yea i know its quite ludicrous lol

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Oh well, one thing about having an addict in the family: Life is never boring!

Gosh, a tractor!

that is like stealing a whale out of the ocean

well, okay.. not quite

but still...

he's kind of an ambitious pilferer

Jgunn Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ... the little bit i spoke about well the people there told me
> you know you cant control this situation..

>
> i think he is getting tired of this happening , my
> hubby also told him that i suspect his son is
> pushing his mom around, he didnt say much but just
> digested the information
>
> weve decided we are gonna get the mom an dad
> together and have dinner with them and spill our
> guts on how we feel about the whole situation and
> how its tearing everyone apart and how eddie is
> playing us all against each other. we need to
> get united.
>
> my hope is we all come away united .. crossing my
> fingers , toes, ears

You stated a crucial component of what is needed at this stage.
People who are addicts as well as those with some psychiatric disorders are master manipulators. One of the ways they employ this tactic is by playing one side against the other, and unfortunately they can be very charming and convincing if the ones they are dealing with either don't know them well enough or worse, display the least bit of denial of the reality or other weakness that can be exploited. Being firm and consistently showing a united front will go a long way to let the addict know that the behavior is not acceptable nor will be tolerated in the family, and, if s/he chooses to continue with this lifestyle, so be it, but it will have to carried on elsewhere.

Wishing you vibrant health

the dude is a drama queen

he should have his own soap opera

Plot: Guy who steals tractors and chain saws is also a threat against his own parents. The entire world revolves around him and modifies their lives bending backward to try and help him. Guy remains angry and addicted, happily enjoying all the myriads of ways the world seems to cater to his juvenile ways. He wonders how long he can get away with this. Pleading insanity seems to be paying mucho dividends.

You're right LaV.

He learned it from his parents. They are all in the lead role in their own dramatic movie.

I refuse to do that with my family. I like my life to be more of a romantic comedy. When I realized my sister liked being the victim of my brother's addictions and telling me about it again and again was part of what she liked about it, I quit hanging out with her. My other sister does it with my mom. I rarely see them at all now. I am much more at peace. It is nice to learn to allow other people make their own choices, and allow yourself the freedom to choose to stay out of their drama.

Hey Jgunn

<<romantic comedy>> LOL

yeah, well... I guess everyone's life is a drama after all irregardless

i guess its also a choice whether or not one wishes to get involved in another person's channel

i personally like to pick up the remote control and push "off" when someone tries to use and manipulate me to cater to their own irresponsible behaviour

i like to stop it in its tracks

in that way, i have more time to smell the apples and eat strawberries

instead of spending my time, energy and resources cleaning up after a grown up baby

Kise hun you are so right he learned his bad behavior from the very people (parents) that he is now torturing. This goes back kindergarten and eddie pushing his way around and getting away with it, being spoiled, both parents really not being around due to financial responsibilities and when they were being too exhausted to exact proper boundries and consequences , too easy to just give in to the demands

i had a really good talk tonight with father in law, not much was said but i talked about this guy we'll call him "freddie" (really talking about eddie lol) and well freddie has been playing this game for 30 years now and doesnt want to change and well pa , some people just cant be saved

and bless his heart with just a little bit of water in his eye , he agreed some people cant be saved

i really think my gentle coaxing is coming around it may take many more months but i think there will be light for at least some of us at the end of this dark tunnel

motherinlaw is a harder nut to crack she doesnt realize de-nile is a river in egypt , but i keep calling a spade a spade with her and i hope she clicks sooner than later

i agree LaV i really try in my life not to let anyone manipulate situations where im concerened

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

It's crazy how people screw up their kids so much by ignoring them.

My mom pretended we didn't have problems so she could ignore them and us. If the problems became unavoidable, she would lash out at us, as if to push problems away, and bury her head in the sand.

It's funny how different people come out of a childhood like that. Some come out really strong because of it and some come out unable care for themselves. We all have a choice.

I am sorry your in-laws are paying such a high price for the choices they made.

>Some come out really strong because of it and some come out unable care for themselves. We all have a choice.<

I think there may be one more layer of complexity to it: it's been found that people who had at least ONE loving caregiver have a much better chance of finding healing and being able to have healthy intimate relationships in their adult lives. If both parents or caregivers are unloving, absent and/or abusive, it's much harder. Not impossible, but requiring a lot more tenacity, ingenuity and courage. If you have never known love, how do you choose love? Your brain tells you that love involves anxiety, pain and abuse, and only through an often long and painful learning curve do the lucky ones learn how to undo the programming.

Just purely anecdotally, I've noticed something in many of my friends who had really traumatic childhoods: Most of the very strong ones have also built up a wall against pain. So they're strong and resilient, yes, but they're also insulated against closeness and the possibility of being hurt again. Those who are weaker and more 'soft'-- often with more obvious signs of neurosis, anxiety and depression-- are more willing to reach out and give of themselves, but they are likely to have trouble discerning suitable friends and love interests, so they often pay a high price emotionally. They can learn, however, through trial and error, but it might take a long, long time to build trust and retool the damaged neural pathways and memory channels.

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/29/2009 02:07AM by kwan.

kwan

<< Most of the very strong ones have also built up a wall against pain. So they're strong and resilient, yes, but they're also insulated against closeness and the possibility of being hurt again. Those who are weaker and more 'soft'-- often with more obvious signs of neurosis, anxiety and depression-- are more willing to reach out and give of themselves, but they are likely to have trouble discerning suitable friends and love interests, so they often pay a high price emotionally. They can learn, however, through trial and error, but it might take a long, long time to build trust and retool the damaged neural pathways and memory channels.>>


hmmmmm.... ain't life grand !!!

>hmmmmm.... ain't life grand !!! <

Sure is, LaV! Life is precious, no matter what weird or unplesant experiences one is having. And I'm trying to learn, each time I encounter someone who seems like they're screwed up or behaving badly, to remember that that's just a temporary appearance. It's hard to impersonalize people's idiosyncracies and choose to see the pure light of divine consciousness shining through them instead, but I suspect it's one sure way we can help those around us who are in trouble.

I have a stepson who's incredibly nasty and downright abusive toward his father, and I periodically slip up and get really angry about his insensitivity and meanness. I don't feel close to him anymore, because he's just hurt his dad's feelings too much. But deep down inside, I know he's got some deep hurt of his own that is causing him to push everyone away. I suspect his time in the Army as a Ranger in Somalia and on other high risk assignments (he's almost died about 9 times) might have created an anxiety disorder.

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

hmmmm good point kwan

there is a lot more to the surface than is apparent

it takes time and sometimes a lot of courage

to go underneath and find the light

but its there

i believe it

hey folks a bit of an update

ive been seeing a counselor by myself to deal with things , just someone to talk to really that doesnt have anything to do with anything

sometimes its nice to just dump on someone lol even if it costs you money lol

my hubby today confronted *momma* and after 2 hours and several buckets of tears really no more ahead but at least she know how he feels and he told her by no means or anything will he allow this abuse to continue and with or without her cooperation he is going to get his brother moving in a forward direction or hes out on his own

im not sure how hes gonna do this yet lol but hes taking a stand .. and honestly i think his mom is waiting for the white knight to ride up and save the day

so i guess we will see what goes from here

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Jodi,

I hope this all resolves itself peacefully. Great husband you have there, you lucky thing : )

It sounds like you are dealing with it in the best way possible.

Your husband sounds great!

Thanks for the update. I have been thinking about you.

jgunn:

<<im not sure how hes gonna do this yet lol but hes taking a stand .. and honestly i think his mom is waiting for the white knight to ride up and save the day>>

well... uh.... the white knight?
hmmmmm.... "save the day"?

another hmmmmmm....

suffice to say that those who save themselves automatically liberate others

in some way shape or form

that is why i love people who are on the path of self improvement
those who help themselves
always inspire me

jodi

cool thing u went and got some help
u fruit tree planting ninja , you!!

"suffice to say that those who save themselves automatically liberate others"

Nice words, LaV!

hey pakd

thanks

the funny thing is that some of the people who inspire me the most ... i have never ever met them and some are not even alive ( they are figure that were before my time)

but they STILL liberate and inspire me

that is the power of those who are focused on self integrity

i'm blessed to have even learned about them