I just got a hair cut, rather reluctantly. I was thinking of getting one, and then my mother inlaw nagged me, when are you getting a hair cut? It makes you look like a hippy, etc.... It really pushed my buttons. So, I feel like man, if I don't get a hair cut it puts her in charge, if I do get a hair cut it puts her in charge. I said whatever, and then just got a haircut. but later I said I just went with my original plan, but for awhile I was rather upset.

In the bigger picture I hate the convention of men having short hair, and women having long. I have had the same hairstyle all my life. I have always hated getting a hair cut. i still don't get it why its such a judgemental thing if your hair doesn't match what others think.

I am not judging your long hair my friend. To me, I would find it lovely to see and I am not the only one. Let this negativity roll off you like water off a duck's back. It's not your hair, it's her and her constant need to have something to dislike. Please yourself!

For pete's sake, it's your hair! Do whatever you want with it!

I think you've suggested before that your m-i-l has a tendency to not respect boundaries. It isn't good for you or for her to abet this behavior by giving in to unreasonable demands.

What Tam said.

aww Mislu i hope you have a change for the better domestic situation with this person soon

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

i like having shortish hair because it's practical cuz i can cut it myself every once in a while with some electric clippers, if im ever in a fight i don't have to worry much about the hair being grabbed or getting in my face, also don't have to fret about it getting caught in some kinda contraption like happens to peoples ties in sitcoms. for sporting activities, shorter hair is less of a thing to deal with.

i kinda like having long hair too tho, but when i do the long hair thing i turn into mr pony-tail guy cuz i just keep it in a pony tail most of the time, and that becomes my "look" and the whole pony tail look gets old after a while, especially when i see other dudes with ponytails.

when i do long hair i usually keep a short beard letting people know i gots nuts.

weird deal maleness and femalness, i was playing with voices in my head once and I merged my male essence with a female essence, but i still feel more male whatever that means. females make testosterone and males make oxytocin, everybody is androgynous to some degree. i like looking at peoples faces and seeing the male face in the female face and vice versa.

When I find myself in a familiar pattern of drama with someone, I like to take time on my own and brainstorm a list of as many possible responses I can think of to deal with the situation. I dismiss most of them, but it's fun to imagine saying some of them to help laugh it off. Then I choose the best one and memorize it to be prepared for when the need arises. Here's a start to a list:

"I like having a set schedule for getting my hair cut and really don't care to change it."

"You know me." (said while chuckling) "I do things when I feel like it."

"Gee, I like YOUR hairstyle."

"If I didn't didn't like your hair style I wouldn't say anything. That's just good maners, don't you agree?"

"I may go for the Guiness Book of Records for long hair, so it'll be a while!" (laugh and smile)

"You sure have strong opinions about what I do with my hair!" (then quickly change the subject)

"I prefer that you stop nagging and criticizing me. I feel uncomfortable when you do that."

(Don't say anything. Just look her in the eye and maintain eye contact until she looks off.)

"The thing about MY hair style... is that it's mine."

"Looks like you could use a new style too!"

"If I told you that you needed a new hair style, how would you feel?"

"Isn't it great that people have the freedom to choose their own hair styles?"

"Oh, do you think so? How short should I get it cut? Do you think I should get it shaved on my neck? And how long should my side burns be? Do you think I should part it on the left side? What kind of product should I use to hold the style? Would you like to come with me to the salon and give really specific directions to the barber? Sometimes they hold the scissors incorrectly and you could show them how it should be done." (And on and on and on until she gets the idea to BACK OFF!!!)

"It's strange that you feel you have the right to nag me."

"I hear it's going to rain tomorrow."

Mislu, I really could go on and on. The point is to say or do something that breaks the dynamics of the situation. Hopefully she'll get the message that the game has changed. And if not that, at least you can feel more comfortable with how you deal with your end of the situation.

Good luck!!!


My favorite raw vegan



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/31/2011 07:21AM by Trive.

I get my hair cut when I dam well feel like it,and on top of that I have had the same style since 1985.

Vinny

Well, it probably looks like I gave into her nagging. It felt like it also. But I was something i had been thinking about.

*hug*

Hug and hair ruffle. I'll bet you look cute .

hey trive

u know that list that you wrote out.. about the nice things mislu could say to her mother in law?

my opinion is.. that list is waaaaaaaaaaaay to NICE

if i were mislu, i'd just say " Lookeee here! this is my hair so STOP with all your foolishness and get a life!"

heh heh
hey... just sayin' u know?

MIslu


<<In the bigger picture I hate the convention of men having short hair, and women having long.>>

what's wrong with this?
i mean, since u like long hair and it falls in line with the convention, what's the prob?

then again, i always thought u were female
maybe yer male

i dunno

la_veronique,

Sure! I can do not-so-nice. That's the fun of brainstorming a list of responses. The sky is the limit! You get to think of really angry ones and c-r-a-z-y ones along with nice ones and outrageous ones and decide later if any are worth saying. Of course, saying most of them would do more harm than good, but it can be a catharsis to fantasize. The following ones fall into the "more harm" category:


(SCREAM as loud as you can)

(Pantomime pulling the pin on a grenade and tossing it at her and make the sound of an explosion.)

WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE #(@* UP WITH THAT $%!#?

(VERSION #1 is to put your fingers in your ears and keep reading the newspaper. Version #2 is to put your fingers in your ears and keep reading the newspaper while saying, "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA."

Look, bit@#, I've had about enough of your CR#P. Give it a rest... NOW!

If you can't think of anything better to do than talk about my hair, I can help you come up with a few ideas.

I tell you what, just this once we'll cut each other's hair the way we'd like it to look. I get to cut yours first.

(Pick up a pair a scissors and menacingly toss them so they land with the points in the floor over and over without saying a word.)


My favorite raw vegan



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/02/2011 08:54AM by Trive.

hey Trive

i hate to admit it

and maybe i need professional help or something ( yah never know)

but i really DO like this new and updated fresh list

MUCH bettah! ( evil grin)

yeah!

i like the idea of cutting each other's hair

and i go first

good one

i must admit

i am feeling a bit uh... animated ( for lack of a better word)

right now

long live Trive's awesome lists

the best list i liked was the raw wraps lists that you had

those were SUPER rawesome

but this scissors to the hair contest list is also very compelling

I'm male, but sometimes I feel like I need to check again....ok, I am still male. I hope the humor comes accross the right way. I always envisioned hair on me that would looke good kind of like yanni.
[www.bing.com]

or a windswept warrior look like lord of the rings
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I think she is envisioning something more like this
[www.bing.com]

la_veronique

I choose the name 'mislu' because its a name of a traditional wild vegetable from alaska. I used the name for along time before even thinking about it. Then I kept hearing people refer to me as female. I just wasn't getting it, they explained they were reading it as 'miss lu'. I said oh....ok that makes sense. But I haven't changed it. Perhaps I should for clarification, but then I actually kind of liked the ambiguity.

Phonetically the vegetable would be said something like MUZ-oo. I don't know how they got s and an l in there, or even the i. I think that linguists think differently for the spelling and romanization.

Well, the good and bad news is that my MIL is selling the home. We just had a several hour open house yesterday. That was something stressful for my partner who is a clean freak. We all have mixed feelings about her selling the home. This also includes my MIL. She has lived here for over 60 years, and really doesn't want to move, but she has a hard time going up and down the steps. Its also a large home that we have been helping her keep clean, but shes very particular, and I think she would rather live by herself and have hired hands come in to clean and help her cook etc... I have been trying my best, but I think she realizes its different when you pay someone you aren't related to to do work. You can offer criticism more objectively and frankly. At least I think that is what she has in mind.

LOL LOL LOL!

Either way it's your hair and I'm sure it would suit you to have long hair if it's what you gravitate towards.

I like the fingers in ears LALALALALALALALA the best. Great reaction that, totally aggravating to the person you're giving it to. Ha.


ETA you posted at the same time as me. Maybe it is good for her to sell her home, I hope it works out well for all involved.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/02/2011 01:00PM by coco.

HA HA!!!

hey mislu

i dug those photos you posted !

made my day

I am glad they were entertaining. By the way none of those people are me!

Some people have mistaken me for dean cain. I guess i sort of look like him on a bad hair day.
[www.bing.com]

Or like this
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Actually that looks more like my brother if you add about 50lbs.

The most amazing thing however are photos of him in high school. They could have come from my own photo album from high school. Even I have a hard time telling him apart from me.

I would have asked her what is wrong with hippies? But it's really interesting because you said you were thinking of getting a haircut independently of her. Why was that? Right now I have long hair. I always let it grow really long and then cut it really short. I guess as a woman I have that prerogative compared to a man. But I really can't imagine a MIL nagging a SIL to cut his hair, unless you are very young. I guess if you lived with her, then perhaps she would think you of a quasi-son or something...In any case, I would be pretty annoyed at someone overstepping their boundaries like that. I sure would let her know that since I am an adult I choose my appearance based upon my own likes and dislikes.

Banana who,
I guess thats right. I think I have gotten a little too close to her. I lived with her for the past year, taking care of her and her husband who is now dead.

I wear glasses,and my appearance often looks like this...a somewhat nerdy dean cain. In fact one of my nick names is 'Clark'.
[www.bing.com]

I should really get some photos of me. I pretty much have a crew cut now. I cut it short to keep from having to cut it for awhile. I cut it because I didn't like getting hair in my face.

Are you really as good-looking as Dean Cain? *swoon* I have never gone too gaga over men's looks, but he is one of the few exceptions... Besides this hunk of burning love:

[www.google.com]

AAAHHHH!!!! It's a dead guy!!!!! Unsexy!!!! Just imagine what he looks like now eh?

LOL...Well, before he died he was not in shape. I don't care. I LOVE the Doors!

I could look at a photo of jim morrison all day. In fact its probably a good thing that I don't have a poster of him, I would never take my eyes off him. Well, maybe a bit of an exageration, but he IS easy on the eyes, or I should say was...

Well, people in 4 states of the union have independently said that I look like the character 'clark' which dean cain played. I remember when I first heard that I said, I do NOT look like Christopher Reeve. Then someone explained to me that there was a new actor for a tv series or something. I never bothered to check until i heard it again, and someone said "dean cain'. Then i had to look it up. Well, I look like the nerd version, unfortunately no so much the hunk version. I think its a state of mind also. I think when I was younger and in shape i looked considerably more like the hunk version. but now I am older, not so much muscle, and a little spare tire forming. But then again dean cain is probably looking more like that also. I haven't heard anything about him recently.

Great compliment however. I guess it should give me some energy to try and look at my best, hit the weights again, buy a new suit etc... maybe get some contact lenses.

I never had the red 's' t shirt, but I am thinking I need to try wearing one under a suit and white shirt, i think it would be funny to take a photo where it looks like I am transforming into superman.
[www.bing.com]

Do it! Now we all want to see the Superman you .

This could be really fun. I will have to find the t shirt, I have a suit already. It could be embarrasing also. Believe it or not I don't have an internet cam for photos. who doesn't have one? I must be the only one. I wanted to get one sometime ago, but my partner said no. Hes worried about messing up the computer or something.