Who is the most outrageous person you know when it comes to health choices?

Mine would have to be my mom. She decided when I was 13 that it was very important for me to be slim, (which I was, don't know what she was so paranoid about), and so she decided from that day forth to buy me lots of cigarettes. (boy, did she ever come from a differend era) Took me 17 years before I was able to quit smoking.

Today, she looks at my three daughters, who are unbelievably fit (they are all gymnasts) and accuses me of failing to keep them skinny enough. While I keep a steady flow of fresh food going through my house, she comes along and introduces aspartame filled drinks, lots of potato chips and cheezies, and makes fun of me as I go out the door to the gym.

One day, I went for a run with my dog, and ended up running with a delightful lady and her dog. At the end of the run, this lady told me her age, and she was exactly the same age as my mom. I couldn't believe it, my mom can't stay upstairs when she comes to visit, because the stairs make her too out of breath (she's 68). Yup, those cigarettes are her friends - NOT!

She lives in another town, and luckily for me, my husband is allergic to cigarette smoke, so she doesn't visit very often. It's so sad, the price of an addiction such as this! She loves to visit my sisters though, because they both smoke a lot and eat pretty much the same things she does.

Is anybody else considered the "black sheep" of the family because they don't have enough bad habits? (Trust me, I am NOT complaining!)

Sapphire

Hey Sapphire... I wouldn't say I'm the "sheep" of my family, but I'm definitely different, as far as health is concerned. Im 22 years old, so I guess I cant say I have too much experience in life... but at the same time, i've seen that part of the family relationship development thing is finding a balance between sharing my raw foodism, hatha yoga practice, Krishna consciousness practice, spirituality, etc. with family members.. and at the same time just enjoying who I am, while unconditionally accepting them for who they are (which I had a hard time with at the beginning). I have seen enough times to know that it's no coincidence, but when I become healthier, my relationships with family members brightens, even though they may be very unhealthy at the moment. I've sort of had to come to grips with the fact that I am the healthy one. Not to make comparisons, as if I'm better or anything, but I have had to surrender to the fact that I (as opposed to family members)learned (and am in the process of learning) about healthy ways of living, and more importantly I am attracted to those ways of living, and practice them... so it's up to me to accept the challenge, so to speak, and fulfill my "dharma" ('duty') in this lifetime. It may seem lonely, even hopeless at times, but God gives us so much responsibility... because we can handle it.

At the same time, being the "black sheep" (well, not exactly black sheep, but the different one in my family) has been a great joy! I have the great opportunity to share my passion with people that I love. If nothing else, when we make ourselves healthy, we automatically make everyone we come into contact with healthier just by our presence alone :-) ("law of diffusion" talked about by David Wolfe [energy going from higher concentration or level, to lower concentration or level]).

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us !

That is a beautiful, thoughtful post, esisser.

I must say that you are very mature for your age. Thanks for writing!



Love,
Julie

You are wise beyond your years esisser. I love the "Law of Diffusion."

Sapphire, I am shocked your mom got you hooked on cigs. as a child, no less. At some point you have to realize that being different from certain family members is a great thing which may make others think you're smug. I am definitely the more health conscience one in my family but because we are such an eclectic group and are all so "different" in our own ways I don't feel like an oddball when I am with them. Luckily, I feel like we celebrate the uniqueness of eachother. My in-laws are another story. They are a very conventional family. They hunt and fish and don't really think about the environment. When I became vegetarian they were mildly amused, I think, but our decision to homeschool shook them up a bit. We have been raw vegan for four months now and since my kids were sick during Thanksgiving we will be having our first holiday as raw vegans on Christmas. I have to admit I am a little nervous about all the attention it draws but our weight loss and general health will make me proud of our choice. Their remarks are always in jest but I prefer to be taken more seriously. I guess humor helps to ease the tension around it but I don't see the need for tension in the first place. I will just choose to celebrate the differences in them and hopefully the sentiment will be reflected back on me.

awwwwwww I'm sorry your family did that to you. its so good that you were able to see past it and make a better future for yourself. I wish there were more good people out there like you.

ya the world can really be a confusing place its hard to know what to do sometimes

Sapphire,
That doesn't sound so good. I hope you both come to understand each other better. I don't want to imply that you take up bad habits, or tolerate anything you don't want in your life. I think that seeing things in a different light would be of help. I think some time away from her influence would be helpful, at least long enough for you to get more insight. After reading another post, its interesting the law of diffusion. I experience that a lot in relation to my family. I hope that you can infuse your family with better overall health!

I think your mother needs to abide by the rules of your house, and not try to feed your kids anything that you don't want her to. They are your kids not hers and it sounds like you have raised them to follow a healthy diet.

It sounds like she is just doing it to get I rise out of you. My mother used to do that to me all the time, she would tell me how crap i was at everything and whenever I mentioned that I was going to do anything she would always tell me I would fail.

One day I just had enough and I told her this is the deal: I don't want to hear the negativity from you, and I don't want you interfering in my life or trying to sabotage me in anything I do. If you can't do that I don't want you around.

She wasn't happy about it and we didn't speak for about 3 years, but we certainly have a better relationship now.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/11/2006 01:47PM by jadedshade.

I'm the only one in my immediate family that isn't going to the doctor for some reasonably serious problems (fainting spells, flu/sickness/colds/pneumonia/asthma, chest pains), and my eating habits are significantly different, so I guess that makes me the black sheep. Hehe

Glad to hear you beat your cigarette addiction Sapphire!

Awwww, my mom didn't mean any harm when she encouraged me to smoke. You just don't realize the different attitudes she grew up with. Smoking was never considered all that bad of a thing, and she thought if I was thin and pretty I would have a much happier life.

A few years ago, a friend of mine was doing a renovation on an old building, and she found an old medical book. I don't know exactly how old, but it was written before antibiotics were around. One thing that was stated in this book (written for doctors, no less!), was that it was a good idea for women who were pregnant to take up smoking. The babies would be a bit smaller and the birth would therefore be a little easier on the mom. So don't judge too harshly when you meet an older person who doesn't think smoking is so outrageous as you do. Interesting that my mom used to be a nurse.

As for the rules of my house, I would never presume to tell her what to do or how to live. I can't have any smoking in my house, but that is because exposure to that ends up with my husband in the emergency room, he is so sensitive to it. She can offer my kids all the junk food she wants, they are in their late teens and they can say yes or no as they please. I am sure it is no worse than what they do with their friends anyway, and I would like to think that I have raised them to make good choices.

I learned a very good lesson about being self-righteous a few years ago. For many years, I was the only vegetarian in a big family of crazy chain-smoking, hard-boozing, meat-eating couch potatoes. I thought I was so smart. But when I turned 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. All those relatives were (and still are) fine. I can't explain why this has happened, but I came across a cook-book written by Linda McCartney, and couldn't help but notice that nearly every single recipe contained soy. And with my busy life, I had really been using a lot of those faux soy "meats" to make quick meals for my family. I don't know if this is all connected, but when I finished my chemotherapy, the first thing on the list of things I need to avoid is soy. Most breast cancer is connected to too much estrogen, and what is soy - plant estrogen!

Suppose one day they find out that soy is a dangerous thing? Maybe my own kids will be posting on the internet about what a bad mom I was because I made them eat that horrible stuff when they were little.

If soy is a bad thing, it is going to take a long time and be very difficult to prove. Think about it, most people who eat soy also eat a whole lot of really healthy, protective stuff. So they are less likely to get sick as easy. It will be interesting to see how this all turns out.

(For those that don't know who Linda McCartney was, she was the first wife of Paul McCartney - she was a vegetarian who died of breast cancer.)

Have a great day!

Sapphire

interesting...

I agree that Soy byproducts are not good for a person and even has been linked to agresssion in kids who drank baby formula made from it.

Eventually those relatives and people we know will get ill from their excesses of smoking, drinking, overeating. I know this because my sister died from related complications from obesity and she was 60. Friends, relatives, dying of cancer..these are people that smoked for most of their adult lives or never quit.

Diabetes is also a culprit..and one I'd like to avoid. Good for all of you that are following a healthy diet..it truly gives you a jump ahead in health.

Love,
Prism

Most people have such hideous diets and lifestlyes, but unfortunately they are the rule and not the exception.

Sometimes it's painful having to deal with them.

It may be more painful to try to correct them.

Be assured, you are in the right, but it may take decades for them to admit it. Not only to themselves, but also to you. That isn't what really matters, though. The only thing that matters is being true to yourself.

It sure would be easier if we had strong support from our loved ones and friends.

I know my dad, a physician, is proud of my diet. He is now supportive and accomodating. But there have been times in the past when it was rough going.

Prism: So sorry to hear about your sister - 60 is way too young! It must have been so hard for you to see her go through that.

My husband's mom died a few years ago. She had unbelievably high blood pressure, cholesterol, and was a smoker. Her weight was too high, but I don't think she would have been called obese. And she didn't want anyone saying anything about what she should an should not do as far as following doctor's orders. She felt fine, and took her drugs and that was that.

Until the day she died (age 71), and everyone seemed so surprised.

Everyone needs to know that drugs can't replace a good lifestyle. Sadly, many people would prefer to believe that's all they have to do, take a pill.

It is true that that many of my relatives have terrible lifestyles. If and when they suffer a major health complication, I will be devastated. I love them all, and want them to live long and happy no matter what. There will be no satisfaction from being proved right. Being right means nothing if it takes away someone you love.

It's nice to have support for your lifestyle choices, but not really that important. As long as you are happy about it, it's all good. Personally, I respect everyone's right to choose. I prepare a standard SAD diet for my husband, because that is his choice, and I follow my own direction. There is no conflict, no criticsm, it all works fine. I think that the love we have for each other is something based on much bigger things than what we chose to eat each day.

Have a great day!

Sapphire

Sapphire...I can relate to your story in so many ways!

First off, people ARE starting to realize that soy is dangerous. I had a bad experience with it as well. There are PLENTY of articles on the internet abotu the dangers of soy. Like you, I was eating a bunch of it and ended up with thryoid and hormone problems.

[thyroid.about.com]

We no longer eat soy products of any kind in my family.

On another note, I can totally relate to the issues with your family members. You have such a great, positive attitude about all of it. I love that. My husband's family is constantly teasing me about the food I eat. His mom and dad have been smokers for a very long time. His dad was in the ICU for a very long time, and we were making funeral arrangements because they said he wouldn't make it. But he pulled through. He was in the hospital because of an obstruction in his colon, which ended up almost killing him. He went through of all this because of his poor diet, and made it through it, but now is at home, in a wheelchair, with a colostomy bag, all at the young age of 60 years old. He is also going ot be on oxygen for the rest of his life. Yet, his wife continues to sit there and smoke, and they have not made one single change to their diets. It amazes us! I just don't know how you can go through something like that, and then not try to change things. It's craziness. But, we love them no matter what choices they make. They are adults, and make their own decisions, whether we like it or not.

Yey Yogamama,

Gotta love those smokers in spite of themselves.

My father died of lung cancer (from smoking) several years ago. My mom took care of him those last horrible months of his life.

At the funeral, she discovered that the funeral home did not have a designated smoking room, and she threw a big hissy fit.

(Can anyone besides me see the irony in this?)

Ah well, live and let live.

I agree with the "live and let live" mindset. I use the slogan almost as a mantra in difficult times. BUT - my husband, sister, mother all have weight issues, red meat issues, dairy issues, diabetic issues, great big old butts issues, can't bend over to pick something up very easily issues, bad knees issues, replaced hip joints issues, high blood pressure issues, etc. etc. This is going to sound very self- centered and I may regret even writing it, but here goes. Who do you think is going to be running around all over the place one of these days - taking care of everybody? I know, I know - I am grateful for my health, my desire to live and my love of life, my loved ones, (I'm crazy about all three of the above mentioned people), but I have to admit that it really gets to me when I see that they have no desire to take responsibility for their own wellbeing. OK - thanks - I needed that! I feel a little better!

Life Is Good!

alive!

Wow Alive!

You are right, and that is a BIG worry, but I have one silver lining....

My kids have amazing attitudes about healthy choices. Bet yours do too if you have any. I've tried hard not to preach this to them, I always have multiple choices at every meal (with a big family there's always a way to put a lot of different food on the table), and my kids number one choice when they want a snack is fruit. (In fact, keeping enough fruit in the house is one of my biggest challenges!) They are also very physically active, just because it's fun, and frequently surprise me with their nutritional know-how.

When I compare the family attitudes that came before me, with the ones that will go on after me, I am astonished that so much can change in just a couple of generations - how wonderful!

Makes it all worthwhile, don't you think?

BONUS - Guess who gets to run around taking care of us, not that we will need it, haha!!

You're right - Life is Good!

Sapphire

Sapphire,
Some members of my direct family are smokers. Actually all of my sisters have smoked at one time. The eldest however has smoked the longest, and still smokes. Unfortunately, it already has negative effects on her children. One had surgery in his ears due to second hand smoke, she tried to smoke outside of the house, in the garage, but she obviously didn't try hard enough. They followed her out, not wanting to be away from her for a moment. She has other problems, overweight, poor diet. She often complains about numbness in the hands and feet. My mother usually criticizes her and tells her rather judgementally, '...if you only stopped smoking' she mentioned it to me, and I told her to get things checked out medically, it might not have much to do with smoking. Also, she has some problem with spurs on her spine. Shes only 31, which is not a good sign.

During my teenage years I ate too much soy in the form of tofu. At that time tofu was just really starting to get hip because it was an all natural, no cholestrol source of protein and calcium. I was a vegetarian at the time, so it seemed like a natural choice. Now with the information of plant estrogens, I realize that I am probably not as developed as I could be as a man.

Someone brought up a good point. Maybe sometime in the future someone will claim that eating a lot of raw food isn't good for you either! Actually most people involved with chinese medicine don't think its a good idea. I'm not exactly sure why.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/13/2006 04:05AM by Mislu.

Mislu:

Smoking is such an evil thing, your poor sister. She is doing so much damage to herself and her children, even if the smoke doesn't hurt them, it's a terrible example to set.

But unless you have ever been addicted, you can't imagine how hard it is to quit. Believe me, when you quit, the cravings are relentless, they stay with you every single waking moment and even wake you up at night. You know in your head that you have given up an ugly thing, almost a demonic thing, but in your heart you have lost your best friend. The unfairness of it all is overwhelming, what harm could one little cigarette do? And if you fall into that trap, you lose all your progress - quit for six months, and smoke just once, and the cravings go back to day one - how discouraging!! And if you fail, there is so much guilt - a smoke would make you feel a little better... When I quit, I bet it was a full year before I actually had an entire day that I didn't think about having a smoke. That was 16 years ago, and the memory hasn't faded at all - I no longer crave it, but I hope I never crave anything like that ever again! Try to give up the thing you love most for a whole year and maybe, you will know about one percent of what a smoker feels. It is really awful.

To make matters worse, when I smoked, I used to think it was probably pointless to try to follow a healthy diet, what with the damage I was doing already - don't know if all smokers feel like that, but you can see the logic.

The tofu thing drives me crazy. It's all over the place, and I constantly see people at the grocery store stocking up on soy milk and all the other things - that department seems to have exploded in the last few years. I feel like running up to them and begging them to be more careful - this could be so very dangerous for them. But they would simply think I was insane, just as I used to think anyone who criticized me was insane when I used to buy that stuff.

As a matter of fact, I do go to a Chinese Medicine doctor. He squeezes my wrists, makes me stick out my tongue, and then mixes up the most vile-tasting potions for me to take home to drink. Hard to tell how much good it does me, but I am not sick, so he considers that a success! It's costly, each visit runs me about $60-80, and I go about every 6 weeks.

Rant rant, rave rave, I'll shut up now!

Sapphire



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/13/2006 04:42AM by Sapphire.

Sapphire Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> To make matters worse, when I smoked, I used to
> think it was probably pointless to try to follow a
> healthy diet, what with the damage I was doing
> already - don't know if all smokers feel like
> that, but you can see the logic.

I smoke, drink and eat raw vegan, that really annoys some people. Being raw vegan means I can party all night, smoke cigerettes and still be fit'n'healthy, look good, wear tight clothes, lead an active life, etc.. For a while I was considering promoting the raw vegan life style to alcohlics and bar flies as a way of getting the most out of there alchohlism - I was going to start a chain of health clubs catering to raw vegan alcoholics - let's face it, life is better on raw.

Actually, I'm considering quitting smoking, or at least quitting it as a day to day activity - infact I've not had a cigerette since Sunday, so I can relate to your cravings description. Three days of physically addiction, a life time of mental addiction. I don't really drink that often these days either...

Ian.

I can't say Im the black sheep in my family but I feel different from alot of people!

With friends and family: Everyone eats cooked food LOL

With just family: They are all catholic. I am wiccan. Many of them don't get my deep spiritual beliefs. I am also baptised catholic.

With friends: Most of them have their habits. I hardly ever drink, I dont smoke and never have done drugs ever. I guess Im [] haha.

Sapphire - isn't it great to see your children make healthy choices?? My daughter is only 3 1/2 years old, and she LOVES fresh fruit and raw veggies as a snack. In fact, her favorite snack is a cucumber and a red pepper - just eats them raw. She also eats fruit all day. It makes me so happy! Even when there are bad food choices in front of her, she always goes for the fruit. We were at a party on Saturday and there were loads of cookies all around, and my daughter didn't grab any - she just ate every single one of the cherry tomatoes (and there were a lot of them!) off the veggie platter. I love it!

Sapphire Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A few years ago, a friend of mine was doing a
> renovation on an old building, and she found an
> old medical book. I don't know exactly how old,
> but it was written before antibiotics were around.
> One thing that was stated in this book (written
> for doctors, no less!), was that it was a good
> idea for women who were pregnant to take up
> smoking. The babies would be a bit smaller and
> the birth would therefore be a little easier on
> the mom.


OH MY!!!

And these are the people we're supposed to trust with our health?? No thank you!

I've come to realize that my logic cannot possibly be worse than the logic of doctors.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/13/2006 06:00PM by sunshine79.

So how do vegetarians/vegans here supplement B12 for themselves and children?

Vegetarians can get their B12 from raw dairy. That's what me and my family do. We make our own kefir with raw organic goats milk and that is loaded with B12.