raw food isn't just about the food...it's a lifestyle and, in many ways, it is how one values themselves and the environment.

being raw is a big part of who i am (not just what i eat),and i would seriously NOT consider being with someone who wasn't compassionate and conscious about how their choices affect their health and the world at large, whether they are SAD, vegetarian, vegan or raw.

plus, meat and dairy eaters stink. sorry guys...it makes me want to gag.

love,
*m*



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/04/2008 11:59PM by m.

When I met my husband we were both meat eaters. I had wanted to be vegetarian for years and became one after we had our first child. Since my eating habits were healthier my husband has evolved to very little meat eating. I love him and he is the perfect man for me but I would definetly pick a vegan if I had to start over. After being with someone for 16 years, you get pickier about what you will and will not live with. We have evolved into this entity of a marriage that is like tongue and groove. Anything less would rub me wrong. I could never imagine living with a SAD eater now.

I stopped dating nonvegetarians. Life was much easier ... more enjoyable. Who a person chooses to share their life with is important. I guess I view meat eating in the same vein as drug or alcohol use ... not for me. I don't really like to be around all of that. I don't like the smell of meat or dairy, so eating with a nonvegetarian is a drag to me. I ended up marrying a beautiful vegetarian person. It's been almost three years and we are expecting our first child. Life is beautiful and my life is blessed.

It seems like everyone wants to date people who are just like them. I respect that, but I guess I'm the opposite. I'm a liberal as you get atheist, environmentalist, feminist, computer geek Irish girl from Chicago, married to a pro war, Republican, extremely religious, Lebanese, pipefitter who is a native Arizonan.
We were both meat eaters when we met, but are now both vegans and eat primarily raw food. I'm glad we made that change together, but we sure didn't and still don't really have much else in common. It keeps things interesting for me. Before I met my husband I dated a lot of guys who had the same politics, religious beliefs and occupation that I did and was bored to death. Maybe it was just those people, or maybe it's true that opposites attract, who knows. I think it's the differences that keep life interesting.
Besides if you rule out dating someone who is a SAD eater, you could miss an opportunity to open their eyes to a whole new way of doing things. I can't imagine taking anyone's opinion more seriously than my significant other's. I've had a lot of boyfriends open my mind to new things and I think that's wonderful.

P.S. My husband votes Democrat now. :-)

brenna that is such a great post and it really echos my husband and I's experiences. We were also meat eaters when we met and while he is not fully vegan at home (he will have yogurt on occasion and does order whatever he wants on the rare occasion we go to a restaurant) he fully supports my decision to be raw and eats every single raw vegan dish I put in front of me. We are polar opposites in a lot of ways but I wouldn't have him any other way!



My website: The Coconut Chronicles

If there are what you consider good things about yourself, i.e., fit, healthy, lots of fruits and veggies, would you want the opposite? Unhealthy, obese or skinny, meat and dairy? Just curious.

[utopiankitchen.wordpress.com]

Utopian Life I do not mind at all that my husband eats dairy or meat. It just doesn't bother me. We both lead active lifestyles and I consider us both very healthy. I became a vegan for health reasons not ethical ones so I suppose that makes a difference. I do not see his choices as being wrong etc.

Edited to add that I can only speak for myself here but my marriage is not based on food. I made a commitment to my husband as he is and would never want to change him. The other day he actually offered to become a full vegan "for me" and I told him no. That is a personal choice that he must make for himself (not a "gift" to me so to speak.) But the fact that he is considering it was great. We both have opened each others eyes to lots of new experiences and ideas. We differ in a lot of ways... culturally we are different, for instance, as he is American and I am not. But I love the fact that we are not the same.



My website: The Coconut Chronicles



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/06/2008 07:10PM by TheCoconutChronicles.

I am currently in a relationship with a fast food, fried food, junk food eating SAD guy who also happens to be full of integrity, he's lovely, genuine, honest, divinely comfortable with his masculinity and everything I could've ever asked for in a loving partner. Do I like what he eats? NO. Can I accept it sometimes? NO, it's not always easy. Neither of us preaches to one another about each other's food choices, but honest to God I do worry about him as he has health conditions that I know could be alleviated completely with a change in his diet. Many of his family members have dropped dead of heart disease, cancer,diabetes...all of those horrendous diseases. He's at risk and it worries me. However, he does eat everything raw I prepare, but we don't live together and are long distance. I know when we make the move, if and when we do commit more seriously with one another for life, he will probably gradually shift his eating habits being around me. But it's not something that I will force on him. I've been on the other end of the spectrum when I was a vegetarian and I know how turned off I was with my vegan holier than thou friends preaching to me. So I can only imagine what a SAD person hears, lol.

If my boyfriend and I ever decide to part, I would most definately never again date or be in a close, intimate relationship with a SAD person or someone who is not consciously aware of caring for their body, nutrition and the foods they're eating. In the future if I'm single again, I would elect to only be with a Raw Vegan guy. If my boyfriend and I get married, I will be committed to him for life and I'll just deal with it. Perhaps I'm being a huge hypcrite, but that's just the way it is and I'm being perfectly honest. It's hell of difficult sometimes to sit back and watch someone slowly dying. I'm very sensitive to energy and so I know this is what's happening with my man and his body. He's gained a lot of weight also. However, I also see him healing himself at some point and I have to trust he's on his own healing path. And perhaps that means experiencing some trauma in the body for him to wake up. It's none of my business really...it's between him and God. So I hang onto this picture of him getting well and send him positive energy and light when I start to think negatively.

(((Sigh))) Phew! Being raw really tests you sometimes. Causes you to really look in the mirror to see if you're being authentic with yourself...you can't hide. lol. I don't think you can talk about dating and not bring up the emotional feelings and other deeper connections...they're one and the same and interrelated. We're talking about love, sex, romance...big things. Big things surface big emotions and we are humans after all with lots of emotions. :-)))

I keep forgetting that that's one thing the vegans (And I mean the term as a lifestyle term, the way it's defined and was originally used) on this board have to keep in mind - not everyone here is a vegan; some are strict vegetarian and have no ethical drive for their food, personal care, and clothing choices.

[utopiankitchen.wordpress.com]

"It's hell of difficult sometimes to sit back and watch someone slowly dying."

That's the most difficult aspect of being with my boyfriend right now. Diabetes came for so many people in his family, his mom has it in the early stages and has finally begun to start changing her diet, and he's just ASKING for it with the liter bottles of cola, gummy snacks, etc.

Sometimes he asks me, "Baby, does it bother you that I'm big?" No, I love him just the same, it has nothing to do with the totally positive spirit I fell in love with. It DOES bother me when he eats fast food for dinner and falls asleep immediately after, sometimes for the rest of the night, because I know is body is really working overtime to maintain some kind of balance. Thank god he gets plenty of sun.

If there ever is a "next time" for me to date someone, it would be easier in a LOT of ways to date someone who was even just a vegetarian. But I began my path of vegetarianism five years ago, and I've only met two vegetarian men in real life since then. The first smoked so much pot and did so many other drugs I can't remember the last time I saw him move (though he was a cutie ), and the second one, just, no interest, nothing in common, and he still ate seafood.

So, until someone opens a raw smoothie bar with veggie singles night in the area, I don't see how I would even have an opportunity to be so picky if I chose.

Plus, there are so many other serendipitous elements involved with meeting someone... I know I would have been a fool to turn my nose up when I met my boyfriend. If you manage by chance to hit it off with another vegan, or the two of you evolve into a raw lifestyle together, then you are indeed blessed--but I'm blessed in a number of other ways, myself. And opening myself to being raw, even with its challenges, it by far the greatest thing I've done for myself, even if I have to do it alone.

Sometimes life rewards you for your struggles further down the road, so maybe one day my man will realize he can experience a transcendentally better level of health.

The only explosive conflict we'd have on the subject right now is children. And if he really can't accept the benefits of at LEAST a high-raw lifestyle by that time, should it come, and whether or not he chooses that path for himself, I may have to reevaluate. IMO, one of the worst things in the world right now is the common acceptance to settle for mediocrity, and I certainly will NOT "settle" for my children to be addicted to white sugar, full of toxic chemicals, at risk for vaccination damage, etc. I'm only moving forward, and that's my personal decision.

Utopian Life as far as wanting the opposite, I wouldn't say that I do. I'd love it if my husband and I had the same religious and political beliefs along with eating the same way, but we don't. It doesn't make me love him any less. He's kind and caring and extraordinarily good to me and to my family. He completely accepts my beliefs and vice versa. If I can accept be married to a Republican, I could certainly handle a meat eater, lol. I almost think being a Republican is worse!

Utopian Life, you are right, I always forget that there are people who eat a "vegan diet" for health reasons as opposed to veganism as a commitment to reducing suffering. It's totally different with my friends, most of whom are vegan or on their way--when I go to a vegan potluck, for example, we might start discussing the effectiveness of animal welfare campaigns, maybe, or a new vegan cheese (junk food, but much more humane than dairy cheese for people who will eat it anyway). Totally not what you'd talk about at a health gathering! But even though I don't believe in karma strictly, I believe it must affect us in some way--that it IS healthiest to injest food that is part of a compassionate lifestyle.

rost0037 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Utopian Life, you are right, I always forget that
> there are people who eat a "vegan diet" for health
> reasons as opposed to veganism as a commitment to
> reducing suffering. It's totally different with my
> friends, most of whom are vegan or on their
> way--when I go to a vegan potluck, for example, we
> might start discussing the effectiveness of animal
> welfare campaigns, maybe, or a new vegan cheese
> (junk food, but much more humane than dairy cheese
> for people who will eat it anyway). Totally not
> what you'd talk about at a health gathering! But
> even though I don't believe in karma strictly, I
> believe it must affect us in some way--that it IS
> healthiest to injest food that is part of a
> compassionate lifestyle.


Yeah, it gets confusing because some are adament about it, so you'd think it were ethical reasons.....but it's not. So hopefully the non-ethical reasons people, the strict vegs, can understand that there are some people who view taking another life as abhorrent, cruel, obviously unnecessary, inhumane in all circumstances (i could go on), etc, so maybe that will help to understand why we would not want to date someone who, for example, pays for non-humans (or humans, we make no distinction) to be killed and eaten or raped or enslaved. This is QUITE different than whether they are republican or democrat.

[utopiankitchen.wordpress.com]

Yes, so we are not being inflexible for wanting to date a vegan! Thank you for expressing that. It is just being comptaible with our deepest values. Of course I don't care if someone is not as much a health nut as me

brenna Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>If I can accept be married to a Republican,
> I could certainly handle a meat eater, lol. I
> almost think being a Republican is worse!


Indeed. Know exactly what you mean. My dear boyfriend is also part of the young conservative republican crowd and I dare say I am not. ha. ha. lol. If we can get over the that hump, we can get over anything. Thanks for the reminder. :-D

I sincerely doubt that any meat eaters want creatures to be raped, enslaved or tortured. My parents eat meat, but only eat what they hunt. Yes seriously. I'm sure not going to hold that against them.
It sounds like you have more of an issue w/the factory farming state in this world, which I completely understand. It's the reason I don't eat meat. Those animals are tortured and I don't believe that is right.
But I don't believe it's 100% wrong to take any life for any reason. I'm pro choice and as someone who's had a family member murdered I can tell you that it will change most people's opinion on the death penalty.
That sounds like a personal belief that really doesn't have anything to do with raw foods. You really wouldn't date someone who was otherwise perfect for you but was a meat eater? That really does seem inflexible to me. How do you know that by your example you wouldn't convince that person to become a vegan too? Did you never eat meat or dairy products in your life? How did you hear about veganism? I would assume that most people, like me, heard about it from someone else, probably from someone whose opinion they valued. It just seems crazy to dismiss over 90% of the population of this country(assuming you're in the US) as people who condone murder just because they eat differently than you. Maybe if we were a bit more open minded people would learn by example instead of dismissing us as nuts so often....I'm not saying anyone here is a nut, but I know we get labeled that way a lot and I think that's something we should be working on if we want more people to become veggie/vegan.

phantom Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> >
> The only explosive conflict we'd have on the
> subject right now is children. And if he really
> can't accept the benefits of at LEAST a high-raw
> lifestyle by that time, should it come, and
> whether or not he chooses that path for himself, I
> may have to reevaluate. IMO, one of the worst
> things in the world right now is the common
> acceptance to settle for mediocrity, and I
> certainly will NOT "settle" for my children to be
> addicted to white sugar, full of toxic chemicals,
> at risk for vaccination damage, etc. I'm only
> moving forward, and that's my personal decision.


This is HUGE for me also. My babies will be raw or vegan or vegetarian whatever they choose to be after they can tell me either verbally or telepathically what they want to eat. They sure as hell are not going to be SAD. There will be no compromising on this for me. Case closed. lol.

brenna Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I sincerely doubt that any meat eaters want
> creatures to be raped, enslaved or tortured. My
> parents eat meat, but only eat what they hunt. Yes
> seriously. I'm sure not going to hold that against
> them.
> It sounds like you have more of an issue w/the
> factory farming state in this world, which I
> completely understand. It's the reason I don't eat
> meat. Those animals are tortured and I don't
> believe that is right.
> But I don't believe it's 100% wrong to take any
> life for any reason. I'm pro choice and as someone
> who's had a family member murdered I can tell you
> that it will change most people's opinion on the
> death penalty.
> That sounds like a personal belief that really
> doesn't have anything to do with raw foods. You
> really wouldn't date someone who was otherwise
> perfect for you but was a meat eater? That really
> does seem inflexible to me. How do you know that
> by your example you wouldn't convince that person
> to become a vegan too? Did you never eat meat or
> dairy products in your life? How did you hear
> about veganism? I would assume that most people,
> like me, heard about it from someone else,
> probably from someone whose opinion they valued.
> It just seems crazy to dismiss over 90% of the
> population of this country(assuming you're in the
> US) as people who condone murder just because they
> eat differently than you. Maybe if we were a bit
> more open minded people would learn by example
> instead of dismissing us as nuts so often....I'm
> not saying anyone here is a nut, but I know we get
> labeled that way a lot and I think that's
> something we should be working on if we want more
> people to become veggie/vegan.


I love having these dialogues because we begin to surface the deeper real issues of being raw in an non-raw world (at the moment). I agree with a lot of what you've shared Brenna, but on the flip side I think it's all a matter of personal choice. We all have different opinions on this subject and different life experiences so we'll be hard pressed if we agree on everything when it comes to the brutal slaughter of animals and dating individuals who are not putting their health first. As I personally see it we are collectively responsibile for what's going on with the animals...I'm just as guilty sitting at home comfortably typing on my keyboard, on my raw vegan butt. I'm not actively crusading on the behalf of these creatures who I personally believe are crying out for this insanity to stop now. Animals are grieving. I don't think just because someone doesn't believe in torturing animals is an excuse that makes it okay to eat them with good conscience. There is enough information out there now about this issue. It seems it's the american way to pretend it's not happening or be oblivious to it until it's slammed in one's face kind of attitude. I think eventually it's going to blow up in our collective face. We will see more illness spreading from food poisoning in massive, epidemic proportions that isn't going to disappear after a week of media news coverage next time. Then perhaps people who are not taking care of themselves or need to learn about nutrition will wake up and will begin to understand they will need to stop eating, in my opinion, destructive foods. We're getting emotionally immune to these poisonings now...they are happening weekly now and people don't seem to be phased by them anymore. The Aunt Jemima pancake salmonella recall issue and beef issue recently happening within one week of each other as an example.

I have and probably always will be considered a nut, but I'm a healthy nut. :-P lol. I became a vegetarian at age 9 in a blue collar environment so it doesn't really bother me what other people think of me. Not my concern or responsibility. I think those who are ready to become more conscious to healing themselves will naturally gravitate to it irregardless if they think I'm from planet crazy or not. I'm still going to be true to myself and I will not stop sharing my opinions just because someone doesn't want to hear it. I will be sensitive to not preaching, but if someone asks for me for my opinion you will be sure they will get a direct and honest response from me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/07/2008 08:25PM by rawangel.

I guess I'm just more concerned with people starving and dying than what's happening to animals. I devote my time and energy to helping people when I can. I don't think that anyone is wrong for wanting to stop factory farming, I agree that it's a horrible thing. When I did eat meat or animal products I bought it all from a local organic farmer anyway, so I put myself out of that a long time ago. The chickens I saw at the farm ran around free all the time, their beaks weren't mutilated, the cows grazed freely, and when they were slaughtered, it was done on site and humanely(I watched one time because I felt like I should see where my food was coming from). I don't have a problem with the consumption of animal products in that manner, it's the factory farms that I think are horrible.

brenna Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I guess I'm just more concerned with people
> starving and dying than what's happening to
> animals.


Hold on a second....let me somehow get this straight. You're more concerned with people dying, therefore, you think it's okay to kill animals, even though killing animals doesn't affect the amount of people dying as well? You can't care about both? Like, doesn't it take less time to uncook vegetables than it does to buy a packaged meat product and cook it so it's actually safe for you to eat? I don't get this view at all, and honestly, I don't think it's well thought out in the least bit. It's like the people who claim they care about children; therefore, they kill animals and eat them. Uh-huh. Makes sense. You care about children so much that you can't make a different choice at the grocery store? Right..............

As for dating an omnivore, we already had dialogue in this thread that it's not really fair or adviseable or even fun to date someone that you would like to "change." So why I'd date someone who I didn't respect and who I secretly hoped would change - sorry, I deserve better and they deserve better. I have more respect for myself than that.

brenna Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It sounds like you have more of an issue w/the
> factory farming state in this world

If I conveyed in any way that my only issue with killing animals has to do with factory farming, then that was a misconveyance and I apologize. I don't condone killing in any way. "factory" or not. There's no difference - it's all unnecessary death.

Brenna, you are my heroine!

I pray for the strength to accept others as they are, without expecting to convert them.

Right now I am being tested with an old friend who doesn't see eye to eye with me on anything and yet I still love him in a platonic way. I hope that I have the grace to come through this without losing his friendship. I know it would be much more difficult with a boyfriend.

i think what it really boils down to is values.

even those of you claiming to be in relationships with people who are total opposites, you most likely have the same set of core values, or else it just would not work.

UL... can you think of one person on the planet who eats meat or dairy products who you love and respect? in my experience, if you can make an exception for one person, you can make an exception for all.

what about you, have you always been a vegan? or was there a point in your life when you weren't conscious of these things? if you can forgive yourself for not knowing better/doing better, you can forgive everyone. i'm not saying you have to date them, tho...

also in my experience, viewpoints that strongly polarize us and make us feel isolated from others, separated, and either superior or inferior are not good for us. i notice how it feels in my body when i am judging someone else harshly. tense, constricted throat, my stomach feels tight... it feels ALMOST as bad as the feeling i have when i believe that someone is judging me harshly. i don't think we have the energy to serve the world when we are feeling like that.

UL... can you think of one person on the planet who eats meat or dairy products who you love and respect?
....................................

This wasn't addressed to me, but I'll put forward a name for anyone's consideration- The Dalai Lama.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/08/2008 09:24AM by star thistle.

I'm talking about dating in this thread, nothing else. If people want to talk or ask me about parents, friends, and others, I'll talk about those in a different thread. Just to respect the OP and their original intent.

I could date anyone who was not a meat eater...there is this smell...
not having said that, I hope that fate does not cause me to fall in love with one...!

do you feel like they are putting meat inside them, and then you are putting their meat they put inside them, inside of you? =)

do you mean fowl smell?

no i mean like in the bedroom.