What do you guys think about being influenced by other people. Say i had a friend who had suicidal thoughts...and we used to connect on that actually. Now I don't...and its wierd but she eats more and not-raw. When I am around her I feel Obligated to eat more...I feel guilty almost for eating less...is this a cultural thing...its like she's the only one around and i feel drawn...although I am sort of sensing that unwell abusive emotional tone to her dealings...its sort of wierd.

Maybe think of it like this: Your friend NEEDS you to be strong. She's benefitting from your GOOD example, even if she doesn't quite realize it herself.

If it's possible, and if you have the time and energy, maybe see if you can occasionally include your friend in some positive activity, something simple, like taking a nature walk.

is it a cultural thing? i dont know you dont say what your or her/his culture is ?

maybe you need to evaluate why you are *drawn* to unwell abusive emotional people? do you think you have something to offer her? to help her?

you say you connect(ed) on a suicidal level? is that a healthy connection? im not sure what you mean by that? do you mean you understand why she is suicidal or do you mean youre suicidal and share that connection? its not terribly clear to me what you mean by that

if you are feeling obligated to do something such as eat more around her id look at the reasons ... why do you feel obligated or guilty? there your feelings .. weather you eat more or less isnt gonna affect HER body .. it will affect YOUR body

i agree with the above .. if you feel some need ... do positive things with her ..if she doesnt want to do positive things ... move on

just my opinion over the years ive had to cut alot of negative people out of my life because its just not worth my time to deal with them

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

You are definitely NOT doing your friend any favors by being anything other than happy, successful and supportive. They say that you'll never make yourself sick enough to make ONE other person in the world well.

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

I think that this is just a "trying to maintain the connection" thang. It is odd, but true, that sometimes we'll go out of our way to find some area of commonality with people who are even less good for us than we do with those who are.

It's like being in a room with people who are telling dirty jokes that you don't find funny, while watching yourself laugh the loudest of any one there just so you don't feel left out.

Or like wearing a muu-muu to visit an old, fat friend so as to hide the full impact of your weight loss, and then joining her for cookies and ice cream even though you don't eat that anymore and don't even want it.

I call this the "hiding your light under a bushel" syndrome in order to maintain outworn connections, continuity, and the sense of being just like everyone else...or in this case, on the same level as your friend.

It is difficult to reach beyond ones' milieu or community; to exceed where you've been before and who. We seem to have some built-in psychological need to maintain status quo for our own comfort and for the comfort of those around us. It takes a lot of courage to be who one really is because the pressures are strong and subtle that want to hold us back and keep us "in our place."

That you are aware that this dynamic is working is a good sign that you will eventually transcend it.


khale