I've just gone through a major life change (becoming a mom) and am having difficulty dealing with the major change in identity. Pre-baby, I guess I identified with the Child, and now I'm supposed to automatically be the Mother. I would like to learn how to be both. I am surprised and saddened by the way I'm treated, post-baby... as if all my value as a person (in other words, value as a woman. in other words, my sexual attractiveness.) is null now that I am seen with a baby in tow. I am disturbed by the realization that the reason the world treated me so well before was that I was a presumably available young female. I am disturbed that I am now presumed to be no longer young, attractive, available, interesting, adventurous, lively, creative, or anything other than a nurturing, pristine madonna-figure. I would like to be a great parent, while holding onto the interesting and valuable aspects of my pre-baby self. Any other parents interested in forming a discussion group focusing on these topics?

Breastfeed in public and you'll get the type of attention you miss

hey bringonthchaos, im so sorry you are feeling this way or feel like people are making you feel this way, its something you should definitely get together with some people and talk out ... post partum depression can get ugly and best to get things off your chest (not in public Lois LOL !!!!) so you dont get overwhelmed

if you dont find what you are looking for here for support you can check

[www.meetup.com]

and put in your zip code and find local people you can hook up with and talk too ..its a great site ive already found several dozen meetups ive gone too talk about with people things that resonate with me from apple trees to zoology

you can find just about something im sure

and Lois .. lol yeap that would get alot of attention LOL!

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

The things that seem like your reality now will constantly be changing. The woman you perceive yourself to be and the one that others perceive you as, will be different in a year and in two years. In five years you will be such a different person. You will be amazed at the roller coaster ride children will bring. Let worry go, sit back and enjoy the ride. Remember, sexuality comes from within. Maybe you are adjusting to the idea that you are so much more now than all the things you were before your baby came.

i have breastfed in public for 5 years of my life collectively so far and it has NEVER "gotten" me that kind of attention, that's an absolutely disgusting attitude. i dare any man, or any ONE for that matter, to say word one to me or give me any kind of look while i feed my child. boy, they'd get more than an eyeful, that's for sure! it's that kind of rotten attitude that discourages so many new mothers from breastfeeding at all and that results in less healthy, less well adjusted, less intelligent children. this society needs to Embrace the natural processes of childbirth and childrearing if we going to heal what ails us as a culture. as jeanine parvati baker used to say, we can "heal the earth by healing birth". nothing mama related should be treated like a taboo in any way as that is supremely unhealthy.

i think there is a reason that you aren't treated like a sexual human being when your babies are little and that's because nature does not intend you to be overtly sexual at that time. it is the time for focussing on baby only, for nuturing and nourishing and lavishing that small one with all the attention you've got. it changes FAST, believe me. and then you look back and yearn for those lovely days of mama~baby loving. it's not wise to mate again right now, if you were to get pregnant it would divert so much energy from your baby (i realize that you can use protection but nature doesn't take that into account. from an evolutionary stand point human babies have a greater chance of survival if mom doesn't conceive too soon and that means lessened sexual drive and sometimes lessened attractiveness as well).

you know, i'm good with it. in fact, i get uncomfortable when dudes check me out right now (baby is 16 months). i'm not ready for that. i've spent so much of my life engaged in that male female dynamic, it feels great just to have a Break for a while. just to be mama, a woman who is a mother. that sparkly sexual energy will show itself again but hopefully not for a while yet. this is my second baby and i know how fast this precious time goes so i'm loving up every moment of it and making it last for as long as i can. you turn around and they are off to school. it's so fast, don't pave the way with regrets for the past or you will end up regreting the time you waste now. i felt like i could never, ever go back to the way things were but then again, i didn't want to. i am different now. and things will change again and again. mostly i think it's all pretty fun.

bringonthechaos,

Hmmm... in the past I thought of becoming a young, attractive, available, interesting, adventurous, lively and creative guy (exactly like what you said... except that I'm a guy). But then... I feel that it's more like a burden to me in order to acieve such goal. So I looked around when I was at places such as supermarket where it's crowded with people, I noticed that there are so many gorgeoues males and females around me and there's virtually not going to have any differences with one extra gorgeous guy existing in this world. So I began to let go of the idea of wanting to be a good-looking guy. Let everyone else be as physically attractive as they want and I'll just be myself. Anyway it's not a crime and nobody is going to arrest me for not being handsome. It doesn't matter if the world loses another person with attractive appearance and at the same time I feel... free.

Just my opinion.

All the Best,
Wong

coco and blue that that was beautiful

True beauty lies within. You are more than a sex object; you are a goddess with that new life you have just brought forth! Revel in your goddesshood!!! And read LaV's thread on self-love. It is beautiful!!!

Coco,

I breastfed in public, I was proud to do it. I think it is terrible and wrong when women go hide in a bathroom to feed their baby. I know Lois was only making a joke. It is true that many (most) men felt uncomfortable with it. Society needs get comfortable with women's sexuality. It was the most ridiculous thing in the world to watch men, family men, not be able to sit comfortably while I fed my babies, my father-in-law for goodness sake. Men worship boobs and then are in fear of them when they are doing the most wonderful job they are made to do, feeding a baby! Cy and I were just talking about societies screwed up sexuality last night.

I absolutely loved the rest of your post. If there is one thing I could say to new parents it would be about how time flies and phases always pass too quickly. The only way you will ever feel like a new mother again is to have another baby. That is how precious this time is. You articulated it nicely.

All the movie stars are still considered sexy even after they have kids.

bringonthechaos

maybe u don't feel that men are paying as much attention to you upon finding out that you are a mom because:

they assume you have a husband/spouse/boyfriend and don't wish to be disrespectful

makes sense to me

If i see a man who is holding a baby, I usually don't gush a bunch of attention on him , flirt or strike up a long conversation cuz I just assume his wife is just around the corner and I'm no fool

That doesn't mean that he is unattractive, uncreative, unintelligent or whatever...



It just means that I am showing respect.