Whenever my husband eats meat and dairy he acts strangely - he sort of hides it from my view. I never look at or scrutinize his food choices. I am very careful to be sensitive about this area. I never react in any way towards what he is eating. I do read alot of books about food and am always trying new and *strange* things. I am also interested in herbal healing and am constantly discovering and trying new herbs. I hardly talk to him about food and herbs, but when I occasionally do he says I am obsessed with it and thats all I want to talk about - which is not true at all. He does like the food I make. We went to a vegan potluck at an animal sanctuary where there was a talk partially about the treatment of livestock animals. My husband said he had to do a few things for his work and had to miss it (he waited outside), but I almost think he wasn't ready to absorb the truth about animals. Part of him knows it's pretty horrific. He adores animals. He was touched and clearly felt empathy towards the animals at the farm, so I guess this information is very difficult to take in if one is not prepared to give up meat. I feel like I am walking on eggshells a little surrounding the issue of food. How should I handle it?

I have been vegetarian for about ten years and the kids are also. My husband has eaten less and less meat since then and way less since being high raw. I don't think it is his goal to give it up but he loves animals and he believes it isn't healthy. It is an addiction for him. He got really sick with indigestion after eating his belated all you can eat seafood dinner this weekend. I don't think he will ever want to eat that again. It has been a slow evolution for him.

How long have you been vegan?

I think you should ask him how you can make him feel more comfortable about the differences in your diets, without changing your diet or quashing your own enthusiasm about becoming healthier. If it is easier, you can write it in a letter and ask him to reply in the way he feels more comfortable. I think you should tell him you have felt like you needed to walk on eggshells around diet with him.

Remember your diet choices are not his and even though it might be frustrating in the ways it affects your marriage, he is not obligated to eat like you.

I have been vegetarian since I was twelve (I am 26), vegan for about 5 years, nearly raw for a couple of years, completely raw for a couple of months (no going back). I have never tried to influence the way he eats. I think he projects it onto me because he might feel slightly uncomfortable about it himself, yet he isn't ready to give it up.

<<< I think he projects it onto me because he might feel slightly uncomfortable about it himself, yet he isn't ready to give it up. >>>

I bet you're right. I don't know if I would tell him that though. If you are right he will come around in his own time and it will be for the right reasons.

I wrote a great response to your other thread about it being easier for women in society to be vegan but it was lost in cyber space . I like that topic.

pakd4fun - Too bad it was lost.

Hi Joanne..
I think that for myself, people are uncomfortable eating differently due to the fact that they are friends with me, and that my abstaining from what they are choosing to eat carries a natural implication of dislike for it. I don't think you need to say anything, the fact that you are the way you are is statement enough. Maybe you just need to have a good open chat with him and let him know clearly that you don't mind what he eats, it might need to be verbalised and even reiterated from time to time ?

I used to get that with my family a little, in relation to eating cooked food. I think it went away when I made it clear that it was OK by me, and it lets them feel relaxed about it when they are aware of this. On the other hand, there are people I know of who think that my food choices are fairly nuts, and are ready to flaunt their differences. So I think that sharing similar dietary values probably compounds it by adding a "guilt" factor, which is all their own... you just happen to be the reminder.

It supprises me to learn of conscientious people who are also meat eaters though. I can understand it when the person is quite dense spiritually... angry or greedy etc. But when it is someone who is compassionate or kind etc, it just seems real weird to me, that they have not cognised with the fact that the life force present within the animals that they are eating, is the same as the life force within themselves.

Or at least connected with the fact that to eat them means you must first inflict lethal harm upon another life. Like.. have any of them looked into the animals eyes when it is being killed, or is it always a case of detachment from the reality of their actions. Either way, I think it is quite limited to have consideration toward humans, and not spare a thought for the other living things on the planet. Quite a dichotomy.

Most animal products have some sort of substance that makes it as addictive as coffee, chocolate, sugar, smoking ect. So it's not a philosophical choice IMHO, just an addictive one.

When one of our beloved cats died, and we were so upset, I tried to impress on my husband how his pet dying, and people killing and eating any other animal or insect in the world, is the exact same thing. Like -- If you're so upset about your pet dying, how can you condone torturing, killing and eating another animal. (I'm not explaining this well, I know.)

But he still eats animals because he has to feed his ego first, of course. His ego likes and wants to eat meat, so he's going to eat meat.

I was working with a couple of women who thought that dogs and cats go to heaven after they die while munching on bacon cheeseburgers.

I have to say that this cognitive disconnect drives me insane. Especially when they have in their midst a very healthy youthful long-term vegan.