Dear all,

I need to share this with you all. I have been having a tough time for teh past several weeks (emotionally and physcally).

I realize that I have vented so many times about this, but I still have to again... I am sorry...

I posted this as a reply to another post, but I wanted to open a new topic, so I can get advise/ input from you all.


Because my in-laws are visting us for a few weeks, and they hate raw, I have been cooking pretty junky foods for the kids and me. I eat a small cooked meal (about 10% and rest all raw (90%). My inlaws keep telling me how sick I will get this way eating just fruits and vegetables, so I am making exotic cooked vegan items just to keep them quiet. This included, for the past few weeks, fried and sweet cooked items. Everything i was not using before....

Now, result: I feel terrible. I mean I am just not feeling well. I ate some packages samosa (Fried Indian snack - spicy) and banana chips for the past few days and it made it lot worse. I bought them just to keep the inlaws quiet Otherwise it will be like "they don't feed teh kids anything... and on and on". FromSunday, just because it was there, I have ben snacking on the samosas and chips. I am not used to this type of snacks and my body is telling me very strongly.

I am able to step back and analyze what I am doing. I am just letting others take over and run my life. I have to stop that.

But I don't know how to ...

How to stop caring about what others think of me? And then this fear of getting sick - my mil keeps saying that I will lose my bones etc and she tells other the samething.. She is 74 and is pretty strong, so she wants me to eat exactly what she eats. I can't do that as it doesn't work for me.

While she can't force me, she makes me feel intimidated. I am actually scared to eat raw, I know this sounds silly, but this type of mind conditioning is hard on me..

What would you do, how do you let this NOT get to YOU?

Any advise is welcome, and Thanks

Take care
A Iyer



Take care
A Iyer

A lyer:

-You are going about this in the wrong fashion. It is NOT about fighting what other people think about you (others will ALWAYS have their opinions). It is about YOU pursuing YOUR passionate goals. If you have laser-clear goals....and pursuing them makes you happy....then you are doing the best favor you can for your loved ones (modeling loving behavior). If eating well brings you stress and anxiety....then your loved ones will fight you. If eating well brings you peace and happiness....then you WILL find a way to not be defensive about it....and treat the subject with humor and dignified boundaries. Why allow this to be an issue with loved ones? You'll have a hard enough time with any personal challenges! Ha! ha!

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

I TOTALLY agree with the DMZ a THOUSAND percent. It is SOOo true. People are like animals. They sense fear just like dogs. If a dog senses that you are afraid, sometimes they will pounce on you. People are like that too. People are animalistic and operate on a deeply subconscious level whether they realize it or not.

If you exude and emanate profound confidence, joy and peace in what you are doing, they can't touch that and will in fact perhaps come to embrace it for themselves.

This is from my observation.

I Agree with DMZ and la_veronique.
Focus on what you are doing.

I have made the mistake of sharing what im doing with others and often found that im just handing them a stick to beat me with!

I know whats right,I eat raw i feel good. I eat cooked i feel ill.
Simple as that.

I just dont tell people any more. I just do it.

About the only people i share with are my immediate family, even they dont understand some of what I say to them, how could i expect them to if they dont eat raw?
its taken me a long time to figure out and understand that its such a personal journey.
You choose to make it as easy or difficult as you wish.
Blessings
Lorretta

The biggest challeneg people have with raw foods is emotions and attachment.

Yes thier is an addicting quality to certain foods but you need to learn how to deal with the emotions.

Lets face it in the end we are accountable for our own actions no matter what they are.

Food is a perfect examples of "karma"

If you live with natural laws than you will be O.k.

You just need to build up some self confidence I commend you for typing about this because you are not the only one on this board that needs to realize hey your not doing nothing wrong and hey this is better for the whole planet.

Best of luck on your future decisions.

Yep..Emotions are all wrapped up in food. Your emotions..your family's emotions. Prolly your dog's emotions too. I see how my puppy looks at me when she wants a treat.

Keep juicing and taking in good food. Over time it will give you the strength you are looking for. Especially now. Juice like crazy to get all that stuff flushed out. You will think more clearly, I promise. And keep talking on the board. This board can be a great support for you.

Much love.

anuiyer7
At 90% you are doing very well.
Keep focused on the 90 not the 10!
Hugs
L

zella:

<<Prolly your dog's emotions too. I see how my puppy looks at me when she wants a treat. >>

HA HA! smile
that manipulative conniving sweet talking canine!

Lorretta Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> anuiyer7
> At 90% you are doing very well.
> Keep focused on the 90 not the 10!
> Hugs
> L

i agree!!
patty

Hey,

I would rather give it to my dog at least he treats me well relatives like this are a piece of cra#.

Who do they think they are puting you down for such elevated acts they should bow thier heads down to you for improving your life and the planets.

They are to weak to do it so on with your meat and veggie meat balls.

People when they make these kinds of comments do bother me, I am not so enlightened as David and LaV. It isn't that I have any fear that I am making the wrong decision--I read a lot of papers and have absolutely no doubt about what I am doing for the most part (although I am flexible as to some specifics). But it bothers me that others don't see the same thing. Don't have the same knowledge.

Their words are coming from fear, as are your feelings--you want to be accepted by them and yours is a fear of rejection. I guess mine is too. I fear for them, I fear for the planet, and I fear for the animals and the corporations that profit by their destruction. I would rather that they embrace my path, not just because it would make me feel better, but because it is the right thing to do on so many different levels.

But the results speak for themselves, also. This is especially evident as we age. You are still young and at an age where most of your peers look pretty good. But, in 10, 20, 30 years, the differences will be startling. That's more than proof, if you ask me. You just have to have confidence in yourself and not be swayed by a wish to please. What you think of yourself is the most important thing.

I could take some of that advice for myself as well.

I empathisize one hundred percent. Part of why I have not been able to go raw yet is b/c fear of how my controlling father who is very "mainstream" (and very sick) will judge and react and dig his heels in. Stick to your guns. This is your body, your vehicle, you must care for it!

That can be so difficult, especially with such a long-tem visit.

When I first became vegetarian, I am kind of embarassed to admit that I was sometimes critical about my husband's meat-eating and other bad habits. Which was really silly - it was me that changed, not him, so how could I be so thoughtless! But he was a really good sport about it, and tried his best to eat what I gave him, although I don't doubt that he snuck away for a burger now and then.

But one day, we had a talk, and he pointed out that he was glad I liked that diet, but he didn't. He claimed he just didn't feel right and would prefer to eat the way he always has. He was very respectful, much more so than I had been. And I realized he was kind of right. His time to make changes will be different than mine and that is fine. I also discovered that when I stopped labelling things vegetarian, they became less threatening to everyone!

So, the first step for me, was to just continue cooking my favorite vegetarian foods, and also make sure to have one thing on the table that was meat. And to my amazement, my husband is the biggest salad eater in our whole family. He hates to ever have a meal that doesn't have a salad in it. Sometimes he even forgets to eat the chicken or whatever, but it needs to be there for him. And my kids are way more adventurous about eating vegetables now that nobody is declaring them to be healthful or any of that craziness! (fruit has always been a favorite, so no problem there)

I guess what I am trying to say, is that I found that the more respect I give to those around me, the more they are able to give me back in return. As long as I was trying to promote my own ideas, everyone had so much resistance, but once I supported their ideas they all seemed to come around a lot!

It's so sad that your relatives have heard your "LABEL" (raw), because if they weren't aware of it, you could probably downplay it so much that they would hardly notice. (just so long as they have the things they are familiar with)

I have become so good at just quietly doing my own thing without bringing attention to myself that once, I fasted for 19 days on the master cleanse, and nobody even realized I had not eaten anything!! (my husband only caught on because he read one of my emails from my sister). And this is in a big family with four kids, and a constant flow of kid friends, work friends and neighbors always around. I don't have much privacy. It can be done.

Also, there is the other side. If I once in a while bake a killer batch of chocolate chip cookies for my kids, and "accidentally" eat one - well, it's not the end of the world. We are all allowed a few slip-ups. Certainly not worth beating ourselves up over.

Sapphire

It's someone else's line here, but I've used it and it works:

"I have done my research, and all factors and experiences weighed, I wholeheartedly believe I am doing what is best for ME and MY body (the health of my children, etc.). There is plenty of information out there, and if you are interested or concerned, I can point you in the direction of many wonderful books/articles/websites."

I honestly didn't believe that line would ever work when I read it here, but when I finally tried it, it actually stopped an argument and totally flipped the conversation for the better. :O

And then I got a warm, fuzzy feeling and was like, "Yup... I read that on the raw forum."

If people are pleased with you because you behave in a way just to please them, they aren't really pleased with you. Eat the way you want and she will accept you for who you are or not at all, her choice. So, you are different from her, it is obviously time for you both to accept it.

pakd4fun Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If people are pleased with you because you behave
> in a way just to please them, they aren't really
> pleased with you.

LOVE THIS!!
patty

you're much nicer than me, they'd be cooking their own food (if they had to have it). they're visiting you in your nest. why should you put your beliefs and values on hold? stand your ground, be raw and proud. as long as you're not preaching to them, they should respect where you are as well. seems like a lot of the balance is being placed in their court - you obviously respect them enough to be cooking for them. i get flak from my folks too, but the less i focus my attention on their comments regarding my food, the less impact it has on me. if anything, i feel more compassionate as i know i feel great and I don't need to focus my attention on what they're eating. :-D nothing in this world is worth me giving up my good health - no matter how uncomfortable it could get on the social front. take care of you...first and foremost.

Spirited opinionated people who feel they can say whatever they want to you are very hard to deal with. I have a similar situation with my mother. I find though that when I create a solid honest boundary - like I WILL NOT discuss my eating habits beyond a nod or two, let some time pass and gently change the subject the problem goes away.

Eventually if you don't argue or defend they will give up and respect your boundary. And don't beat yourself up too much over eating those chips. When someone is unsettling you it's hard to stay strong 24/7.

A, Only allow the truth in the situation. You are a powerful and wonderful being. Respect yourself as you respect others. You can cook whatever for your in-laws and prepare your rawfood for yourself and your family. You can lay the table with all the food and allow everyone a choice.

I cannot live for you and you cannot live for me. This is the same with your in-laws. They do not have to live your health consequences for foods that they wish you to eat. You are no longer a child but a well-informed adult.

Pls ask your in-laws to honor your dietary wishes as you honor theirs. In future, if they do not wish to honor/respect you, do not invite them to your home. I know this is difficult but in the raw path, we must keep close to those things/people that bring us closer to truth and let go of the false. If your in-laws cannot honor your truth, they are not honoring you as a person. This is a spiritual law and not a man-made one.

I have had to let go of all of my adopted family members because I needed to grow and find my true self. It has not been easy. I first left home at 18 yrs old. Then cut off any communication at age 21. I never spoke/saw my adopted parents again. While this may be extreme to you, it was my method of survival and I have become a better, well-adjusted person due because of my courageous actions. ff I could completely let go of may adopted family that was not nurturing me as a perons and do that without a job, a home, and without any adult role model in my life, you can overcome your situation.

Challenges come to make us grow as an individual. If you rise above the challenge, it will no longer be. If you continue to bow down to your in-laws, you will continue to be subject to them and are essentially allowing them to undermine your health and wellbeing and that of your family's, too. You are teaching your children that your in-laws wishes are more important than their own even if the wishes are not well-founded. You are also teaching your children to subject their health needs to the dietary dictates of others in a "honorary" role. This is the same problem that exists in Religion today. We put too much trust in that which is false, but that is another subject. I think you understand what I mean. As people seeking truth, we must only follow that which is truthful and those individuals who have proven themselves to have truth. I am not saying your in-laws are dishonest. I am saying that they have limited knowledge and your experience has proven to you what is right for your body. By subjugating your knowledge & experience just because they have a parent (leadership) role, you undermine your truth and will suffer more due to disavowing yourself.

I have heard that people who learn the truth about raw and clean up their diet and then go back to the junk suffer more than if they never knew. Some die very quickly after reverting back to a SAD diet. That is not to scare you but to make you aware of the consequences of blatantly ignoring the truth.

Hope the above in some way has help.

Best wishes, Therese

Now i understand your sig name 101....what an awesome life journey you`ve had thus far. i`m sorry you had to go through the emotional pain you did but what a wonderful self discovery path you`ve been on
patty

My opinion:
I've never been one to worry about what my parents think of what I do -- I do what I want (always have). They have made a lot of stupid choices in their lives (as we all have) and are not any better than anyone else. I started standing up to their "ways" as a young girl and am stronger because of it. I know it is tough, depending on your beliefs and how "good" they are in general ("good" meaning worthy of respect). You are a grown woman and capable of deciding what you put in your own body in your own home. What does your husband think of this? Does he back you up or defend them? They need to realize that you are doing them a favor by fixing them food you wouldn't ordinarily fix in your house. They need to be thankful and gracious, like you are.
Good luck!

Be true to yourself and eat the way that is best for YOU!

You can tell your inlaws that you've been consciously experimenting with different food choices and how they make you feel, and what you're noticing is that eating raw foods makes you feel good and eating cooked foods, especially the fried and sweet foods you've been eating lately, don't. It's intelligence to choose to eat the foods that make you feel good! Smile, thank them for their love and concern, but firmly tell them that you are deeply committed to eating the way that makes you feel the best!

That being said, when I have guests that eat cooked food I always serve something raw with every meal, either a large salad or a fruit platter, so that I have something to eat myself!

love

Patty, Thank you. We are all on a journey. Some of us are more aware of it than others. Thanks for your support. It means alot.

A, I thought I should add to my post above. I wanted to add that whenever I take food to work to share, my coworkers eat it all. Since I cannot eat what they bring and they see that I'm not fat and in as terrible health as they are, they want to eat what I am because in some way, they think that if they eat my food which they know is wholesome, they might gain some of what I have. This may be the way with your in-laws. Lead by example and be at peace with yourself. I do have to add that my coworkers also complain that I'm too picky, etc. However, that doesn't stop them from gobbling up my food. As an aside, I was the only one eating salads at lunch which I brought from home. Within a few months, the other women were eating salads at their desk, too! One even brought in lettuce and a cutting board! Ha ha.

Anyhow, enjoy life and worry less what others think of you but concern yourself more about what being true to yourself. You'll be a happier person.

Take care. Therese

I noticed you kept saying you were doing such and such because they were there, but the fact of the matter is that YOU choose what you eat, not them. You choose what the children eat, not them. You have to be strong enough to take a stand for yourself, for other animals, and the environment.

Life101,I agree with Patty.What a wonderful self discover,and what a courage you have. It's so wonderful hear stories like yours.
I have some relatives that I don't talk and want to see any more in my intire life too.They are so toxics,and that I don't want at all.

A,Sundancer made an important point,in my oppinion.What does your husband think about that? Does he back you up?
I had a little talk with my husband about a relative of him that is making my life crazy.He was in the middle and didn't want me to isolate the person,but I told him that if he didn't back me up I would do that anyway.
From now on I am on my own.I was always TRYING to be nice,polite,but with some people you have to be firm,and my way is to completly isolate and have no contact at all. If I see that person in my husband's family reunion I will give her a cold shoulder.I do not care anymore.So my husband is on my side now.
If we don't take charge of our life,people come and manipulate us.
We have to take care of ourselves,nobody else will do that for us,but the contrary.

<< Now, result: I feel terrible. I mean I am just not feeling well. I ate some packages samosa (Fried Indian snack - spicy) and banana chips for the past few days and it made it lot worse. I bought them just to keep the inlaws quiet Otherwise it will be like "they don't feed teh kids anything... and on and on".>>


the thing is that Utopian Life is right meaning that not a single person made you eat anything you didn't wish to eat and the fact is that if you feed them salads and apples... or... even if you feed them nothing at all, they aren't going to starve
and everyone will be just fine

the bottom line being that this is YOUR house
YOU are paying for the food
it is YOUR effort you are expending

who has all the control and power here?

Perhaps I am a radical person but if it were me, I would say something like

"If you wish to be in my home, there are going to be some simple ground rules here. The number one ground rule is RESPECT as in MUTUAL RESPECT. Do you understand?"

The fact is annuyer... EVERYONE knows that eating fruits, salads and seeds etc. is a GOOD THING. Those that are insecure are just projecting their subconscious fears and frustrations onto you and that is the definition of DISRESPECT.

Demand respect in your home or request that they leave your presence. You do NOT have to entertain anyone who does not respect you whether they are in laws, siblings or even your own parents. Besides, if ANY interaction takes place in which respect does not exist, guess what? BOTH PARTIES LOSE!!

The one who is being disrespectful automatically loses respect from others.
The one who allows the disrespectful behaviour to take place loses ones self respect.


period

What LaV said.

all, I thank you all so much. I agree with all you shared. I am so grateful. I am at peace now and slowly trying to practice beng in the NOW.. It is me that has to first accept the RAW food and get the confidence that I am doing good. Then everyone will understand.

What will I do without you all.

God Bless
Take care
A Iyer

You're welcome!

It is good you come to this community because at least you can share these things most men would tell you "what's your problem just have a beer and pizza burp.....