ha ha, no i didn't mean getting nakie!
i meant posting things that make you feel vulnerable, that leave you open to judgement and criticism. sometimes i feel like this is a community of my people. we don't all always get along but i've been coming here for a long time and have found many kindred spirits and people whose words i respect and cherish. i've had times of revelation, of illumination or working through my own stuck spots by hammering things out with both encouragement and oposition.
but today i wanted to post something and i felt, i dunno, not safe to do so. i guess the recent tone in some of the threads on the main forum has felt so unforgiving to me. very harsh, not taking people's essential humanness into consideration. like people are being held up to some ideals, judged and found wanting. it's threatening to think of that being turned around on me. funny that, i don't usually shy away from conflict and i generally feel very secure with myself. must be something with the planets tonight.

anyhow, here's my issue. please don't feel sorry for me or anything, it's only temporary and will resolve itself soon. i'm not feeling terrible about it, i just found it curious.
here goes.

we moved recently and that combined with a series of other events has left me really, really broke. i mean right into the overdraft, both credit cards maxed out (don't worry, the max is very low), no cash, zero bank balance, AND i haven't gone shopping in a while so you can imagine what is happening in my fridge.
i feel a little silly about this because there is still an abundance in my kitchen, a veritable feast compared to most people around the world, but we have much less fruit than usual and no salad.

anyhow, i have things soaking to sprout on the counter (i managed to kill a whole jar of lentil sprouts. i forgot about them and drowned them, boo hoo!) and i've been rummaging around in the cupboards using up staples, making soup etc. it's not a great diet for us right now, i mean still very healthy but not up to my standards at all. lots of grains which i don't think are all that healthy, certainly not in large quantities. i've never been big on bread, rice, pasta and the like BUT i made some quinoa tonight and i can't stop eating it! this is actually the point of my post. the quinoa is so good, i really love it. why isn't it this tasty when it's sprouted? and why do i like it so much? it's not because it's a grain because i don't like those in general so what gives? i could eat the whole pot of this stuff. it's got some red onion and celery in it and a bit of salt but nothing fancy. i'm mad about it!

anything you feel like confessing? hmm?

coco--
(Love your openness and honesty. In my book, this type of vulnerability is a great thing.) I think we all are doing extraordinarily well and we need to encourage and praise each other.

Confession time: I can't even bring grains or starchy things into my house because if I were to cook up a pot of rice or quinoa I'd just keep eating it. I think it's a common problem. There's something tantalizing about starchy grains that turns the taste buds on and it's hard to shut them down.

Every now and then Jonathan and I sometimes have little cash flow problems too (I'm a musician, he's on disability); it's fun getting creative with what's in the refrigerator and I usually end up realizing how much we really have.

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

use your current situation as a learning experience which sounds like you are already i get "poor" too. this month i put my mortgage, cell phone bill, and school uniforms on a credit card cuz i couldn`t afford to take it out of the main account. hubby`s work is of the independent nature and sometimes we`ll have an abundance of cash flow and sometimes we`re living skimming the bottom of the pot ya know? so i get your situation and i know this too shall pass and i keep my gratitude journal open and before i know it have an abundance again

i LOVE quinoa. i mix it with onion, garlic, and cilantro....i could eat a whole pot of it. last night i made a huge baked potato and i really enjoyed it. most of my meals are raw and i know i`m eating quite healthily and if the worst i do is quinoa and garlic and a baked tater once in a blue moon i think i`m ahead of the game. i have always been known as a rebel anyways so i`m living up to my rep LOL

i love your thoughts coco and you`re a fabulous person. i too feel very connected
on the board...same like minded peeps ya know? i appreciate your honesty
patty

thanks guys.

right now i have a tremendous belly ache. i imagine i would like it less if my belly was aching with hunger though, you know? i feel blessed to have it filled. and to most often have my own choice of what to fill it with? wow, i'm a lucky duck.

xo, and goodnight. gotta sleep this grain and root vegetable stupor off now cheers.

I had quinoa yesterday too!!! I had a huge craving. I am so proud of myself for indulging a craving for quinoa instead of a taco or burger (veggie). I was so stuffed for hours.

I am sorry you felt less than completely supported here. I hope I am not a reason for that feeling. I wish I could invite you to share a fruit feast with us . I am so lucky as we haven't had really hard financial times in a long while. My husband worries that we don't have savings while I feel so rich, always having more than just the necessities. I grew up often getting the utilities turned off and eating beans for weeks at a time. As a child I never minded being poor but as a parent it can be very stressful. Please feel free to PM me if ever you like. You are so loved!!!

hug?
>'o'<

Hi coco,

A couple thoughts --

As far as exposing ourselves on here, we all do it, and it's okay, because nobody knows who we are -- hehe. (Except the government.) If only we could edit or delete our posts, it would make us feel much more in control.

As for your financial situation right now -- I remember just after you had your baby you had said you had been working at a bank and were on maternity leave, and I was thinking -- oh, no, I hope you don't have to go back to work and leave your baby. So I don't know what happened, but the point is -- you need to be home to take care of your baby, not go out to work and leave your baby. Don't feel guilty about not going out to work. Whatever you have to do to be able to take care of her yourself until she's in school. If there was something you could do from home to make money, that would be great -- but I'm sure you already have been trying to think of everything like that. Do you have a Craigslist for where you live that there may be situations that could work for you?

Also, handling our finances is very interesting. I often read on the MSN Money site or Suze Ormann articles, etc., and the discussion boards, and it's amazing how so many people (mostly women, I think) are able to get themselves out of debt and/or live on a very small income.

And it is possible for someone to have a reaction to gluten if they hadn't eaten any in a week or so. Although quinoa is gluten-free. I wouldn't worry about eating gluten-free grains that much right now. Just do whatever you have to. Thank goodness the RFD helps us to be the best we can when the going is tough.

I hope everything gets better for you from here on out.

Lois

thanks so much, i wish the kids and i could come for a visit too. and i never feel unsupported by you, that isn't your nature. mildly challenged at times for sure and that is the best feeling. you're a good friend.

things are looking up today, i have an influx of grocery assistance that is much needed and appreciated. and i took a look at my budget again too, it looks ok. i should be able to manage some debt reduction so long as i keep our food costs low. that means more cooked food but i can live with that for a while. i am so lucky that little loves my veggie soup. he calls it "awesome delicious amazing" especially if there is plenty of green. i toss shredded kale, chard and such in at the very end so it's not too cooked at all.

cheers all!

lois, thanks for your words. i have been resisting going back to work for as long as possible. i have some income but not much and there isn't a lot of opportunity for earning where i'm living, i haven't got a ton of free time yet anyhow. little is home for the summer, of course, and the small girl is still nursing and very attached to mama. i'm making it work, renting inexpensively from a family member, my mom shops for groceries at a super cheap place in the states and brings it over here, and there is a lot of local produce here at the moment. we're doing alright. i think of all the mamas in the world with no roof over their head, no clean water and not enough food to feed their babies and i count my blessings.
we're ok.

i think the thing about feeling vulnerable comes from respecting and caring about the opinion of many of the people here. it does matter to me on some level what we think of eachother here and i find that it is very easy to be thoughtless about feelings in this distant sort of format. this has been a good lesson to me personally about the impact my words may have. it's easy/lazy to just type it out plain and simple when a little finnesse might actually go a long way, know what i mean? something for me to think about anyhow.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/14/2008 04:54PM by coco.

i think the thing about feeling vulnerable comes from actually respecting and caring about the opinion of many of the people here. it does matter to me on some level what we think of eachother. i find that it is very easy to be thoughtless about feelings in this distant sort of format, to forget how our words may feel like to read. we don't have a human being in front of us with their emotions on their face, just this cold hard screen and a set a keys.
this has been a good lesson to me personally about the impact my words may have. it's easy/lazy to just type it out plain and simple when a little finnesse might actually go a long way, know what i mean? something for me to think about anyhow.

hi coco

i don't know what is more taboo to talk about at times

food

or

finances

they both have thorns for many different reasons

they are both very revealing into the way we are all very connected
fragile yet strong

yet the rose with the most thorns are the most fragrant ( so i hear

i think we are all like roses

we are all every single one of us very vulnerable to being cut down in a single fell swoop no matter WHO we are ( just look at 911, the tsunami, the earthquakes etc.)
but we also shine exceedingly
and wonderfully

when we are in a state of gratitude

i am impressed by how sincerely you count your blessings

You people are all very cool.. and if you lived in my country I'd call you all family. Not that I don't anyway just that if you were over here it could be more interactive.

We are in your country of Earth.

Knowing how fragile we all are feels liberating.

Your post makes me feel liberated, LaV. I have noticed the healthiest roses with all the thorns have the most beautiful fragrance.

coco,

I have been sending positive energy to you. I hope you feel it.

Your friend,
Pakd

i DO!! and good things are happening too. thanx.

Coco, I've found your honesty and frankness quite refreshing - not just in this particular thread - though sometimes I have to sit and chew on your words for a second and a half! ;} Then I usually realise that we are cut from the same cloth - that of keeping an open mind, examining everything and making the decision that most resonates with you. I much admire your willingness to be open and true to yourself; most of the time, unfortunately, I don't feel safe enough to post a lot of the comments that I would like to myself...

Anyhoo, I just wanted to say that I'm sending all the love and good vibes that I can your way. I hope that your situation improves quickly; I've been in some dastardly situations myself! Many, many blessings to you!

thanks. those are my best posters too, the ones that make me think about myself.
thanks for the vibes guys. we've been having a terrific day!

hey coco

sending you three joylets
two for the littles
and one for you !

enjoy

u have to close your eyes to see them
i'm sure that you could make the real ones though
the first one has purple hair ( for the boy)
the other one has green emerald hair ( for the baby girl)
the next one has multi colored hair of auburn and gold for you

i saw the joylets that you made on the craft website
they are SO COOL

nifty! do they have eyes like these?

[ooakguild.com]

cool eyes.

I can see the joylets too!

this fall i am going to go craft making crazy! i have so many supplies and i can already feel the inspiration brewing! it's gonna be wild man, i can tell already.

<<nifty! do they have eyes like these?>>

close but not quite

one has gazelle auburn eyes
the other has eyes like pure mint
and lastly the emerald hair one has shining onyx eyes


can't wait to see what other fantasia-joylet creatures u will be creating!!

VIVA LA IMAGINACION!!

VIVA COCO!!