I need a little room to vent... I am so frustrated with hubby who is so uninterested in my choices to go raw. I don't expect him to follow in my footsteps, but he absolutely refuses to even try any type of "dish". I have experienced such joy and clarity and calmness from this way of eating, and yet feel so alone. I know there are people out there who share this practice with their partner and feel so green with envy. ( not a feeling I am either proud of or enjoy!)
So.. does anyone else feel this frustration? or have ideas on how to get past it?

Thank you!

Maybe just wait - my partner comes around eventually when he sees something isn't going away

Lead by a good healthy example, don't be frustrated and wait for the osmosis effect.

How long have you been raw? if it's years and years then you will probably want to disregard the above lol

it took about a year an a half for mine to come around an now he quite likes alot of the things i have/make

i stopped pushing

its hard to turn a die-hard meat an potatoes farm boy into a vegan overnigh lol

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Quote

I need a little room to vent... I am so frustrated ... I have experienced such joy and clarity and calmness from this way of eating

You should re-read what you wrote.

an everyday concern of mine -- is -- who am i going to bless today, for how will i enjoy the day if i don’t share myself, which means in practical terms, if my wife requests for me to prepare bbq-steak, with a raw steak, all-ready in the refrigerator, i will channel my love to be received, i will adapt my love to my partner, withholding love will only hurt me, because it will prevent me from participating in life/loving the JOURNEY, not the spot(light)

Joannec,

I think you really need to look at both sides of the coin. It would be naive of us to believe you are the only part of the relationship who shows frustration towards meal time. You feel raw foodism is the way and light to better health. Your husband isn't a believer at this point. Although, it is none of my business, I predict raw-foodism was a lifestyle choice made by yourself after the vows were completed. This lifestyle change may have introduced residual resentment.

Your husband is most likely equally frustrated because now the way he breaks bread with his wife has been altered.

Obviously marriage is all about compromise. I think frustration lies on both sides of the fence because you are both silently asking why? Your husband is asking, "Why do I have to change diet because you did." You are asking, "why won't my husband open up to life I chose to live." If you husband wanted you to go out to eat with him on a weekly basis and grab a giant greesy hamburger, how would you respond?

I think a silent tug-o-war match is going on and needs to be addressed with proper communication. Questions posed on a messageboard may be helpful to a certain extent, but like all problems, a direct approach is necessary to get to the heart of the matter.

I will be more than willing to try raw foods for my wife if asked to do so. I think marriage is all about compromise.

True relationships and love begin by learning from each other by giving up a piece of ourselves. Unconditional sacrifice is what makes you both grow into each other emotionally and spiritually. I would hate to have something get in the way of the bond you share with your husband.

Good luck!

To Everyone, thank you so much for your thoughful insight. I truly appreciate this gift of enlightened response.
"Newhoove", I absolutely had not thought of my situation in this way, and I absolutely see it now! Of course he would be frustrated as well, I have turned our "normal" all upside down. Thank you, that was very helpful!

Today I will take a deep breath, be grateful that I have found this beautiful way of nourishing my body and soul; and remember all the things I love my hubbie for!

Thanks again!

I can understand your feelings.

I myself go on my merry way eating exactly how I want,while my lady friend eats pretty much Standard diet. She admires my gumption to eat the way I do.

I dont think a partner should give any misery about how the other wants to eat.But its a sad fact of life that alot of people have no interest whatsoever in what goes in their mouth,other than if it TASTES GOOD. Period.

Vinny



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/03/2010 04:42PM by eaglefly.

dang i want newhoove to be my marriage counselor =)

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

hah =) I'm in need of a banana eating buddhist friend-- Know anyone?

Newhoove !
That was RAD!!! YES! that answers so many frustrations I sometimes feel. My partner often complains at me being particular, or 'WHY DON"T YOU LIKE EATING THIS or THAT ANYMORE?"! He thinks I am just being a kill joy, or making life more difficult for no real reason. Saying things like "I bet those raw food gurus never let themselves enjoy anything" or "it must be nice to eat so particular when people are starving" or the topic of a recent thread, "Raw foods must be a cult"

Yes, the unwritten contractual agreement of our relationship needs to be remade. How dare I change it! Well, I am having a problem with hives, and I suspect gluten, as its clearing up avoiding it. So now I HAVE to watch cheat items. And actually this pushes me amazingly into more raw and healthier choices. I sometimes get reactions from even eating foods which are supposed to NOT contain wheat in restaurants. Now THIS he pays attention to, because he CAN visibly see what it does to me if I eat it. To some degree he has gone gluten free out of compassion, as it makes me less tempted to forget and have what hes having that isn't. But I think hes hoping that it will go away. I really shouldn't expect him to change or give up things. Its just that sometimes there aren't gluten free alternatives to things we habitually eat. Actually there probably is somewhere in the world, but where I live its particularly difficult for raw foodists or people with food allergies, people are not so aware or compassionate here. Its like 'eat it or go elsewhere'.

pick me pick me lol

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Hey. You say he won't try your "dishes." Are you making gourmet, multiple-ingredient dishes? I would suggest making a simple salad and fruit. It's the healthiest raw way to eat, the tastiest and easiest to digest and recognize. how can he refuse ripe fruits?

Here are some of my strategies:

I try to refer to a lot of my raw recipes as "salads". Almost anything made of raw food can be called a salad. For example, when I make raw zucchini noodles with raw marinara sauce, I call it zucchini and tomato salad that looks like spagetti. My hubby has never had a problem eating salad, as long as that does not become his total meal.

So on an average meal I will have one or two "salads" on the table and a plate of cooked (dare I say it...) well, you can imagine. I respect his right to choose to be a meat eating person, and he returns the favor by respecting my right to eat more "fresh" food (I hate to use the word raw, it is too threatening for non raw-foodists). If I make a heavier raw something, like a recipe out of nuts, I just put out enough for me, unless someone asks me to share, which I am happy to do.

Overall, his plate of food usually looks about the same as mine, except for one or sometimes two items that I just skip. (Believe me, my four almost grown kids are MUCH harder to please!)

The best thing is to never draw attention to your own food choices unless asked, and then I usually just say I really feel like eating lots of salad right now. I think I am very good at not pointing out what I am up to, because once I fasted for 19 days and neither my hubby nor my four kids noticed that I hadn't eaten.

Sounds to me like you may have made too big of an issue of it, otherwise he would not feel so resistant to it. I bet you could think of ways to make this work better. My hubby might eat some cooked food, and meat with dinner, but he eats more salads and fresh fruits and vegetables than any SAD eater I know. And if I couldn't respect him enough to allow him to make his own choice, I don't think we would have a very strong bond.

Just examine your priorities - I am sure you will find the right answer.

Good luck!