Have you ever met some guy that started talking to you and one of the first questions you're asked is if you "cook" ?

LOL. This guy did at Whole Foods this morning. I think he was less interested when I said no. It's OK, because even if I did cook.. that question would be a turn off anyway since apparently he's wife-shopping.

Hey I don't clean either unless it's my own mess.

This hasn't happened to me, but I guess that makes me a going concern as, yes, I can cook! Generally, people remark on all the produce in my cart and ask what I'm gonna do with it. I love when odd things like that happen with strangers, although you may have had a lucky escape in your case



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/10/2010 05:59PM by Tamukha.

Does she "cook", eh?
reminds me of that Monty Python sketch...

hahaha, actually, the few times ive asked a woman something similar to that, we where in the produce isle, already talking, and I was asking out of curiosity when considering asking her on a date, as I find it absolutely a blast to prepare food together...not cause im looking for a wife, but its always a long term possibility, that obviously wouldn't be considered if we weren't able to have fun together.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Back Again: Wife-shopping or maid-shopping? He's nuts if he thinks that line is gonna work! Unless you resemble June Cleaver, that is...

I don't hesitate to tell them that if they find a good woman who likes to do chores, bring her to me. I'll know what to do with her.

I don't get it. What are you going to do w her? Hire her to do your chores?

No one has ever asked me anything like that. The only time I've gotten a weird or off colour question/comment it's been totally obvious it was because the guy was a doofus.

LOL never mind.

Ok, now I'm really confused. You can that "chores"?

No, no, I don't call it "chores," my joke/reply to anyone who is asking about women doing chores would be a sarcastic one, and I also don't like people inferring that everyone is heterosexual, so I usually "mess" with people who assume I would want to date a man because I'm female. In a funny way. It was a joke. So if it didn't make sense, my bad.

You see, it totally worked. I was confused! Ha ha!

A single guys opinion:

I think it was an honest attempt to start a conversation with a female--to get to know her. Ya know, open ended question.

Would you rather have the, "do you wash your pants in windex? Because I can see myself in them."

I guess its a lose lose situation for a nice guy trying a conversation breaker from the sounds of it. I better step up my game. hah

If a female starts a conversation with, "I see you in gym clothes, do you like to play sports/workout?"

I would never interpret as "are you physically fit enough to handle raising a family"

Guys are stupid. Girls are too linguistically perceptive.

Give the good guys a break!

But to be disinterested when the woman replies that she doesn't cook? Doesn't seem like an innocent little "get ta know ya" question in that case.

I liked what you said about being too linguistically perceptive though. No one can pick apart a sentence like a chick w romance on her mind.

Coco:

I could see him being less interested if thats the case. More because, I've been in public when I've gone up to a girl and tried to start a conversation and she responded with curtailed answers.

It makes you 'not feel good' when a girl does not reciprocate with further conversation. A simple response (more than yes/no) even if its just out of politeness, helps cut the awkwardness.

So ya, he probably gave the look as in, "wow, pardon me for interrupting your important life"

Think of it in simply plutonic terms. If you ask a stranger on the street, "how are you today?" And they respond 'fine' and keep walking. It makes you wonder.

Why didn't they have courtesy to ask me how I'm doing today?

Ah, I see where you're coming from. It's a very different thing being a woman vs a man, I continue to learn this. In my life I have been verbally and physically accosted in public by strangers (always men, nearly always in a sexual way ie a$$ grab, boob brush). Every woman has had this experience to some degree so when a stranger (man) speaks to me out of the blue I am always naturally on guard. If I sense that he is just being friendly I personally am generally inclined to respond in kind *However* this has gotten me into an uncomfortable situation more times than I can count. A smart creepy guy may have learned to make his initial approach seemingly innocent and as soon as he's got an opening (any response that isn't walking away sometimes), that's when he goes in for the kill. The potential for ick is very, very high dealing with strange men when you are even a moderately attractive woman and so many women are VERY leery of strangers. Facts. Sad but true.

You know though, some people are just not that outgoing and those who are make them uncomfortable. I often talk to strangers in public, sometimes it goes over well but other times I get the hairy eyeball.

Interesting! Thanks for sharing.

I totally understand where you are coming from too!

Its really hard to determine this man's intent, but it is pretty fun hypothesizing about it!

Newhoove: The problem with your example is that a man playing sports is a hobby; a pasttime. A woman "slaving" in the kitchen is something else. And there is the implication that a woman's place is in the kitchen--preferably knocked-up and preggers. It would be akin to saying--do you enjoy cleaning? It would give the woman the impression that you are looking to marry a maid and/or cook.

banana who,

I don't think it's an inappropriate way to start a conversation with someone at a grocery store. At the auto garage while waiting for your car to get serviced, yes, but not at Whole Foods. Unless this was in the household cleaning section at Whole Foods

Tamukha: Ah, yes...That little detail seemed to escape me. It makes total sense. Context is everything...

So, a simple guy, "shopping" for a wife, is the target here? There are still simple people all over the world, they see their simple future (I work hard, wife raises children and does the housework), and that is how they want to live. If you are planning more than two children, half of your life will be that way, anyway.

So, simply move on, if you are not interested. I find that question (about cooking) a much more honest and decent one than some modern empty "chat" about nothing.

Well, that's so weird to me. You can learn a bit about a person's personality from that "empty chat", much more so than role related questions I think. It's an odd thing that someone would be spouse "shopping" like that based on appearance exclusively (which I am led to assume based on it being the first and Only question). Not only that, there is an assumption of interest and availability that is frankly offensive without some sort of introduction preceeding it. Where does a man get off "shopping" for ME without seeing if I'm for sale first? Nervy, in an unpleasant way.

I prefer to shop for my significant others off the internet. lol :p

It has to rank as one of the worst questions in the world IF the guy asking it is trying to fix his interest with you. If it's just a random question to pass the time of day whilst queing then fine.

Banana who, I in all honesty can say I find that statement slightly offensive, asking a woman if she cooks, is in no way an indication that a person thinks a woman's place is slaving in the kitchen, no matter what the context, unless the guy is leering at her like a creep or something... Its extremely sexist to believe that would be the main ideals of the man asking such a question, and is nothing at all like asking if she enjoys cleaning...

An interest in cooking is not only useful for both men and women, I honestly think that the women who shy away from it because of some dislike of what they view as a traditional gender role, are really hurting themselves, preparing food, knowing what kind of flavors to combine to get the effect your looking for, is a wonderful and fun thing, AND saves you a ton of money... its just a smart skill to cultivate no matter what set of genitals one was born with.

I know you didn't mean it to be offensive, and thats ok, but its just, I for one am tired of women who read into things so much that they take it so far past even close to what something probably meant, and its ALWAYS in a negative way when this is done, and react without taking any time more often than not to find out if that's how the guy really meant it, basically I just don't like it when people jump to such extreme conclusions and run with it... just a few days ago my friends wife thought I was coming on to her, because she was complaining to ME that she didnt know if she really liked how her new dress looked on her, I said she looks quite adorable in it, then she causes a big thing between me and my friend cause she thought I was coming on to her... its like, did she want me to say it looks ugly on her or something?lol...I thought it looked adorable, she was obviously fishing for compliments, so wth?

Don't even get me started on the woman whom was behind me in line at a doughnut shop last year, I bought the last 3 apple fritters, she gets there, asks for one, they dont have one, I offered her one, and she says "No thanks, I don't date guys shorter than me." seriously? people cant be nice anymore without being suspect?... I get it, allot of guys are jerks and only after one thing, but allot of women are no different, we are all humans, there are plenty of negative examples with each sex, and until we can learn to take friendliness and kindness at face value, and save our harsh judgments and reactions for when somebody ACTUALLY goes to far/gets creepy, instead of for when we just THINK they might, this world would probably be a much better place.

Side note: flipperjan, Both men and women, I have noticed that when asking opening questions to try to get a sense of whether or not there is any kind of potential romantic spark, they almost always tend to ask about things they themselves enjoy, or they feel through a cursory examination the other party may enjoy, and they themselves may find interesting, they are searching for common ground with which to make a connection, find a spark, and maybe potentially fan the spark into something bigger... Who's to say he isn't a chef? or at least a home gourmet? the question isnt so odd, now asking if she enjoys cleaning, that would be odd...although understandable if the guy is a major OCD case that loves to clean,LOL... Mr. Monk tries to pick up ladies at the super market,LOL...

banana who Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Newhoove: The problem with your example is that a
> man playing sports is a hobby; a pasttime. A woman
> "slaving" in the kitchen is something else. And
> there is the implication that a woman's place is
> in the kitchen--preferably knocked-up and
> preggers. It would be akin to saying--do you enjoy
> cleaning? It would give the woman the impression
> that you are looking to marry a maid and/or cook.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

If I saw a woman with a full cart of fresh fruits and veggies,instead of junk,then I would actually assume she would be eating them raw,and not cooking.
Its the carts full of canned stuff and meat that I would ask,"whats ya cookin tonight?"

Vinny

Curator - you are quite right.

I think a lot of women do have stereotyped ideas about men which must be the most irritating thing in the world for you guys.

I apologise for responding slightly flippantly and not really bothering to think properly about it. I appreciate your post and do realise that there is nothing wrong with the question at all. I mean it would only take another few minutes conversation to discover what was meant by the question and probably nine times out of ten it is just friendly interest in a common subject.

eaglefly Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If I saw a woman with a full cart of fresh fruits
> and veggies,instead of junk,then I would actually
> assume she would be eating them raw,and not
> cooking.
> Its the carts full of canned stuff and meat that I
> would ask,"whats ya cookin tonight?"
>
> Vinny


hmm im not so sure the majority arent raw, so seeing a cart full of fresh produce id probably assume you were cooking something from scratch with the fresh ingredients,

that being said i guess it depends on the context of how it was said, seems pretty stereotypical and sexist if the other way.

It also depends on whether the guy was holding a bunch of celery or a sack of potatoes, as if to plaintively ask for advice.

BackAgain, you little provocateur, you!

"save our harsh judgments and reactions for when somebody ACTUALLY goes to far/gets creepy, instead of for when we just THINK they might"

I've been burned way too many times by creepy guys who took advantage of my natural friendliness to leave the door wide open anymore. I dont go around assuming everyone I meet is an a-hole but I do keep my distance until I know for sure that they are Not. Nothing wrong with that, as a woman I do feel the need to take care of myself, set boundaries that protect me somewhat. It's different being a man, you'll never be vulnerable physically the way that a woman is. It's just different. Sad but true.

they were at whole foods



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/12/2010 05:59PM by la_veronique.