I felt the urge to post something that I am not very proud of. I used worked at a seafood restaurant during a summer while in college and I used to kill lobsters and clams. Looking back on my life I guess I was in a desperate time and I felt pretty lost. I was somehow able to justify it, by telling myself that someone else would be doing it, it was just for a summer and a family member got me the job. I was a vegan back then, so it was a weird dynamic. Inside it made me feel sick to a degree, but I was also able to go through the motions and distance myself from my actions. I take responsibility and am sorry for the animals that I murdered. I respect them and love them. Unfortunately I can't go back in time and erase it, so I will use that experience as a way to understand other people who can numb themselves to the pain of others and "go through the motions" of killing. For the rest of my life I will honor their memory by never being part of something like that, doing my best to never exploit animals directly or indirectly and always speak up for the animals whenever I can.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/17/2008 06:30AM by Joanne81.

I'm no priest, but you're forgiven in my book. We've all done things we're not proud of -- that's life -- but I think the lesson lies in what we do with that fact, how deeply we learn from it.

Yes. I hear you. Very noble.

-I ate meat for many years. My allowance of this practice doubly humilitating because I did not take personal responsiblity for the raising or killing of the animals I ate every day. It is THIS lack of responsiblity and consciousness that is the true killer. The meat is only the leftover poision.

-Of course, I have not eaten meat since this moment of clarity....perhaps 10 years ago. I, perhaps, have a good perspective of not being particularly judgmental of others eating and living habits....since my practices were about as bad as you can get. But as such, I am certainly proud of my accomplishments in turning my life around and being honest about MY dreams.....and the highest dreams of my life.

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

Thank you both. I don't usually think about it, because it is in the past and whats done is done. For the last few days I have been sponstaneously thinking about it for some reason. I have been feeling badly about it. I wanted to get it off my chest, but most people I know would just laugh. Thanks for listening and helping me to accept it.

Congratulations David for having that moment of clarity and being true to your sense of what is right. It is a wonderful thing. I think making those difficult connections are often painful, but it great for the soul.

Yes. I heard a term somewhere called "righteous regret". It is that honest sense of true positive remorse/regret for having done something wrong....coupled with a deep/renewed sense of commitment for doing something right....with the long-term plans to go with it. This is something totally different from the more 'useless' feelings of guilt, shame, false-humility and de-personalizing (doing things for others as an excuse for neglecting yourself).

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

Yes, we have all done things we need "rghiteous regret" for. I love the term righteous regret. That is something I have been trying to teach my kids, expecially the twelve year old. Thanks David.

Forgive yourself.
I recently weeded my patio planter,and afterward discovered I must have sat on a million of those little tiny red "ants" or whatever they were.
Everytime we drive a car or even walk down a sidewalk,we might be killing something.
Do we just move into plastic bubbles and live our lives?
Brian

ditto on the forgiven part. we all do things we`re not proud of for various reasons at various times in our lives. we do, we learn (hopefully) and we grow (hopefully)

I completely and totally hear your pain 11000000000%.

I'm still struggling to get rid of my job. I serve at a place that is like Frankenburger McSAD. I've been serving for years, and even when I was vegan, I was okay with it because *I* didn't do the killing, and other people were just making their own decisions.

But now that I'm raw, it's totally different. I feel like my heart is stuck under the flat iron on the grill. I feel the weight of the suffering of the animals all around me. I see the tiredness in the people's eyes. I've seen two year olds recovering from chemotherapy, coming out for french fries and ice cream. I've seen old men drop over and have to get wheeled out of the place on a stretcher. I am in huge spiritual crisis, and the callbacks for my 2309482309842093849 prospective jobs can't come quickly enough!

I have to cry so much. I don't know what else I can do for that place. Pray? I do my best to set an example to live by.

I need to pay rent... and I need to pay for my organic food bill.

There's an even bigger dilemma, though: "If I don't do it, someone else will." Our entire species is just beating itself over the head, time and time again, completely unaware there is something better, until they beat themselves 6 feet underground! The problem won't go away, even if I go away. So it's like, the extent of my pain is not JUST the exposure to the factory farming hell, but seeing such a manifestation of collective UNconscious, when really, what this world needs more desperately than ever is COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS. I am you are me, and if Joe down the street believes the only way he can survive is to kill cows until he has a heart attack, we still have a problem, even if I've washed my hands of the situation.

I did apply at a raw food restaurant today, on an up note. =D And I cried the whole way home in the car, thinking about how much my current job just crushes my soul.

You definitely have to let it out. You also need to be grateful that you have regained your capacity to FEEL these feelings. Just like our bodies and simple hunger/eating cycles need to be honored, we need to honor our emotions just as much, and our intuition. It's part of who we are... part of becoming whole.

I don't know, lately my days have been like ARGHJ_#4096LVME#)(R#)OFKELFVKDS:FO)(#R_#) (*#%03984039853)(*_++++SPIRITUAL CRISIS

I'm paying my rent with blood money. I really don't want to be homeless, so all I can do is my best to transition and pray the universe will assist me in making a softer landing. As long as the sun still shines and trees still bear fruit, we have everything we need to find our way out.

Maybe another way to look at this. As I see it your confession is part of your detox. You're releasing that guilt you were hanging onto in your tissues for years perhaps and you've let it go. What a miracle. I really like what everyone has said, especially David.

I believe the first step to forgiving yourself is acknowledgement which you've done. Next step is to release the judgement and understand every single solitary experience we have on this earth serves a purpose. We are simply creating and growing along the way.

We all have dark sides that we're generally in denial of and we all have done things we regret. We all have the opportunity to heal ourselves and others with our newfound knowledge and greater appreciation for life perhaps. And we can do this without taking on tremendous responsibility for the world, but merely lighting the way with our own individual life and life choices. That's all it takes. Someone is always watching, especially children.

There was sweet little girl about 3 years old in the grocery store yesterday, riding in her Mom's cart. In the way only a child (or a big child adult ;-) ) can be truthful and share, she told me she hated the spinach in my cart, but loved the strawberries. We happened to be in the checkout line together and I noticed they didn't have any strawberries. I whispered to her Mom and asked if I could give her a box. I did just that and she smiled wide and her eyes lit up, saying "ooh strawberries!!!, thank you". I have not seen such joy in awhile and it made me smile and touched my heart.

This is what I try to focus on now and not when I ate a BBQ spare rib when I myself was three, or killed fish with my Dad on fishing trips, or ate cheeseburgersand God knows what else at McDonald's with my pack of adolescent friends almost every day after school. It's good to acknowledge it to heal, but then you must let it go....we learn and grow daily.

JoAnne you're amazing and perfect as you are. All-ways.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/17/2008 05:37PM by rawangel.

Well Im worse.

I like animals but that is not the reason why i try to eat raw. I do think after becoming raw though, that meat makes me more angry if that is the right word. I wasnt very angry before but Im nicer now...I think.. but that is probably becasuse I feeling much better and everything is so much nicer now. But Im not thinking much about animals and thinks its absolutely ok If my friends chooses to eat meat. Its theire choice...
Then I would stay away from a job like that but some people are ok with it.

Right Livelihood.

<sigh>

There are innumerable people going to their graves hating me. Some with justification.

______________

from: [www.opendharma.org]

Silently reflect on and then repeat these or other similar words:

If I have caused any living being harm, intentionally or unintentionally, I ask forgiveness.

If any living being has caused me harm, intentionally or unintentionally, I offer forgiveness. (Some people feel more comfortable saying, "I offer peace."

If I have caused myself harm, intentionally or unintentionally, I forgive myself.

______________

The last is often the most difficult.


Lee

[www.dhamma.org]

^I wrote that one down, thanks...

You are very welcome.


Lee

"May all beings be happy."

[www.dhamma.org]

[www.speciesalliance.org]

I just wandered across something about mass extinctions. I get overwhelmed sometimes...

Thanks for posting that. I felt resistance watching it because it is so sad, but it is important and I am still hopeful. It is up to us to help heal the world and I am ready. There is not greater cause.

Thats very nice of you.. Whats done is in the past and can be cleared out of conciousness by using meditation, visualizationsd and asking the universe for forgiveness. Your post reminds me that I should do teh same (although I have been a vegetarian since birth, but I have had dairy until I started raw).

Many Thanks to you for this message.

Take care
Anu Iyer

Wow. Well, others have said it well enough. We all fight our battles here. I struggle with enabling my family to eat meat and am actually buying that stuff off and on. It's complicated but I know most of you are familiar with that stuff. It's the same as killing clams for others to eat~

lemoned Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Wow. Well, others have said it well enough. We all
> fight our battles here. I struggle with enabling
> my family to eat meat and am actually buying that
> stuff off and on. It's complicated but I know most
> of you are familiar with that stuff. It's the same
> as killing clams for others to eat~


*hugs* I deal with the same thing



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