I went to the supermarket yesterday, and found out that I have elevated cholestrol. I have to admit that I have really let my diet slide for about the last 6-7 months. I hate to blame it on anyone else, but the general environment and habits of other people you live with can make it more difficult, challenging etc.

My mother in law lives by the philosophy that goes something like this, "why change a habit or lifestyle when there are perfectly good drugs to take care of this,that or the other condition." Its kind of annoying, really. Especially given that I found I had this elevated cholestrol. I am making changes, but I know its going to be an uphill battle all the way.

She has medications to control her conditions, but I do not. Its also a different thing for me to choose such and such food over another, or avoid somethings altogether. I think she thinks its a criticism of her or judgement or whatever. She seems to say something negative anytime me and my partner chooses something healthier.

There is a problem, her husband has a 'health fantatic'. He also died of cancer a few months ago. She always brings up that he avoided this or that, and especially watched his fat intake. She then brings up, "look what happened to him". Overlooking that dispite the cancer he was in very good cardio condition and health until about a year before he died. I was actually only the cancer that slowed him down. His blood pressure was great, and his lipid profile, and that without medications.

So, I am not sure how I will deal with her and my own personal health struggles. I don't have medical coverage, so no medications to 'help'. I don't know how accurate is a nonfasting cholestrol reading, especially one that uses just a few drops of blood, and takes about 2 minutes. But its got my attention!

I am also about 40 years younger than her, so I have the potential for many, many years ahead of me, and I certainly don't want to have problems which could result from evelated cholestrol, especially if I can avoid it.

I know I have to just stand my ground, and kind of let what she has to say slide off a ducks back, however the saying goes. But she encourages these commununal meals for the family, and always makes enough for an army. She usually gets upset when things go to waste also. She also says that we are 'particular' about what we eat. Which is a pretty strange projection, considering I have been eating that stuff more often than I would like. Most of the meals are also dictated by what the grandchildren prefer, and what she prefers. Also what the brother inlaw prefers. It tends to be processed noodles, overcooked vegetables, and high fat animal products.

I have said all this before in various places on the forum. I guess its still ultimately my resposiblity. I just feel I need to vent, and find support, suggestions to help me do the right thing for myself. Maybe there is something in all this that my inlaw wants help in, but is having a hard time.

Mislu,

You really cannot rely on anything but a proper cholesterol workup from a doctor to know what your cholesterol level is. Just like if you really want an accurate assessment about the condition of your stride and feet, you can't go by just what the Dr. Scholl's kiosk at the Walgreen's tells you. You need to see a podiatrist, right? A diet high in foods that keep the liver functioning properly helps maintain proper cholesterol production. In any case, elevated cholesterol is not necessarily bad--it's the ratio of LDL/HDL/Triglycerides and other markers that give a precise picture of a problem. If you can eat mostly raw veg, if it's not an availability problem, please try to do so. This will help to keep you well. If you can find a community clinic to run a comprehensive cholesterol panel cheaply to put you mind at ease, think about doing so.

There is no reason for you to submit to bullying about food, which, by your description, appears to be what your m-i-l is doing to you. And she is doing this because she has an expectation that you will submit. Now, ask youself, why this is? Perhaps you feel beholden to her in some way? Perhaps it pleases your partner? Perhaps you feel it represents inclusivity? Whatever it is doesn't matter: no one has the right to tell you what you can and cannot put into your body. Read this again. You are an adult, and a sovereign one, and no one has the right to coerce or cajole you into eating something against you will.


A simple, polite way to handle any expression of displeasure with your particularness is to wait for a private moment between the two of you, and then to quietly state that you may eat what you please as long as it doesn't alter her diet. That is, gently point out that you are not telling her what to eat or not eat, and that you wish to be treated with the same courtesy. Don't allow it to become a dispute. Just walk away and let her think about it from this perspective. Likewise, a simple, polite way to handle mentioning of the deceased cancer patient husband is to quietly assert that many factors besides diet can result in cancer, overwhelming stress, for example. And then let it go, giving her the chance to think this over. Repeat these statements as necessary, and without any ill will, until your m-i-l gets the message. Good luck, dear.

Great advice, direct and to the point. Man do I have a headache.

I got news from her perception. Apparently she thinks I tried to pushed her into trying something new. I thought it was a good suggestion for something to help her heal from her neck fracture, but it turns out she thought I was doing the bullying, or something like that.

So, maybe in that one instance it might have seemed like me trying to dicate to her what to do or eat etc... But it wasn't without suggestion and her trying to think of ways to heal faster or better.

Mislu,

Maybe modeling your healthier way of doing things will sink into her thinking once she gets over the "otherness" of it all. A word: You say that she's depressed since her husband died--has she had a proper geriatric psych evaluation from her doctor? This is important.

tam seems to have everything I would have said covered, although probably put it better than I would have,hehe... oh except one thing *hugs*

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Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I don't know if she has had any psych evaluation. Family members have suggested it after she had some particularly bad interactions. She said she will be fine from now on because she knows she was being nasty. She cries from time to time, she wasn't doing that before,so who knows maybe shes getting in touch with her feelings. But yes, its been suggested, but its only up to her if she wants it or thinks she needs it.

ah, well it sounds like she is learning to cope better without being mean... so thats a good step in the right direction at least

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Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Gads, I realize now that its rather futile to criticize others for their health choices. I realize that she is just doing her best given her frame of reference.

I just have to start making choices that are better for me. It will be more critical because I don't have health coverage.


Tamukha
Getting a more complete blood panel sounds like great advice. According to the nurse my total cholestrol is high enough to where its impossible to have a good hdl/ldl ratio. I suppose there is always the possibility, but what I think she is saying is that its statistically impossible. For as high as it is, she knows that the hdl/ldl ratio is bad. If it were lower, or boarderline, there could be the possibility of something else.

One big problem is that people keep drumming the notion that low fat creates this special health that others cant achieve without it. High fat is bad for health but a moderate fat intake isnt and is healthy.

People are lazy sadly, they would rather take a pill than change there lifestyle, many just arent dedicated like most of us are in changing our health easily with diet and lifestyle changes. The pharmaceutical industry makes it easy for us to be lazy in our choices that in many cases theres a little white pill we can take to offset this symptom or that condition. But in most cases these pills end up causing more problems, side-effects and health conditions. In which case you end up needing another pill lol.

Powerlifter,
That is the difficulty. I am reducing the fat, and the amount of animal products in my diet. Its difficult to change, and constantly be aware. Also avoiding processed foods, sugar, white flour etc. Its amazing to me how once you start with little cheats it keeps expanding until its back to bad habits.

The other thing is I know sources of lipids are required. I have been trying to limit it to avocado, nuts etc. But i have some nonvegan stuff i am using up to transision to vegan as much as I can.