i'm really dangling by a thin thread here... and I don't really know how to start over... any one have some great inspiring ideas...

love laugh and dream

[www.givesmehope.com]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

ok maybe i won't start over... i will just keep going forward and see what happens... it's a lot of work changing emotional patterns...

love laugh and dream

luv,

What is the difficulty? Can you identify it? Is it something you can manage? If not, what help do you need and do you know where to get it? In the meantime, an all purpose: You always seem to keep your eye on the prize, no matter what difficulty visits you. Keep on keeping on, and set small realistic goals. Rely on your gut instinct. Believe that you have power over what deters or confounds you, and can will it out of your way. Peace and strength to you, dear.

Tamukha,

Beautiful. And, actually, just what I needed to hear at this very moment. Strange that I just clicked on this post, at this time.

That's all.

Straight-forward, pragmatic, hopeful.

Thank you.

what kind of issue was that again, can you explain it in a bit of the detail here?

Yes Tamukha ... very nicely stated thank you... where I get frustrated is that i know that I know that I have the power to pull through and lately i haven't been pulling through...

in as small a nutshell as i can give it... some of you know some of this... a thick gallbladder which i believe has been thickening over years acidosis i acquired this after going raw hormonal imbalance i think since i started bleeding and before an ovarian cyst painful periods which is lessened by fasting and an obsessive compulsive eating disorder... which i believe has come after i started having health problems...but i don't know for certain...

i am spiraling out of control... there are so many different things that i cannot have and when something else is taken away... i binge... when emotional stuff comes up... i binge... fear... binge... yes i purge too... by way of laxative tea... and fasting...

all bad for the other health issues i have... I know... but the harder I try to escape the deeper I go... 2 weeks with out a binge purge cycle is about as far as i've gotten... some people have suggested maybe raw isn't for me... but when i try to ad some cooked foods i can't control myself... i'm obsessed with foods it's all i think about

i know i need help... but i don't know where to go... i'm broke and unemployed... i'm living on food stamps and a very generous friend... I thought I had some help lined up but it looks like that has fallen through... my belly hurts most of the time and i'm exhausted ...

I have found a chinese herbalist that charges only for the herbs and have begun a regimen for my gall bladder... and i have amped up my emotional work... i'm doing EFT and meditation yoga and mantra work for the eating disorder... cause i know that before i can heal anything else i need to manage this... dis ordered eating i've slipped into

Nothing seems to feel good in my body food wise... tonight for dinner i had 1/2 a head of romain half of a jicama 2 carrots and some celery... nothing on it just simple and still i felt so acidic...

i feel i am making some strides with the emotional work but it's been 2 days since i've started... i just feel so alone and lost and scared... but as you say and really with out much of a choice... I will keep on keeping on!!!

love laugh and dream

Are you in the U.S.A? most communities have a local mental health facility that offers services for free to low and no income people, every state has a similar medical program for low and no income people as well...I didnt know about this myself till last year, its been allot of help to me... If you need help finding some of these programs, I can help you look, or you can go to your local social services building where you got your food stamps, and they will usually help you find that sorta stuff, it can be allot of frustrating paperwork...but its worth it once its done!!! *hugs* I wish I was capable of offering more emotional support to help you at this time,but im in a similar situation and not handling it well either,lol...*more hugs*

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Hey Curator... I did look into this... I used to get very low rate counseling back in Chicago...but now I am in San Diego... and everything that I have found... advertised on the internet ie their websites and such were all lies... when i called them up to ask them about it free didn't really mean free... it meant sliding fee usually starting around 40-50 buckaroonies... which when you are unemployed is a lot of money... once a week adds up to a lot... if you can find anything I would appreciate the guidance... but just having support out here is nice... thank you
love laugh and dream

I too am an addictive eater. Firstly, you MUST BE 100% RAW in order to beat this addiction, ok?! seriously. addictive eaters usually CANNOT handle eating less than 100% raw as it sets off addiction binges like you experience. have no fear, as others have gone through this process already! These foods like your salad may not satisfy you every time, but in time, with no binges, the food will cure you. Another reason you are dark feeling is that is a very natural part of the detoxing, think of it as a good thing. This is a sign that your body is laden with toxins that you have built up over years. they all come out way faster than is comfortable, this causes a really rough phase. I went 100% raw back in september, and so far have lost 140 pounds !!!! and let me tell ya, i was SOOOOO toxic for the first months. I was deressed, wanted to give up, though i knew that was the stupidest thing ever, because how can you quit cleansing when the body needs it so dearly. its like you don't want to go forward, but you can't go back. Well, thats fine, here are the rules......NO COOKED FOOD. KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE PRIZE !!!
and there will be rough days, and their will be beautiful days, days so amazng that you will cry.....but yo gotta fight through this. NOTHING can compare to raw in curing food addictions. gotta be 100%. this is where you will find sanctuary. The easy road is the hardest road right now. meaning, it was so easy for me because i just stuck to it. I cheated yes, but in these moments is when you REALLY know that 100% raw is the right way! so then you come back to 100% raw and you feel great !!!!! Its not about how many times you fall down, its all about how many times in life you can get back up after falling. successful people fall a lot. people who fail just never get back up.
I have fallen many times on raw, and that makes me much more resilient than someone who struggles for dear life to hold onto raw. we got your back !!!!

The Raw Lion 440 pounds to 225 pounds!

luvyuu,I really feel for your disorders and feel sad you are having difficulties. I have been struggleing with becomming raw for two years now and have been raw for three weeks now. I got real discouraged for a while because I began yo yoing with the raw and finding myself binging after being raw. I felt the binging was very bad for my system so I chose to eat the cooked foods for a while yet after time I would begin to show symptoms of toxicity from the cooked foods. My ankles would swell and in the evening I would notice my abdomem being swelled and I recognized it to be my body trying to bring a ballance to the toxic cooked foods. I would notice that after being raw I would begin to crave salty and spicy foods. I felt that perhaps it was some elements I was lacking that caused the cravings and the desire to eat cooked foods. I found a powder drink that replaiced magnesium and drink that a couple of times a week. So far it is helping. I also eat weeds because the nutrition level of weeds is greater than the food I buy in the store. I drink green smoothies and juice more than eating salads. I am staying away from fasting because I feel I need to learn to eat rather than fast at this time. In the past I would fast after failing in eating raw and began the cycle of fasting and eating improperly. One thing I have noticed is a shift in my thinking Last week I started eating popcorn and some chocolates and found that did not cause me to fall of the raw way. I realized the chocolate made my heart race and the pop corn only made me crave more. For some reason eating the non raw foods did not cause me to binge out of control but helped me to become more aware of the food body coorilation. I was so frusterated for so long because I knew what was right for my body but could not get past the mind set of eating cooked foods. I have come to the conclusion I am happier eating a raw leaf than a full course cooked dinner.
I am hoping this will be of encouragement for you.
Another thought is that there are some raw places like the tree of life and optimal health that may take on people who can exchange work you might check into this avenue where you can be around like minded people that will help you along the way.

Im an addictive eater, and i kicked it over a year ago, and im not 100% raw... I dont think being raw or having any other diet at all has anything to do with being an addictive eater or not, in fact there are quite a few cases of addictive eaters on the SAD diet, who overcame it, and aren't raw... its emotional in nature, and can be beaten, it DOES help to not have ANYTHING really really unhealthy around the house to binge on, if you at least dont have foods that are bad for you to binge on, then you wont feel as bad for binging, and wont feel the need to purge...Im not a psychologist, but I find it disturbing that one would blame a well known psychological issue, which many people from all walks of life, and diets, have recovered from, on a persons diet... it CAN have an effect, as processed fats and sugars are chemically addictive to the body as they've recently discovered, but altering ones diet isnt the way to get rid of a deep seeded psychological issue such as compulsive eating... In the end, it may be what helped YOU over come it RAWLION, but its quite dangerous to tell some one that there is only one particular way they can overcome a psychological condition, treatment varies from person to person, and if a person clings to that kind of statement it can increase their obsessive tendencies that led to the initial compulsion...

For luvyuu

[www.sdpsych.org]

[www.fhcsd.org]

Still, you may benefit from asking your social worker, the person you had to contact initially to get your EBT, as he/she can help you find services that your either medi-cal or CMSP can pay for, if you dont have either of those, you should get them, as you ARE eligible, if your single you can get CMSP if you have kids you can get medi-cal... I hope what I found is helpful *hugs* ttyl

Yes i agree with all of you...is that possible... anyhow... it is totally emotional... but i do feel that there are certain foods that trigger addiction I am listening to a book on cd called The End of Overeating...and so far he talks about how certain combinations of foods actually do cause an addictive reaction and he interviews a guy that works for a food company and the nameless guy says that absolutely they do it on purpose...cause they know it sells more... it is the combination of sweet salty and fat that apparently causes us to go hog wild when eating... and i have to say... when i eat my fruits and veggies naked I don't tend to binge as much... but I still binge so I know that it is also emotional and i know that i need some guidance so I will look into these places Curator thank you...

at the moment I am eating what i can that doesn't cause me mass amounts of belly swelling and pain... which isn't much... since I have started taking this chinese herbal medicine tea for my gallbladder issues... my gallbladder has been responding.. but i'm not so sure if it's in a good way or not... I know that when healing you have to go through the pain to get to the other side but i wonder if it should be so strong... and maybe part of this is me deciding not to purge... but i think i take the laxative tea for a reason... cause it does actually relieve some of the pressure... and to be honest... when i binge... it's not nearly as much as some of the stories I have read...

now as for the healing centers... yes i'm looking into this... but tree of life will not do a work exchange which i find interesting because the Essene way of life that he teaches there is all about healing people in need... apparently only the rich are in need of healing... OHI does offer a scholarship but you still have to pay for the first week which is just way beyond my means... I have written to them to see if we can work around this... but i haven't heard anything yet... but if you know of any other places to go as well i would like to hear about them...

ok i've rambled on for a bit now... thank you all for your great wisdom and the time you take to give me support I really need it right now and am very grateful to you for it.

love laugh and dream

*huggles you* yeah, back when I used to binge, I did find having veggies and other healthy stuff around helped me allot...I didnt binge as much... those processed fats suck...I hope things are better soon...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I hear you and understand. Its a hard road sometimes and I have been there many times. Not sure just what the key is but being able to understand it and identify it is a good start, right? Sorry about the tree of life, I thought it had a work/learn program. Money is always getting in the way, I mean the lack of it, right? Your in California? I thought there was a place there like the creative health Institute. Do you think they would take in some work for learning people? Keep trying there has to be something out there.