Hi everyone,

First an introduction so you know who i am. My name is Yari, 28 years young guy born in Finland but left that country for good 7 years ago it was never my home. Since then i've been living here in UK and also been traveling a lot in India, been there 6 times and love the country, culture and the people, maybe one day i'd like to live there. Also i've been a few times in Thailand mostly studying traditional Thai massage.

Then i want to share something of my past. For 27 years i was a virgin i didn't have sex with anyone. My childhood conditioning was very much against any pleasure in life in our home we never even talked about sex so of course i was carrying a lot of guilt and all kinds of stuff for many years. That is the biggest reason as a teenager i had so much depression and anxiety etc. But anyway moving on, last year here in London i got fed up and one day just went to meet a girl who was only looking for sex. So my first sexual experience was not based on emotions and it was actually confusing and almost scary. It happened only once with her i left London shortly after. Then i met another girl at the Osho community here in UK i told her what happened to me and she was very loving kind girl and we experimented with sex too. That was much better perhaps because there was a loving connection between us. Anyway it didn't last long she was actually living outside London and besides from that loving feeling there was nothing else really in common between us. Then i met another woman with whom i didn't really share any emotional connection it was only to experiment again. So in all my life i've only had 3 sexual partners.

Tantra interests me also. When i had sex with this girl i met at the Osho commune sometimes i would not ejaculate at all just feel very good AND not feel like my energy is depleted. In India i met one tantra teacher who told me i'm a natural tantrika if i can do this. According to Osho it is a neurotic idea you have to ejaculate but many people just can't handle all the energy and get scared then want to finish as quickly as possible. I've heard tantrik sex can last for hours and neither of the partners becomes tired they just gain more energy. Best book on the subject i've seen is by Osho "book of secrets" and unlike most books published in the west it is not only about sex. He actually explains the whole science very well.

Anyway sex does not feel so important for me, cuddling and hugging by itself feels so good to me and kissing is also nice. Contact improvisation dance is a good way to get my essential vitamin T (for touch) that i lack otherwise as many people here seem to confuse desire for cuddling as desire for sex. Also with yoga i can channel the sexual energy around the body sometimes while doing a good back bend i can physically feel some kind of warm energy moving from the base of my spine. Sometimes i've slept next to women friends and it feels very good like nurturing energy obviously they have felt my sexual energy is no danger to them and felt safe, some have actually told me this.

So i'm questioning myself sometimes maybe i'm asexual? All through my life i've always had a very easy natural connection with girls my best friends are all women. Somehow it is always a really hard struggle trying to connect with men. There was one interesting book i read "men are from Mars women from Venus" and it discussed the different ways our brains work and actually often my brain seems to work more like womens. So at one point i was thinking maybe by some accident i was born in a body of a man although otherwise i'm more like a woman. That would explain my lack of interest in sex.

Of course i know that on raw food diet naturally the sex drive is lower as the body is not giving alarm signals it will die like most people have this problem when they eat so-called normal diet. But even before i was raw food i've always had almost non-existing sex drive.

On one hand i would like to experiment more with sex but on the other hand i don't know exactly how to approach the subject. Of course being here in London i could meet some girl just for sex but the idea does not appeal to me. As i've experienced and other people have told me emotional connection is so important, especially for someone as sensitive like me. And most people in London seem to be quite cold and shallow how could i find someone who has a really good warm heart? People keep telling me some day it will happen but i've been waiting for that day and nothing is happening.

Any advice from you guys?

Hugs
Yari

im guessing this is gonna get moved down to the other health questions forum but anyhoo..

im curious where you got the idea that raw food diet naturally decreases sex drive. I personnally have not experienced this in fact , feeling a whole lot healthier and more confident as a result has resulted in the best sex of my life. Of course im in a loving committed relationship so that has alot to do with it too BUT ive definitely not decreased in sex drive because of being raw

as my sweet hubby says ... sex this good only happens when youre in love.

i beleive that

all i can say is if it doesnt feel good .. dont do it .

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Prem Yari,

Not feeling as home was also the reason I left my country.
Anyway, take a look of books by Mantak Chia. It gives you a great start in your journey. IMO Mantak's books are good start to look for more information but in the end he is a businessman.

Cheers,

MH

-----------------------
"I feel Smashing" by Wallace and Gromit :-)

I agree with Jgunn that this is probably not the right forum for this question, but since we are a bit smarter and more in touch with life (LOL), I can understand your reasoning.

Here are my remarks.

1. Sex drive can be channeled into other forms on energy, so a low sex drive may simply mean you channeled your energy into higher chakras.

2. Some people aren't intensely attracted to everyone because the have different standards and criteria. You evidently have a very narrow criteria. That's OK.

3. The idea of a male/female dichotomy is an oversimplification of reality. There are shades in between just like the rainbow. Some men are simply meant to be more feminine. They are still men . . . some woman are meant to be more masculine. They are still woman . . . how boring if all men looked and acted like Arnold Schwarzenegger and all woman like little fairies.

4. Keep waiting (and looking), you'll find the right person . . .

Peace

-Ryan



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/15/2007 08:23PM by ryandvan.

i don't think it's asexuality you're describing.
just a form of sexuality that is either unusual,
or simply not as marketable as most sex.

i was a virgin until i was 20, almost 21. and then i got married.

before that, i was a lot more like you,
i loved cuddling, the energy sharing
but didn't want the 'other stuff'
it was impure
and not right for me

i needed a true, deep and trusting relationship to really give myself
open up and keep the channels open
safely
for me.

and i always got along better with men
had more in common
(when reading the books,
and writing, that i was more masculine.
had many people think my poetry was so as well.
i've very much a nurturing mother sort though.)

i wouldn't worry about this at all
i would continue seeking
learning
growing
and waiting
if sex/relationships are supposed to come
they will, naturally
and comfortably

be yourself
be true to who you know you are
and whatever is meant to be
will
be

peace-

Raw food = SEXY!

Look more into what your nutritional needs are, then eat the raw foods that provide those. Eating foods you love, makes endorphins, so eat raw food that makes you go yummm! If your raw food experience is drudgery and not enjoyable bliss, you won't have all those happy chemicals in your brain, making you feel sexy & joyful. I know over weight people who are very sexy & probably because they eat things that taste yummy... but then the lack of self esteem can come back and bite them in the butt.

Excercising is good for sex drive and a natural antidepressant.

Being healthy emotionally & mentally of course is most important, regardless of how healthy you eat.

You also may be a feelings type of a guy, who needs to feel a connection with someone, to feel sexual chemistry.

Just because you are not ready to rock n roll with just any girl, doesn't indicate a low sex drive. If the chemistry is there, then look out



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/15/2007 08:55PM by Rawrrr!.

I really think Ryan put out some GREAT points there


Honestly I can't quite figure out what sort of advice you are seeking? whether to be more 'normal' or not?

I think if your body is in a state of healing, sex drive will certainly decrease. I for one believe that what we commonly express as a sex drive is an artifical need for love from without, usually accomanied by chemical stimulants in the body acting in unison. Perhaps your body was already inteligent enough to reserve its energy in some way, or perhaps you are just one of those rare-birds who finds love within himself/herself, or truly is waiting for the right person. I certainly WAS NOT that type heh

another thing to think about is since you approached sex from a conscious, adult perspective. you would certainly be bringing these more philosophical issues to the table then for someone whose relationship to sex started much earlier, without that kind of consciousness. so that explains these kind of ponderings of asexuality etc...

as for looking for the perfect partner..its probably also important with the consciousness you are involved in, to not judge people as being 'cold or shallow', perhaps there is an opportunity to teach what you know, not to find the skilled parter althought I can see that inclination LOL.

Yari,

Keep working on yourself. That is, continue to raise your awareness of habits and patterns your mind uses to keep you out of intimate/loving/sexual relationships, and see if you can let go of these habits that hinder your heart's desire.

Spend less time sleeping with women who are not interested in having sex with you, and more time with women who are interested.

Watch your language. You say you have lack of interest, yet your post indicates interest. If you truly had lack of interest, your current situation would not require advice.

If you want to have more interesting sex, try doing it when your partner is ovulating. The energies at this particular time in a woman's cycle are quite delicious. If you can tap into the ovulation energy, you may find your indifference towards sex will change.

Bryan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If you want to have more interesting sex, try
> doing it when your partner is ovulating. The
> energies at this particular time in a woman's
> cycle are quite delicious. If you can tap into the
> ovulation energy, you may find your indifference
> towards sex will change.

hhaha this is cool , ive had a hystorectomy since 2002 , but im still having false cycles ..kinda like ghost limbs for people that have had legs arms etc cut off

in animals they call this false heat

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Haha jodi you are soo funny...
bryan way to go lol..tell him how to work his way into ladies hearts and energy

and Mama cass i too like you always got along well with the guys..when i moved out to cali i lived with 5 guys and no girls because i could never live with that many girls haha too much craziness...but i just like guys and their company and the way they are worried about if i put enough product in my hair so my natural curls worked that day or if i matched my eyeshadow perfectly to my outfit..or straightened all the kinks out of my head..ahah they are there to hang out and have fun....but i am the mothering type and very much a girlie girl haha and Yeri you are probably more into the deeper conversations girls tend to have and more sensitive side and that is great!! a wonderful quality to have...so dont worry i think you are just fine
things will work themselves out!!!!
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

Sometimes I see people wait for sex or be with one person. Like Chi gathering, it can be very powerful.

Food can block energy. Since I've been raw I've had like waves up my pelvis...very shaky kind of energy...and a little scary at times. The cleaner I am the better.

Sometimes I think "wierd" people were simply given a gift of another life experience. Humans can be very different from one another, just by life experience. Perhaps you have something to offer because of your uniqueness.

I myself don't know how to meet people, and I have some pretty radical politics, but you can know if your connected to someone- doesn't have to be perfect. Observe the timing.

Love, love and attraction, intimacy (sharing your inner self) is what you are looking for.

Try a couple different interesting groups of people that meet at certain times for an activity you really enjoy and you will find a girl you are attracted to. You want to open yourself to the possiblity of finding someone special, to share a true intimacy with and to have a loving sexual life with. Don't close yourself off by believing the whole of England does not have any warm,loving women. I'm positive they do!

You can read and believe what you will, but biology is not so hard to understand, boy meets girl, they fall in love, they marry or whatever, they pro-create. There's a reason boy meets girl, falls in love, and pro-create..'cause it's part of your biology. Your free-will helps to create the kind of loving relationship you want.

Holding back on sexual gratification seems to me may be part of how you were brought up, "withholding" being the key word.

Let loose, enjoy sex for what it is, and make your next relationship one of mutual intimacy and sexual gratification.

Love,
Prism



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/10/2007 04:00PM by Prism.