Ok, guys...it's taken me a while to summon the nerve to ask for help, but everyone one this forum seems so supportive of each other, so it makes it easier.

I've been raw for only a couple of months, with a few hiccups here and there, but with a determination to stick with it. I'm pretty much alone in trying to hold to the raw foods lifestyle, with very little encouragement.

Does anyone have any advice for how to battle cravings? I've been consuming tons of sweet things and dried fruit (all raw) and I know it isn't good for me, but haven't been able to curb the cravings. I guess I just need a few kernels of advice from those who've been raw for much longer. I know part of it is stress....

Another confession: the fast approaching holidays are scaring me to death. My family is going to react and be upset, because my new found wonderful (to me) lifestyle is "weird and disruptive" to their lifestyle. It's rather ironic that some of you deal with trying not to come on too strongly with your loved ones, "preach" or be impatient with their SADs. I've the opposite problem. I'm happy to stay in my corner, bring my own food, and be left alone, but that's not going to happen. How have some of you dealt with family and friends' disapproval? Any success in smoothing out rough interactions?

Thanks so much!

Hey CMiller,
Well, I have been on and off raw for the better part of 5 years now, so I understand where you are coming from, and CONGRATS for the months of success you have already found.

You know, once you make your boundaries clear, your family won't bother you about it. There is always the initial "but, it's the holiday season, can't you just eat *food* this once." But, the moment you say no, and keep saying no, they will stop bothering you. In fact, they will start to remark on how great you look and seem to feel, "Isn't this hard for you?" as they are eating cake in front of you! LOL!

My advice for the holidays is this: bring a few dishes to every get together. Some for you so you don't die, and some to share with others so they can get an idea of what you are doing. And, as a treat for yourself, make sure they are the really yummy, decadent raw recipes! Hey, you might even inspire some of your friends/family to try it. When I was raw over the holidays, and ate NO holiday food, everyone in my immediate family tried a little raw incorporation into their diets. IT was AWESOME!
That, and really stuff yourself before you go. Also, have tea with you (I drink tea), or some other thing to eat/drink while they are feasting.
Another trick is be ready to TALK TALK TALK because 1) people will want to know about your choice, and 2) you won't really be eating as much, so you will have more time to talk while not stuffing your face!

Then, after dinner, when people are complaining about how they are about to vomit, you can know, inside your body and mind, that the 35 minutes of eating you allowed yourself to forgo was totally worth it.. because you will still be feeling great! No weight loss resolution for you, my friend! NO NO NO!

And, I will definitely join you this holiday season, so, keep me posted about your experiences, and I will shout out some e-support!

As for the possible bad reaction from you fam: there are a few ways you could address it. 1) You could compassionately, yet actively question them about WHAT it is that pisses them off about it? Are they judging it without knowing anything about it? Many things are resolved when a dialogue is opened up and there is room for understanding. 2) Listen to their s**t, and smile. Go up and hug your mom or dad, tell them you love them, and just know that your decisions don't need to be approved by anyone.

As for the cravings: this might be terrible advice, but I would say, during your freakouts, eat as much raw food as you want (shy of a binge?). Even if you get sick! *expecting possible flack for this from forum* ;-)
I say this because your body is going through various stages of withdraw, and it is important to make sure your body knows that you are NOT starving. So, eat 1lb of mung-bean sprouts, or 5 apples or a carton of strawberries followed by a handful of cashews.... anything but eating a piece (or loaf) of bread. So much of the cravings are psychological, it takes time for your mind and body to catch up to your decision to be raw. But, no matter what, don't eat crappy food... AND... if you do, it's OK... one 'oopsies' does not make you "not raw anymore." It is a journey to health.

There are my two cents... or, about 4389438 cents, as it were.

Again, all this is my own personal experience advice, from my own journey. Take what you want, leave the rest behind.


Cheers!

"With life as short as a half taken breath, don't plant anything but love."- Rumi






Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/02/2009 04:40PM by Nyaz.

Hey C: I can share some of my own experiences (this is the long answer....but I feel it might be helpful to beginners.....so.... I'm gonna do it......cause I'm a pothole......so......bye!)

1) The social aspect of eating healthy....and the interaction with close family and friends....becomes the up-front or eventual sticking point for MOST folks. Beginners: don't kid yourself that it's not! I can be fairly anti-social and this STILL comes up. Heh..heh.

-Everyone is eating on THEIR OWN PATH...even folks that seem to be eating almost exactly the same. They both have their own goals....and their own internal inventories to process. So: don't think this is a science that can be equally applied......consensually agreed upon.....or universally defended.

-People eat for other reasons rather than nutrition and health. Avoidance, taste, pleasure, boredom, social pressure, distraction, emotional stress, ignorance. Knowing where one is on this spectrum is helpful.

-Many people have issues with, what I call, 'dignity boundaries'. Even when you are just living and let living....mainly loved ones feel the need to push and pull control....defend....coerce...shame....and manipulate. The best way to handle these things is to maintain YOUR dignity boundaries with slight humor....and 'I hear your concerns...thank you'.

-If you allow folks to push you beyond that....there's always, "I love you....and I'm going to take off now." Heh..heh. Once established, dignity boundaries work better and better. If never established, it's an uphill battle trying to plug the dike with logic or defensiveness. It don't work!

Advice for cravings: Reevaluate what your goals are and make SURE that eating healthy is NECESSARY for your goals. Visualize what your goals are and write them down. Draw a picture and write a poem to go with the picture. Make a list of long, middle and short-term goals.

Practical advice for cravings: Choose SLIGHTLY better alternatives to what you are craving....that are satisfying to you. Repeat until craving passes.

Worst case scenario (when cravings are furious): If you REALLY want it.....Go ahead and CHOOSE to indulge it.....ONCE....on the weekend only......and really see how it makes you feel mentally...better or worse?. It's all about the mental game.

My advice/experience: When it comes to the holidays and family, just let them know matter-of-factly....and ahead of time....what you will be eating....and might like....and that you are bringing a platter. Don't discuss it after that....and don't feel bad.

-Always support others in THEIR path. Let them know what they are eating/doing is cool and that you support them 100%... (unless it's something like drugs or crime....then let them know periodically...and with humor...that you think they are doing the wrong thing...then back off).

-Let people know that you are there to spend time with THEM...not to eat. You can always NOT eat....WITH HUMOR! You CAN say you are just not hungry (which should be true).

-If YOU are 100% happy and satisfied...this will get across to folks without much talk. I mean, crap, what's there to disapprove about eating a diet rich in fruits, vegetables and nuts? Most authorities agree this is healthy.....and most folks are never going to know this is ALL you are eating unless YOU choose to defend and announce it...which I highly discourage...except with single individuals in private.

-Sorry for the long post, but I hope some of my thought are helpful!

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

Ha! Funny Nyaz....I posted after you did....and our responses look mighty similar! I hope that means we gave some good solid advice!

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

I find that when I get my greens I have small or no cravings. There are a lot of different ways to get some greens into the diet. I like to juice my greens. Basically I juice my greens and eat whole fruits as one food meals or in simple combinations. Good luck.

I think it's fine to transition and even consume small amounts of dried fruit ultimately. Just eat plenty of fresh foods as well, and most of all, don't feel bad about your progress. It's your journey.

Hey David,
Great post. I liked what you said, and will also incorporate what you said into my Holiday plans. Birds of a feather?!?!

Keep it up David and CMiller!!!

-Nyaz

"With life as short as a half taken breath, don't plant anything but love."- Rumi

It's great that even with cravings you are still staying raw. So, first congratulate yourself for that!

When I first started all raw, I ate whatever I wanted (as long as it was raw), but I soon came to a point where I became concerned about my choices too. That's a good sign because it shows readiness to make an adjustment. First I decreased nuts which led to a lot of fruit and dried fruit. My next adjustment in battling cravings was to eat some (a lot) of whole fruit, so that I didn't want as much dried fruit. My next adjustment (i.e., currently) has been to make a big green smoothie of fruit with a handful of lettuces or spinach when I have a craving and by the time I finish it I no longer want whatever it was I was craving. I read with fascination about people fasting and wonder how they can do it! I wonder if I will ever get to a stage where I want to and can do that. Who knows? I never imagined I'd eat a raw food diet either! We all have to find our own way. Good luck on your journey.

Your statement, "I know part of it is stress...." is something for you to look at. Perhaps it is temporary, or it may be an on-going stress that cannot be resolved for a long time. Whatever it is, I hope that you find some support to address your stress (or reduce its effects at least). It helps me to have a supportive listener when I think out loud about ways to solve stressful situations. Just be sure the person is supportive and not a heavy-handed advice-giver! When I didn't have a person to do that with I used to write long letters to myself and, as strange as that sounds, it helped. The point is to be sure to take care of your emotional health as well as your physical health.

With your family, can you take the martial arts attitude of moving aside as they push? It takes being flexible and aware on your part. Here's an example. When they challenge you about your food choices, instead of trying to defend it, say, "You sound concerned." Then sit back and listen. After he or she blows off some steam and challenges you again, again offer no verbal resistance. Don't agree either and certainly don't compromise your food choices. Just keep finding different ways to say "I hear what you are saying. What else do you think?" "I have looked into this a lot, but I'll check out what you are saying. Could you pass the salad?" Etc.

Like David and Nyaz, my reply is kind of long, but I hope you find something useful in it. Good luck. I hope you have fun with it over the holidays.


My favorite raw vegan

All great advice from everyone. It's great that people here takes so much time to really consider their responses and make them count, and that so many people dovetail in their advice. Could this mean there's a single better way ; )

I agree with what everyone says, but I'd emphatically reiterate eating lots and lots of whole fruit(the fructose really satisfies), green smoothies(the minerals really satisfy), and just being as cheery as possible in the face of controversy. I always try to decide whether malice is intended in what someone says or does to me, and if it isn't, I just calmly assert myself and then mentally(or physically) walk away.

DZM,

Is that like that commercial?:
[www.youtube.com]

You are waaaaay more helpful than that!

I'd go easy on the dried fruit - it's one good way to rot your teeth.

if all else fails with agressive family memembers i have taken aside both my one brother and my sister that were quite adamant about derailing my diet and i looked them square in the eye and told them that i had developed a very rare disorder which does not allow me to digest animal protein without serious gastrointestinal distress. now my sister (who hosts all our family get togethers) doesnt say a peep as much as i hate to resorting to lying , some people just dont get it lol

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Thanks everyone! I've been away and swamped in general and I apologize for my lateness in thanking all of you for taking the time to post such long notes of advice and encouragement. I really appreciate it! Continuing to press on...holidays here we come. :-)

C

C Miller

just have a blaaast doing what is best for you
your ensuing radiant energy and health will speak for itself
and others won't be able to help but to be caught up in the shining rays

I definitely "ditto" la_v's post. You will be a walking, talking, LIVING testimony and won't need to say a word. People will be drawn to your transformation. Let the lifestyle be your advertisement and do your talking. Hang in there and have fun and ENJOY life. =)

*****************************
"Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty."
—Thomas Jefferson

i second plainlydressed's post

it is true that the person him or herself BECOMES the advertisement

and nothing more needs to be said further

I wholeheartedly agree!

Excuse me but who says you have to be raw 100% of the time. Any program that is overly strict is unreasonable. You need a little flexibility. It is OK to deviate occasionally.

I recently read Eat To Live by Dr. Fuhrman and am now reading 2 of his other books. He says no processed foods and no ice cream but he also says that IF you want ice cream once in a while as a rare exception go out and have it, don't bring it into your house. I had ice cream once in the past 10 months.

What is wrong with eating the salad and the cooked vegetables when you get together with the family for a huge feast and IF you don't mind a eating small piece of turkey or something else that is not on your normal list of acceptable foods so what. It's not poison you won't die. Just don't make it a habit. Don't punish yourself. Anything program that is overly strict is doomed to failure. Be reasonable. [Personally, I don't think I would eat the turkey myself though.]

If it makes you feel any better, after cheating [or rather after choosing to deviate from your normal diet] go back to the healthy diet for a few days and then go on a water only fast for 3 days to make up for the bad stuff you ate.

Eat For Health by Dr. Fuhrman gives you options. It is a 4 phase program that gives you the option of stopping at whatever phase you choose of or jumping right in and going right to phase 4.

Cmiller,
Its strange, but even if you wish to do your own thing, some people perceive this as an afront to their lifestyle. Like you are telling them they are doing something bad. In a sense that is correct, but I am sure thats not your intent. I don't know if that makes things any easier.

In my adventures with raw foods I have met some distractors. It took some time for me to find out what motivated one in particular. At a later time he told me that he had evelated cholestrol, that he followed some particular nutritional advice of this doctor. He didn't enjoy following it, and after about a month there was no change. His doctor then thought that changing the diet wouldn't work, and offered him some medication to control it.

Now he says hes happier not keeping track of fats or calories, and eating as he pleases. I asked him how he thought the medication 'worked', and reminded him that these medications usually change more than just the intended effect. What about hormone levels and ratios? Liver function? any number of things. So, when I was doing raw foods that caused him discomfort because he had to be reminded of his own medical condition. Not really a wonderful thing to be reminded of. I think it was so unpleasant for him because I am pretty sure he ate dry crusty biscuits, bran cereal,skim milk and probably overcooked cabbage. I am sure raw food reminded him of keeping track of foods, even though its not that way.

Everyone is a raw foodist.
I think you would be hard pressed to find anyone above the age of five that has never tasted a raw apple or some other item of raw food so that means that its just a matter of degrees. Its all about percentages and not about if a person has had a bite of raw food in their lifetime or not so we're all in the same camp. Take your time and move at your own pace.

I am also afraid of Christmas with my family. In particular, there are 3 problems:

1. I am not 100%, but I try to be at least 95%. So they will say, if I am not a "real" raw foodist, why the ... do I have to eat 95-100% raw in the 3 days of the year we meet.

2. My dad is a psychologist and works with people that have eating disorders. So he will get afraid that I have an eating disorder, too, and that I am anorexic or orthorexic or anything.

3. Both my parents eat relatively healthy (a lot of fresh friuts and veggies, whole grain stuff, not much meat, ...) and they are extremely intolerant to someone who eats differently. They think only their way is correct, the others eat too healthy (which is not healthy anymore) or too unhealthy.


Any suggestions?

Thanks
Helen

2. -- I would suggest that eating raw is not an eating disorder but actually is based on the logic that cooking destroys nutrients and that you want to do the best by your health that you can by making healthy choices. After that you could suggest that he does his own investigation into how cooking damages food. Who knows you may start him on an eating path direction change if he is open minded to the truth.

As to #1, why tell them what percentage raw you are? It only gives them something to use in an argument.

As to #3, you could say, "Gee, we seem to see some things differently. At least it's great that we all like fresh fruit and vegetables! On the other stuff, it may be best to agree to disagree." Then divert their attention to another topic you know they'll get into, e.g., "Tell me about your trip plans to Rarotonga."


My favorite raw vegan

Helen,
They have a different perspective. Some of the points conflict. You can't really be orthorexic if you comfortable eating some percent of raw food. And for anything to be a disorder, if must cause some harm in your life overall.

I don't know about psychology, its sort of a mental equal to physical medicine. I have gone to see psychologists, and I don't know that its really helped me become more adaptable. I was interested in raw foods when I was seeing one, and she really didn't like it at all. She was for conformity, eating the traditional 4 food groups, and taking medications if you have any problems. All coming from her training,perspective and experience. I am not sure why I expected her to say anything else.

If your parents feel strongly about their dietary ideals, there is probably little you can do to change their opinion. I don't think holiday meals are the time to discuss such things. Maybe there is never a good time to discuss things with people who are not open to other points of view or information.

Thank you all!

@ EZ rider: yes, it is logic to eat raw food. But my dad thinks,I do not eat cooked food because I feel guilty then. He thinks everyone wants to eat stuff like chocolate icecream. But as to me, I just DO NOT WANT to eat this because it is not healthy. I hope he gets that when I explain it.

@Trive
Percentage: they know I am not all raw. But maybe I can tell them I am almost raw and I feel very good with that and I do not want to decrease the share of raw foods even at Christmas.
"it may be best to agree to disagree" --- that is a great idea, I definitely will propose this!

@ Mislu: yes, eating disorders are harmful. But my parents will say, I just do not want to see that such high percentage of raw food is harmful.

So, things I will do:

1. Try to tell them that everyone eats different, and that everyone can decide on their own, and that I am an adult (almost 28 years old) who can make own decisions.
2. If they think I should be "polite" and eat like they eat, I have to tell them that they can decide if they want to see me at Christmas (and I eat my way) or not.

Helen,
After reading more about natural hygeine, I am open to the idea that the majority of the world is out of whack. When it comes to talking about such things, really the aspect of eating is really just the the beginning. Most people think of eating as being isolated from everything else, but its not.