Cyclopsale--
What Kwan said. You are in a really great place of growth, even though it doesn't seem like it at the time. I have seasons in my life where this mindset permeates everything, and seasons where my psyche is not so heavy with questioning. I find it quite beautiful, in a painful sort of way, because when you go through these seasons enough, you start to look forward to the growth that you KNOW is going to happen (not that it is fun, because it is not). I've been going through it a lot lately too -- I moved across the country two and a half years ago to a place that was COMPLETELY foreign to me. The first year my older daughter (20 at the time) went through a lot of bad stuff that I was not able to help her with. She had to grow a lot, and it was painful for both of us. This year my mom got really sick, my grandma died, my sister almost died and is struggling mightily with addiction to migraine medicine, and my daughter has had many physical problems -- she is raising two kids by herself, so it is tough for her. All this has been hard because the only support I can lend is over the phone. I still have mixed feelings about being on the east coast, so far away from what has always been and still feels like my home. I feel psychologically restless and don't like it a bit, so I have to look forward to the growth. I share personal things about myself so maybe you can be encouraged, and it just helps to "get it out". At any rate, know that you are not alone in your struggle.

>I think it is great that we share this perspective<

Me too, Lightform! We're riding the same wave. :-)

Sharrhan:


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This is a very cool thread.. appropriately titled and patronised. I think it's great to have one like this going in amoung all the negative stuff. IMO the only way to peace is by creating peace more, not resisting that which it is not.

Thank y'all for the posts, I think I have learned from them, in an indirect way, and I think that they were very useful. In not knowing, I really don't feel afraid, taking today for example... I was actually quite happy going through my thoughts and contemplating my self; I have always enjoyed searching myself for answers, even if I don't answer back immediately; it is difficult, but I feel that questions, by necessity, have answers, otherwise, there would be no question to ask... And I love searching for answers. It's the most difficult puzzle of all. But I think starting within myself is a good start. And I agree, with what y'all said about this being a great place for growing. I understand this. I see that growing comes, only when there is room to grow, from necessity. Sometimes we block that growth, believing that we are complete and whole, ready to bear fruit for the world to enjoy, and I believed that I had come to this point. But I now understand that I was mistaken. I must grow much more, maybe even cut a few limbs and change some soil. I do believe I am on the right path though. I just need to look at that path more clearly, with my own eyes. I am not blind, I do not need a seeing-eye dog. I can see that path if only I do open my eyes. I must let that dog go. I must lead, instead of following. I don't think it is very difficult... but then again, I haven't actually gone that far before. There are many questions I must ask. I can't wait. I wish I could just ask them all at once. lol But even asking the right questions takes deep thought and an even deeper dig into the bottom most depths of the mind. I must go down into the crevices of the earth, into the molten layers, into the core. That inner core. I need a quite large shovel and a good appetite to sustain me for my journey. lol I believe that one day I will reach the core, then I can come back to the surface and pick a nice juicy apple from my tree. I can just taste it now. Delicious!
I agree with your last post Lightform... I really do prefer the company of pleasure instead of anger and rudeness. When coming into this forum, truthfully, I was a little naive in thinking that I could have a good healthy and friendly debate. I now see that even I can get the best of my true desires. I want to be free in every aspect of the word freedom for my very being. And in getting so heated as I did (I don't know if y'all could tell; I tried to keep my posts as impersonal as possible) I simply made myself a puppet to my beliefs, instead of a crafter of words, effortlessly creating the truth that is what I believe. So I will say as my final words for tonight... I love freedom!

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and also

I VOTED!!!!!!

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