ok so i feel off the wagon... and funny thing is i was embarrassed to post here because of it... i'd feel as if i were dishonest or something... i got into such a wierd head space... and i felt like i was just slowly curling up... i couldn't stand up straight my belly stuck so far out and hurt all the time...my back hurt... i was tired and cranky and i couldn't do anything... all i wanted to do was eat eat and eat... which didn't make me feel good at all... it made me feel worse... physically emotionally... as if i were going crazy... and hating myself for it...

it's funny the excuses you come up with when you want something even when you know it will make you feel bad... "Oh well i'll be back on the raw foods next week and i won't have a chance to have this... so i'll eat it now..." and then i would eat tons of it... i made notes on binge food saying don't eat... and i did anyway... and it's sort of ridiculous actually... i would eat healthy with other people around but as soon as they were gone i'd eat everything that i "shouldn't" eat... things i'm usually allergic to and wouldn't even eat if i were eating cooked foods...

i felt as if i were possessed by a starving but shy monster... so i took it one day at a time... taking out one undesirable food at a time... and eating the foods i was craving and denying.,.. grapefruit... wonderful salads and lots of greens... seaweed... I had a day of irritableness... and a day of just pure sobbing... and today... i feel so much better... SO much better... it's amazing... lighter straighter... I was told by a chinese dr i should eat warm cooked foods... cause i have had an irritation in my throat that is making me cough... but man i just couldn't keep it up... i don't know what i will do about the cough now... but i'm feeling light as the beatuiful flakes of snow that are falling to the earth right now...

love laugh and dream

i used to be plagued by the monster regularly...
granola and bagels. gross.
when i started eating ALL my regular raw meals
ON TOP OF and in spite of the non raw binges
then the monster gave up

fruitgirl--

you clever girl!-- you beat the monster.

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

Ah yes; I know that monster well. I am fighting him myself.

i kiss my monsters

and we go out and play

my monsters are cute, green and furry

and they give me cookies made out of sunflower seeds

Victoria Boutenko calls the monster the "sleeping giant" :-)

I'm going through the same thing. I'm glad you started this thread, because I get embarrased when I struggle and won't post about it. I think sticking to the raw meals in spite of choosing other foods is a great idea. I vomited a LOT after eating a greasy cooked meal at a friends. It wouldn't have killed me to wait out the 4 hours. I was hungry, but it wasn't worth it.
:-)


WendySmiling in Oklahoma
www.16weeks2health.blogspot.com
12/17/10.......240/155/125

I know EXACTLY. I am going through the same thing right now, it seems insane. It is veritably a monster! I admire your perseverance and pluck and 'snowiness'! Someday maybe we will only encounter benign creatures like those of LaVeronique .

Keep on keeping on. Me too. It really seems so impossible sometimes. How I keep going through wonderful periods of eating beautiful food and staying raw and then I fall apart again and go through just what you described. And then it seems 'impossible'....but, I remind myself it is only impossible if I give up. As long as I keep getting up again, it's possible.

Let it snow.

I am juice fasting right now because of that monster. I have yet to see its face. Perhaps itss a sleaping giant like victoria's but when it wakes after that small infraction I go nuts. I am trying to figure out just what that monster is. I don't feel deprived when eating raw but I act like a manic eater when I let the monster loose. Its like my coffee problem, I know it raises my blood preasure and iritates my bladder so bad I can't hold my pee but at times I still drink it. I know what cooked foods do but I still eat it at times. Its like a denial of the truth. Like being in an unreal world.

I am trying to see that monster for what it is too.

Your not alone

My monster goes by the name of pre menstrual tension. It's vicious.

I don't fight because it is so distressing. I know that when the blood comes (sorry guys) all will be well again.

I believe in nurturing myself through it not self flagellation.

Does it chime with anyone?

Philippa

^ ^
^^^ ^^^
^ ^^^^ ^
^ -- -- ^
# () () #
# 00 #
# ^ ^ ^ ^ #
# V V V V #
w w
w w w w


I suck at drawing starving monsters out of letters -- it looks more like a pathetic cat!

LaV -- I like your monsters much better than mine.

Jodi -- Yes, I TOTALLY relate to your monster -- I PMSsed for over two weeks this month!!! (I'm 47 so they're getting really ugly!!)

I have an eat out monster. I want to be waited on, someone else to prepare and clean up. I wish there was a yummy raw food restaurant anywhere nearby.

Yeah, those eat out monsters are fun, but they rape your wallet!!!

yes I do believe we all have monsters inside of us and I think it is important to write about them... because if you tell someone else about it then the monster has less control over us... does that make sense...

I also agree with Veronique... the way to handle the monster is to love them giving kisses and creating them into positive creatures instead of nasty... that's a hard one... we have created them in the first place so why not create them nice???

as for aunt flow... i tend to become very hungry before she arrives... whether it's tension or a becasue my body knows i am going to fast... it's the only t hing that cures my cramps... i don't know why it is but with a clear colon... no cramps... and good for the cleanse as well...

on a side note...does anyone know why my lungs hurt when i fast???

ok wonderful to speak with all of you...

love laugh and dream

sincerely appreciate the insightful sharing, womyn...

i just failed to pause n acknowledge the role of being in chilly wintry britain while caring for my ailing mum and being away from my usual smoggy warm hug of el-lay and all the fresh living food... and then failing to gently love myself back into balance...and so emotionally off-kilter n cold, way after dark, i have now stuffed myself full of whatever (albeit yes, raw) suppressors of feelings i could cram into a bowl, such as, various pulverized seeds, nuts, sea veg, all washed down with dehydrated veg crackers...and i feel 'kin C R A P.

just to mention, despite the pious posting, i'm actually not perfection personified n do have my dodgy moments)

so, now i'm in gentle recovery mode, keeping it light n bright...aaaannnnddd, i came upon this thread above...

pampam wrote:

I am juice fasting right now because of that monster. I have yet to see its face. Perhaps itss a sleaping giant like victoria's but

victoria boutenko responded (in a thick russian accent):

comrades, my posteria is not giant, or a monster, especially, since i have been drinking all those green smoothies

;O))))))))))) hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

just jestin' victoria, (rabid victoria fans), people without a sense of humour...

pleasant dreams,

beavis n me

I relate. The same thing happens to me. I know from my own experience that I may feel light as a snowflake right now, but the monster will be back in a week or two, and I'll be back into the insanity of the first crazy junk food binge, and then I'll eat some more, and some more, and some more.

What are you doing about this cycle? In Buddhism they call it the cycle of life...samsara.... What are you doing about samsara, desire, cravings?

In AA they call it insanity. They define insanity as "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result than you always get." What are you doing about insanity?

Ron

Sorry about your monster luvyuu.

Mine used to be really bad. I even called it just that - "the monster". In my case, it was bulimia - for about 10 years, while I struggled to have a raw food vegan diet.

It was awful, because everyone thought I was so pure. I never binged in public. It was like leading a double life.

But now it's tamed! And has been for over 20 years. Yours will be too. Just keep working at it, and don't give up.

Make sure you eat a good variety of raw foods. When I started eating nuts and seeds regularly, that really helped me. And I'm about 10 pounds lighter now than when I carried that voracious monster around with me all the time.

Sometimes I still feel the monster stirring, but it has no power over me anymore. Just the smallest memory of how bad it used to be makes it sigh and go back to sleep. Thank goodness!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2008 05:19AM by suncloud.