Hello

I have found myself typing responses and then deleting them because I have had slightly aggressive responses from previous postings. I know that things don't always come across as they are mean't and I am a bit sensitive maybe.

Is the answer to grow a thicker skin?

I think Richard probably has it right by not caring what other people say or do, but I find that a bit harder to take on board especially as I am not so far down the track as he is and look for help, discussion and answers.

(((big hugs)))

people are complete jerks sometimes. me included. remember the 4 agreements, one of which is not to take anything personally. it's not about you, after all, it's all about them.

i always want to hear what you have to say, just so you know.

xo.

flipperjan,

No one can tell you if you're being oversensitive and need to callous up. I guess you should assess how your dealings with people face-to-face go, and whether those whose posts here upset you rub anyone else the wrong way--pattern!

As for the occasional nastiness on these boards: if I've done my best to phrase things politely and frankly and to be useful, I cannot help if my tone has been misinterpreted and I've gotten off-putting responses. I cannot help that, but I can help my reaction to that. Richard's got a great attitude because he doesn't allow his mind to descend into negativity. He's basically: whatever you say, man[or woman], I wish you well.

If I've started a tiff or prolonged a tiff, it's not deliberate. I know I never intend to hurt anyone, so I attribute that same intention to most posts that seem "off" to me; the belligerant flamers are rare and unmistakable, thankfully. It's hard to gauge what is meant sometimes. I'd like to get on with everyone, certainly, and try to, as disputes just distract me from my object here: to learn stuff and to help others learn stuff. And maybe have a laugh now and then. On the other hand, none of the people posting here is someone I know personally, and those that seem unpleasant are certainly not people whose respect I need. And someone whose respect I don't need cannot insult me. Simple as that

Thanks coco,

Tamukha - i find your posts useful and informative. I also find your answer helpful - you come across as a very confident person.

I read a book once called "What You Think of Me is None of My Business" I always liked that title. Everyone cares what others think of them to some degree, but it does help keep a perspective.

I think a lot of us type out a response, and then decide not to post it. Over the years, I've wished I never posted some things that did not come out right, and many of my silly jokes fall flat, and sound stupid.

Sometimes I just post in an emotional moment, and then wish I didn't write anything at all. It's all okay though, were all human. It's as important to forgive yourself as it is to forgive others.

THIS THREAD SUCKS!

j/k

I love you all!

flipperjan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hello
>
> I have found myself typing responses and then
> deleting them because I have had slightly
> aggressive responses from previous postings. I
> know that things don't always come across as they
> are mean't and I am a bit sensitive maybe.
>
> Is the answer to grow a thicker skin?
>
> I think Richard probably has it right by not
> caring what other people say or do, but I find
> that a bit harder to take on board especially as I
> am not so far down the track as he is and look for
> help, discussion and answers.

Coco is right buddy....you can't please everybody, just speak what's in your heart, as long as your not being spiteful/mean or assasinating characters then your just sharing your opinion.

Or maybe don't respond right away and wait till you've calmed down, etc.

Juss ma 2 cents....

RB

swimmer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think a lot of us type out a response, and then
> decide not to post it. Over the years, I've wished
> I never posted some things that did not come out
> right, and many of my silly jokes fall flat, and
> sound stupid.
I'm with you there Brother Swimmer. Some of my
posts, which seem so clever at the time, turn out the same
way as yours. I don't let that stop me and am constantly
'opening mouth and inserting foot'.
I, too, like many of you write and then delete because the
'tone' isn't as spiritual as I want.....WY

flipperjan,

"Tamukha - i find your posts useful and informative. I also find your answer helpful - you come across as a very confident person."

Thank you, dear. I think you too seem like a confident person, and I always read your posts with relish(figuratively speaking!). I believe there are tons of us here who do benefit from your insights and understand the spirit in which you post. Keep on keepin' on!

I think we all respond occasionally without considering how it will be received. I know I find myself doing that and I have to remind myself to take a second and look at the "kindness" aspect of my posts before clicking "post message". I hope I havn't offended anyone, if I have I apologize.

flipperjan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I think Richard probably has it right by not
> caring what other people say or do, but I find
> that a bit harder to take on board especially as I
> am not so far down the track as he is and look for
> help, discussion and answers.

YOU SAYIN I'M OLD!!!???...ha,ha...juss kidding!

RB





Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/03/2009 11:05PM by richard blackman.

I can sometimes be very caustic and insensitive. I apologize for hurting anyone. I really am going to make a concerted effort to embody the principles of this website, which is to support. Thanks, flipperjan, for starting this thread.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/03/2009 11:48PM by brian1cs.

I think it's up to each of us to present
our beliefs in a forceful manner, but not to be obnoxious,
or disrespectful. Once a tone of rudeness comes out in
another person's post, I lose respect for that person......WY

I do it too sometimes, sometimes I am stressed over work. Sorry to all whom I've offended.

flipperjan,
Yeah it can sting a little sometimes. I look to this site to get support/info and to give back the same when I can.

If your post is well intentioned and you get a response that's not informative or supportive, it may hurt temporarily but perhaps you can put it in a file titled 'unhelpful' and toss it.

Sometimes I'll put some thought into making a response to someone so it will be helpful/supportive and they never acknowledge it. Then I don't know if I've been helpful, unhelpful or if they ever read it. "Hello, is this mike on?".

Good luck to you.
I have to laugh at communitybuilder's response.
Kit

I think part of the issue is no tone in posts. I am very mono-tonic when I write responses on the internet, kind of like I'm just posting what I think, not really adament or upset or anything. But I know the way I write, because I am blunt, I have offended people at times. Sorry!