In a few years my husband and I might have a child. I know if I have a child I want to raise him/her vegan-organic-raw and breastfeed for a long time. I know little about feeding a baby raw, although I will heavily research everything to know about it until I am completely confident (starting now). My husband is a meat-eater. His diet definately shifted after being with me. He eats more plant food and only organic (at home anyways). He is open and supportive about my choices, although I am not sure how he would react to feeding his child in this way. My diet seems insane to his family, who are all basically steak and potatoes types or people that love to barbeque and drink soda. I don't talk to them very much about my food choices because I feel giant a communication barrier in this respect. Their diet is so ingrained to them. I know my husband wants to move closer to them, so they will be a larger part of our lives. I feel confident about being raw and confident that it is best for my future child, but feel anxious about his families reactions and have doubt they will be respectful of this. I am usually pretty flexible and willing to comprimise, but feel strongly about this. This problem seems momentous to me. Does anyone have any advice about how to cope with my husband's family and guide my husband to see my position (which we can hopefully come to an agreement upon).



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2008 03:26PM by Joanne81.

This is where we're pioneering on unchartered territory and where it gets a bit challenging. I know raw foodists have been around for many years and we're new to this, but I think there are so many shifts taking place in the world that are putting a spotlight on diet,nutrition and health.

I had similar experiences with my ex boyfriend's family who were very hard core SAD eaters...steak every night, no kidding. They were nice folks, but I know they thought I was a little kooky. Had I married their son and had babies, I know it would've been a difficult and very challenging proposition. I am going to raise my kids as raw vegans unless they decide when they communicate to me, they'd like to be vegetarians or cooked vegans. My ex was also SAD and a fast food eater who used to joke about my food choices. Although I know he accepted me as a raw vegan, I know that he would not have been okay with his kids eating raw. I asked him point blank. I know you're already married and committed so I don't share this to make it seem bleak and negative, but it may take a lot of strength on your part to stand your ground and maybe educate by demonstrating. I'm curious if you've ever prepared raw meals for your in laws, things they might like, like desserts? I've done this with my own family and it seems to have lessoned their judgement as to my lifestyle. But to be completely honest with you, it's really none of their business, just like it would not be anyone's business how I choose to raise my children.

The advice that I have about dealing with your inlaws is you have no power over what they think of you really nor how they're living their lives. Same goes with them regarding your lifestyle. You husband is married to you and not them, you know? His main priority should be you and focused on how you're feeling, what's best for your relationship. Just my own opinion on this subject. I apologize if I've overstepped my bounds.

It may take me awhile, but I know in my heart I can only be with a raw vegan guy who shares my intentions on how we should raise our children, should we decide to have them. I've become clear on this lately.

Not sure if I answered your question because I'm not really in the same position, but just wanted to offer my support and to just say stay strong and you may have to do some pushing back. Have you asked your husband directly? You may be surprised to find out he's on board with you and/or you can make some compromises if you have to.

I wish you all the best!

I think explaining it honestly...and with humor and respect....just as you expressed above...will work out fine. If they have 'complaints' you will hear them out carefully...and nod...and say, "I hear your concerns. Thank you."

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

My Husband's family is very SAD. They have gotten used to our many unconventional decisions. I think the most important thing is that you have your husband's support. They will follow his lead. I have been with mine for 16 years and we have three kids. If I could go back to the beginning and give myself advice on this issue, it would be to always accept their opinions lovingly, but make it clear that you will respect their right to their personal choices and you expect the same respect. Don't try to argue your dogma, you will only get more of theirs. Do what Dave Mason says and say "I hear your concerns, Thank you." We all are responsible for rearing our own children. If your child gets sick from what he/she is eating it is ultimately your respnsibility and no one else's.

The SAD diet clearly isn't working for the masses. People are getting sicker and sicker. Most people understand this and deep down may even wish they were on a healthier path. As you get older your health should be proof that you are making good choices. The proof is in the raw pudding.

Thank you for the kind words of support. I think my husband and I can work it out. You are right about my inlaws. This is one area where I will take a stand.

here's a whole raw parenting forum where this has been discussed recently.

[www.rawfoodtalk.com]

in my experience, friends and family have to be broken in as you go. This might take a while, but it works.
Even your busiest critics get tired of looking for flaws eventually, because picking on the vegetarian/vegan/raw foodist gets tiresome after a while

I had the same problem with my in-laws until I started bringing a few "wow them" raw dishes to our get-togethers. That changed their minds reeeeaaal fast! They're pretty understanding now, and curious. Some are even supportive. I think no matter how much you try and explain the raw lifestyle, they think you're living on apple peels and water until they see for themselves the wonderful kinds of things you might actually be eating.

I brought a huge kale salad to Christmas dinner two years ago, and it was one of everyone's favorite things, and I had many requests for the recipe. All the SAD eaters couldn't get enough of it. So my advice is to not worry about things that may not happen, and to always have raw goodies on hand when you visit the in-laws

about 25 years ago when I was raising my first two children I decided to not fee them sugar and maintain a reletivly good wholesome meals {according to what I knew at the time in nutrition} My parrents were horable concerning my decisions, I was called a fanatic and I am sure other things, I was divorced as well and their father testified in court concerning my lunacy in not feeding the children sugar coated foods, He even testified in court that he felt so concerned with this that on his weekends he felt he couldnt get enough sugar in them. What a joke. Well after time My mother got cancer and my parents than began to look into nutrition. {that is when I discovered about raw foods} My childrens father aquired diebetes and other malidies due to poor nutrition. Now that my children are adults they tend to be a little more aware of their nutrition and my daughter talks about raising her child by feeding it good nutrition. It is good to have support when going against the norm of society but when support is not their just take a look at those who are pushing the candy coated fake fruit at the children and how unhealthy they are. Children have a clearer mind and less problems when eating healthy foods. I would also suggest arming yourself with articals and books concerning protien and calcium which seem to be the main concern with people when they find out one is eating a plant baised diet.
Best of luck on your choices

my advice is... don't go looking for a fight. the way you hold yourself and present your "argument" when you believe the other party is going to attack you does more to invite the very attack you are expecting. just assume that you have the right to raise your kids how you would like, because you do, and strive to keep an air of calm confidence around the issue. and once you and your husband decide between the two of you what and how you are going to feed your kids, let him know that its important to you that he backs you up with his family. if necessary, one simple "this is the way we're doing it, we love you, end of discussion" from him will go farther than years of your explanations, proofs, and protestations.

good luck!

Around our anniversary, my boyfriend freaked out about the whole hypothetical kids situation. He's 100% committed to eating SAD. I don't judge him, but he assumes because I'd want to raise kids differently than he does, I'm automatically judging him.

"What are you going to tell them when they ask why is daddy eating meat?! Are you going to tell them, 'Oh, daddy's bad'?"

It's really not an issue worth pushing for a number of reasons, but in his mind, right now, he can't see past it, he only sees an issue of divisiveness.

I can't put anything into my children's body that I wouldn't put into my own (unless they are able to tell me otherwise). Furthermore, if you HAVE the information and LIVING proof that eating XYZ retards your child in a countless number of ways, HOW could you do it regardless? It's that fundamental disconnect pervading modern society.

I kind of think... some people take it in a way, that, say, your parents didn't know white sugar was detrimental so they fed you TONS of it. Now, the world evolves, people learn, and find something a little closer to the truth. You are only doing, in your situation, what you know is best--just like your parents!--but they can't help but feel a subtle "I did wrong."

The ego...

Anyway, I'm sure if we raise them in great health of body/mind/spirit, our kids would be able to hand it to us, too, a generation from now. We just have to collectively help each other to become better... and think about the wellbeing of future generations!

Anyway. That's my whole ramble on the topic. I'm in no place to have children at the moment, but the least I can do is build my body to give them nothing but the best. =)

It's not about condemning anyone (inlaws, ways of life), it's about doing and giving your best. I think, if you and your man can see eye-to-eye on that much, everything can flow from there.

If you are going to raise your children vegan, its imperative that you see that they will get all the nutrition that they would get on the SAD. It might affect them negatively if they don't.

VeganLife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If you are going to raise your children vegan, its
> imperative that you see that they will get all the
> nutrition that they would get on the SAD. It might
> affect them negatively if they don't.


now this just doesn't make any sense to me at all. a sad diet is deficient in nutrients, not the other way around. you'd have to be eating a whole lotta crappy vegan food to get less nutrients instead of more.

My husband still eats meat sometimes. I tell my kids that is his choice and he chooses to because of his addictions. When my kids are old enough I let them make that choice as well. The two that are old enough choose not to. I think if given all the information (health and humane concerns) from the beginning, all children will choose not to eat animals.

I also think if people genuinely want to know how you get your protein and calcium you should give them a generic answer like "from greens or vegetables" and if they want more info offer to email them a link. If they are confronting you about where you get your nutrition I think you should just say "there are a lot of books out there you can read if you want to educate yourself. I can suggest some if you like." It is not your responsibility to defend yourself from the ignorant and you shouldn't waste energy on someone's negativity. Life is too short for that. If anyone has a problem with your personal choices, it is their problem to deal with and you can not "fix" it for them.

also adding to Pakd4fun's answer I think it's good to suggest they research it themselves and not get drawn into a discussion because most people won't back down if they have taken a strong stand no matter what you say. It's a pride thing. They might change their views in private when there is no confrontation or difficult situation abounding.

when I was younger I would have lengthy discussions/defense sessions with people but now I only ever discuss my diet with people who are genuinly interested and listening. On the other hand I never offer advice/opinion unless asked directly

"there are a lot of books out there you can read if you want to educate yourself. I can suggest some if you like."

that's brilliant, i love it.

Wow, thanks coco.

seriously, that's the best answer i've ever heard. i'm filing that away for future use. it covers so many topics too and it's a gentle, loving invitation to knowledge instead of an arguement. brilliant.

When I read stuff like this, all I can think is, "Shouldn't people be questioning meat and dairy eaters about what THEY feed their children?"

[utopiankitchen.wordpress.com]

<<When I read stuff like this, all I can think is, "Shouldn't people be questioning meat and dairy eaters about what THEY feed their children?">>

Right?! Aren't we backwards! And it isn't like there isn't tons of evidence to back that up.

coco Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> VeganLife Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > If you are going to raise your children vegan,
> its
> > imperative that you see that they will get all
> the
> > nutrition that they would get on the SAD. It
> might
> > affect them negatively if they don't.
>
>
> now this just doesn't make any sense to me at all.
> a sad diet is deficient in nutrients, not the
> other way around. you'd have to be eating a whole
> lotta crappy vegan food to get less nutrients
> instead of more.


yup.

it's a wonder i'm still alive, considering what i used to eat. LOL. my diet as a teenager consisted of oreo cookies, snickers bars, cheetos and diet cokes. my parents had absolutely nothing to do with it and would've had a heart attack if they knew what i ate. they were pretty health conscious. considering the crap i used to eat for many years thereafter, i came out pretty well and now have a rawsome, strong and if i might add, hot body. hehe. ;-)

eating raw has reversed most of the damage i inflicted on myself. the body's innate intelligence will ultimately prevail. it has the power to reverse even the most destructive influences and regenerate itself. it's an amazing machine.

worst case scenario if raw vegan kid aren't getting proper nutrients, which i highly doubt...using myself as an example, they will be light years ahead of where i was anyway and super healthy.

formula for good health in my opinion = good intentions, plenty of fresh living food and lots of love.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/22/2008 08:16PM by rawangel.