
> What helped for me is that I am going after my
> life now.If my husband gets sad/mad/upset with
> something,well,this is his problem to deal
> with,not my. Before,if he was sad,I was sad and I
> did evrything to make him happy,but now I am going
> after my happiness.We are together and we are
> fine,but I'm getting rid of my codependence
> tale.His problems are his problems,I can
> understand,talk about,but I'm not living his life
> anymore.From now on I am a person and he is
> another person,and we live together,two people.
AWESOMELY stated..after 40 years i am right there with you LOL

Again, I know nothing about you or your raw lifestyle but from the looks of it what your going through is pretty much the nature of the game when transitioning to a new diet/lifestyle....it takes some adjustment on both peoples part in the relationship but essentially the buck stops with you and nobody else....you have to go within yourself and start asking questions, start facing up to new/old "feelings" and see if they are real....if they are not real to you or in your best interests then don't give in to it!

Be open to change because if you carry on with this there will be many many changes a head, especially when you start detoxing and everything seems dark, negative and gloomy!

Be good

F1





Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/30/2008 11:58PM by fruitarianfitness.

I've learned that you can't change anyone either that is why I don't try. It's a waste of time..

dewey Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> kimmy Wrote:
> When I look at
> > him when he gets home I remember going out to
> eat
> > and having great conversation over food, that
> is
> > what I see.
> >
> > Dewey, how do you deal with your husband being
> > SAD? How do you stay strong around him?
>
> you can still have great conversations over
> food....you`re just not eating the same thing and
> that`s ok i`m not really sure how i deal with
> him LOL. i learned a very long time ago that i
> can`t change anyone...they change when they are
> ready. i do what i feel in my inner being is right
> and i let others live what they feel is right. i`m
> not 100% raw...i`m probably about 90-95%. my
> husband has seen small suttle changes both
> physically and emotionally in me for the better
> and i know he wants the same. hence the daily
> smoothies. i don`t really have to stay
> strong...i`m not doing anything that i don`t want
> to be doing, nothing is going against my grain so
> not much strength is involved. LOL did that make
> sense?

Thanks Richard. I plan to try and incorporate this, if I don't want it don't eat it, it just makes sense, but I also have to stop the thoughts taht come when my husbands around.. I stay raw all day at work and on lunch but dinner time is the problem and weekends when my husband an dI are together. My goal this week is to conquer dinner time and weekends...

fruitarianfitness Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Again, I know nothing about you or your raw
> lifestyle but from the looks of it what your going
> through is pretty much the nature of the game
> when transitioning to a new diet/lifestyle....it
> takes some adjustment on both peoples part in the
> relationship but essentially the buck stops with
> you and nobody else....you have to go within
> yourself and start asking questions, start facing
> up to new/old "feelings" and see if they are
> real....if they are not real to you or in your
> best interests then don't give in to it!
>
> Be open to change because if you carry on with
> this there will be many many changes a head,
> especially when you start detoxing and everything
> seems dark, negative and gloomy!
>
> Be good
>
> F1

kimmy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thanks Richard. I plan to try and incorporate
> this, if I don't want it don't eat it, it just
> makes sense, but I also have to stop the thoughts
> taht come when my husbands around.. I stay raw all
> day at work and on lunch but dinner time is the
> problem and weekends when my husband an dI are
> together. My goal this week is to conquer dinner
> time and weekends...
>
> fruitarianfitness Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Again, I know nothing about you or your raw
> > lifestyle but from the looks of it what your
> going
> > through is pretty much the nature of the game
> > when transitioning to a new
> diet/lifestyle....it
> > takes some adjustment on both peoples part in
> the
> > relationship but essentially the buck stops
> with
> > you and nobody else....you have to go within
> > yourself and start asking questions, start
> facing
> > up to new/old "feelings" and see if they are
> > real....if they are not real to you or in your
> > best interests then don't give in to it!
> >
> > Be open to change because if you carry on with
> > this there will be many many changes a head,
> > especially when you start detoxing and
> everything
> > seems dark, negative and gloomy!
> >
> > Be good
> >
> > F1

Yes...it's simply getting over old habits and conditioning/emotional attachment to cooked foods, this can express itself in so many ways because everything in our society revolves around food, we have so many memories that are attached to cooked food, especially if you have a long time partner and one of you makes a change....it's going to be tough because you will have made/shared cooked food memories together, also you have to realise that cooked food is not what makes up a relationship, cooked food is exactly that, food that's been cooked and has had the flavour concentrated to make you want to go out and spend more money on it over and over again, also cooked foods have ingrediants in them that actually makes you want more and this really is a major key point in all of this, so don't feel like your failing because it's a battle and a up hill struggle to begin with due to all the issues I mentioned above but over the years it gets easier.

Hope that helped

F1

Thanks Richard I truly appreciate your help. I believe that it's true that it might take some time but I know I can accomplish my goals because I'm so focused for Breakfast and Lunch, I know I can accomplish dinner it will take some work but it can be done. Tonight I plan to have a green smoothie and salad with my husband. I am going to take this one day at a time.

I have to say I've seen you around several forums, you are definitley inspiring to me, I am so glad you were able to conquer your cooked food habits and make the transition to fruits.. I honestly feel my best when I eat fruits and no nuts.. but I have a lot of detoxing to do.. I know if I decide that being a fruitarian is for me I'll be contacting you for some coaching..

Yes...this is a titanic job for the mind, body and spirit and should not be taken lightly, your actually doing a great job already, you just need to take this for what it is and set the bar accordingly, right now your bar is set too high....take a step back be easy on yourself then come back refreshed and with goals in hand, get used to the feeling of success/victory with the small goals you set!!!!....then before you know it your an overcomer!!!!

So pat yourself on the back and set some goals then step up your game upon your return!

Your more than capable of doing this!

F1

fruitarianfitness Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Yes...this is a titanic job for the mind, body and
> spirit and should not be taken lightly, your
> actually doing a great job already, you just need
> to take this for what it is and set the bar
> accordingly, right now your bar is set too
> high....take a step back be easy on yourself then
> come back refreshed and with goals in hand, get
> used to the feeling of success/victory with the
> small goals you set!!!!....then before you know it
> your an overcomer!!!!
>
> So pat yourself on the back and set some goals
> then step up your game upon your return!
>
> Your more than capable of doing this!
>
> F1

WELL SAID F1!!
patty