I have a crazy confession and this is the only place that I can verbalize it....
I started at 300 lbs and everyone I guess assumed I was the fat, jolly, happy one.
I lost 60lbs without anyone noticing cause I continued to wear big clothes. One day I put on new clothes and went to work and I am not not kidding over 20 people said wow you lost so much weight! Most was positive, some was negative.
WHy is the thought of getting "positive" comments scaring me so?
Why have I tried talking myself out of going furthur with this way of eating? I am carrying a lot of emotional baggage that I am dealing with and I don't know how to handle it. SO much of it is from my childhood. I am 41 years old. I am still wearing my big uniforms so so many people wont notice my weight loss.
I have high blood pressure so I know I need to lose the weight
I am tired of explaining how I eat and why I am losing weight.
Lately I been obsessing over some old unresolved feelings with my deceased mother.
Where are all these emotions coming from? I dont why I am having self pity feelings.
Has anybody ever dealt with these crazy issue?
Phyllis

phylisrn Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Has anybody ever dealt with these crazy issues?
We all have a Cross to bear. They're all
a little different. Number One thing is to please yourself.
You'll never find approval from other people.....WY

I hear you Phyllis. Social pressure is very powerful. And without the weight, fat, and distraction to protect you.......your AWARENESS and ACCEPTANCE and GIVING have to kick in. It then becomes what you are GIVING to people, and what you RECEIVE from them can be taken with a grain of salt.

-The way to handle your emotional baggage is to understand....and be very honest with what YOUR emotional / spiritual needs really are. What is it that you WANT people to do for you? Can you verbalize it? Write it down? What are the top 3 things that people can do for you / to you / with you to express love in a way that you REALLY feel it deep down? Can you find ways to be a good parent to YOURSELF and give those deep things you have identified?

-Most emotional baggage and disturbance stems from a perceived lack or abandonment from one or more parents or parental figures (in my experience...my mom) as you identified. Thus, learning what THEIR shortcomings were.......and TEACHING them what I needed.....was saving for me. Have you tried just talking to your mother as if she was standing right in front of you and telling her how you feel? TEACHING her what you need/needed?

-What is it that you really want? I imagine that you are still quite 'overweight' by western medicine standards. You CAN'T go by their perception. You can only accept it and move on. Tell them, "I've heard your concerns, thank you."

-People with control issues see large changes in people's lives as an 'IN' to exercise control. Control is usually exercised over the weak, doubtful.....and only done in ways that are impossible to refute / fight. Often, this is done in the guise of the love, caring, or 'concern' of loved ones and friends. These are CONTROL issues.....and not your issue.

-Your diet, sex life, religion and politics are ALL very personal issues - and is up to you to set firm boundaries and be at peace and not allow these items for discussion. The standard response is: "Thank you. I've heard your concerns. I'll think about that." Any other response or feedback that is not positive is to be WALKED away from and shut down.

-When you feel bad/rejected.....that is normal. When a person starts to feel bad ABOUT feeling bad....that is a CHOICE. Done regularly, it causes emotional baggage and damage. Without being able to GIVE and provide for one's self emotionally, one always doubts one's self....and feels dirty or not good enough inside.

-Self pity feelings are always resolved by DOING something small. Having the COURAGE to admit that you don't know EVERY way there is to feel.....and identifying the small goals that YOU are truly motivated to follow....and
accepting that.

-Power to you. In my experience, dealing with one's own emotional issues - and the social issues / acceptance that ties in with that....is the TRUE barrier to long-term success with healthy eating.

-Hopefully some of this rather extensive post of my experiences is helpful! LOL.

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

Phyllis --- After I went raw I started in with the emotional detox too. I think the raw emotions start to surface as diet changes leave behind "comfort foods" which we used to suppress our emotions. The raw emotions seem to ebb and flow like a river occasionally reaching upward for the high water mark and occasionally drying up to expose rocks and debris on the river bottom. My experience so far is to just go with the flow and cry the tears as necessary and realize that these feeling will pass. Fortunately I have found that the frequency is diminishing so that it is longer and longer time wise between the high water times and also the intensity diminishes each time so that its less and less of a high water experience each time. I hope that someday soon my river of emotions will be calm and steady.

Hello and congrats on your weight loss. I personally have not experienced what you have but I do understand in a different context and have friends that lost a lot of weight that shreiked just as you do.

With me, I'm one to change my whoole look suddenly. Always been that way. I'll change hair color, length, texture, whatever. That's just me and its no biggie to me. But when I come to work and people gasp and swoon it totally sickens me. then everyone wants to ask me all these questions, what made you change it, pick thru it- ARGH!!!! the htought of it makes me cringe.

Similarily, my hair-dresser [no coinky-dink] lost a 'person' in weight. And i noticed that she too would cringe. Then a co-worker who had endeavored to lose and once it was noticable had the same reaction.

This is my esitimation: its like when people say- OMG you look so good, you look great, it feels like a BACK-HANDED compliment [tho they totally didnt mean it that way]. amongst all of the 'issues' we may have, being overweight is amongst the most obvious. This of course can lead to so much criticism of self. So when weight is lost, the complimentor says you look great. But the complimentee translates this into a confirmation of how I feel the world saw mean before I lost weight.

I hope this makes sense to you. I do understand and hope my hair-do comparison wasnt too shallow. I learned that when giving a compliment about someone's change, to say: Wow, you always looked great but your weight loss really suits you. Keep up the good work!

Well God Bless you! We all have our 'stuff'. Don't let the journey of it all turn you on your heals. You're right where you need to be. xoxo

Mrs. Reed I think you hit it on the head. Maybe in my mind I am translating the compliments into what people actually thought about how I looked before.
I guess to hear the compliment is to validate how bad I felt about myself...
Anyway Thanks I am feeling a little better now..that was one of my moments. I seem to have them quite frequently now.

I have started to keep a journal and it is helping.

Phyllis



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/02/2008 04:48PM by phylisrn.

Dear Phyllis:

First, I want to give you a big giant cyber-hug! Then here is my two cents.

I think the important question to get clear in your own mind is to figure out exactly how being overweight has benefitted you so far. It's easy to list all the negatives, but in fact, there are some positives that we don't always like to think about. For instance, when you are overweight, some people can react to you like you are a little less interesting, a little less attractive. Maybe even not quite as smart. If you have some inner emotional pain, this can be a very good thing. Because suddenly, when you are the largest person in the room, in an odd way, you become the invisible person, the person people notice the least.

And when everyone else starts to not notice you, it's pretty easy to start to not notice yourself. It is a great way of protecting yourself from any pain you feel inside - like a barrier of fat that allows you to not have to feel it. And anyone who is an emotional eater knows that a good heavy meal really stifles down those emotions and lets you get numb again.

I bet as the extra weight goes away, you are going to experience all kinds of emotional stuff, both good and bad. And anything from the past you haven't dealt with will probably come up. You have to be ready for it, or it might trip you up. Because as you lose the weight and reveal the healthier, thinner person that you have inside, you will also be revealing your inner self in a much deeper way as well. You will be rediscovering the interesting, attractive, amazing person that you were all along, It can be scary.

That's just my opinion, I can't speak from experience. But a few years ago, after I was diagnosed and treated for cancer, I consulted a naturopath. One of the first questions he asked me after I explained my medical history was "How has this experience with cancer benefitted you in your life?" I thought he was nuts, who would ever think that. But I eventually saw that he had made a great point, and in fact, there had been a lot of benefits to me. I also needed to totally come to the knowledge that it no longer had any benefit to me, and does not serve me in any way, and hopefully my mental attitude as well as everything else will keep me healthy in the future.

Sapphire

unfortunately our willingness to do what it takes to achieve phys, mental & spiritual health is often threatening to others


let it hurl you forward



at the same time wishing them health through your inspiring presence

no matter what they say to you

Hey Phyllis,

I'm happy that helped you some. And the journal is always a great outlet. A friend of mine that had gastric bypass a few years back is now experiencing migrane headaches. I thought that it may be that she can no longer eat her stress so she may embody it differently. Thats one of the draw backs with that surgery. it forces you into weight loss and deprivs you of the journey.

Anyhoo, you may also be experiencing what I have in going raw. The emotional attachment to food is amazing! And when we are divorcing from that attachment, I think the real issues begin to surface. So that may be why you're so emotional. And if so then that's a good thing. Meanwhile you have your journaling as a tool. Have you ever considred a therapist? That may be another tool.

As for all the questions, just develop a script- IF you choose to answer at all. Simply say: eat right and exercise and let that be that. xoxo

phylis, your story is a mirror to mine, I am 300 lbs over weight as well and have many negative issues including with my mother.

Last summer I went completely raw overnight and lost 100 lbs and people started to notice me. I begin to feel so great and my skin just glowed. I changed. I looked up at the world and smiled instead of hideing behind all that fat. I felt great eating raw foods but I really was not prepared for the response from people around me, I did not even know how to handle a simple flirt from men in public.

I also began to have many emotional feelings arise that I did not have while eating the standard diet of chips meat and breads. I wondered if I was cracking up and needed to be put away because I would be driveing down the road and suddenly an old memory would pop in my head and I would want to cry or be angry.

Unfortunately I stoped eating raw foods that winter and regained 60 of those pounds. I began to feel numb again emotionally and fuzzy in the head but this time I noticed just what eating those foods did to me and how awful I felt. My blood preasure was alarmingly high as well.

I just finished a 16 day "master cleanse" fast and during that fast I went through a night of crying. All those feelings of my mother (who has died) all those feelings of bad choices I made in the past and bad things that hapened to me came up and I just cryed. I let it out. Then a couple of days later a odd thing happened I felt a release from all the past issues that I felt were holding me back. I feel stronger than ever to continue on my journey towards good health and to lose or "release" this weight.

I have found that makeing positive afermations and saying them to myself is very helpful and also to acknowledge your emotions as they arise and talk to yourself (in private) is a helpful tool. I usually pray because I havent learned how to meditate yet. I try to maintain a positive attitue.

Don't wory about how fast you lose it because eating raw is the right way and only way to lose the fat. Don't let people tell you your loseing to fast because your body will spring back much faster when eating raw. I have read that you can lose up to 15 pounds in a week from eating raw but when you start feeling better do exersize to tighten up those muscles.

Keep it up it sounds like your doing real good

Pam

David Z, thank you for your comments and suggestions. Very helpful to me, too.

Thanks for a great thread, everyone

Hi, Phylis. . .

You are very inspiring. You are doing so beautifully.

I have this little thing I say that I hope will be meaningful to you:

It hurts going in and it hurts coming out.

(But once you get it out it feels sooo much better!)

: )

Love,
Julie

phylisrn Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> > I am tired of explaining how I eat and why I am
> losing weight.

I saw all of your post, this was the particular bit that stood out for me!

When you were increasing weight did you explain what you were eating and why?
Why do you feel the neeed to justify what you are doing, and why?
I think that you are an amazing inspirational soul.
Just for today....
Treat youself to some time off the justification, recharge ,and just do it!
See how it feels
Use your reclaimed energy in a positive way, just for you.....
Love and hugs
Lorretta x
>

Hi Phylis, I haven't read all of the responses so this may already be noted, but I think it also has something to do with no longer having the protective (extra weight or fat) layering. You could be someone who is very sensitive to energy and absorbs it. Unbeknownst to you, the extra weight may have literally served to protect you from taking in a lot of foreign energy (ie other people's energy). When you begin to release the weight you're wide open. I would take a wild intuitive guess that what is happening when you receive said person's compliment is that you're also picking up their energy or even judgement. Just a thought.

I've also experienced something similar when I lost a significant amount of weight. I'm 5'2 and even a 10 lb weight loss or gain shows up on me pretty easily. I found myself eating again to stop the compliments. It was the sensitivity thing and I wasn't even aware I was doing it. This was back in my yo-yo vegetarian dieting days. :-) When I began practicing yoga and meditating is when I started to get intouch with this - I released a lot of pain etc.

It takes time to get used to your new body and new level of fitness and health. It just goes to prove there are so many elements to being healthy and it truly includes your mind, body, emotions and spirit.

Congratulations and best wishes on your journey.

phyllis:


<<WHy is the thought of getting "positive" comments scaring me so?>>

whenever there is light there is also the implied darkness
whenever there is good there is the implied badness concurrent

if someone is an athlete and they are constantly being complimented for making the score etc. they might wonder who they will be when they stop making all the great shots

if someone is getting straight A's , 4.0 GPA and they are constantly being paid attention to how " diligent" and "studious" they are, they may wonder " who will i be without this?"

if someone is Miss America and constantly told how beautiful she is and praised endlessly, maybe she may think " What if I gained a ton of weight, will they still love me? will they still think I am so great?"

a hot shot such and such may be making a seven figure income and all of a sudden people are paying him/her SO much attention and conferring all sorts of great character traits on him/her ... all such virtuous traits indeed... and then he/she might wonder " Geeez... what if i lose it all the next day. Will they still think I am so virtuous?"


the thing of it is this: so what?

people are just people
they may like you for looking like Miss America
they may hate you for looking like Miss America

they may like you for making impressive grades in school
they may hate you for having such good grades

they may think that you are virtuous cuz you are rich
or they may confer virtue for having less

who knows?
who cares?

what difference does it make?

whose life is it anyways?

YOURS

and as soon as u figure THAT out

then you have hit the jackpot
and its like

B
I
N
G
O

YOU decide what YOU feel about what YOU do and WHY

then all the hate or praise or love or dislike from others
will not really put a dent in your intentions/goals/mission/action

cuz u know its just like the weather
its gonna change

people are like the weather

they are FOUR SEASONS hello

but so what?

that's just human nature

if you think becoming healthy is somehow "superficial" and will garner superficial comments from other people and you wonder " are they liking me just cuz i lost weight?"

then you are their EMPLOYEE

and they are your BOSS

and you are WORKING for FREE trying to figure out what they like and don't like , how u have to change or not change

stop slaving around for their opinion whether it is approval or disapproval

and start just living for yourself

regardless

its all about you anyhow

no one can please you

and you can't please everyone either

accept that

and start doing whatever u want to do cuz YOU want to do it

if they approve of you just say " great.. they think i look nicer.. cool"
if they don't approve of your getting healthier just say " neat.. they are jealous of me.. they wanna make improvements just like me but i'm the one that has the courage to do it"

hey.. whatever works

people are strange

but it is even stranger to spend all day trying to appease strange people
or figure out how to make them more "spiritual" or less "superficial"

in their comments/thoughts/opinions towards you

LaV is certainly correct (and mellifluous as always.......oooo, been dying....uhhh...living to work that word in for like....a decade!). The bigger the initial burst of light, the bigger the shadows seem at first......you know?

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

Phylis,

There are many wonderful ideas and thoughts shared here already. But I want to add just two more little thoughts that I hope might help your perspective:

1) You are losing the identity you have created and lived in for a long time. There is ALWAYS fear in that (take it from me), no matter what the circumstances surrounding the change and loss of identity. You are changing on every level (physical to emotional and beyond), and that is disconcerting, because you no longer know exactly what to expect from yourself or the rest of the world. But it's okay.

2) Fat means fear. It is protection (armor) from what you fear. The physical body reflects the emotional body. As you lose your armor, you are facing the things that scare you. The body stores things we've hidden from the conscious mind. But, I want to assure you, if you weren't ready to make these changes, you wouldn't be making them. You cannot override the body's knowledge without its consent.

I am so proud of you! What you are doing IS hard, and challenging - but when you come out the other side of it you will be so strong, and healthy, and emotionally available for whatever is next!

Namaste!

i don't think that losing weight is any different from any other challenge or fear

it is scary to confront fear head on and just go for it

i had an assignment i had to do the day before yesterday and i was scared to death of it

and finally, ( after procrastinating for a few days) i finally went ahead and started doing it

gosh there was so much resistance

and i felt like i was cracking apart at the seams cuz it was stressful

but u know what? in the midst of all my screaming and kicking

i actually felt

GREAT!!

cuz i knew i was breaking through and doing it anyways

and fifteen minutes into it

i'm feeling good about myself

and it was worth the few initial pangs of excruciating stress

felt so good in fact

that i think i'll do it again
today
the next day

and
perhaps

every day

DMZ

<<LaV is certainly correct (and mellifluous as always.......oooo, been dying....uhhh...living to work that word in for like....a decade!). The bigger the initial burst of light, the bigger the shadows seem at first......you know?>>



hey fruit and vegetable farmer man
i love the word "mellifluous" too

seriously

that is the most MELLLLLIFFLUOUS word on planet earth

golden honey flowing
mellifulously in a blonde tassled river
fireflies with their translucent wings
their glow
mellifluously tinting my soul
mellifluously i something or other
and mellifluously the skies respond in their something or other
way

mellifluously
my mind is stretched apart
and receding.... mercilessly losing its fury
and mellifluously
the world grows soundless and quiet