and probably wont be on to often for awhile, busy with allot of new things right now some good, like a 2nd job with 20 hours a week instead of a month,lol... rebuilding the forks on my motorcycle, and taking care of my niece while my sister adapts to her new medication...

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Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Missed you, glad about the reasons why, take care, congrats, and good luck with everything, kiddo. Yep, I think that's everything

Have fun with the motorcycle, good luck taking care of your niece and your job, It's good to be busy sometimes.

Thanks Tam^_^ missed you too, Ive missed coco too, strangely,lol...j/k, thanks megan, looks like I may be taking care of my niece for quite awhile...I am her legal guardian now...my sister has been committed... My niece's father may in the next few months, if he gets things together, be taking her though... He is a good guy, he loves his daughter, but his living situation right now isn't really safe for her...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

yer a brat.


Wow about your neice. If you need kid advice (I think you're doing all right in this regard already though) feel free to hit up the parents here. No word yet from the Powers That Be on a family/parenting forum but here is as good as any place so far.

Good luck! Have fun, it's pretty draining full time but it's so great too.

hehehe, yeah guilty! im totally a brat,lol... thanks coco, I just might, I was the primary caregiver for my two nephews when I was younger too for about a year, and have done lots of childcare over the years for other people, so luckily ive had a little experience, or else im sure id be allot worse off right now,lol... although between her and my dad its like taking care of 2 kids...and im not exaggerating that at all:/...lol... Im just really not good at juggling so many different things, I havnt even been able to juice even half as much,lol... the slower juicing time of my omega seems to matter a tiny bit more now,lol... However its ability to make "ice cream" (at least thats what i tell my niece it is..lol) has helped getting my niece on a slightly healthier diet, she is super picky, but I call it ice cream and she loves it... strawberry peach banana is her favorite so far... anybody have any advice though on stopping her from grinding he teeth at night? she does it REALLY bad, it even wakes me up its so loud... I thought some sort of mouth guard but I cant find any that fit her and im getting rather low on discretionary funds...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

oh and I didnt mean I was joking about missing you, just that it was strange, your an awesome nut coco,hehehehehe...(my jokes get way lamer when I haven't had allot of sleep dont they?lol)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

People are pretty suggestible right before they fall asleep, you could try talking gently and quietly to her as she's drifting off, highlighting the good points of that day, describing her day on the morrow, referencing fresh fruits and big salads (make them gloriously imaginative with characters and other fun stuff) and suggesting that she is very relaxed, that she is safe, that her muscles are melting like a dish of strawberrypeachbanana ice cream... All positive statements and positive action words like "you are safe" instead of "you have nothing to fear". This is a really powerful use of language (I learned it from my mum). If you tell someone "Don't forget your keys." The action words you used were "don't" and "forget", both negatives, but if you say "Remember your keys" it's a whole nuthing subconscious message. You can turn nearly every statement around in that way, give it a try.

You know though, with all her troubles grinding her teeth is not such a terrible thing. It's not terrific but it's not night terrors. I think if you focus on helping her to feel positive, safe, loved, confidant, secure, all those good things, it will help her in general. Understandable that she's a little uptight right now.

Don't burn yourself out either. Take something off your plate for the time being or limit it so there is time in your day for you to relax. You're no help to anyone if you're a mess from overtaxing yourself. Take it easy.

yeah, actually ive been talking with her like that every night, she also cant get to sleep till I do, tonight I felt bad cause I lost track of time and it was 10:30 be4 I remembered I told her I would be down in a few minutes (an hour or so be4hand) i came down and she was still awake and said "those where long minutes uncle jeremy" awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...lol... I gave her a hug and a kiss and talked with her for a little bit, told her a few happy stories, and also did something I never like doing...she was worried about her mom being sick and was afraid she would never get better, I told her that her mommy would be ok soon...nothing else i said would calm her down till that... and the truth is, I dont really know when or if she will be ok, I have no idea, and I am probably gonna be just about as crushed as her if it turns out I inadvertently lied to her... I just don't know what the best thing to do for her is, and in some ways I feel kinda bad cause I dont really want to give her back,lol... she took the tie from her grandmas robe one time,this was a few months ago when I was down there visiting, and she tied it around herself and then onto my arm, and said it was so we could be happy together forever... I just cant stand to see the hurt and confusion and fear in her eyes now... its like a stab in the heart every time...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Lovely advice, coco. You were lucky to have such a wonderful mum - just as your children are fortunate to have you.

Curator, I just wanted to comment that I am so impressed with you and how you are handling what must be a very challenging situation. You seem to be doing so many good things instinctively. You weren't lying, unless you know for sure exactly what will happen and when regarding your sister. I don't know the child's age, but even young children need information about what's going on around them. Maybe it should be in really simplified terms with lots of accurate reassurance, but even though we want to protect them, we also have to respect children and find ways to help them deal with difficult truths.

I think children have radar to know when things are not right and when they are being kept in the dark about problems. Not being told can lead to imaginings that can be worse than the real problem.

Although it is natural to want a child to not be afraid and not cry, sometimes it is good to allow a child to cry and express fears while giving your UTMOST attention. Of course you'll then provide the reassurances and information as appropriate. I'm just suggesting to take care that you don't stifle the child's questions and expressions of emotion. It can be a tricky balancing act, but I believe you'll have the good judgement to know when to listen, when to reassure, and when to give information because you are sincere and want the best for your niece.


My favorite raw vegan

It's ok to say that you don't know. It's also ok to admit to being sad yourself. And it's Also ok to tell her that she doesn't have to worry about her mommy, that her mom is getting lots of help from people who care about her and want to help her get well so she can be with her daughter. You can reassure her that her mom loves her and that she misses her too. You can tell her that you will ALWAYS be there for her, always love her even if she can't see you with her eyes, even if you are far apart (like when you go to work, you aren't right there with her but you are still thinking about her and loving her lots). You can tell her that the best thing she can do for mom so mom knows she's happy is to play and have a good time w uncle J. That would make mom super happy. Write her a letter, draw some pictures, mail them to her wherever she is. Stay connected, make her up a little photo album of her and mom and friends if you can(do you have pics of you guys as kids to include? I made an album for my girl the other day and she LOVES it! She's 3.) If you don't have pictures, draw them and label them and write stories in a book for her.

When she is really sleepy and about to drift off is a good time to make suggestions about eating healthy things the next day too. If you make up a story about fruits and veggies, vitamin super heros, going into her body and building strong bones and healthy skin, eyes, etc, you can make it so much fun. Then when you go to prepare and eat that sort of thing you can tell the story again. I have a funny story about little man and I at the table, a way I got him to eat everything on his plate. I'll tell you later in that other thread.

Read some parenting books. I find them incredibly helpful.
The darn manual for these kids got lost somewhere so I don't really know what I'm doing, I tell you I NEED those books sometimes .

Very good advice here. I would add two things:

a.) exercise, especially child yoga, works wonders for latent anxieties. It also gives a little one a sense that they can assuage their own fears, which is vital to proper psyche development.

b.) preschool age children are mediums--they pick up the energy you give off and mirror it in their little souls. If you act calm and rational and positive and hopeful, it will give her confidence in you, and in feeling the same way. And if she is disappointed, she will not think that you have lied to her, as long as you act as though it's not the end of the world and you remain steady for her to rely on. The important thing is to get her to see that you are a constant force for good in her life and that whatever happens, she will never lose you support and will make it through.

thanks for the posts and advice Tam and coco... its really helpful...my niece just turned 5, her dad has decided to come and get her as soon as he can, in spite of the environment he is in not being very, uh...great for a kid... but he is her father... My sister, pending an evaluation tomorrow will most likely be institutionalized for awhile... They believe she is a paranoid schizophrenic, and she is highly suicidal at the moment... and I'm being kicked out assuming my super co-dependent father who has no friends doesn't change change his mind in the next 30 days I pointed out to him he legally had to give me (and that's if I didn't fight it, I'm on the lease.) he is kicking me out because I came to my nieces defense when he yelled at her for accidentally getting crayon on the coffee table while drawing pictures for her mom, a coffee table which I purchased for $5 at a garage sale btw... I told him to leave her alone, she did nothing wrong, and even if she did she didn't deserve to be yelled at like that, and that he needed to grow up and stop taking out his inability to process his emotions on a 5 year old who has already had her world torn apart...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Curator,

Wow. I'm sorry this is happening, but maybe it will turn out OK. Your dad's issues may blow over, and if you can still see your niece once in a while, you can give her stability. Try to stay positive, dear. Sending good thoughts your way.

thanks tam, he does this every time I stand up to him, he always backs down though once he realizes he has no one else, I feel kinda bad for him, cause as soon as I have enough money saved up im moving to santa cruz, just me, my motorcycle, and my juicer,lol...and a few of my favorite books...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Curator,

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do

hahaha, thanks for the first laugh ive had in days Tam...I dunno if it was intended as a joke, sorry if it wasnt...but just the mental picture of me on my motorcycle with trunk and saddle bags full of books and my juicer saying "a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do" then gunning it down the highway and off into the sunset (totally wrong direction,lol) just made me laugh so hard it hurts...lol...thanks...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I meant it to be melodramatic--so you got it!

riding off into the sunset
with a juicer and excellent books

sounds like a beginning of a great thing to me


Just like a swordsman should never be apart from his sword, a juiceman should never be apart from his juicer

or.. uhh.. ummm.. something like that '

yeah, but im selling my sword,lol... not my juicer though...lol...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

well, then your juicer is your sword

thus spoketh musashi - a thustra

haha, guess your right

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?