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Healing- Possible for me? Help & Friends NEEDED
Posted by: autumn-vegan ()
Date: August 20, 2015 02:17PM

What follows is an abbreviated version of my LONG LONG story:

February 12, 1994 is my birthday (:
Born to, unfortunately, two highly abusive has untreated mental illnesses. Dad is an enabler. It's a loveless marriage. She cannot take care of herself, they are legally married so she can have a roof over her head and money in her wallet. She wanted a child at a late age (nearly 40 y/o) for several reasons, none of them good. Currently, she and my father believe I will take care of her when dad retires. HA! They're not wrong. Keep reading.

In 2009 (freshman year high school, age 14), I developed chronic migraines. My mother has them as well. Parents refuse me treatment. Condition worsens, failed out of high school 2011 (junior year, age 17). Showed up for school during exam week...pulled into the school social worker's office and told to go home! Not to bother showing up again until next year! "You've failed every class. There would be no point in taking any exams." Parents "aren't surprised". But, they become quite angry when school takes us to court for habitual truancy. Parents hire a lawyer and try to file a disability case, plus a complaint case against the school. Complicated! 'Twas great being the center of 3 legal battles, all while continuing to be trapped in the chronic pain cycle. Unable to simply receive a high school diploma.
I was permitted a neurologist visit in 2011. Lawyer told parents it was necessary to win our legal battles. The diagnosis: chronic migraines, just like I'd been sayin'. The treatment: first I tried amitriptyline, then escitalopram. A side of rizatriptan and ibuprofen. Did any of that really help? Well...

I'd never been into health. My parents had taught me their key core-values of self-hatred and self-harm/destruction. That was my life, y'all! I was a dedicated anti-self sort. Yuck. The sort of toddler who was fed McDonald's a few times a day. I became a full-blown binge eater at age 13. Part of my mom's BPD (borderline personality disorder) is EDNOS. She pushed me to binge (still does) so that I would appear fatter than her.
I did not realize any of this until: one fateful trip to the Mexican-American border where I got food poisoning for WEEKS in November, 2010. Yes. It took the worst case of anything I'd ever had to temporarily halt the onslaught of junk food I was (otherwise) always eating. And during the recovery from that food poisoning, while I could only eat 1 applesauce cup every 24 hours, I realized, "Wow, I feel amazing. I don't want to go back to binge eating junk food."
And so, in December of 2010, I began to dabble in raw veganism! (Thanks to tumblr)
EXCITING + The best actual decision I've ever made.
From there, I descended into vegetarianism for awhile, as I didn't truly know much about food yet, but I soon came back to veganism. When exactly? Not sure. However, my mother attempted to have me hospitalized for an eating disorder several times since changing my diet and lifestyle to one of health. This is still a fantasy of hers. She continues to chase her dreams. Let's just say there are many fights at home.

So, my point being, by December of 2010 I'd turned to health. Which fixed more of my symptoms than medication ever did. I was required to be on medication, either that or more legal trouble ensues, and it did reduce the stress (my headaches were/are 'stress trigger'), but truthfully a healthy lifestyle is quite the cure for my chronic migraines.

I think, in the end, it was the stress, coupled with the medications, that caused round 2 of chronic illness to show up!

In September of 2011, I headed back to the same high school I'd failed out of. They'd already made me well aware I wouldn't be graduating. I'd be carrying out my last year here, then probably getting a GED. At this point in my story, I hope you've all realized said school was equally abusive to me. And not just me, others as well. More about that later. I lasted two weeks at that school. They suspended me and threatened to arrest me if I came back. DRAMA DRAMA

And that, friends, was the final nail in my coffin: I was shipped off to private school. Not just any private school, one that is part of a hospital. It is for students suffering from mental and/or physical illness of all sorts. On the days we did get lunch, it was served in the mental hospital. There wasn't a cafeteria in our building, which was itself a converted mental hospital, and how ironic is it that my mother worked at said converted school building when it was still a hospital? *shudder*
This school was in session 3 hours a day. "Classes" were 30 minutes long. It was a room, with 5 kids max, and one supervisor. You came in, sat for 30 minutes and did whatever work was in your folder, then left. It was supposed to be a super low-pressure environment. "No homework! It's school policy!" They proudly declared.

Ok, right. Three teachers decided chronic migraines weren't a real medical condition. Three teachers decided I didn't actually need to be at this special school. Three teachers decided I was to do "normal coursework". Three teachers decided I would NOT be graduating that year, but that I was to spend the next 1-2 years "working" for my diploma, like "everyone else". Just to be clear, there were kids who came to school and slept. Laid their heads on the tables, and slept. Those kids...they were permitted to have a regular high school diploma even after doing literally nothing. Let that sink in.
Me, on the other hand, I took dozens of classes. I re-took every class I failed or received a D in (which was mostly every class I'd ever taken in high school), and on top of it I took every class I needed to graduate. These three teachers also threw in a few extra courses that I didn't need. For no reason. And I had no say.

TWO. BACKPACKS. That is what I lugged to school, every day!

My day consisted of: 9 AM. Put a new pair of sweatpants on, put a new baggy T-shirt on, pack up whatever homework I'm working on, and head to school. Turn in my monster pile of work. Sit at my assigned table, continue working. Talk to no one. Leave school, get home, crash on couch for a few hours. Nightfall arrives. Wake up, unzip backpack and hammer away at work until 9 AM rolls around. Repeat. Some days, I had so much work I simply did not sleep...for days. Weekends were 100% work days.

I missed more school than ever, got more migraines than ever, lived less healthily than ever, ingested mucho caffeine, needed more medication than ever, you get the point!

This all went down September 2011-June 2012

The nearer graduation came, the more these teachers pushed for me to not graduate. They discussed at length with my parents why I should not be permitted to finish high school. They handed me extra textbooks, during the last 2 weeks of school, saying these were entire extra courses I'd need to finish before graduating. "Read the book cover to cover. Do all the work. If not, I'll see you in summer school. By the way, it's too late for you to even turn in all that work. I refuse to correct it all. Scratch everything, I'll see you in summer AND fall session." TERRIFYING, right?!

The administration? Nice people, but pushovers. I could not BELIEVE how little help they offered me. In the end, their compromise was that I'd have to do ALL the work before the middle of June, but that if I were to accomplish that, I'd be allowed to graduate. To make matters worse, that school didn't have exams. They had "work equivalent". Yep, that's right- I was handed a stack of papers thick enough to be a copy of Vogue, for each class, and told "this is your exam equivalent. It's due by Friday." I don't know about you guys, but just leafing through six copies of Vogue is tiring.


...However I didn't sleep for 4 straight days. I missed my graduation. I didn't show up for the last week of school. I handed my mom a mountain of completed work to turn in for me, two days after the semester was over. Then, I SLEPT. FINALLY

Transcripts came back spotless, every last class had gifted me a straight A for the final grade. That brought my GPA up something like...2 points? I was super excited! This meant I could escape my abusive parents, abusive experiences with schools, health issues, all by running off to college! When I received that diploma, it was the best most worthwhile day of my existence!
On a quick side note: Our complaint case against my old school was taken up by the government Board of Education and they investigated the school for the maximum amount of time, 6 months, at the end of which the principal, vice principal, and assistant vice principal were fired. Hurrah! One small victory...

If I could go back in time, I'd honestly forego even getting a GED. Honestly. I'd prefer having my good health to any "education". I woke up the day after turning that work in, right about June 13th of 2012, and that is when the debilitating, life threatening, life ruining, I'd-rather-die-than-experience-this, sort of chronic illness symptoms started.

8 PM rolls around, and I black out like a bloody drunkard. I was fine all day. Then my vision was blurry, speech slurry, dizzy, nauseous, headache, tired, I sat down, and don't remember the next 4 hours. This happened daily for about 6-8 months.

It didn't stop there, other symptoms showed up along the way. Too many for me to even list! I thought I had IBS, diabetes, congestive heart failure, kidney failure, cancer, ME, CFS, narcolepsy, too many things that just didn't cohesively fit together. I was grappling for some sort of answer and meanwhile, dying (literally). My good friend from tumblr suggested it might be a problem with my adrenal glands. It seems she was right. That advice actually did save my life!

I've since self diagnosed non-24 circadian rhythm disorder free-rolling type & adrenal insufficiency (possibly Addison's or a pheochromocytoma)

Yes, I had to self-diagnose and self-treat entirely starting in October-November 2013, them abusive parents disallow me medical help.
I am still stuck living with them, due to these illnesses. AND, on top of that, they've stolen my identity. My social security, birth certificate, the whole ball of wax. I have never so much as SEEN those things. Hey, if you want to keep someone dependent on you, make sure you literally raise them to not know social security numbers even exist (my friends had to tell me about it), and keep them mega sick to the point where even if they WERE to recover said personal information and try to get a job, that'd efficiently end their life. Brilliant!

I have tried several adaptogen type supplements (among others), such as: Ashwagandha, rhodiola, schisandra, tulsi, astragalus, licorice, eleuthero, korean ginseng, american ginseng, coenzyme q10, hawthorn, vitex, a mushroom blend containing reishi (capsule), D3 transdermic patches, B12 transdermic patches, hoodia, probiotic capsules, Betaine HCL, chlorella tablets, valerian, 5 HTP, dandelion root, and more I'm not even recalling right now. I'll add them in as I do. The dozens of pills I swallowed daily helped me creep out of the grave. Not even exaggerating. Nope, not even a little. I was 100% bed ridden, could not sit up, could not stand up, in and out of consciousness, knew I was going to die (and still surprised I didn't).

So that brings me here, folks!

A timeline:
2009 chronic migraines start
2011 fail out of high school, see neurologist for diagnosis and treatment
2012 non 24 circadian rhythm disorder free rolling type & adrenal insufficiency starts
2013 I begin treating my new illnesses

It is now August of 2015 and I'm surviving. Still haven't seen a doctor since 2011. I am much better than I was all those years ago, but I continue to be very chronically ill. I need help curing my sleep disorder and adrenal problems.

I am looking for advice from all of you fantastic vegans!!! Books, magazines, websites, supplements, diet plans, foods, remedies, products, ANYTHING! I will take it. Feel free to share a personal story or 60 too (:

I am considering: going on a juice/smoothie diet, increasing raw intake, japanese knotweed, wild yam, huperzine, human growth hormone, supplementing amino acids, dimethylglycine, enzyme pills, butcher's broom, nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide, and a handful of other supplements I've recorded on my iPhone notes app haha.

Thank you friends for reading! Don't hesitate to flood me with recommendations!

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Re: Healing- Possible for me? Help & Friends NEEDED
Posted by: Ela2013 ()
Date: September 02, 2015 11:09AM

Wow, your story is totally overwhelming!

I don't know much about all the remedies you mentioned, but my advic~e would be to start eating fully raw vegan, focus on water-rich fruits, green juices, carrot juices, a healthy balance of 50 % fruits and 50 % veggies, no overt fats. Try to get a lot of sleep, stay hydrated (around 2 l of water daily) and have a positive mindset.


Raw vegan for life. Vegan for the animals. Raw for my health.

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Re: Healing- Possible for me? Help & Friends NEEDED
Posted by: autumn-vegan ()
Date: September 13, 2015 07:39PM

Ela2013 thank you for reading my story friend!!! I very much appreciate it!! Is there any reason you recommend carrot in specific? I do drink a lot of water but I've never specifically tracked how much. And the ratio of fruits to vegetables should be 1:1? The sleep part is where things get hard, because I don't live with supportive people, they simply won't allow me to sleep when I need to. ): Eating full raw will also be a challenge as they don't even like me being vegan heheh. I guess I'm not yet raw because transitioning to a lifestyle of high self-care while living with abusers hasn't been easy ): I wish there were a book written specifically about going raw in an abusive situation or something similar that's the sort of advice I could really use haha! Green juice I've found to be the most beneficial of all in terms of healing, how much is enough to drink a day? Fats like avocado and olive oil seem to help, which fats shouldn't I eat?

THANK YOU again for reading and the advice!!!

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Re: Healing- Possible for me? Help & Friends NEEDED
Posted by: jtprindl ()
Date: September 19, 2015 10:43PM

"It is now August of 2015 and I'm surviving. Still haven't seen a doctor since 2011. I am much better than I was all those years ago, but I continue to be very chronically ill. I need help curing my sleep disorder and adrenal problems."

For sleep:

Magnolia bark
Jamaican dogwood
Valerian root
Aromatherapy w/ lavender essential oil

For adrenals:

Rhodiola rosea
Panax ginseng
Stress reduction
E3 Live (B complex vitamins, Phenylethylamine)
Hemp seeds (Magnesium, amino acids, omega-3's)
Coconut water for electrolytes

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Re: Healing- Possible for me? Help & Friends NEEDED
Posted by: Ela2013 ()
Date: September 22, 2015 02:18PM

I recently bought a masticating / cold press / slow juicer and started drinking carrot juice and it has great effects on me, plus a very experimented raw vegan friend of mine practically grew drinking carrot juice, and he told me it's perfect for removing toxins out of your body. I drink 300 ml of carrot juice every two days, as I also use the carrot pulp, so I don't want to get too much pulp at once (like it would happen if I juice carrots every day).

I also recently upped my water intake to 3 liters / day, and I feel great, no bloating, very fast digestion, decreased hunger (if I don't drink enough water, my hunger increases a lot).

I also have trouble sleeping well because of the noise around me and a snoring husband, so I use sleeping ear plugs and I get my sleep this way with no problem.

I want to start juicing greens, as I have a manual masticating juicer and I intend to juice tender leafy greens (lettuce, parsley). I believe a glass of green juice / day should be enough, you must be careful not to drink too much (I once drank like 400 ml spinach juice at once and I got severe adverse reactions in the form of a gallbladder attack). If you make wheatgrass juice, you should drink only a shot (50 ml) / day.

I myself don't eat any overt fats, but you should do what agrees with you. If you are fine with avocado, then keep eating it, but in small amounts. Or have a period of time without overt fats for a speedy detox, then include them again in your diet. Fats to avoid are all oils (as they are not whole foods), olives (if salty and artificially oxidized, plus those that are kept in brine - if you find raw olives, these are the ones to eat), nuts (which are harder to digest). If you eat seeds, you must soak them for a better digestion. Regarding seeds, you should choose chia seeds, hemp seeds, flax seeds, rather than sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds. But the fats must primarily come from whole foods like avocado, which is a fatty fruit.

You should take care of your health no matter who surrounds you, I know it can be hard, but you must put your health first.


Raw vegan for life. Vegan for the animals. Raw for my health.

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Re: Healing- Possible for me? Help & Friends NEEDED
Date: October 10, 2015 01:49PM

Wow that is a truly terrible story. I'm so sorry your past happened to you, but I'm glad you want to love forward. I don't know anything about what to do in a situation like that, but I think the police could help with the stolen identities/abuse IF ONLY TI GET YOU YOUR PAPERWORK. Once you have it, keep it somewhere safe. If you have to lock it away, that's what you can use. If you were younger, even the system sounds better than that, they at least have to give you medical help. I hope you can achieve a better future than that past.

I really don't know anything about those sort of medical issues, but a lot of people have healed their diseases with juicing. Especially green juices. Good luck!

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Re: Healing- Possible for me? Help & Friends NEEDED
Posted by: autumn-vegan ()
Date: February 07, 2016 05:01AM

jtprindl- Thank you for the remedies, friend! I have not tried magnolia bark, jamaican dogwood, l-theanine, or capsule form of passionflower. I have done both passionflower and valerian as teas only. Valerian tea I occasionally drank an entire quart of, yet still found sleep impossible ): I have long used lavender for aromatherapy, but I now have a Young Living diffuser which I find most effective. It does help with calming. What I truly seem to need for sleep is a heavy sedative-type remedy. My circadian rhythm refuses to allow for a normal sleep-wake cycle, so I'd need something to more or less force it offline before my sleep clock naturally allows a sleep cycle. I am also considering a stimulant supplement that can be taken in the morning. One of my biggest issues is complete inability to remain awake. My fatigue and exhaustion become overwhelmingly intense when I try to wake up. While I am willing to try sleep aid supplements such as the ones you listed, my true issue isn't difficulty achieving rest & relaxation, rather inability to regulate circadian rhythm. It is a problem with the pineal gland and general endocrine system. For adrenals, I have heard of rehmannia but have not tried. Maca I ordered from The Raw Food World! I purchased gelatinized black maca powder, and that did help with energy, but I quickly developed a tolerance to it. So, it is not something that I can use daily. I have tried a supplement with cordyceps mixed in, but never pure cordyceps. I was actually most curious about chaga mushroom, and reishi spore? I've heard of E3 Live, but not sure if I want to take it. I do eat hemp, but I could always eat more! And yes, coconut water is a favorite beverage of mine (: Thank you again for these recommendations, friend

Ela2013- Thank you for relaying a personal experience with juicing! Good for you, getting a juicer! I found an old juicer among my parents things, a centrifugal machine. It leaked terribly and did not juice greens. I got rid of the thing pronto, didn't even last one use! I instead begged and begged and begged until, by some miracle, they agreed to invest in an Angel juicer! I was gifted said Angel juicer in December. Slow juicers are the best kind! I drink carrot juice as well. One of the first juices I made with my new machine was purple carrot. It was dark and intense, like ink. The pulp was beautiful! I saved it in my freezer. What do you do with your carrot pulp, may I ask? I should really try tracking my water intake. Because of my long-untreated adrenal disease, I may have renal failure. I do have the symptoms. However, they're vague and easily attributed to other causes. I am scared to drink too much water so as not to possibly worsen my kidneys. On top of that, a dermatologist put me on an anticholinergic in March of 2015 (Oxybutynin ER 10mg) to treat my generalized hyperhidrosis. This medication causes urinary retention. I was on 15mg for a short time, which I had to stop taking due to the inability to empty my bladder. Painful! I do not want to need this medication, but hyperhidrosis has been a lifelong disabling condition for me. Dermatologists are the one sort of doctor my parents allow me to see... My dad snores, my mom used to be a devout ear-plugger because of it haha. Me, well, I was never bothered by it, I was more bothered by the earplugs. But I am glad you've found a means of getting sleep! Green juice is my favorite kind. I like making a medley glass with everything from black kale to dandelion greens in it. I especially like picking things from my backyard to juice! Fresh juices have a NOTICEABLY uplifting effect on me. I want to sprout some wheatgrass soon, as I used to, but my house is a rather moldy dusty place. Not sure how much of a good environment this is to grow anything in. I actually drink a high volume of juice, 64-80 ounces a day are not uncommon. I do this most days, but not every day. It seems most effective when it is my first "meal" of the day so-to-speak haha. I do not have as good of results when juicing before bed, unless I am merely drinking lemon or lime juice plain, mixed with steam distilled water. I have never gotten any gallbladder attacks, yikes! Fresh juice is THE one form of nourishment my body actually agrees with. My body hates food- bloating, distension, water retention, slowed throbbing heart rate, general slump into fatigue, shortness of breath, general poor digestion. After I eat, I don't feel alright for several hours. After juice, I feel better right away! I may do a juice fast, but I am debating how to go about it? I honestly eat a great deal of fats! I have tried a low fat diet, and for awhile I was fat free. For some reason, I seem to function better with higher fat intake. I eat nuts and oils, as well as higher fat fresh produce items like avocado and banana or coconut. Yes, I agree, putting ones health first is the priority, but it can become very difficult when said health is so poor it deteriorates all will and ability for self care to begin with ):

blankpageblankbook- Thank you for reading my story! I have talked to the police. I was told that because of my extreme rehabilitative health needs, there is nothing that could be done to help me. I need a facility that provides free confidential health services. Considering I have no personal information, no insurance, no money, no place to stay while receiving treatment nor means of transportation, I can't exactly pursue professional medical attention. In order to begin the legal battles with my parents, I need to be healthy. The FIRST and foremost thing I need is medical attention. It isn't available to me. There is no service that deals with my specific situation- a healthcare provider to victims of abuse. I often wish I had been taken into "the system" (adoption agencies, foster care) because, as you mentioned, more of my basic needs would have been met. However, I am no longer a minor. Social services can do nothing for an adult, like myself. I, too, hope for a better future. Yes, healing myself with juices is currently my plan. I have heard many positive stories of full recovery come out of the juicing world. I hope I can be one of them!

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Re: Healing- Possible for me? Help & Friends NEEDED
Posted by: Ela2013 ()
Date: February 25, 2016 10:10AM


I've been using the carrot pulp in my sauce for the zucchini spaghetti, a sauce made with tomatoes, fresh dill, bell peppers or capsicums, the zucchini core and the carrot pulp. I also mixed the carrot pulp in my salads. When I last made the carrot juice, I gave the carrot pulp (from juicing 3 kg of carrots) to my mother-in-law to use, and she put most of it in the freezer.

I haven't made any carrot juice for quite a while now, I switched to apple juice instead (using the same slow juicer), I prefer it, as I felt I didn't want / like carrot juice anymore, and I didn't feel like eating all that carrot pulp.

With the apple juice, it turns out so good, and I also eat the apple pulp, it's so delicious, sweet and creamy, like an apple pie filling. You can add to it cinnamon, but I prefer it like it is. I recommend you try apple juice and eating the soft sweet apple pulp. I read the apple juice is great for the gallbladder. I recommend using Golden apples. The ones I find here (local ones) are smaller and have an intense yellow colour, are very ripe and the juice is so creamy, like a smoothie, and the apple pulp is the sweetest (compared to red apples).

I kept making my green juice with butter lettuce, I use 3 heads of butter lettuce for one juice and I get between 900 ml and 1100 l of green juice. It made miracles for my teeth pain, swishing it in my mouth especially on the painful areas, the teeth pain was gone.


Raw vegan for life. Vegan for the animals. Raw for my health.

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Re: Healing- Possible for me? Help & Friends NEEDED
Posted by: autumn-vegan ()
Date: September 25, 2016 06:37PM


Your sauce made with carrot pulp sounds like a great idea! I never thought of that. I will have to try it. I am tempted to dehydrate some of the pulps and powder them, then add the powder to smoothies? I dehydrate & grind all of the nut pulps into flours, then refrigerate. I do love apple juice and apple pulp, I am reminded of raw apple sauce. Maybe I can make a raw treat out of apple pulp? Pie filling, like you said, out of soaked dates? That's wild about the lettuce juice relieving pain, I have never tried this myself, but have heard a similar story from someone who suffered from pain after years of sports- he made a daily healing concoction out of grated celery & apple cider vinegar. He swore by it, to the point where he handed out sheets of paper with his recipe & story to everyone in the neighborhood! After that, I started juicing more celery haha. I find the most immediately noticeable juice for me, other than that made of leafy greens, is pure lemon mixed with cold water. I can feel a positive effect right away.

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