Hi Folks,
Recent topics have led me to ask how often do all of you seek out the company of others,or are actually around others.
Myself,I live alone,dont have kids,and right now I find I only seek out being around others about once a week when I visit my folks for a few hours.Other than that it is only being around others at the market to buy my produce.
I just dont spontaneously seek others company.If I didnt visit my folks or go to market,it might be on the order of weeks not being around anyone.I get totally absorbed in my work(at home) and in hobbies/reading/meditating.
I was just curious how often you all seek out company.
Thanks.

Vinny

I rarely actually call my friends up and get together with them. I find myself almost preferring to converse with them via e-mail, mainly because of time constraints. I find it's often enough for me just to get out of the house and experience the little bit of social interaction that automatically happens when I do my daily errands and grocery shopping. I do notice, though, that if I'm stuck in the house for a day or two for whatever reason, I really start to feel the need for some kind of social interaction, be it talking to a few people as I work out at the gym or just spontaneously running into an acquaintance while I'm out taking a walk.

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

eaglefly Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I was just curious how often you all seek out
> company.
I prefer my own company, so rarely seek out the
company of others. I do a little emailing, and call my mother
a couple of times a week.....WY
P.S. Besides, I'm a Perfectionist, and no one does anything right.

Vinny,

I am very psychologically self-sufficient, but I also love people other than myself and when I miss them, I make plans to meet. The frequency varies from person to person, but over all it's sporadic. I think it is important to connect with others occasionally because living too much in my own thoughts and feelings steers me toward sociopathy. And that's really unhealthy.

See my kids all day every day, even an hour without one of them and I start missing their grubby, smiling little face. See my mom weekly, at least twice though more than that is way too much IMO. Girlfriends I see frequently, we are the mommy club so we support eachother with babysitting, car pooling, sleep overs etc. I see the same people at the shops in town a few times a week.
There are friends that I don't see very often at all but keep in touch w regularly and those that I am rarely in contact with but still feel close to. It's easier with the internet, you can stay connected in a way that wasn't possible before.

So, ya, I get together with people on purpose TONS! I like my own company and can be on my own for periods of time easily and happily but I prefer to socialize.

Thanks for your responses.

Vinny

Goes in spurts. Sometimes see a lot of people, sometimes not.

Real interesting thread !...

I noticed around 14 or so years ago that I was becoming more and more recluse. This has caused me a huge amount of stress in the past, as I thrive from the company of other people. I believe that it has happened as a result of my massively divergent values and opinions to that of most people, and have found myself avoiding other peoples company as a form of self protection.

I long for community, sharing, and social interaction, but to date I only find it in small pockets. My use of these raw forums is one example of such a pocket. On here people understand my raw excentricity with cross overs into some of the other fields which I value.

So mostly I keep to myself and only share with others on the various levels where their values and openess' allows. I believe that this is a mutual phenomenon, and that it is my own "problem" as much as it is anyone elses openess', but this is one of my lessons this time round, and I will inevitably reconnect with this side of me of which I feel estranged to.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 09/23/2009 07:28AM by Lightform.

Lightform,
Very interesting.
I relate to that alot.

I am now becoming more reclusive in my life,at 45.
I had been this way in my teens and twenties,and it worked very well for the most part.Then I felt an urge to explore a relationship which I never had before.It was a rocky road getting started to say the least.Some of the women were from the twilight zone. But one lasted 4 years and it was very nice for the most part.
So I have been in and out of relationships for the last 15 years,and am now going back to that basically reclusive life.
But to be honest,its here that I am able to tune into what I thought I was looking for in those relationships.
Hard to describe.
I dont know how this is all going to evolve,but I will use this thread to chart the days ahead............

Vinny



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/23/2009 06:05PM by eaglefly.

I used to enjoy (somewhat) others' company on a regular basis - I am mostly a "one on one" type of person, I never enjoyed large crowds/get-togethers, etc.

Here lately, I have largely been reclusive, and I believe the reason is that I find many of the people I know to be insufferable. I simply cannot tolerate "sheeple" anymore. >>There's that word again<<<

Sheeple - don't you love it?!?!?

Since I am transitioning my mind/body/spirit to a place where I have never been before, I find that I simply do not enjoy my "old" friends as much as I did previously, like it is time to move on to a new circle.

Selfish of me? My own problems/shortcomings? Most likely...

Juicerkatz,
I dont think thats a problem.
I know what you mean.
Its like I myself am evolving into something other than what my friends from the past are anymore.None of them eat anything like I do.Its all burgers and fries for everyone.To sit and chew alfalfa sprouts would be laughed at.And I am 45 and they still talk of Howard Stern,and such juvenal things as that.As far as I know none of them would sit and meditate,or contemplate the energy in a plant or seed.

In a way I feel sorry for my old friends,all caught up in the rat race.

I guess we are both at a point of looking for a new circle of acquaintances.

Vinny

eaglefly Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Juicerkatz,
> I dont think thats a problem.
> I know what you mean.
> Its like I myself am evolving into something other
> than what my friends from the past are
> anymore.None of them eat anything like I do.Its
> all burgers and fries for everyone.To sit and chew
> alfalfa sprouts would be laughed at.And I am 45
> and they still talk of Howard Stern,and such
> juvenal things as that.As far as I know none of
> them would sit and meditate,or contemplate the
> energy in a plant or seed.
>
> In a way I feel sorry for my old friends,all
> caught up in the rat race.
>
> I guess we are both at a point of looking for a
> new circle of acquaintances.
>
> Vinny


I hear ya loud & clear. Isn't it funny...you sit there & listen to them babble along and wonder how you ever enjoyed the mindless drivel. It seems like such different wavelengths, nothing at all in common.

I think that it's wise to remember that everyone has their own path, and extend the appropriate respect for them in this regard. Even though things always seem as though they are how we think they are, the fact that there are infiniie people who all see it differently, tends to suggest that ones own self may not necessarily be "the one" who sees it more correctly than the others

Thanks Lightform,
I can see How I was getting kind of harsh,and putting myself on a pedestal,thinking my was was the right way.
I have nothing against old friends.
I just have moved into a different place,but as you pointed out,its just my place,not the best for everyone.

Modesty Vinny,modesty.

Vinny

Lightform,

I understand what you are saying, & in re-reading my post(s), I may have seemed kinda harsh. I think the point that I was trying to convey is that where I am now is where I enjoy being, & others' negative attitudes are a downer for me.

Most everyone that I *used* to hang out with would ride me very hard with their snide comments about "your wacky diet", that "crazy food that you eat", and other stuff like that, which I am sure all us raw foodists have to tolerate.

What I am saying is that after 10-12 yrs. of smiling & tolerating their berating comments, I have decided I do not want to take it any longer. I will not change most of my family/friends eating/lifestyle habits, & I am not really interested in doing so.

The silly thing about all of this is that I must be willing to take their bashing ad nauseum, but I don't dare say anything about their SAD or a full on war is the result.

The old "dish it out but can't take it" mentality.

As Vinny said;

"I have nothing against old friends.
I just have moved into a different place, but as you pointed out, its just my place, not the best for everyone."


Good stuff, good thread/topic. I liked coco's post -

'See my kids all day every day, even an hour without one of them and I start missing their grubby, smiling little face."

Hey coco, care to treat us to any more "smoothie measles" pics? lol

Thats cool guys, I totally know where your coming from. As I pointed out in my own post I too have a similar story, although all of my friends are more fascinated or confused about the way I eat than critical. We socialise for the various activities that we have in common and thats where it ends.

For me, the way that I think and ac, and the values that I have are the mains thing that keeps me to myself, not as much my diet. Although that does cut me out of about 70% or so of what people do when they socialise.

eaglefly
This is a really interesting post. I have enjoyed reading the replies.

I spend lots of time with my daughter, walking the dogs,at least 2 hrs a day, 3-4 at the weekends. I also share lots of time with my family.
I meet new people on a regular basis, through work, so I'm a very efficient 'small talker', but really don't care for it much!

I have several long term friends. I value their friendship, but we dont live in each other's pockets. They are supportive of my lifestyle changes, so meeting up with them is easy.
I love my own company. It gives me time to process.
If i need time, i take the dogs for an extra walk, go for a drive, do some exercise or meditate.
I too have wondered what on earth some of my friends and i found in common!
Bet they think the same about me!

The levelling thing for me is that we are all unique, and bring our own special qualities to this world and that each one of us would be missed if we were not here!

My parents have organised a family party tomorrow.
During my brother's wake, about 18 months ago, people expressed a wish to get together under more pleasant circumstances.
So my parents arranged it. At least 150 people at a local village hall. Lots of us have never met. Three generations, all meeting under one roof! That will be interesting.
Good job i can do small talk!
ffx

ffx,
That is wonderful that the wake brought your family together.
I was hoping the same thing would happen when my grandmother died,but it never did.That was in 1995,and some of those people I havent seen since.

Happy small talk.

Vinny

Wanted to dig this thread out of the archives.
It seems the solitary life has come to me once again.
I tried all spring and July to form a relationship and it poofed away as unexpectedly as all the others.I have never had a circle of friends,as I just dont seek that out,so when these one on one relationships poof away,I am totally solitary again.
I am not sure what the Universe is trying to tell me.
But I do know that I can contact SOMETHING,and when I am able to do that,it makes no difference if I am alone,unattached,or anything.Just to BE feels good.
I also notice my hobbies come to life in these solitary times.And all kinds of spiritual things as well.
So I am left wondering what realm is best.Being with someone,or not.

Vinny

Vinny,

You seem to me like a kind person, but you don't seem to be kind to yourself. Why do you feel you must do what your soul opposes? Like, this relationship that "poofed away"(nice descriptor, btw)--was that something you needed, or something you wanted? Because if you are content with your own company, be in your own company. It helps you to be creative, so it must be your core self providing for the rest of you somehow. And then when you don't feel content with your own company anymore, that's the time to seek out others. There's nothing wrong with being alone for long stretches, as long as it's not a pathology. Time passes and circumstances change with its passage. By just BEING, you may find new, more pleasing patterns of behavior arising in you

This is a very interesting topic! I have lived with my partner for about 26 years, so I am not alone, yet I do spend much time alone. Sometimes I look at how most people seem so social and it completely escapes me. I totally agree with the comment of not wanting to tolerate the mundane conversations that most people seem to be content with. It's painful for me to socialize sometimes because I feel like I am vibing on a different level. Maybe that sounds arrogant or something, but it gets frustrating that so many people are easily amused. I haven't worked in almost three years (I have applied many places) but I almost dread the idea of going back into a workplace and feeling out of kilter. I used to work in a classroom as a teacher assistant and the lead teacher would ask me about my personal life and I became a little self-conscious because it seemed like everyone else was leading this bourgeois existence and I lead a very simple life (which I love to do). I always feel like when I go and have an adventure alone that there is someone there with me. Mabye I sense my Guides or whatever, but I don't have that need to constantly call someone in order to feel like something exists.

How much interaction to have has been a lifelong question for me.

I was extremely shy as a young child. Growing up, I have tended to have one close friend (a best (girl) friend when young, a boyfriend as a teenager, and a husband as an adult) for all of my life. I have weekly contact with my mother, but less with my sisters (that I love dearly, but with whom I have very different ways of seeing the world).

I have MANY acquaintances, primarily because my husband is a very talkative person in public, but also because of past business relationships and past club membership. Although I am friendly toward acquaintances, these are at the shallower/less frequent end of the relationship continuum. At the other end, my relationship with my husband is very deep because we have similar political views, we often know the each other's thoughts, we can and do spend more hours together than any other couple I know and still love each other's company, we appreciate each other's strengths and admire each other's values, and we laugh together a lot.

It's the friends on the middle of the continuum (between shallow and deep) that I have difficulty with. I don't know how to let people in without giving them my heart. Too many times I have let my guard down or expected too much and been hurt. So, I've become more accepting of myself as sociable but not really social. I would enjoy having a group of closer friends, but have stopped feeling pressured to conform to societal pressures to have a certain number of friends. I am finally okay with the person I am.


My favorite raw vegan

Trive, I can relate to you so much. My partner has a bunch of friends from childhood. Sometimes I think if he didn't meet them then, he would be more like me but he is definitely more outgoing than I am. I guess I like my freedom and it's easy for me to feel smothered. I have had women wanting to get friendly and I either didn't pursue it or maintain it. Of course that creates hurt feelings but it's hard for me to deal with someone who wants to talk on the phone all the time, do things which don't interest me, etc.

banana who, as to your comment, "I guess I like my freedom and it's easy for me to feel smothered. I have had women wanting to get friendly and I either didn't pursue it or maintain it. Of course that creates hurt feelings but it's hard for me to deal with someone who wants to talk on the phone all the time, do things which don't interest me, etc.," I say "Ditto."


My favorite raw vegan

ima bit of a hermit

im with yogi , imi bit of perfectionist , to a fault at times

but i do prefer my own company at times rather than deal with others issues

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Tamukha,

Thanks for your insight.

I guess I have operated on societal programming,that often says you need someone to be complete,or content,or have purpose.

I can actually pick out many times where I was doing something with a partner and thought to myself I would be enjoying this even more alone.NAture walks,decorating for xmas,listening to music,eating,etc...

Then of course there is the whole area of sex,and all of the longings of that,and how there are elements of that where its "only right inside of marriage".

Just alot of confusing things to work out,and it seems I can only do that alone.

But yes,maybe I need to let it be OK to NOT have a partner right now.Its as ok as having one .Its all ok.

Vinny



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/22/2010 07:34PM by eaglefly.

Eaglefly: One of my favorite things to do is to take long bicycle rides. Just day trips right now. I mentioned this to a man I knew and he exclaimed: "But that's what you do with your lover!" First of all, to call one's partner a 'lover' sounds totally cheesy and 1970s-ish (same thing), but I reject the notion that there are rules on things you do alone and with another person. That's just silly. We are all conditioned, though, as you say. I remember when I first ate a meal alone in a restaurant. I was probably 18. I felt very self-conscious; as if all eyes were on me. Now that feeling seems crazy and totally unlike me but I bet there are people my age (40s) who wouldn't dream of eating alone.